Thursday, December 18, 2014

A Male's Perspective on Femininity

My post on Feminism and Femininity garnered great comments! Ken finally contributed with a male's perspective on femininity and I thought it was fantastic! I thought you should ALL read ~

I will add a male point of view to the discussion, because I believe both the Bible and history have much to say. Look throughout history and what do you find. Very "strong" and "weaker" women all generally deferring to a husband's greater strength. The strength of most women is not measured by the pounds they can bench press, but by their inner fortitude, stamina, and industriousness within the family unit. Women complete men in ways they cannot complete themselves. They are gifted in ways most men are not gifted with natural gentleness, sensitivity and cuteness.

Throughout history most men are not looking to spend a lifetime with another man, but with a woman with feminine qualities. We want our wives to be "strong and courageous in the Lord" but we also want them to melt into our arms, trust us and be a wife to us. We like our wives to dress pretty, look as feminine as they can, and be a sexually attractive person to us. Most of us want a wife who is strong enough to tell us her fears and her desires, but we also want her to do it in a gentle way that lets us know she respects us and our very few decisions that cannot be resolved by way of communications. 

So for most of the godly men out there, we want a feminine woman. This is not a Bible issue, this is an issue of nature and sex. What most attracts men to a woman are the feminine things she does. The way she laughs with a feminine laugh or how she gives you that smirky smile. When she walks in the room we know "that one is mine," and she is all dressed up and looking good for you. The last thing most men want is a testosterone filled wife who wants to arm wrestle us for every decision made or wants to wear jeans all day and night, and even to bed. Yes, we want a certain sexual tension that only  a flirting feminine wife knows how to do to start our engines. 

I think sometimes God does not speak a lot about things that are so obvious and this is one of those cases. Strength within femininity looks great, and much of that strength is spent in being a terrific wife, even with an imperfect husband. Remember, for the man with 650 ng/ml of testosterone rushing through his blood at any given time, he is not looking for a wife to match his hormones. He is looking for her to be his lover and friend. 

Too much strength shown in the wrong ways is a huge intimacy killer for a man or woman. For to have intimacy one must have trust, dependence and vulnerability. These are great feminine qualities that used to come naturally to most women, but now are protected against by guarded hearts in too many marriages. I think the Bible says all it needs to say about femininity, "a meek and quiet spirit" and "in submission to her husband in everything." This does not mean a mealy-mouthed woman who is afraid to speak her mind. No! Men enjoy a good discussion, and we need our wife to set us straight at times, but we want her speak to us in a ladylike and respectful way.

Only a messed up world says otherwise where the roles and natures of men and women are being blended, all in the name of gender equality. Christian wives are completely equal to their husbands in all things pertaining to personhood, but if we do not play differing roles based on our natural makeup and God given gifts, we lose out on God's best for our marriages and our lives. 

I am married to a very strong minded and strong character woman, but she has learned to harness her strength within her feminine qualities which makes her quite attractive and fun to share a life with her. Man and wife, male and female, two complements of differing strengths and perspectives necessary to raise a wonderful family for God; raising sons and daughters to live out their natural God given gifts of masculinity and femininity for the enjoyment of their spouses.

Let it be the hidden person of the heart,
with the imperishable quality of a meek and quiet spirit,
which is precious in the sight of God.
I Peter 3:4

***The picture is my precious niece, Ali, with her brand new husband, David!
I was just telling Ken that it is interesting how many women want their husbands to adopt feminine qualities {being sensitive and emotional}, yet men want their wives to act like a lady, not like a man.