Always Learning: The Result Of No Fault Divorce

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

The Result Of No Fault Divorce

Here is some more backlash from a post I wrote about our nation being a better place to live 50 years ago ~

As for divorce, Mary Ann Mason in The Equality Trap {pub 1988} documents how in 1969, No Fault divorce laws were passed and were pivotal to the increasing divorce rates. In other words, divorces were rare in the past because no one could get one, not because marriages were happier. Woman staying at home didn't guarantee a Godly nation.

So couples didn't get divorced years ago as often since it was harder to get divorced even though women were unhappy in their marriages, but guess what, the children were much happier and our nation was a much safer place! Women being happy is the most important goal in a nation?

Our nation was a much better place when divorce was rare, when mothers were raising their children, and fathers worked hard to provide for their family. God's ways always work. His Word is very clear that divorce should be rare, children should be raised by their mothers, and fathers should provide.

No fault divorce has led to the destruction of our nation. Couples are no longer covenant keepers. If marriage gets difficult, if personalities clash, if one is unhappy, simply get divorced. As a result, children suffer, extended family members suffer, and ultimately, our nation suffers.

Let me ask you, are women really happier? Studies show that those couples who stay together during the rough patches are much happier in the long run than those who get divorced. Are women happier since they are able to have careers and work 40 hours a week? I hear from many women how exhausted they are as depression, autoimmune and heart diseases, etc. rise among women.

We can never outsmart God and His ways no matter how hard we try. His ways work. He created us and He knows what He is talking about.

This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.

For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boastful,

proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy.

2 Timothy 3:1,2

Comments (22)

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Mbb · 597 weeks ago

Great post! You convinced me to stay a while back when husband and I were having a rough time. I prayed all day every day and seeked Him any time stress arises. Now we have celebrated 7 years of marriage and I am so happy to have stuck it out. It is far better than the other option of moving on, searching for another husband. His way is always best. That means exceeding our own expectations ten-fold if we allow His ways to work. I have friends who have already divorced and have been married as long as I have. It is tragic, but not their fault. The devil is a great deceiver. I pray for them.

1 reply · active 597 weeks ago

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Lori Alexander 122p · 597 weeks ago

I am happy you stuck it out also, Mbb. You are a silent witness to all the crumbling marriages around you to the power of sticking it out through tough times and coming out the other side victorious!

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Lindsay Harold · 597 weeks ago

No-fault divorce made it impossible to form a legally-binding permanent family unit any more. Now, either party can walk away at any time for any reason. That's not even as binding as a basic written contract. Marriage was supposed to be binding and permanent. The whole point of making a vow was to force people to work things out when it got tough rather than walk away. When everything is going good, nobody wants to leave. It's when things are rough and you want out that the commitment holds you together and helps you get through it. But now we don't have real commitments - not legally, anyway - and so people don't have that bond to hold them together when things are difficult. No wonder we have so much divorce. And it's the kids who take the brunt of the fallout and have to grow up in broken homes when parents put their own happiness over the well-being of their kids and won't stay in a marriage if they aren't happy.

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LGibbs · 597 weeks ago

I have to disagree with your "children were much happier and our nation was a much safer place" comment. Myself, siblings and quite a few friends were much happier when our mothers left our fathers. Yes, our fathers were hard workers & provided for our families, but they were also abusive. We were afraid of our fathers, as were our mothers. These were not happy childhoods until our mothers walked out with us. We were much happier poor and having a working mother then leaving in fear. Also, I don't know where you grew up but, I had to live through the '69 DC riots, plus DC & Bmore had very high crime rates. Life was not "safe" by any means. The US 50 years ago was not the Rockwell picture that is portrayed at the head of this post. "Blanket" statements such as these are very unrealistic. It would be appreciated if you could cite your "Studies show" sources.

2 replies · active 597 weeks ago

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Lindsay Harold · 597 weeks ago

Lori's statement was a general statement that is not proved false by a few exceptions (and she didn't say it applied to everyone, anyway). I agree with you that children are generally better off in a single-parent home than an abusive one. However, the number of children who are abused by their married, biological father is, statistically, very small. It doesn't seem that way when you're from one of those households, I know. But, in general, children are better off in an intact home. And abuse has always been a way out of marriage, even before no-fault divorce. No-fault divorce just made divorce easy to get by making it possible for either party to walk away without giving a reason. Under no-fault divorce laws, there is no requirement that both parties agree to part ways or that there be any abuse or neglect. All a person has to do is want divorce (even if their spouse doesn't) - and they can get it. No-fault divorce means that brief rough patches are much more likely to break up an otherwise good marriage since there is nothing to hold people to their vows when things get tough and they feel like getting out. And children of such unnecessarily broken marriages are worse off for it.

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Lori Alexander 122p · 597 weeks ago

Thank you, Lindsay, for your wonderful, well thought out reply. I heard recently that the most unsafe place for a young girl to be today is in a home without their biological parents and siblings. Today's high divorce rates put so many young girls in danger.

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FABBY · 597 weeks ago

The Word of Christ is perfectly explained by you my friend. Unfortunately, now a days people do get divorced for no great reasons, I know that too because I see this happen with younger people of my daughter's age generation, around here, and even in a Catholic country where before women specially stayed in a bad marriages and did they're best. I know there was and are abusive marriages where there is no choice but divorse; as there are the ones were women don't feel "THEY'RE" satisfied by the other, or men are not satisfied in the marriage, so they seek divorce; although they have a family that comes first!!! Anyway, our roll as women should be the 'GATHERER' and men the 'HUNTER' and that does not happen often now and so the world for children is upside down, for not having a family that is together and what children learn is what children do....without going to the extremes where there is abuse,like the gentlemen in the above comment says. There was much more Rockwell pictures back tan in our parents generation, 10 to 1, as there would be today. Have a good day and thank you for sharing....I'm happy to think there is someone who feels as I do very often.
FABBY

1 reply · active 597 weeks ago

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Lori Alexander 122p · 597 weeks ago

Thank you, Fabby. Nothing good has come out of so many divorces. A nation is always a much more healthier nation when they are following God's ways.

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Kim · 597 weeks ago

I find 1965 to present times fascinating because of the incredible changes, all the rhetoric that is attached, because the baby boomers started college and are alive and happy to tell me what it was like, and everything started changing with Civil Right Act. About divorce: The results of no fault divorce are well documented, even in 1988 by Mary Ann Mason (the point of her book). Solutions offered by Ms Mason have been implemented by some states and nations, and I have looked into these. All have failed to reverse divorce rates or improve the lives of single mothers and their children. So, why "has everything gone to hell in a hand basket?" I think 2 things: 1. Lack of wise leadership in 1969. We, as a nation, tend to put band aids on resulting problems after opening the floodgates. 2. Those who could offer wise leadership couldn't or didn't. Some voices are marginalized or silenced by the noise. Some never leave their chair. A quote from Sam Ewing: Hard work spotlights character: some turn up their sleeves, others their noses, & some don't turn up at all. To sum up: You watch a movie and start longing. I watch a movie and ask who are they kidding. I don't know if facts and figures overwhelms you, yet to me, it proves the Bible right. Divorce rates were low, but it was hard to get a divorce. Movies were cleaner, but Hollywood had a censor board. Women dress femininely, because it was the style. Women were happier as moms, or have we change the definition of happy? The nation was safer, or do we know more about the evil outside our door? Different times, yet the same heavenly results. Mbb points out what we God fearing women know, the devil is at play, and, as you state, God is smarter. It's like looking out a window: the view of death is the same, only the curtains have changed.

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unprocessed woman · 597 weeks ago

Kim you need a blog. I will follow! LOL....

3 replies · active 596 weeks ago

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Kim · 597 weeks ago

I prefer to speak to wise women. I have the impression that Lori thinks I'm attacking her, but that is not the case. She questions much, about subjects that needs answers, so I keep coming back.

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Lori Alexander 122p · 597 weeks ago

I am never sure how you are responding to my posts, Kim, or how I should respond to your comments. So I just let them be and stand on their own and let people interpret them how they would like.

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Kim · 596 weeks ago

Of course you don't. I have the advantage of reading your back posts at leisure while I {pouff} onto your website at will. Give it time. Your stuff is good, just don't cry over a movie, please.

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Kelley · 597 weeks ago

Divorce weakens the family, breaks the family, destroys the family. Members of the family may resolve that the calamity will never break them, that they will choose to overcome this broken link in the chain, that they will rise above it, but the family unit as an institution is obliterated because it fails to accomplish God's design and purpose.

Dr. James Hughes says that the church is only as strong as its weakest family. I say it's only as healthy as its sickest, too. This could be said of a community, city, county, state and nation, that these are only as strong as their most basic governing institution, the family.

Our world is diseased with SELF-esteem, a term we never read in God's Word. If we would OTHER-esteem like It DOES say, we wouldn't have divorce, abortion, adultery, fornication, lust, murder... maybe I should just state that none of us would sin, would we? If we esteemed others greater versus all this rampant SELF-esteem that plagues the human race.

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Tiffany · 597 weeks ago

Divorce is something that hurts me to even think about. Unless abuse is going on I just can't understand WHY. I think both parties like to blame the other in most cases rather than working it out. Its sad that growing old together has become the exception rather than the rule.

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Courtney · 597 weeks ago

There is a lot of research on divorce and the consensus of it is that yes, divorce is bad for kids, especially compared to kids whose parents are happily married. But children living with parents who have a high-conflict marriage (meaning it is characterized by defensiveness, criticism, contempt, or stonewalling) are the worst off. If divorce reduces conflict between parents, it is actually shown to be beneficial.

A few sources: 1, 2, 3, 4.

2 replies · active 597 weeks ago

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Lori Alexander 122p · 597 weeks ago

My parents fought constantly when I was growing up. Almost every night I went to bed listening to them arguing. I am so happy they stayed together! Now, they are so happy they did also. They have someone to grow old with. They take care of each other. We always had a place to call "home," not "mom's home" or "dad's home." There are many studies that show it is better to stay married for the children's sake even if the parents don't get along. This world is such an unstable place that children need at least one stable place called home.

Ken and I were not happily married for 23 years and I can tell you without a doubt that my children are very happy we stayed together.

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Courtney · 597 weeks ago

I don't have personal experience with this subject at all, and I certainly don't mean to discount your experience. I'm glad my parents are together too. I also have friends who were so relieved when their parents got divorced and friends who wished desperately that their parents would get divorced so they would stop fighting. I wouldn't discount their experiences either.

But I was just citing the scientific literature on divorce from the past 30 years. There is one study by Judith Wallerstein that still makes the rounds in the press that says divorce is always bad for kids, but it has been largely rejected by social scientists because the methods she used didn't have controls and focused solely on people with mental health problems. The vast body of good research all says basically the same thing: divorce can be beneficial to kids in some situations, specifically when high-conflict relationships get better after the divorce. Even Wallerstein herself later said that she wouldn't advise people to stay married for the sake of the children in high-conflict situations. (It's probably worth noting that as a social science term, "conflict" doesn't necessarily mean arguing. High-conflict would mean there is a lot of criticism, contempt, and stonewalling (shutting down).)

I'm not saying that the research says divorce is good or even arguing that it should be the solution to a high-conflict marriage. But the research does unequivocally show that overall, kids with parents in high-conflict marriages are worse off than kids with divorced parents in a low-conflict relationship.

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Monica · 597 weeks ago

May I take it a step in a different direction...that it is the broken relationships not the actual legal divorce that is what hurts the most. As a child of divorce in the 1960's, our family was the only one in a school of over 700 without two parents. The abuse came from some in the community by beliefs that we were bad, when, in fact, my mother was and is an amazing godly woman. She was told by the judge back then, that the studies stated that my brother would rebel and he did for a time. Again, it's the brokenness of the relationships.

God talks so much about our relationships and how to make them whole: how to forgive, how to love, how to honor and respect and submit. I encourage you to focus on God and your relationship with him. He heals the broken hearted. He helps us and commands us to love one another. We cannot control others and their beliefs that cause so much hurt, but we can by God's grace and mercy love and forgive them.

We prayed for my father and our relationship was restored enough for us to share a few of his last days. We were able to love him and share the gospel with him. The morning that he died, he called me to ask again if he only needed to believe. We both knew that he would not make it past the surgery. He did have a successful surgery, but he died because the alcohol ate through his esophagus and he bled to death. Someday we will be together again. And yes, I do still deal with the hurt, and I keep on giving it to God because even the hurt can hurt my relationship with God.

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Hope · 597 weeks ago

I found your article filled with truth. I find myself in a unusual place where I want to stay and work on my marriage but also ready to walk since I am almost positive my husband keeps lying to me. I have asked him straight out if he is lying and he will say no. He also tells me I need to let God deal with him which seems like code for I am Lying but I dont have to answer to you! How does a wife put lies aside? Do you believe God tells us to let Him work on the husband as with other issues? If the husband is looking at porn should we overlook that? I am asking honest questions here. I am pulled between the two things, especially since I think I could deal with it better if there was truth but there isnt. Im lost....

1 reply · active 597 weeks ago

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Lori Alexander 122p · 597 weeks ago

The Bible says that wives win their disobedient husbands "without a word." Your husband is right. Let God deal with him. God will do a much better job convicting and changing him than you ever will. You just work on becoming a godly woman and obeying God by loving, serving, pleasing, submitting to, and even obeying your husband. This will influence your husband MUCH more than any of your words ever will.

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Jim · 558 weeks ago

Sometimes these kinds of divorces happen and there is no fault at anyone's else which has to suffer one or both the parties.

Jacksonville Divorce Lawyer

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