Saturday, December 6, 2014

Is Your Husband a Blessed Man Being Married to You?


Rob was a senior in high school when I met him at summer camp in Wisconsin. I was a freshmen. He lived BIG. He loved life and he loved people. He had a passion for Jesus and walked faithfully with Him. He wanted to marry a godly woman. I met Sandy at Westmont College when we were both freshmen. We became best friends and have been close ever since.

Sandy was in my wedding in December of 1980. Shortly after I got married, she told me she was going to Wheaton College in Illinois to get her MBA. I called up Rob, who lived several hours north of Wheaton, and asked him if he'd mind picking Sandy up from the airport and driving her to the college. He was happy to and the rest is history! They quickly fell in love and got married that same year. On their honeymoon, Sandy read a book that encouraged wives to look up to God and allow Him to change their husband instead of side wards and try to change their husband by their self which always causes resentment.

After they got married, Rob continued to work hard during the days and spent many nights ministering to youth, which was his passion. Therefore, he was not home too much. I asked Sandy if this upset her and she told me she had decided she was never going to nag her husband. She never did. She never told him how to live his life and he adored her! She fixed him wonderful food, listened carefully when he spoke, and was always gentle and kind towards Rob.

They had three sons around the same time I was having my children. When their youngest was a baby, Rob had a seizure and they found out he had brain cancer. He died a year or so later. I think she was married to him nine years. What if she nagged, manipulated and controlled him during those nine years? What if she behaved like that and never had a chance to turn it around and be a godly helpmeet to him? Rob was blessed. He lived in peace with his wife. Yes, he had a short life and he would have loved growing old with Sandy and watching his three boys grow up to love Jesus, but he was blessed during his life on earth. He was able to experience an amazing marriage to Sandy. 

Years later, she married Peter. Peter adores Sandy. She never tries to manipulate or control him. I don't know if she ever has gotten angry with either of her husbands. She accepts them as they are. She looks up and allows God to change them. Her boys have grown up to be amazing young men. Rob would be so proud of them. I am so thankful he gets to spend eternity with them.

Our youth pastor at our church is dying of brain cancer. He'll be with Jesus any day now. I met his wife when I was in the leader's meeting at Bible Study. She is a precious woman of God. They have two young boys. I ran into her and her husband a few years ago and they were sitting outside having coffee and enjoying each other. They love each other. Jason has been blessed. He has an amazing wife and two wonderful boys who he will be able to spend eternity with.

Life is short. How are you spending your days? Are you loving your husband, your children, your neighbors and those God puts in your path? Are you accepting your husband just the way that he is, not nagging, manipulating and controlling him? If your husband died today, would others consider him a blessed man to have been married to you?

Older women teach the young women to love their husband. 
Titus 2:3,4

***The picture is Rob's middle son who looks SO much like Rob. Tyler married his sweetheart and a few months ago they were blessed with a baby girl!

Comments (25)

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Lori,
Thank you. You have steered my thoughts in the right direction. We are in a difficult time in our life, but it's about to get harder. I'm thinking about how I can make it better with my words and actions and prayers for my husband and family.
Happy Christmas,
Laura
1 reply · active 538 weeks ago
Stay in the Word and prayer; abide in Him. He is our strength so we must give him our burdens, "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls." Matt. 11:29 He's our great burden bearer! Merry Christmas to you also, Laura!
Lady Virtue's avatar

Lady Virtue · 538 weeks ago

Great post, Lori. I've failed at this on many an occasion. Masculinity has been under attack in the media and society for decades, and my husband hasn't been unaffected by it. I grow impatient. But I need to stop and thank God for allowing me to marry in the first place; it was a long time coming! Also, I have to remind myself that my husband forbears with me, as well, and that can't always be easy for him. I was raised with the typical feminist upbringing, and it's hard to deprogram myself from that, but with God all things are possible!
1 reply · active 538 weeks ago
I was on the phone yesterday with Sandy and asked her how she could read one book on her honeymoon and was able to implement it so easily into her marriages. I read a ton of books and I still struggled for MANY years! She said she believes it was God's grace on Rob. He needed a supportive, encouraging wife since he didn't get to be married long. It sure seems to come easier for some women than others!
Powerful message Lori. It encouraged me to remember my days are numbered and live as such. Thank you- Robert
1 reply · active 538 weeks ago
You're welcome! Yes, we need continually reminders to number our days since our time here is just a blip on the screen of eternity.
Wow! This was impacting. I hate to admit, but this is not the way I have lived. I know it's best, and I know what I need to do, but it is so easy to fall back into nagging before a needed change. But isn't that the issue after all? That "needed change" is to be entrusted to God and not necessary for my happiness. Oh, to completely trust God.
1 reply · active 538 weeks ago
You got it, Terry! We need to completely trust God and His ways. They are SO good!!!
Awesome post, Lor! Sandy has always been such a great role model of a loving, supportive, non-nagging wife! What a great tribute to her! And, YOU are that kind of wife now! Love seeing how God has transformed you and your marriage! Love you!
1 reply · active 538 weeks ago
Thanks, Lis! It's very encouraging to know that my own sister sees the change in me. It's all glory to God and His Spirit living inside of me. Oh, the wonderful grace of our loving Lord. Your marriage is a testimony to His greatness also. Love you too!
Hi Lori,
Do you know the name of the
book she read?
Many thanks,
Lyn
1 reply · active 538 weeks ago
I just texted her and she doesn't remember. It was a marriage on conflict she said and not marriage specifically. That's all she remembers but those simple words changed her life and her marriage for good!
Hi Lori,
Thank you & Sandy. You are both examples
of the type of wife in the Lord that I want to
be to my husband.
Lyn
Thank you, thank you for this great insight into being a Godly wife and mother, it has truly blessed me and made me think hard about how I behave. Blessings to you and yours.
So encouraging. I love when you write about your friends, she seems to be a great example of a Godly wife!! Curiosity sake, were/are both her husbands the same type aka command/visionary/steady or not. I find the different types of men concept fascinating, and wonder, if someone were to find themselves in the sad position Sandy was in, would we normally be drawn to the same type?
I sat today with an elderly couple learning that the husband had cancer. It was so sad but encouraging to see the love, fun and joy they've shared all these years!
This story brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for the reminder! My husband and I have a peaceful marriage, but there's always room for growth and doing better!
What a powerful reminder. We never know what's ahead so we should be as kind as loving as we can while we can.
Love this! I almost lost my own husband to a health condition in our first year of marriage. After going through that, it really makes the little things that come up in marriage the little things. I'm actually thankful that God allowed us to develop such a perspective so early on in our married life. I think we would have had a peaceful marriage anyway due to our personalities, but we certainly appreciate every day we have together now!
What a beautiful post! Shared this on my Twitter account :)
What a great post! It is so easy to try to manipulate, but God's way is always best... and He blesses abundantly as we follow Him.... and He gives peace, joy and enduring love. Thank you for sharing this. :)
There is a young mother at my church who is just like your friend Sandy. Her husband died of cancer a little over a year ago and left her with two young children. She's in her early 30s. But thankfully, there is a single guy at my church who is a year or two older than she. He's an amazing, godly man whom I deeply respect and admire. They're dating now, and we all hope they'll get married soon.

It's so awesome how God can turn the despair and tragedy of an untimely death into a blessing. Tara never wanted to lose her beloved husband, but God used that tragedy to prepare a wife for my friend. I don't know what He has in store for them, but I'm excited to see it.
Such a beautiful post and a great reminder for us to hold and value our husbands with much esteem. It is sometimes easy to fall in the complaining and controlling trap, but abiding in God will help us be a blessing unto others-especially our husbands. Thank you for sharing.
I got married to a man because I believed it was God's will for my life. I believe in marriage and I want to be happily married. My husband adores me. He tells me often how thankful he is for me and how "good" I have been for him. I also determined that I wanted t be a good wife a blessing to the one God had for me. People think we are happily married including my husband.
The sad thing about our marriage is I am the unhappy one. I put on a good show and really don't think anyone is on to me. Although lately my husband has been asking strange questions like, if you had it to do all over again would you marry me or are you trully happy? To which I say "yes" I don't want to nag and I don't want to complain. But my husband thinks it so great that I work 8 hours a day come home clean, cook and run every single Erin. While he plays on his phone or chats with his brothers. Then when I'm done and I come to relax with him. Then he wants me to rub his shoulders or his feet. I seriously good spend every waking hour serving him. He is always wanting me to do more. And the more I do, the more he expects. Honestly I'm very tired of being told to keep my mouth shut. This marriage is only good on one side. I do want help but must say I'm getting nowhere with the advice I've gotten so far. I'm not asking for a sugary answer. Hit me between the eyes. I need some really advice here. Please don't tell me to pray. I do pray, I need to change something here

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