Monday, April 27, 2015

An Empty Home is a Lonely Home


When I was growing up, I'd go to homes of my friends whose mother worked full-time outside of the home. They were cold homes. We'd eat a bunch of junk and watch soap operas. Another friend would go home during the lunch hours in high school to have sex with her boyfriends. No one was home watching over it and guarding it from evil.

My mom was always home. Even through high school, the first thing that I did when I got home was yell, "Mom, I'm home!" Then she would come to me and want to know all about my day. When I was sick growing up, she'd set me on the couch with pillows, blankets, coloring books and crayons. I watched cartoons and sipped on lemon honey and water. Everyone loved coming to my home since there was always someone there watching over it and guarding it. 

There are too many children coming home to empty homes these days. I walk by a preschool every day. Yesterday, I heard a newborn crying and it broke my heart. The baby's own mother isn't with him/her to care, nurture and cuddle her own baby. How can this possibly be a good thing? 

In my neighborhood, there is someone home in almost every single home. The majority of mothers are home raising their children or the husbands work from the home. It makes this neighborhood feel secure. There's only been one divorce on my whole street in the 17 years we've lived here and all of the children have grown up to be hard-working, responsible adults. It's almost as if we're in la la land but this was life in most of America just 80 years ago.

Women left their homes to go find "fulfillment" and left a trail of devastation in their path. All of the promises of feminism have been empty promises. I was thinking about not using the word 'feminism' anymore since it offends so many women but I decided that it is more important for me to teach Truth than to water it down to be popular. Years ago, a woman who has a very large blog told me privately that she could never write what I write because it would offend way too many of her readers! I never want that to me a motivation for me.

Yes, evil has existed since Eve ate the apple so sin and pain have been around since almost the beginning of time. BUT women leaving their homes all day long has only happened in the past 80 years or so and it has only caused pain and suffering; broken marriages, lonely children, and empty homes.

As C.S. Lewis wrote, "Homemaking is surely in reality the most important work in the world. What do ships, railways, mines, cars, government, etc. exist for except that people may be fed, warmed, and safe in their own homes? The Homemaker's job is one for which all others exist."

If there is any way at all that you can come home and fill your home with your presence, please come home. I know I write about this often but it doesn't seem like there are many writing about it so I will keep encouraging women to be keepers at home since God commanded that I do this. Find joy in God's will for you! It is the very best and safest place for you to be.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, 
and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Proverbs 31:28

More posts in my Home Series.

Comments (22)

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Thanks Lori. Keep saying it. We need more of what you are saying, it is so true. My heart breaks for those families who think they need mom to leave the home just so they can have that nice car or home. It is so sad. I grew up in a home where mom worked and bought the lie. I am so thankful that my husband wanted me to stay home and raise our sons. We purposely lived on one income, drove older cars and maintained them. Our friends marveled that our cars had more than 250,000 on our buicks or Chevy vans. (We are in Michigan), It became a mission on how many miles we could get on those cars. They were in mint condition when we passed them to the kids or gave away to someone else. You can live on one income if you want.
Pastors. we need you to teach this from the pulpit that it is best if mom is at home.
1 reply · active 517 weeks ago
We sure do, Diane. Our old Mercedes is close to 300,000 and still purrs like a kitten! I dislike waste and wasting things. I too like to use things until they are truly broken, beyond repair.
carolin martens's avatar

carolin martens · 517 weeks ago

I totally agree. I am the one who watches the children as mom;s go off to work. I do love my job. It keeps me home with my 3-now older girls. In a heartbeat I would be willing to lose my job if it meant those mom;s stay at home with their children. I see everyday how it affects the children. I do a great job, but I can never replace their parents.Without being judgmental I know some of them do not have to work as they do. Yes, they have fancy cars, homes, well dressed children and money in the bank. They do not hear how many times a day their children call for them and I have to say--Mommy is working, she will be here in a few hours.It is hard for me to watch and see--I do the best I can but it is heartbreaking.
2 replies · active 517 weeks ago
It is heartbreaking, Carolin, and so hard to understand why so many women don't want to raise their own children today.
I see this as a kindergarten teacher also, Carolin. In Ontario, Canada, we have full-time junior and senior kindergarten. I am with 4 and 5-year olds, all day, 5 days/week, and there are always students saying, "I miss my Mommy," or "Is it time to go home?" The saddest part is that contrary to what the feminist liberals preach, recent studies have shown that students who go to kindergarten full-time, do not end up having any kind of academic advantage over students who did not go.
Thank you for this post. I am so glad I had the privilege of staying home with my children and we are blessed to now have married children that have stay at home moms in their homes. It truly does make a difference. There were a few years I worked part time outside the home and my daughter always told me that she never liked those days when I was not there. I would do it different now, but I am thankful that it didn't last long. Thanks for sharing.
1 reply · active 517 weeks ago
I worked part-time for a few months when my youngest was 12 and I would always come home exhausted. It definitely was NOT worth it and I am very thankful I was able to be home also, Ellen!
I enjoy all of your posts but the ones on being keepers of the home are always my favorite. I am coming up on a year of being a stay at home mom to my 21 month old daughter. Some days are hard and even feel mundane but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I am so thankful the good Lord convicted my heart and opened the door for me to be able to stay home.

Thank you Lori for always teaching the truth even when it's not popular.
2 replies · active 517 weeks ago
You're welcome, Summer. My keeper at home posts always seem to be the most popular!
Hello Summer!

Don't forget that many times the workplace is dull and arduous. The wonderful "adult" conversation is often about what was on the telly last night, or moaning about the boss. I have much better conversation with the children and Handsome Husband now that I am home educating them.

People often say that toddlers are no conversation, but that's 'cos we are too proud to take an interest in their concerns. "Look, ants, Mama!" I looked, and lo and behold, they were transparent yellow ones!

Another time my son asked why some men were chopping down an old tree. The workers overheard me explaining why diseased trees needed to come down. "D'you want to see something interesting?" they asked. We went over to their pickup truck and in the back of the lorry was a pile of wood. They picked up a Stag Beetle, and explained about its life and why they are now quite rare.

Get reading your Bible, too, for when they ask detailed questions about events or doctrine. It will come sooner than you think.
Lady Virtue's avatar

Lady Virtue · 517 weeks ago

"I was thinking about not using the word 'feminism' anymore since it offends so many women but I decided that it is more important for me to teach Truth than to water it down to be popular."

Lori, this quote of yours is exactly why I continue to visit your blog regularly. God has humbled me to realize that I need Truth, even when it convicts me. I thank the Lord that you do what you do.
1 reply · active 517 weeks ago
Thank you, Lady Virtue. I appreciate your encouraging words!
Dear Lori, I have to agree about an empty home being lonely; so many children are raising themselves. And being home will create a safe haven for all our loved ones. A home is really only a home when someone is manning the home fires. A home that is filled with the aroma of something cooking. A cozy blanket lying over the couch. Just a real human that loves and cares for their own families. I also will keep encouraging women to come HOME!
And yes the truth is not popular anymore... Feed them a pack of lies long enough and they get desensitized to the truth; but it is still a lie!
Yours. Roxy
1 reply · active 517 weeks ago
Yes, all we can do is keep teaching truth, Roxy, for we are only responsible for planting the seeds!
Oh, I would've give anything to have my Mom take care of me when I was sick and home from school. But she worked six days a week and so often it was a babysitter or me taking care of myself and my dad popping in once in a while. I'm glad to be home for my family for the last two years. I am often convicted by your posts. Sometimes the truth stings because it's God's way of nudging us toward making better decisions that serve Him, even if we don't understand or agree with it. But I've found when you obey in the hardest circumstances, the biggest blessings are given to us. Example - Submitting to my husband has brought such a peace... It's surprisingly freeing to let go of the need to be in control! Even if you don't always agree with them.
1 reply · active 517 weeks ago
Yes, it is freedom, Katie! Christ died to set us free from sin! We no longer are slaves to sin but slaves to righteousness! This is good news!
Hi Lori,
A few months ago my job was made redundant. We don't have children yet and I worried about all those hours spent at home how would I fill my day?
So far this hasn't been a problem, cooking cleaning and gardening take up most of my time and I am loving it. My husband always liked me working but he has had a huge 180 turnaround on this and comments almost everyday how much he loves me being at home, he loves coming home to a warm home, a happy loving wife who isn't too exhausted from my own challenging day at work to be able to listen to him talk about his day.
We are coming in to winter here in Australia and he loves being able to pop home for a hot lunch if he has time :)
This has only strengthened our marriage. I love reading your blog because it reminds me that I'm doing not only what makes my husband and myself happy but it also pleases the Lord.
I pray for your ongoing health Lori please keep up the great work on your blog you have no idea how much it means to me :)
Miriam
1 reply · active 517 weeks ago
I LOVE it when women share things like this, Miriam! May you be an inspiration to many others.
This was not the post I was expecting -- although I liked it anyway! I thought that you would talk about how other people's houses look so perfect and just like the magazines, even though they have smallish children -- and my house is a bit shabby (without the chic haha). Then I realised that the beautiful show homes were empty all day, and that's why they are spotless.

There is one house on our street that made me feel all inadequate, it was a splendid front room with dining chairs around a spotless wooden oval of a table. (We live in a terraced house with the bay windows only 4ft from the road, so you can see right into our front rooms.) Then I thought about how I have never met the occupants, and have only seen them twice in as many years. They are home after 7, gone early.

On occasion, I have had friends pop in just after lunch time, knowing that I would be home and that lessons/Table Time would be over for the day. An empty home is a pretty home, but empty, too.

It's funny, we decided to home educate before I gave up working outside the home. Our eldest turned 3, and suddenly - duh, we realised that someone actually had to be home, to home educate them. Yes, I am an unrecognised genius ...
Thank you for posting this again and again. It may not be popular, but frankly, I don't care.

I have only been married for two years and am now home full-time with our seven-month-old daughter and pregnant with another child (still in the first trimester though, so a bit fearful, as I have had several miscarriages). Everyone around me keeps pressing me to get a job soon and put our daughter into daycare. At present I work from home and am already quite exhausted. Thankfully my husband sees the value in having me at home, although he does want me to work some from home, to bring in extra income. It is hard sometimes to manage it all, but I am so so thankful for having the opportunity to keep our child at home.
7 wks after my baby was born my husband kicked me and our baby out of the house. We got a divorce that was 9 yrs ago. I received a lot of negativity about staying home to care for my daughter. I said, "I don't care if I have money, if I'm on my own, God will provide a way." And God did provide a way. I stayed home all the years my baby was not school age. When she began school, I became a sub-teacher so I can be home when she's home and still be involved in her schooling and I know the people she is in contact with-teachers/classmates, etc. I sold stuff online, I had yard sales, I did face paintings at fairs. I make hairbow holders and sold those at boutique stores and online. I also opened my home for babysitting. None of the income was very much but it was enough to pay the bills. I will never regret one minute that I spent with my daughter. She's half grown at age 9 already. I can't believe the time as gone so fast and I'll never have those precious moments again with her. Now I'm doing them with two toddler foster daughters. Consistency, stability and love is so very, very vital for our children. God made us mothers we should hold this time-sensitive responsibility in the highest priority.
1 reply · active 517 weeks ago
Good for you, Carla! Wow! Where there is a will, there is a way and God WILL provide. Thank you for sharing.

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