Ten years ago as Ken and I were taking our evening walk, he said to me, "I have come to the conclusion that marriage is simply a partnership and that is all. I am not sure what we are going to do when the kids leave home."
This made me so sad. We didn't enjoy being together. Most of the time we were together, we argued. We rarely laughed or really enjoyed each other.
Thankfully, I read Created To Be His Help Meet and found out how to have a great marriage. We now enjoy being together, even if I am not that well most of the time. We don't argue anymore. We listen to each other. We enjoy doing the same things. We like having an empty nest!
Learn from me, young women. Love your husbands while you are young so when your children are all gone and have flown the coop, your husband can say that he truly rejoices with the wife of his youth.
Let your fountain be blessed:
and rejoice with the wife of your youth.
Proverbs 5:18
We had a discussion about Halloween on my Facebook page the other day.
I wrote a post on my views last year that you can read HERE.
Learn from me, young women. Love your husbands while you are young so when your children are all gone and have flown the coop, your husband can say that he truly rejoices with the wife of his youth.
Let your fountain be blessed:
and rejoice with the wife of your youth.
Proverbs 5:18
We had a discussion about Halloween on my Facebook page the other day.
I wrote a post on my views last year that you can read HERE.
Logging you in...
Deb · 596 weeks ago
Cynthia Swenson · 596 weeks ago
Kelley · 596 weeks ago
I used to teach from the heel, not the heart. I harped on all the things WRONG with the world, with others. Now? I teach from the heart and let the Truth crush enemy's head with my heel! I teach women AND men what was wrong with ME!
I echo these sentiments today, Lori. Good word today.
Kelley~
Ken · 596 weeks ago
For years I tried to be make Lori happy in doing what she wanted me to do, yet always I failed to live up to her desires and expectations. Even when we finally came to years of “peace,” I lived much like an island in my own home hoping not to run into an upset or argument. Lori took care of the kids, the home, the cars, the lawn, the garden, and I took care of the kids sports, his job, his food, his ironing, and investments. Many nights Lori made her big salads which the kids loved, then they came running for daddy’s food. Remember, most of these years Lori lived with a sick stomach and other health issues, so I had to fend for myself many days and nights.
Between my travel schedule, and Lori’s illness, we still managed to have regular times of physical intimacy, but rarely if ever connected on an emotional or spiritual level. Once the physical was over we went back to living life as partners with her managing half and me managing the other half.
Some time back, about 12 years ago, I decided that there were some things I needed to clean up in my life. I live a generous and caring life towards others, I was a great father, and a good husband in many ways, but I longed to have a deeper and more intimate relationship with Lori. I went to Lori and told her I wanted her to hold me accountable for every time I said a cross word to her, changed my tone of voice, or got upset with her. I wanted to learn to express myself clearly in a caring way without upset, no matter how many times she screwed up the check book.
Ken · 596 weeks ago
“Ken… Ken… Ken” was pretty common the first month, but it did not take long to break a terrible habit and stop expressing myself in a negative way. I think I even had some sort of penalties assigned if she had to say, “Ken” more than a few times each week. It got my attention and I changed.
There were many things I was changing in my life at that time, and confessing to her, and asking her to help me with them. What I discovered was that my vulnerability was leading her to finally open up and she too was becoming more vulnerable.
Intimacy is based on trust, and trust only occurs when two in a couple become vulnerable with each other. I grew up in an open family with loving parents that got along great. Mom was submissive, Dad was loving, and the marriage seemed perfect in every way. Lori grew up with two great parents who lived like islands with Dad working 60 hours a week and Mom handling the family and home.
We both wanted what my parents had, but neither of us knew how to get there. Fortunately at that same time we found the Pearls' at a conference on Hebrews and our lives were forever changed for the better. We both found the truths of our “new lives in Christ” that Michael teaches so clearly, and Lori found the best book I have never read, Debbie Pearl's Created to Be His Help Meet.
Lori came to me one day about ten years ago and said, “I finally figured out how we can have an intimate relationship!”
Ken · 596 weeks ago
She paused for a moment, looked me right in the eyes and said, “There is nothing you can do. I need to please you.”
“I like the way that sounds!," I exclaimed as I headed to my office upstairs, and she came running after me saying, “No, no, what can I do right now for you, right now.”
Well, she caught me so off guard I wasn’t thinking clearly or we might have headed straight to bedroom, but instead I said, “Well, my shirts are never ironed. Maybe you could iron some for me.”
With that she headed off to iron some shirts and ten minutes later she came back tired and said, “You know ironing is awful tiring. Could I maybe iron a few shirts every day and at the end of the week they will all be done?”
“Lori, I just appreciate the fact you are trying to please me. Iron as many as you like, whenever you like.”
“You don’t believe me do you?” came her retort.
“Lori, all we ever seem to do is argue. If I say white, you say black. If I say its good, you say its bad. We never seem to be on the same page together.”
“That is right,” Lori responded, and as she put forward her had to shake mine she added, “and we will never argue again.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle watching this scene of my difficult, strong headed, beautiful inside and out woman, was really going to try and please me. I thought I had married a selfish wife and no way around it, I was going to have to put up with that the rest of my life, because she was mine.
Ken · 596 weeks ago
Well as you can imagine the next week was one of mild testing, but more so a time that I watch my doll blossom into all God wanted her to be. I started washing my own dishes and she bumps me off of the sink and says, “I will do those.” She would do anything and every to please me. What we did not know at the time was she was doing all of this severe stomach and head aches, and a brain tumor.
I do not recall if it was two days, a week or month later, but I found myself sitting across the table from Lori with two teenagers on either side, and we were smiling at each other and making eyes, when it hit me. I had fallen in love with this girl much more deeply than even the day I had met her. True intimacy had been achieved and we were free at least to live life under the same roof not as two islands, but as one person in Christ.
We still had lots to work through over the next few years, but having the foundation of finding our New Life in Christ, and both trying to please each other, became the keys to unlocking our hearts to be the fertile ground for true and abiding intimacy.
Yes, we continued to struggle with some things, like arguing, but each time I would say to Lori, “You know you have been a little argumentative lately,” she would respond by putting her hand out to shake mine and say, “It will never happen again.” I no longer cared if it happened again or not, so long as I knew she was truly trying to please me.
Is our marriage perfect? Almost! If we could get rid of her health issues it certainly would be close to ideal, as God has answered my many prayers and tears with the most fabulous, godly woman I know. We wasted far too many years, but God is restoring them great rewards, especially as we watch our kids do it right, right from the beginning.
If a couple wants to achieve a great marriage and true intimacy, it can be found by doing things God’s ways… WITHOUT expecting your spouse to reciprocate. Only when both spouses are sold out to do their part no matter what, does it work best. It may take 20 years, as in my case, to finally get the wife of my dreams, but it was worth being faithful to all God had in store for me.
Kelley · 596 weeks ago
Thank you (and Lori!) for your trutfulness and transparency. To God be all the glory. Great things He hath done.
Kelley~
Joluise · 596 weeks ago
My husband and I are really enjoying this time of life and I am enjoying making his special dishes for him, going on walks together, outings together or just cuddling in bed with out the interruptions of children. Our cats are also thrilled as they now get lots of attention!!
J Beth · 596 weeks ago
And I hear you on the cat thing. High maintenance little buggers, aren't they?
Cynthia Swenson · 596 weeks ago
resholloway 34p · 595 weeks ago
~Ruth Anne
kelleyn · 595 weeks ago