Sunday, May 20, 2012

Making Him Eat Healthier


This was our biggest area of disagreement.  All he wanted to eat was doughnuts and pizza.  I was raised on organic, healthy food.  I thought by being angry and manipulative with him, he would start eating better.  I justified my anger because I wanted him to be healthy.  He was killing himself by the way he ate.

It didn't work too well.  He would hide his junk food and not tell me what he ate at work.  When we would go out to eat, I would ruin the dinner if he ordered something I didn't like.  {This is hard to type...Some of you have told me I am too hard on myself.  I want to be honest with my faults in hopes of sparing many of you from making the same stupid mistakes I made.}

He started having health problems and started eating better.  He eats pretty healthy now.  He has my salad, a big one, every day.  He studies health now and tells other people about eating healthy.

One of the young woman I mentor is really getting into homemaking.  She's making kefir, salad, homemade salad dressing, roasted chicken, and even my homemade bread.  Her husband wouldn't eat any of it.  He only likes Mexican food.

I went to mentor her one day.  She told me to look at her table.  On it were some bottles of medicine.  She told me he has very high cholesterol and a bacteria in his body.  He studied what he needs to do to get his cholesterol down and he found it was all the foods she has been making!  Doesn't God have a great sense of humor!

We can't change our husbands...Let me say that again.  We CAN'T change our husbands.  We sure wouldn't want someone trying to change us.  Just eat as healthy as you can.  Fix food he wants and pray.  Let the Lord convict him about his eating habits {or maybe health problems will} but don't you preach at him.  It's very bad on a marriage.

Love..does not behave badly, seeks not her own.
I Corinthians 13

Comments (14)

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It took my husband having a heart attack just two months ago before he would change. I've been on him for 20 years to eat healthier. Never did any good. Nagging or begging never works. Only God can get through. Fortunately, God gave him a second chance, and he is still here. Thank God since we have six kids, with the youngest only 9 months old. So thankful I don't have to raise them alone. God is good.
1 reply · active 670 weeks ago
So happy to hear your husband is doing better. I know you have been through a very rough time. May the Lord continue to give you strength.
Thank you for writing this. I struggle with this a lot too. My husband doesn't eat terribly but was raised on food that was greasy, sugary and mostly empty carbs. I was raised really healthy. It has definitely been a point of contention when what he wants most is pizza, macncheese, chocolate chips, and fast food. But you are totally correct, nagging won't show him love. I pray it doesn't take health problems to help him learn, and hope that one day he will want to eat well like I try to. Thanks for putting it this way, because arguments about food totally don't help the marriage. :) Only God can work in someone's heart!
1 reply · active 670 weeks ago
I have found from my own experience that making an issue of it actually made him eat even more unhealthy foods, either out of anger or for comfort. I don't know which. But the arguing certainly made it worse. All we can do is pray for them and serve healthy foods. If they choose not to eat them, don't say anything. That's they're choice. They are adults, and we are not their mother. I know we do it because we care, but caring too much can push them away and harm the marriage. The bottom line is that we need to learn to trust God with their health and lives and trust God to take care of us as well if they aren't here in the long term. The trusting part has been hard for me, but I am learning. God is teaching me that He has numbered their and our days. So ultimately, if God has planned for them to be here a set number of days, they will. The quality of life during that time may be at risk, but that is their choice as well. I repeat, we cannot and should not mother and micromanage our husbands. That is not God's will. It is in our nature, I know. I am learning this, too, the hard way. Fortunately, as I've said before, God has given us a second chance; it wasn't my husband's time to go. Praise God. We want to handle things in a Godly fashion, be a good role model for our kids and have sweet memories of a good marriage with no regrets, starting from this day forward, Can I hear an "Amen"?
I have one more thing I would like to add. Sorry for so many comments, but this particular subject is so fresh for me right now. Life is short. Just enjoy one another and leave everything else in God's hands, trust Him with our husbands' health. Don't spend it feuding over things you can't change and wreck your marriage in the process. Make your home a peaceful, loving one. I know it's hard, but it's the only way. You know it is if you've already tried to get your husband to eat healthier to no avail. Do you really think that nagging will ever win him over? It didn't work for me for 20 years. He has to find his own way. It has to be his decision. But like I said before, you can offer healthy food, pack a healthy lunch for him; and who knows, maybe he'll eat what you put before him or eat healthy half the time. If not, just love him as tenderly as you can and let it go. Love is a beautiful thing and can accomplish much on its own. It is powerful. I am not speaking to any one in particular, just sharing from my heart from my own experience. And if I am speaking directly to any one, it would be me, as a reminder to never, never go back, but to go forward in love.
My husband eats everything I give him (healthy and homemade from scratch) but later in the evening he visits his secret stash of food (that he buys himself) that includes chips (crisps) , chocolate and lollies and snacks on them (even when he gets up in the middle of the night). He knows it isn't good for him and making his tummy bigger than it should be - but he just enjoys it too much. He was thrilled when I lost all my weight but doesn't seem to want to do it himself. I make "healthy" snacks like muffins and buy fruit for him which he has been eating but the chips/crisps keep calling him back. No point nagging so I don't say anything.
I have learned, a very hard way, that I cannot control what my husband does. What I learned is exactly what you have said, make sure I am treating him the way I need to treat him, and pray and trust God to do the rest. Thank you for using your own life lessons to teach others so that they may not make the same mistakes :)
Lori, this is such a great post! Just a follow up question: would you recommend that a wife continue to make healthy meals for her whole family despite her husband's refusal to eat the healthy food, or would you recommend that she make the type of food that her husband likes for dinner, or would you recommend that she make healthy food for herself and the children and then make the type of food her husband likes for her husband? There might be another option I am not seeing here, but I cannot imagine what it would do to children to see their parents disagreeing about something as basic as nourishment. Both my parents were on board the healthy foods train growing up, and even with two healthy eating examples, I struggled with body image. I can't imagine how confused and lost I would have been if my parents had been fighting about what kind of foods our family should be eating. How do you manage to set a good example for your children without undermining their father?
2 replies · active 670 weeks ago
Hi Fran !

This is Ken in reply to your comment. Lori has had arough week with pain at a 10 out of 10 at times on the right side and back of her head. She is much better the last two days, but still hurting badly, so she has not been able to respond... her posts go out automatically ast they are written in advance.

To answer your question, Lori always madea bif salad each night and healthy food for the kids and invited me to eat with the kids or I made my own food. Keep making good, healthy food for the kids to eat and make them eat it. If they want Daddy's food after their big salad, allow them to have what he eats.

This approach has our kids eating well. They love and cannot live wthout their big salads, but like some junkier food too in moderation.

I hope this is helpful and keep Lori in your prayers. I think she is doing better every day.
Lori, I hope you are feeling better I wil continue to keep you in my prayers. This is amazing advice Ken. Thank you for taking the time to respond. Lori, your blog is such a blessing and always challenges me. Feel better!
We've been working on our diets for four years now. I can control what we eat at home and I pray for what hubby eats while away. He is not picky .. just has preferences. Having cut our budget, waistlines and enjoying better health has been the biggest mind changer for DH. He loves to visit the farms we 'shop' from and beams when we he brings home farm fresh eggs from a co-worker.
Cynthia Swenson's avatar

Cynthia Swenson · 670 weeks ago

That pizza looks good Lori! How about some spinach & apples as side dishes with it to make a healthy dinner. This is just my idea of a healthy compromise. ( My eleven year old is reading this as I write, saying "barf" but I frequently get spinach into him via soup, smoothie,etc.) With love & prayers, in Jesus, Cynthia
Lori, thank you so much for this post. I have been married for just about 2 years, and food has been the biggest area of contention between my husband and I. He LOVES pizza, pop, and anything chocolate/sweet, all while maintaining a semi unhealthy relationship with food in general...binging on the things he really likes, while nitpicking the things he doesn't like or don't taste good to him. We've had so many discussions about food/his eating habits, because his selection of foo that he chooses to eat is so much narrower than many people. It's been a hard road thus far, and after many exasperating meals where I ate a bigger plate of food than he did, I finally let it go and just figured that I can't control what he chooses to put in his body, and if he wanted to eat certain ways, he could do that. I have prayed for him that his eyes would be opened in that area... there are many Scriptures that talk about food. I have a lot more peace about it now, and my husband is slowly "coming around" and actually has the desire to eat more healthy, which is a big step. Praise God. :) Our compromise thus far is that we have a salad with every meal.
I think this is a bigger issue than most give credit to; I have spoken to a number of friends who have recently been married and have found that I'm not alone in my struggles with my husband and his food.
I just thought I'd add this comment, as it may help someone. My husband is pretty picky...he eats everything I cook, but I usually avoid lots of fruits or veggies because he just doesn't like them. If you want a good resource for getting your husband to eat healthier you can check out The Sneaky Chef. There are a few books and all the recipes are designed with hidden veggies in them. I got my husband to eat spinach, broccoli, peas, cauliflower, and zucchini without him even knowing it. He could not tell at all, and didn't seem to mind when I told him later. There are recipes for brownies, mac and cheese, etc. It helps get some extra nutrition out of those things!

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