God commands that wives obey their husbands in everything, except when he asks them to sin. I walked up to a table of VERY godly women and they were talking about a husband who insists that his wife weigh herself once a week so he can make sure she is not gaining too much weight. They all thought this was horrible! What are your thoughts?
I asked this question in the Chat Room. Many women agreed and thought it was not good that a husband ask this of his wife. They thought the husband was being controlling and unloving. Then I told them that Ken wants me to weigh often to make sure I am not losing more weight. I have lost a lot of weight the last year due to all of my health problems. The women saw no problem with this since he was doing it because he cared about my health.
I then responded to the women that maybe this husband cares about his wife's health also since it is a well-known fact today that being overweight causes MANY health problems. So there was a lot of good discussion, some hurt feelings, and good insight. The bottom line, in my opinion, was the fact that wives are commanded to obey their husbands in everything regardless whether or not they felt comfortable about it or agreed with it.
One of the last comments was very insightful to me. She said, "I've been overweight since I had my second baby at age 42. Went from a size 8 to 18. I wasn't saved then, but looking back, I wish my husband had monitored my weight and helped me to keep it under control. In hindsight, it would have saved me from the health problems I am now having, in addition to the loss of my self-esteem. God's ways ARE for our good. When we stray from following His commands, we always suffer the consequences."
I find that many women bring in their own experiences and feelings when mentoring other women instead of pointing to the Bible and what God has to say about things. Is this husband asking his wife to sin? No. Then she needs to obey this simple request. Yes, some will say he is controlling but you don't know the motive behind his request. My dad insists my mom take her blood pressure medicine every day. Another husband I know insists his wife have the home tidy when he gets home.
Take Sarah for example. She was asked by Abraham to lie and say that she was his sister and then become a part of a king's harem. God uses her as an example of true submission ~
"...the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands: even as Sarah obeyed Abraham..."
I Peter 4:3-6
God uses this example to encourage women that He does want them to submit to their husbands, even if it is uncomfortable and then trust Him. I hope all of you, when you are mentoring other women, will give them biblical advice, not advice based upon your feelings, experiences or what you think is right or wrong. I mentor many women and I give them all the same advice based upon the solid Word of God and it has worked miracles in many marriages and helped all of them. Just always remember, when you are obeying your husband, you are obeying Christ.
"...the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands: even as Sarah obeyed Abraham..."
I Peter 4:3-6
God uses this example to encourage women that He does want them to submit to their husbands, even if it is uncomfortable and then trust Him. I hope all of you, when you are mentoring other women, will give them biblical advice, not advice based upon your feelings, experiences or what you think is right or wrong. I mentor many women and I give them all the same advice based upon the solid Word of God and it has worked miracles in many marriages and helped all of them. Just always remember, when you are obeying your husband, you are obeying Christ.
Logging you in...
Shanon · 537 weeks ago
Cynthia · 537 weeks ago
I assume you are referring to Genesis 12:13?
If you read on to Genesis 12:17, it says "But the LORD afflicted Pharoah and his household with mighty plagues on account of Sarai, the wife of Abram. Pharoah sent for Abram and said, "What is this you have done to me! Why did you not tell me that she was your wife?"
I know we discussed another passage with Sarah and Abraham before, where Sarah demands that Abraham send Hagar and Ishmael away, and God tells Abraham to hearken to Sarah's voice. You mentioned that not everything done by Old Testament figures should be an example for us.
You've made the excellent point in previous posts that wives should not be controlling toward their husbands, even if they believe that they are doing what is right. An example that came up repeatedly was how you tried to control what Ken ate. It sounds like you had a good motivation in that you genuinely worried about his weight and health, but it backfired because he felt controlled and also felt that the nagging was a sign that you didn't really love and accept him as he was. [Please let me know if I got any part of this wrong!]
The word that caught my eye in your example is "insist". If a wife recognizes a weight issue and wants her husband to accompany her while exercising and eating healthy and wants some sort of weekly weigh-in to check her progress, that's great. In your example, though, the husband is insisting and the wife is resisting. It's quite possible, as it was with you and Ken, that the husband may have good intentions but the wife feels controlled and/or gets the message that he does not love her as she is.
Many obesity experts have observed that fat shaming simply doesn't work, and that it can be counter-productive. http://www.weightymatters.ca/2011/05/britain-move... http://sett.com/dicktalens/the-myth-of-willpower-...
Here's why:
Maintaining a healthy weight is a long-term commitment, not a quick fix.
If everything associated with losing weight feels bad, someone won't stick with it. It doesn't feel good to step on a scale and be shamed by your spouse. It doesn't feel comfortable to run if you don't have good technique and have fat bouncing around. It doesn't feel good to eat just salads if your body is craving other foods.
At some point, someone gets sick of feeling bad, and they do what they usually do when they feel bad - they turn to food for comfort. It's quite possible that the wife who is forced to weigh in may cope with her feelings of shame and fear of being unloved by binge eating when he's not around. It can become a vicious cycle.
Patt · 537 weeks ago
Becky · 537 weeks ago
Sue B. · 537 weeks ago
The question then is: should a wife allow her husband’s sin? I believe the answer is yes in this case. The wife needs to repent of her own sin of pride (vanity) and not judge her husband’s motivations but consider him in the kindest light and to forgive him completely as we are forgiven.
Shanon · 537 weeks ago
Rob · 537 weeks ago
thejoyfilledwife 62p · 537 weeks ago
As you mentioned, Lori, so many women feel differently if the scenario is on the opposite end of the spectrum. As you know, I'm very lean. Being tall also accentuates how trim I am. A few years ago, after one of my pregnancies, I got down to 120 pounds and my husband made a comment that he was concerned I was looking a bit too thin. Several others made comments to me about looking extremely thin. My husband asked me to make sure I didn't lose anymore weight. I was very healthy and eating well, but my baby was a nursing fiend and, since I'm one of those people who eat to live instead of live to eat, the weight was coming off fast. Although I wasn't particularly thrilled that my husband said I was looking frail (no one wants to be perceived that way), I honored what he said and gained about 10 pounds to make him feel more comfortable. It wasn't always easy to maintain that, but I did.
We have had more children since then and I am back down to 120. But I have tried to build a little bit more muscle this time around so I don't look as frail. It did the trick. My husband said that, even though I weigh the same as I did back then, I look healthier because of the definition I've developed in my muscle. I'm still very trim and plan to build a little more definition still, but I have been checking in with my husband every now and then to see what he thinks. He said it's perfect and he appreciates how I've approached this whole thing.
I think it's important for us to remember that our husbands are responsible before God for protecting us physically. This can even mean protecting us from ourselves. If we are physically destructive to our bodies by overeating or under-eating, it's their job as our physical protectors to bring us back to safety. If we will choose to see this subject from that perspective, we will graciously thank our husbands for their care and concern over our health and our being.
renee · 537 weeks ago
Abraham did not make his wife lie
Sarai was really Abraham's sister: And yet indeed she is my sister; she is the daughter of my father, but not the daughter of my mother; and she became my wife. Genesis 20:12
This is in keeping with and prophetic of the following scriptures:
Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck. Song of Solomon: 4:9
The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity. 1 Tim 5:2
Ksdee · 537 weeks ago
I tend to not enough and my h will tell me this at times much like he told me that I was too thin when we first met. His goal was for me to add a few pounds and through his warmth and love I eventually did so. If he had piled my plate with food that I did not want to eat, it would have created anxiety and no way could I have eaten it...would that have been disobedience?
Sometimes we need to take a step back and really examine our hearts and act in a heartfelt manner. It is more important to act in Christ's ways through love and patience then to just say "I'll be obedient".
The wife who went from a size 8 to 18 who wished her husband would have helped her, could have helped herself through personal accountability. She could have then and now had a conversation with her husband but likely she felt uncomfortable in doing so and now she looks back in hindsight. Would be more interesting to read if she had acquired any healthy habits and how she also brought the same into her marriage.
karen · 537 weeks ago
Shelley · 537 weeks ago
I'm confused about why Sarah was a positive example of obeying her husband if he asked her to lie, when, as you stated, we should obey our husband's unless they ask us to sin, because God is our higher authority. Did she not disobey her higher authority in this case by lying? A comment above me said that Sarah really was his (half) sister, but lying by omission is still lying. Can you explain this to me please?
(Not to offend ANYONE, but I'd be most appreciative of a response from Lori, as she has a way of explaining things simply and in very few words. Long scholarly responses tie my head in knots trying to follow them and I end up skimming because of lack of time when dealing with kids.)
Rob · 537 weeks ago
Sue's comment confuses me though. How would this be a sin for the husband to ask his wife to do this? If we are to understand our roles and accept the bible as its laid out for us we have to have uncomfortable conversations sometimes. I love my wife very much and would not ever purposely cause her embarrassment or shame over her weight. Like i said she is beautiful!!!
Rob · 537 weeks ago
Someone said the other day on your blog. That we are not suppose to be happy. We are to obey!!! Yes, accept if we are living the right way in Jesus we should be happy knowing we are pleasing The Lord with our behaviour. Submitting to husbands. Husbands leading in a godly way!!! To many times we make excuses for our sin. It is written that we are wanted to live in abundance
Lillian · 537 weeks ago
Jo · 537 weeks ago
On the flip side, my husband is a heavy drinker and in the last year his alcohol consumption has made him very aggressive (verbal abuse) and has resulted in a lot of weight gain. No one else was going to comment on his weight and no one witness his verbal aggression except me. I had no choice but to say something (which I did with much prayer). I mentioned my fear of him at night (when he was at his worse) and my growing concern over his weight gain. It took more than one go for him to accept what he was doing was wrong and dangerous for his health (I even recorded his verbal abuse as he didn’t believe me how bad it was). I am not sure as a wife if I should have said anything or demanded change, but one can only take so much verbal assault before they need to act. He has reduce his drinking and his weight is decreasing and I have made very positive comments for his effort. I continue to pray that he drink less and I leave it in God’s hands. Our son was also concerned but didn’t feel as if he could say anything. This is when I think it is important for wives to step up and speak out. Likewise husbands need to do the same for their wives if their health and wellbeing is suffering. It should all be done with love and not control. I hope this isn’t off topic too much.
Robert/cabinetman · 537 weeks ago
First, I think I was recently voted by feminists in the top ten worst husbands in America! My point, apparently I'm a hard liner on headship and submission. And I wouldn't ask Amanda to hop on the scale in front of me weekly. In fact I never have- despite neither of us being toothpicks. In fact, I know quite a few men. Hundreds even. Don't know a single one that would ask that.
Second, most of those husbands do care about their wife's weight. And those that don't have always had wives that were small. So what? Kind of common sense right. Sure we love you if you put on a few pounds but that wasn't the point.
Third, taking one issue like this out of context of their whole marriage and building a case for what kind of relationship they have is nuts. Or what kind of husband he is. We have zero info on these folks, how can we make a judgement? We don't know why he would ask.
Fourth, scripture does say a wife is to submit to her husband in all things (except in sin).
Whether Lori meant to or not today, she waved a red flag in front of hundred's of ladies. With so little information, with the line of men around the block not asking their wives to do this and with clear scripture that says what a wife is to do...why get your hackles up?
It was almost like a test. You know in imaginary test for when your husband turns into that aweful man you keep hearing about but hasn't shown up yet. Gosh, we've been living like this for years and apparently I'm one of the most controlling men on the planet (I'm laughing while I write that) & I've never asked that of my wife. Mostly she just smiles & laughs a lot- that is when her mouth is free from when I'm not kissing her at least. But I'm sure your husband is just about to turn into that aweful man- just make sure he doesn't get to aweful and pass me on the list. I've got to defend my turf.
So if nothing else, because we know your husband won't ever ask that, maybe this was like taking your tempature on what you actually believe about the bible and those submission passages.
Okay, sorry tried to keep it short. Off to weigh my beautiful wife now...have a good weekend-
Curious wife · 537 weeks ago
In my opinion, this just gives women an excuse to decide their husbands are "sinning" and they don't have to obey!
Ken · 537 weeks ago
What you are pointing out Curious wife is that some wives may use the "sin" escape clause to avoid feeling any remorse over not listening to their husband. It often goes even beyond the request to something like this:
"Can you believe my husband asked me to start weighing myself once a week and to be sure I do not gain more than an additional three pounds unless I am pregnant! He said he likes me the way I am but does not want me getting significantly heavier. He is so unloving and unkind that it is sinful! I have a mind to go eat until I am five pounds heavier just because he is so unChristian in his request."
Sin, or no sin, the bottom line is her heart. She wants to obey her husband to meet the letter of the law in submission, but she also wants to pick and choose when and how she will obey if he does not ask the right way or seems sinful in his request, even if the request itself is not sinful.
Anyone who wants an excuse will find one. If a heart is not right, it looks for excuses. Blaming a spouse for lovingly trying to hold the other spouse accountable for things you know are wrong is a bad habit with too many couples. It is much better to just acknowledge our failings and weak flesh, and allow others to be our mirror. Accepting loving correction is a big part of being a Christian, If we cannot accept it from our spouse, who can we accept it from?
Brit · 537 weeks ago
raphenroch 9p · 536 weeks ago