Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Loving Prodigals Unconditionally


Matt Lauer interviewed Miley Cyrus yesterday and asked her about her parents.  Does she still listen to them?  Do they support her?  She responded by saying that they love her unconditionally.  She said unconditional love means you love them regardless of their behavior.

I have no idea what her parents really think of her behavior but to most of us, we see it as rebellion.  It is most certainly rebellion to God's ways but since she probably isn't a believer, she doesn't live by the standards set by God.

Many of you have prodigal children.  Many are living in open rebellion to God and His ways.  How do you treat them?  How do you support them?

I believe Miley's parents are doing the right thing by loving her unconditionally.  If my child was acting like her, they would know full well that we were completely opposed to her rebellion but we would love them anyways.  {If she had been raised in our home, in the Word, we would not even have to tell her because she would know.}

Once in awhile when Ken was putting the children to bed, he would whisper in their ear, "You know there is nothing you could do that would keep me from loving you.  I may kick you out of the house but I will always love you."  Our heavenly Father whispers the same thing to us except the kicking us out of the house part, but He does discipline us.

Being angry and upset with rebellious children doesn't help anything.  Actually, it just makes it worse. They feel condemned by their parents, the walls go up, and the relationship is destroyed.  God calls us to love even our enemies.

Think of the story of the prodigal son in the Bible.  The father mourned the loss of his son but as soon as he saw his son, he ran to him with open arms regardless whether he repented or not.  Even before he knew he was going to repent, he loved him any ways.

We are called to love.  Love changes people.  The last thing you want to do is destroy your relationship with your wayward children.  Whenever you see them, love them deeply.  Be warm, listen carefully, feed them a good meal, and tell them how much you love them.  Let them see Jesus living through you, then pray like crazy.

And he arose, and came to his father.  
But when he was yet a great way off, 
his father saw him, and had compassion, 
and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.
Luke 15:20


Comments (28)

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I have some issues with this. I don't have children of my own only stepchildren. My husband loved them dearly and do my best. They were pretty much grown when I first met them so I have little if any influence on them. Our problem is that both of them are drug addicts and one of them is definitely not above stealing. Neither of them respects anyone. They know we don't want drugs in our house or on our property. They don't care. They do what they want.

That being so...I don't want them in my house and they know why. We have tried to help them in many other ways...money, rehab, paying for apartments. And praying.

Do you think that is bad? Should they be allowed to do whatever they want anywhere they want with no consequences?
4 replies · active 598 weeks ago
I needed to hear this and sadly we have a very young rebel in our home. It is tearing our family apart. Prayers are what hold us together - from those who are gracious and faithful to pray. God knows, relying on Him in this storm.
Dawn E. Brown's avatar

Dawn E. Brown · 598 weeks ago

We too have a prodigal, our dear firstborn son.Painful,yes, but this is all God's work. When I tried to speak to him about his ways, he got even angrier. He has lived away from home for years now, he is 32.He understands and accepts our position, he knows where we stand. It does not matter just because our son is doing it, it does not make it right. We have him home with all of his friends, cook dinners for them, love them anyhow.He said to us one day upon leaving our home, "You are always going to love Jesus, right Mom?" I said yes, and his response was,"Don't change".He values his family ,and we are most grateful.We never give up praying, I am still claiming victory for his life. Thank-you for this much needed posting. Blessings, Dawn E. Brown
What are some of the reasons you would kick an adult child out?
3 replies · active 598 weeks ago
PS We have had to think about this also.
You really seem to dislike Miley Cyrus. When are you going to call out Justin Bieber on his atrocious behavior?
2 replies · active 598 weeks ago
I heard Miley Cyrus say (in a video) that she's a Christian--this was years ago. She might still be a believer but I just don't know. She's going through a stage and it's not so unusual--she's just very much in the public eye. I'm not sure what to think of her really.
This is a lovely post to read. Thank you for sharing this but yes I agree sometimes tough love is required.
I thought I'd comment on this from the perspective of the "prodigal son." My husband and I were both raised Mormon. I don't know if you consider that a Christian religion, but we were taught about Jesus and the Bible growing up. After we were moved out and married, at different points, we both stopped believing. When we told our parents, we got very different reactions. My parents basically said, as long as you are happy and a good person, we're happy. My husband's parents still love him unconditionally, but they were very upset. I totally understand that reaction; when you believe your child's salvation is at stake, that's a huge deal! But after a few emotional, heated discussions, his mom said she couldn't talk about it anymore. His dad still sends him e-mails trying to persuade him to reconsider. I don't think it's very likely that either of us will return to Mormonism, but I can tell you that I have a much more positive view of it and a closer relationship with my family because of how they reacted. My husband's relationship with his parents was strained and while they are on good terms now, it's still not as close. He also has a more negative view of religion and is a lot more closed off to faith in general. I don't know if you would ever advise parents to say what mine did, but personally, I think having my parents trust to make my own decisions gave me the space to later rethink some things and develop a more positive view of religion (in some cases).

I know it's different because we were already living on our own, so we couldn't get kicked out, and we're still living our lives in a responsible way… not "sinning" in the ways you mentioned. If you had a child who was behaving according to your rules, but lost or denied their faith, would you kick them out?
1 reply · active 598 weeks ago
Thanks for this post Lori.

Do you know of any good Christian blogs written by men? Looking for some recommendations on male blogs, couldn't see any on your blog roll.
2 replies · active 598 weeks ago
So important to love our kids, no matter what. Tying their behavior to our feelings for them can only push them away.
Thank you for sharing this.
Laura
Harvest Lane Cottage
I love what you said about the father running out with open arms even before he knew the son was returning in a state of repentance. I've never thought about it from that side before. What a powerful showing of LOVE.
I find it interesting that she is defining unconditional love. Since her "performance", I've continually asked my daughter about what she and her friends think about Miley. She is the subject of many jokes around the school (my daughter is grossed out). I wonder what Miley will think unconditional love is when her fans desert her. Hopefully her parents know their Bible stories.

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