Always Learning: Count The Cost

Friday, November 18, 2011

Count The Cost

Many women considering divorce don't count the cost. Sure, your marriage may be bad, but think about what your life will be like if you get a divorce...

I just got this email from a woman commenting on my Discontent Wives post ~

"Today I read 'Discontent Wives' & found myself in tears, with desperation. I am separated from my husband because I was a 'discontent wife'. I am heartbroken & the Lord has been convicting my heart for weeks now. I have asked for forgiveness & am desperately praying that God will heal my marriage. I have a little boy (who will be 2 tomorrow). I was a stay at home mom (& I miss it SO much). I took it for granted because I didn't feel like my needs were being met."

My parents had a bad marriage. They argued all the time. My dad worked all the time. He was an only child and my mom was one of seven children. They are almost completely opposite in every area. I wanted them to divorce when I was younger. I didn't like having tension in our home all the time.

I've changed my mind. They stuck it out. They have three children {along with their husbands} and ten grandchildren {with two spouses} all walking with Jesus. They love and appreciate each other now. My mom never had to go out and get a job and leave us to be raised by someone else. We had a father. Children want a father, even if he isn't a great father.

Single motherhood is very hard. Raising children by yourself is hard. You must ask yourself if you want to exchange one difficult situation for another, maybe even more difficult. Please, consider the cost.

Marriage is honourable in all.

Hebrews 13:4

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Genesis 2:24

Comments (22)

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Beth Herring · 697 weeks ago

Nice to meet you! Love your blog and look forward to reading and gleaning more from it!

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Carla · 697 weeks ago

Just love you Lori!
I think this was one of the biggest things that stuck out at me when I read "Created" many years ago. I wish more ladies would understand this! It is SO much better to work at marriage. Better for you, the children, and other family members. Keep up the wonderful posts!! you are a blessing!
Carla <><

1 reply · active 697 weeks ago

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Lori Alexander 122p · 697 weeks ago

Thank you for your kind words, Carla. I really appreciate them. Every morning I wake up and ask that the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be accpetable to Him and He is so faithful. He loves filling us with His wisdom if we ask.

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Rona Berry-Morin · 697 weeks ago

My parents had a horrible marriage and after 28 years my mother filed for divorce. I knew I needed to get myself healthy and whole before making the commitment to be a mom and wife. I didn't want to repeat my parents' mistake.
I'm happy to say that I fell in love with my husband in 10.88 and we were married in 4.96. We have an amazing marriage. I'm so in love with my husband. I thank the Lord everyday!

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Liz · 697 weeks ago

This was a hard post to read but I do agree with what you said...
HOWEVER... I was a single Mum, and raised my 4 children alone and NOT by my own choice. I married a very angry man who was a lost soul. We met at church & I didn't discover that side until after we married. I encouraged him to seek help for his anger and stayed in a marriage for 14 years which was damaged by severe abuse (emotional, verbal, physical & sexual). I prayed continually, sought wise counsel, our pastors encouraged my husband to seek counsel too but he refused. I eventually believed I was all the things my husband told me I was (useless, worthless, unwanted). After 14 years, I had enough. I had tried my best and knew before God that I had. BUT, My children were at risk & that final night my husband tried to strangle me. So to protect ourselves, I did the only thing I could... I told him to leave. I still loved him and hoped that he would get the help he needed so our beautiful children didn't have to grow up fatherless.

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Liz · 697 weeks ago

But sadly, their Dad was happy at this opportunity to pursue his internet relationship & he moved from Australia to the USA 12 months later to be with her. He never said goodbye to his children & never made contact again (except to file for divorce).
Yes, there is a HUGE cost to divorce, but sometimes we HAVE to do what is best for our own lives and those God entrusted into our care.
BTW... your blog is great and what you say is true, however there are women out there who do the RIGHT thing under difficult circumstances and honour God in their marriages.

2 replies · active 697 weeks ago

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Sunu · 697 weeks ago

I am praying for you. Liz..Let God lead you and give you peace..Trust in God and He will answer your prayers.

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Lori Alexander 122p · 697 weeks ago

Liz,

I do believe if the husand is physically abusing the wife or the children, she has every right to call the authorities and get protection. God is your protector and He will restore the years the locusts have eaten. It sounds like you did what you could and that is all that God asks of us. May He bless your life abundantly and I love that ALL things work together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

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Hannah · 697 weeks ago

I found you through Kelly's Korner....So glad I did!! As a 23-year-old single girl who is waiting to find someone and be married someday I browsed through 3 pages of your blog and was so encouraged!!! Thanks!

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IAAMM · 697 weeks ago

Each circumstance is different. EVERY decision in life has a consequence whether good or bad, and even that is relative. Nevertheless, a person must decide what's best for them.

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emptynester3 · 697 weeks ago

Hi Lori! I am visiting from Kelly's "Older Moms" connect! Very good post! Marriage is difficult but worth it! I have been married 33 years with 3 children, 2 grandsons and a granddaughter on the way! I am a new follower! Just wanted to say hi! Love, ~Nana~

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Cathy · 697 weeks ago

Hi, I am new to your blog. I came over from Kelly's Korner. I have been praying to my Heavenly Father that my marriage would get better. My husband likes to watch tv in the garage and pretty much stays out there from the time he wakes up until the time he goes to bed. We don't eat dinner together and he goes to bed much latter then I do and wakes up much latter then I. I love him very much. Like your post on Li Li. My mom lives with us and it has not been easy. She likes everything her way and I feel as though I am old enough to do things the way I see fit in my home. However, my husband has been doing this before my mom came to live with us. I am not a saint when it comes to my husband but it seems as though no matter how hard I try. he still lives his life in the garage. He retired early due to an injury at work. I feel like we should be doing things together since he does not work anymore. I am so happy I found your blog. I love the way God works. Thank you for such an inspirational place to come.
Cathy.

4 replies · active 696 weeks ago

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Sunu · 697 weeks ago

Cathy..pray for your husband daily. That alone helped my marriage a lot. I will also share some resources which will greatly help you. Start off with a 31 day pray for your husband challenge...
http://www.becomingastrongwomanofgod.com/p/31-day...

Then head to another challenge by Time warp wife's..."31 days to love" series. It just got over yesterday..!

I am praying for you now... Trust in God.
http://time-warp-wife.blogspot.com/search/label/3...

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Cathy · 696 weeks ago

Thank you for your prayers. I will continue to pray. I know that God will show him and I the way. I will head over to those websites now.
Blessings,
Cathy

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Lori Alexander 122p · 697 weeks ago

Thanks, Cathy! The Bible does promise us we may "win them without a word." Just keep working on being kind and gentle, loving, serving, and pleasing him. God works miracles when we do things His way. Ask God every day to help you walk in the Spirit, because it is with His help that we can do ALL things through Him who strengthens us!

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Cathy · 696 weeks ago

Thank you so very much. I will continue to pray and walk in the Spirit. He is such a wonderful man with such a big heart. I just wish he would spend more time with me. I know in Gods time. I will continue to trust in him.

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francine · 697 weeks ago

I love your blog! I found u through kellys korner.....I will be back!

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Anna · 697 weeks ago

I found you through Kelly's Korner and I read through some of your past posts. I had tears in my eyes thinking about how much I love my husband and want to honor him and make him feel respected.

To the above commenter, Cathy, I will pray that God changes your husband's heart. <3 Hugs!

1 reply · active 696 weeks ago

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Cathy · 696 weeks ago

Thank you so much
Cathy

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Stacy · 697 weeks ago

Found you through Kelly's Korner. What a wonderful ministry this is. I am excited to dig in. As a pastor's wife, I am always looking for ways to love and support my husband better!

Stacy @ http://cardigansandcrayons.blogspot.com/

P.S. I would love to dialogue sometime about the Pearls. I see that you're a big fan. My verdict is still out! :)

1 reply · active 697 weeks ago

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Lori Alexander 122p · 697 weeks ago

Just put in "Pearls" in the search engine and you will find a lot of posts about them. They have helped me out so much in my walk with Jesus...understanding what that looks like and my marriage...what submission really looks like since I never had a model of that in my life. I thank God for the Pearls and their ministry. Thanks for reading my blog and please feel free to email me whenever you want to get into that dialogue!

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Amy · 697 weeks ago

I think it is prudent to discuss with each other what your expectations are for marriage, way before the wedding. I dated my husband for six years before we married (we really couldn’t get married, as we were students). When we got engaged, at our minister suggestion, we discuss our expectations of marriage. Including, what behaviors would be a deal breaker. Any form of abuse is a given (we never even discussed that). But we BOTH said they having an affair was something that we didn’t think we could move on from (15 to 18% of married women will cheat). We decided that cheating would not be tolerated. My husband is adamant that our daughters get a college education and be able to support themselves and their future children if necessary. He feels this way, because he has seen his sister remain trapped in a marriage that is borderline abusive and where he continues to have affair after affair. It’s sad.

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