Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Using Ridicule As Their Weapon


There is a blog written by two beautiful women who are in their late 20s and still living at home. Their father believes that his daughters should live under his roof so he can be their protector and provider until they get married. I'm thinking Jim Bob Duggar believes the same. However, several of his daughters have become midwives through study on the Internet and being taught by woman in their community. Some refer to this practice by families as Patriarchy.

These people are absolutely ridiculed for living their lives this way. We have come SO far from respecting fathers' authority in the home that it is mocked if it goes way beyond what they believe is acceptable. However, fatherlessness is the single major predictor in poor outcomes {violence, early sexual involvement, suicide, depression, etc.} for children…Fathers impart a sense of identity, provision, and protection that mothers don’t. If you don’t know who you are {identity} and you don’t have provision and protection from exposure to evil in a controlled manner to help overcome it, you’re more likely going to be willing to do things to fill the void that was left there.*

Our society is dying due to lack of strong father figures, yet many ridicule those fathers who want to take a strong, active role in raising their children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. Yes, maybe these fathers take their role too far, in your opinion, but it is better than way too many who aren't even around to raise their children. One in three children live without a father in the United States today.{source} You can find multiple articles about the devastation this is having on children and society. As our society gets more dangerous and evil, I don't blame fathers at all who want to do all they can to protect their precious daughters.

Those against God's ways use ridicule as their most potent weapon, because there is no defense to ridicule. Ridicule is irrational with no facts or logic that one can argue against. They ridicule anything they don't understand and they definitely don't understand God's Word and His ways. Their eyes are blinded to it so it makes no sense to them whether it be submission, keepers at home, modesty, purity, etc. Therefore, don't take their ridicule personal. Live your life boldly by obeying God's Word. If you are convicted about something, don't allow ridicule to change your mind. Stand firm in the faith.

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: 
but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4

*The man who made this comment is looking for a godly wife! 
HERE is what he's looking for. HERE is a post he wrote on fatherlessness.

Comments (28)

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My husband and I had much respect for our children, and confidence in their ability to make good decisions, as they had been taught and been doing before they were adults. They were taught that this world is God's GOOD creation, and no matter where they go in His world, they would encounter good people. They were taught to treat people with respect, and that they were persons of value. You sound like you are looking out on this world from an ivory tower, and don't really know what it is like. I live in a very diverse society, ethnically and economically, and I encounter wonderful, caring people every day. I can't imagine keeping adult offspring home to protect them. Two of my childhood friends lost sons who were bright, athletic, and very promising, and were in "safe" colleges. One, at a christian college, fell while scrimmaging, hit his head hard, and died of a cerebral hemorrhage. The other was out for a Saturday afternoon drive, and ran into an abutment. I still mourn their loss forty years later. We send our children out with a prayer on our lips, for we, and they, are always vulnerable. And.....I do not agree with your treatise on women being meek. Loving, hardworking, respectful, striving to always do what is best for your family....and that applies to the husband, also. Loving is what it's about!!
1 reply · active 526 weeks ago
Appeal to ridicule is a logical fallacy. Albeit, a commonly used one. It is helpful to identify that they are using ridicule rather than a valid argument, and in a polite way, call out the fallacy.

I don't know why anything surprises me anymore, but I was dumbfounded recently when some female Christian friends of mine (who also happen to serve their church boards) resorted to ridicule of a mutual friend we had who still lives at home, under her father's care, and is in her 20s. The vulgar accusations that were made, based on nothing but their own fears, were appalling. They were encouraging her to rebel against her parents wishes. It is not only a problem in the secular world, it is deeply ingrained within our churches as well! While I'm certainly not a master, but rather a very intrigued student, the study of logic can be very beneficial as we converse with people regarding God, the Bible, Christian life and many other things.
1 reply · active 526 weeks ago
"We have come SO far from allowing fathers authority in the home that it is mocked if it goes way beyond what they believe is acceptable."

What is really painful is to see how men are represented especially in tv shows today, versus a few short decades ago. Because the media permeates/mirrors societal behavior. One of the greatest thrills of my life is to love a man who knows he is a man. This is not necessarily always easy!, yet who he is has also helped me to stay in touch with who God created me to be....not who society wants. I enjoyed the man's post, too!.
1 reply · active 526 weeks ago
"Allowing" fathers to have the authority? When you put it like that, you are giving all the power to the feminists.

It is not PC, but my husband has the authority in our home, whether or not I "allow" him to.
1 reply · active 526 weeks ago
I lived at home till 24. I was not ready yet or mature enough to be on my own yet. I respected the fact i was still at home. I followed the rules and respected the authority of my father and mother. I had all the freedom i wanted. If i out late i would always call my mother to say where i was and when to expect me home. Even if it was 1-2am!! I showed respect for them and it taught me behaviours i desperately needed to face this world. Respect for authority for the most part in these days is lacking, rather its in marriage, work place, schools etc. why are we as adults so afraid of authority. Sure i could have moved out at 18-19 got an apartment, got into debt, got someone pregnant etc. because i accepted authority and knew i needed my father and mother it saved me from alot of bad decisions. I am married, 3 children and own a small successful business. So if 2 girls in there late 20's still live at home under there fathers authority whats wrong with that. Read the story of Jep Robertson who had to move back home at 21 to get himself of drugs and be under Phils authority and basically under house arrest at home to help him. As long as its not a dictatorship or abusive situation then they are making a wise decision!!
1 reply · active 526 weeks ago
Certainly in Australia, more and more young adults in their 20s (male and female) are choosing to stay at home as they can't afford to move out. There is a growing trend for those reaching 30 (and not yet married) to be at home. Our son has moved back home because of the stresses of renting, paying bills, and sharing with people who weren't very nice. We built a studio for him and he is now much happier knowing that we are nearby if he needs help. We are giving him independences with protection if that makes sense.

Sadly I do think that men in general are being treated very poorly by a segment of society but in saying this, I think we are seeing a small but growing number of younger men taking a more active role in their children's lives (whereas in previous generations men worked such long hours they often missed much of their children's growing years). These men are finishing work on time, taking their children to the park to play, being actively involved at school and much more hands on at home etc.. and I think this is very positive.
3 replies · active 526 weeks ago
That is absolutely 1000% right Lori. Problem is in todays society we as parents are somewhat limited to our resourses in child rearing. Remember the old saying. Wait till your father gets home!! In todays society what does that mean? Dad will take your video games away. Back when i was young it meant we may get the strap. Whooo dont say that now you will be ostrisized and thrown in jail!!! I dont mean like that football player did to his child. That was WAY too excessive. But now a days alot if the time even as adults do not respect authority. Look at a country like Singapore for example the laws are very strict. Even littering could get an adult caned!! The crime rate is no where what is in the U.S. So yes Lori its starts at a young age tge respect for authority. How many times a youth did you tell your parents FU. Prob none because of the respect!!! We need to remember respect our parents our spouses and we would be better off!!
1 reply · active 526 weeks ago
While I would definitely agree that children benefit from having active, loving fathers who are interested in helping to raise them well -- What A Blessing! On the other hand, I do find it somewhat silly to advocate that grown women should or must live with their dads for the early years of their adult lives.

It's something I don't understand. If a 20 year old gets married and pregnant, we happily say she is responsible for baby and leave her in her own home with kids, to care and watch over them. But an unmarried 20 year old somehow is in such need of provision and protection, and still needs her dad to watch over her in his home? It seems to me that if a woman that age can be trusted to live in her own home *with children,* she should certainly be trusted in her own home *by herself* even if she isn't yet married.
2 replies · active 526 weeks ago
I think it is a fine idea for girls/women to stay under their father's roof until they get married. However, do you think there is anything wrong (I'm asking this with all sincerity) with this vision I have for my daughters?- That they go off to attend an Ivy League University without debt, meet a godly man either in college or in the workforce (it is more likely to meet a highly educated professional when you are in the same circles), perhaps living by themselves in an apartment, get married, have kids, be a full time stay at home mom.
1 reply · active 526 weeks ago
But Linda Kay here in lies the problem. That can be the start of the trouble right there. When there is conflict with spouses and alot if disrespect is shown towards the husband feom the wife is can make the husband a powerless leader!!
But as a husband and father i want nothing more to protect over them!! My daughters when they get older i will always watch over them. When they are married i will watch over them from a far but will always be apart of there lives. Parenting the right way is the toughest reaponsibility we have!! I love my wife and children and i wish i could them all in a bubble wrap and keep them safe!!
I lived at home until my early thirties. Yes, I was ridiculed a lot for it. Not from my parents, but by other people. My parents taught me to respect them, but also, to respect where I was living. This meant contributing to the household. My father paid the main bills, but I was to contribute to the house because I lived there. This started when I was young by GIVING me responsibilities (chores) to more responsibilities as I got older. As I became an adult, more freedom with responsibilities. Yes, I was capable of living on my own, but I could live with people whom I trusted and respected. In my late twenties, both my parents were diagnosed with cancer in the same year. I was so glad that I was living at home to care for them at that time. When I hear of people who are adults living with their parents, I ask them, "Are you contributing to the household physically, emotionally, and spiritually? If you are, there is no shame in that.
1 reply · active 526 weeks ago
In 2003 my wife and I and my son who was at the time moved into to my parents basement. It was for a short period of time. It helped us save for a downpayment for our first house because we could not afford to get out of the renting rut!! It took abit of a blow to our pride. But within a year we were able to save for our downpayment. Within a year of us moving my mom was disagnosed with cancer and died 9 days later. So that period of time was two fold. We spent time with my mom that we wouldn't normally have!!
But while we were there we respected the house rules that were in place. Its respect for authority given those circumstances. If you are an adult living with parents. Its a privlidge not a right!!!
Every situation is different. Thankfully our children were able to go to college and university while still living at home. I do see that if children live at home when they are well into their twenties, they should be contributing financially and also with the housework. As well, they should be mature enough that it is no longer a teenager - parent relationship. They shouldn't be living at home so that they have more disposable income but rather that they can get ready to be on their own in the future. In their twenties, the relationship between parent and child is much more mature.
What blog were you referencing at the beginning of this post? The one the two sister write? I would love to read more about what they have to say.
1 reply · active 526 weeks ago

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