People who are wounded usually end up hurting others. They don't mean to, but it is all they know. Those who were abused as children, usually abuse others when they are adults. It is all they've been modeled.
Many husbands and wives were abused or wounded somehow in their growing up years. Maybe they were physically abused or sexually abused. Maybe they were bullied by their peers. Maybe they were raised in a home where the parents were always fighting and they don't know what peace looks like. Maybe one of their parents had an affair or affairs on their other parent. Most people are not modeled good or healthy marriages.
They bring these experiences into the marriage. They are wounded, so they wound you. Sometimes you can't even see it clearly or understand it. You just know that it hurts a lot.
They don't need someone preaching to them. What they need is the Gospel being lived out in front of them. The Gospel brings healing. The Gospel convicts, changes, and heals people. This is why the Bible instructs women to win their husbands without a word.
Our actions are powerful. Usually, they are much more powerful than our words. When you tell them you love them, your actions will prove it a lot more than your words. So if you have a wounded spouse, start preaching the Gospel to them with your actions. Love them like Jesus loves them. Win them without a word. Win them with love.
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.
I John 4:7