Sunday, November 13, 2011

Discontent Wives


Every Wednesday, Dennis Prager has a male/female hour.  It gives me a lot of information for this blog!  The other day a woman called up and said this ~

I am very unhappily married.  My husband works many hours.  We have a big, gorgeous home and two vacation homes.  I can buy anything I'd like.  We have three small children and I stay home full time raising them. 

We have gone to counseling for the past five years.  It hasn't helped.  I have a master's degree and had a successful career.

Dennis Prager asked what she would like her husband to do for her.  She responded, "I would like him to leave encouraging notes on the counter.  I'd like for him to hug me a lot and tell me he loves me.  He gets a lot of kudos out there in the business world.  I don't get any.  I want a relationship with him."

I didn't hear how Dennis responded because I had to get tires on my car, but I sure know how I would have responded ~

Men show love by working hard and providing for their family.  Do you ever thank him for that?

Men don't get many kudos out there in the business world.  They normally get torn down instead.  Do you ever try to build him up and encourage him?

Raising children is the most important thing you can do in contributing to society.  Children need a lot of guidance, love, and training.  If given this, they will make a good impact on society.  They need the stability of a mom and dad in their home.  They want a mom and dad at home.  Do you thank your husband for allowing you to be able to stay home so you can raise your precious children and not have to put them in someone else's care?

Did you know you can't demand someone to treat you loving?  Being angry and upset with him will not draw him to you but away from you.  Do you treat him warm and loving, making sure his time at home is pleasant and happy?

These are the things I would have asked her.  Women today think they will be happier if they get divorced.  They have so many expectations in a marriage instead of just being thankful and content for what they do have and showing appreciation for the good things their husbands do.

God hates divorce for a reason.  It leaves a path of destruction in its wake.  Do everything you can to hold your marriage together.  Do everything you can to make your marriage good.  Stop demanding your way and start loving and serving.  That is the path to true happiness.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves
Philippians 2:3

Comments (30)

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I'm with you here, Lori. Today, while I was cleaning the whole house by myself, I could have been annoyed that my husband didn't offer to help. But, I meditated on how he works HARD outside of our home so that I can work in our home. Even though my job is a 7-day-a-week one, I am still blessed to get to do it. He will get up tomorrow and start another long week of work, being stretched in a million directions. I, too, will be stretched, but by the children God and my husband have given me the honor of caring for. I also had the joy, while cleaning toilets, of watching my husband sit on the couch with our 6 year old watching a new Barbie movie not once, but twice, back-to-back, cuddling with her the whole time. I could have been annoyed several times today because I was working hard while he was relaxing, but chose not to be. It's all about perspective.
1 reply · active 697 weeks ago
Well said. I appreciate your post and the wisdom you are sharing. Thank you!
Well-well. My husband works, I work. AND I get to do all domestic works along with the care of our children too. AND I get my tires changed too. I find it unfair and it makes me mad. So I am with you on this post (probably a lot of women should feel so) although it does not apply my marriage. :(
I know so many women who are discontent in their marriages. If only they could see that THEY are the cause of their unhappiness. In most cases, if women would only love and reverence their husbands like God's word commands, their lives would be so sweet and happy. God's ways are the ways of peace. And, the verse Ken left on his comment is so true: We need to have a servant's heart.....to give and serve brings so much happiness...to be like Christ Who came to serve and not be served. Many women might say, "How can giving and not expecting anything in return bring happiness?" But, the truth is, we do get something in return...you end up being cherished by your husband....and that is what every wife longs for.
1 reply · active 697 weeks ago
Right on!!! I used to be that woman. I feel immensely guilty for the destructiveness in my family while my son was growing up. I found Dr Laura's books and turned it around. She basically says the same things you just said. So, I started loving my husband even though I didn't really feel like it. Its truly turned my life around. Now, my husband can barely keep his hands off me telling me loves me all the time. I'm immensely grateful. But, I've been worried about my son and his psyche as a man from having to deal with that growing up. He's 19 and he's been angry and sullen. Just last night, however, he came home, got into our bed to tell us about his day, and then after awhile, got up, told us he loves us and went to bed...My heart is full.

None of that would have happened if I had gotten divorced.
I have been that wife before. My Husband and I have had some difficult times in our marriage, and I was very angry and bitter towards him. Divorce seemed eminent in our future. It wasn't until I checked my own attitude and my heart that we both changed and came out stronger for it. I feel so blessed to have a hardworking Husband who will do anything for his family. He can rest fully knowing that I have our home and our son under control, loved, and taken care of. He has told me that it really does alleviate a lot of stress for him.
Wow, good advice!

This woman's complaints are legitimate from an emotional standpoint.

*However* ...

We receive by giving. As you aptly point out, when she starts to express her appreciation and respect to her husband for all he DOES for her then *eventually,* she will receive the emotional support from him that she truly needs. Maybe someone will show her how the "Love & Respect" Crazy Cycle works (by Eggerichs).

A good topic!

Blessings, e-Mom
The first time I read her comments I was repulsed by her attitude toward her husband and their marriage. Before posting I read it again and have a bit of empathy...my husband works looooong hours (some weeks it's over 80) and it is hard on a wife and dangerous to a marriage. Mine works more than one job just so that I can be home with our children. Part of what turned my annoyance to gratefulness was knowing that if he didn't work so much, I would be working and my little ones would be in daycare. Ironically, it may be harder to be grateful when her needs are met so abundantly.
1 reply · active 697 weeks ago
So tell me how to be a loving, doting wife when
my husband works later than stated times, not answering his phone or calling home to say he'd be late
tells me not to call his work, he's too busy
takes gifts from women at work, occasionally giving gifts TO women at work
but forgets mother's day, valentines day, my birthday & Christmas - and no, he doesn't give me gifts at random, either
he doesn't spend time with me; we've had anniversary gift cards for dinner out from family for months, yet they sit, waiting to expire
as a teacher, who received a pay cut this year, he spends his summer, Christmas, fall and spring breaks "resting and relaxing" instead of providing additional income, repairing our home so we can sell it (he is fully knowledgeable & capable to do, with his pay cut, we can not afford the payments anymore and a realtor turned us down because many minor repairs are needed) or finding a new job (which he constantly says he wants) ...
which would provide for the growing family (pregnant w/#4) since THAT is the "will of God"
even told me to quit homeschooling, put the kids in nursery/public school and get a job, while pregnant, so we could afford to pay our bills, instead of him working a second job or finding a new one.
I already worked 2 years (through one pregnancy) while he went back to school and played video games - not even working a part time job.

I am merely a cook, housekeeper and nanny. Occasionally (about every other month), warmth at night.
I do not know how to like, much less love.
I want to do God's will. I want to be obedient. I pray for his help, I read books on marriage, submission, etc. I try EVERY day, to be kind. EVERY day, I fail.
5 replies · active 697 weeks ago
Your answer is absolutely spot on.....she is a spoiled brat, in my opinion. Visiting from Alhabe-Thursday. xo
Oh dear, well it's like it's been said before...some people's children....but words of the wise are always heard....but not always followed.....may you be well!
There's always two sides...I agree with her attitude being that of a spoiled self centered bimbo. But I also know that following your advice won't work in all marriages. I was so lucky to get out of a domestic violence one....
I will never understand why people think getting divorced will solve their problems. it just creates MANY more!
~visiting from Miss Jenny's
Well put. I love my husband and STILL need reminders like this to myself every day. It's easy to get cranky about little unimportant stuff.
Janaki Nagaraj's avatar

Janaki Nagaraj · 695 weeks ago

Lori, this is a wonderful post...getting the man's perspective.
Glad to be here.
I really like the points you make in this post. I hope the lady that called in can see her life differently.
You make some wonderful points here. Married love is a two-way street, and you tend to get what you give.

=)

My post today: Divine Nature
You sound like a counselor yourself! Wise advice! Blessings, Esther
Jenny Matlock's avatar

Jenny Matlock · 693 weeks ago

Wow.

What wise words.

I'm really impressed with this post.

You have shared a lot to think about here.

Thank you for linking to the letter D.

A+
What if you can't be a stay home mom and have to work two jobs to help make ends barely meet? Isn't it the husbands place to provide for his wife and family? He has his own business and I work two jobs and one of them is for him. I am in constant worry about surviving week from week. I wish he would get one good job with benefits and a retirement. Right now we have neither. I see us both having to work the rest of our lives and this really puts a strain on our marriage. He insists that having his own business is the way to go and will not change his point of view. However, his business has not been enough to keep us going. Now, I am looking for a third job. I really feel that he is putting his own desire to have his business before wanting to provide for his family. It really has hurt me that he doesn't seem to care about my concerns. I have been wanting to sell our house and get a smaller one for years. The big one we're in now is the one he built, so I think that's the reason he doesn't want to move. We do not need a big house. It comes with a big mortgage. I'm wondering if it is a pride thing for him. I'm just tired of it all and it's getting worse to where I don't like him anymore. I love him, but am not in love with him.
1 reply · active 681 weeks ago
brokenwings's avatar

brokenwings · 643 weeks ago

What about men who quit their jobs because they don't want to support their family? What about men who insist their wife get a job either through their own refusal to work or outright bullying with threats?

Not all men like to work hard and provide for their family. some men want their wives to do everything for them

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