She loves Jesus with all her heart. Her boyfriend does also. They want to please Him in every area of their lives but are struggling physically to keep their hands off of each other. She tries to set strict boundaries but they never seem to be able to keep them. She is at a loss as to what to do so she asked me for advice.
I told her they needed to get married. God created us to want sex, especially with the person we love. Once you start kissing, it gets tough to put the brakes on. Once you give a bit more, it is almost impossible to go backwards. The Bible tells us it is better to marry than to burn.
The Duggers teach their children to wait until marriage to kiss. It is a very good idea but we didn't teach our children this. We loved kissing, holding hands, and cuddling. We know, however, how difficult it is to keep your hands off of each other once you start getting serious.
She said they were still dependent upon their parents somewhat but were both working hard. I still think they need to get married. A lot of poor people get married. My dad was just beginning medical school when they got married and they made it.
If the parents have the means to help their children get by while they are finishing their education, I think they should help them. Getting married and having children is a blessing and a very good path for your children to be on. By supporting them, think of it as supporting missionaries. They may be raising a future godly generation just the way the Lord has designed it.
So if both sets of parents approve and you both love Jesus, get married and soon. I think three month or shorter engagements are the best. Once you decide you want to get married, it is much more difficult to remain pure since you know this person is going to be your spouse.
But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness,
let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints.
Ephesians 5:3
Logging you in...
Mrs. Abella · 599 weeks ago
TY for sharing your thoughts--and I pray more girls listen!!!
Courtney · 599 weeks ago
My husband and I didn't wait until marriage, and I often think about how our experience will inform the advice we give to our future kids. Since we're not Christian, I don't think having sex outside of marriage is wrong. But I'm glad my husband and I have only been with each other, and I think there are convincing practical reasons to not have multiple sex partners and to wait until you are in a committed relationship before having sex. Once you are committed to someone though, I can't really think of a good practical reason to wait until you sign the marriage papers to have sex...?
ayearinskirts 66p · 599 weeks ago
Sex makes people. And children deserve to be brought into the world into the arms of a committed mother and father. Marriage is the declaration of that commitment. When people are not fully committed to each other prior to having sex they are risking their future child. And the child ALWAYS pays the price. We have a moral obligation to that child.
Contraception fails ALL THE TIME!!
In the best of circumstances when an unplanned pregnancy happens, the two will go ahead and get married!
Do marriages break up? Yes they do. But the effort means something.
Also, if a couple is marrying JUST for sex, I would really question the depth of their relationship. Sex is all that they want to be together for? That would be a red flag right there. When you're really in love with someone it's the full package of that person.
I met my husband at 16. He was 19. We fell in love right away. We dated for 7 years prior to marriage and no we didn't wait. I don't totally regret it. When we got married we were really ready to be married to each other and have a solid marriage now. While I don't regret it, I do see morally how what we did was wrong. If I had gotten pregnant I suspect we would have gotten married at that time. But again, don't children deserve to be brought into the world with the commitment already in place? Yes I believe they do and I believe that is God's plan. We went against God's plan and I have asked forgiveness for that. I will talk to my children about all of these things. I won't hate them if they don't wait, but I do really want to think about the fullness of what sex means and why it is a moral issue.
Brit · 599 weeks ago
Christina · 599 weeks ago
Amy · 599 weeks ago
Deb · 599 weeks ago
Cynthia · 599 weeks ago
Young couples should also make sure that they are compatible, and not just physically attracted to each other. Good premarital counseling is essential. Being romantic is one thing, but can they manage to discuss finances together? Do they have the same expectations about children and child rearing? Has there been an opportunity to see what the other person's character is like in a natural setting, around their family and friends? Do they know how their partner reacts to stress? The consequences of marital discord are so serious that getting married should not be a hasty decision.
Was it challenging for your children to kiss and cuddle, without going further? I've noticed that the groups where "abstinence-only" actually works are the groups that have the strictest rules (very strict modesty standards, no dating except for the purposes of marriage, no physical contact before marriage, never being alone with someone of the opposite sex prior to marriage, restricted media exposure, restricted opportunities to socialize with the opposite sex). There are people from such groups in my community, and you almost never hear of unwed teens getting pregnant. On the other hand, we see very high unwed teen birth rates among evangelical youth in general. It seems that they are suffering from a mixed message: they may dress like other kids and see the same media messages and have the same opportunities to be with the opposite sex and have the same hormones, but they are not always given sex education beyond a warning to be abstinent.
Anna J · 599 weeks ago
If I found out my daughter and her boyfriend were making out prior to marriage (something we as a family have agreed is not appropriate during courtship), I would be forced to question their maturity level and re-evaluate our decision to let her court. In fact, I would probably just tell her that the courtship was done until she and the boy in question could learn to keep their hands to themselves.
A successful marriage requires self-control. It also requires strong leadership in the men, but what kind of man puts his hands all over a woman he isn't married to? A pervert and a loser, that's what kind. If he married her, he would be charged with protecting her and makes a covenant with God to do so. If he fails to protect her purity before they even wed, then the guy is clearly poor marriage material.
There is no way myself or my husband would provide a marriage blessing in this situation. Nor would we allow continued courtship.
sheworksretail 36p · 599 weeks ago
To Ken's point, I think we were "lucky" because we were older, extremely responsible and interested in finding a lifetime partner. And maybe the fact that we didn't follow the biblical model but ended up with the same result is proof of the power of God's design of marriage.
Tiffany · 599 weeks ago
Bethie · 598 weeks ago
"SHE tries to set strict boundaries but they never seem to be able to keep them." (emphasis mine)
Some people might think this is sexist, but honestly, it needs to be the man in a relationship taking the lead on maintaining purity. If it's the woman who is setting the rules, and the man is merely bobbing along to stay in the relationship, of course you're going to have issues! You're probably going to have issues no matter what, but in my experience, my then-boyfriend (now husband) and I were not able to make a decided, permanent change in our physical boundaries until HE became truly convicted and convinced by a talk with his dad and another male Christian mentor that we needed to put on the brakes.
Early marriage would have been an unwise choice for us (and we felt God's calling to be clear on that point), but we managed to maintain our purity until our wedding night because of my husband's great will power, which inspired me to resist and avoid tempting situations as well.