A very wise woman who I will go to for advice when I need it gave me some wise counsel. She has been mentoring women and teaching them for many years. I asked her what to do when mentoring a woman who just doesn't seem to be doing what it takes to improve her relationship with Jesus or with her husband.
She said she asks them three questions: "Are you here to get help and change?" or "Are you continuing to claim to be a victim?" or "Do you want out?" I think these are VERY good questions for many of you in frustrating or difficult marriages to ask yourself who have been reading this blog for a long time or are being mentored.
Have you ever gone to your husband and repented of all of your sins in your marriage? Yes, I am sure he is far from perfect but have you apologized for your sins? Have you ever asked him what you are doing that bothers him, disrespects him, or wants you to work on changing? Have you humbled yourself in front of him? Are you daily in the Word of God, feeding upon the Book of Life? Are you involved in a good, Bible believing church, and filling your mind with good and pure things? If you are doing all these things, you are here to get help and desiring to change yourself. We cannot expect others to change in a relationship until we first show them our new lives, our new joys, and our new desires to do what is right.
Do you feel you are still a victim? If you are being physically abused, you need to get professional help. I am NOT the one to help you. Read my post What to Do In Case of Abuse? If you are not being abused, stop thinking of yourself as a victim and actively pursue the Lord. Stop thinking that you are blameless and everything is his fault. Don't wallow in the fact that you don't have a great marriage, yet, like some of your friends and make the best of what you have. Understand who you are in Christ and live boldly in your new identity. Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly.
If you just want out of your marriage, I am the wrong one to mentor you. I have never told a woman to divorce her husband as that is not my place to do so. If a woman's husband left and completely abandoned her, she has a biblical reason to divorce him {I Corinthians 7:15}. If he hasn't abandoned her, I can only remind her that she is a vow keeper. She promised to stay with him through good times and bad times, through sickness and health and rich or poor. A woman sanctifies her husband when she stays with him. Heaven will be filled with husbands of faithful wives who have won their man by their chaste and godly behavior. He should see Jesus in her. "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife...else were your children unclean; but now are they holy" {I Corinthians 7:14}.
Life down here is not about insisting on a great marriage or having everything go the way we want it to go. It is about glorifying the Lord in everything we do within the circumstances of life that we find ourselves. We are to be salt and light in a dark world. Often the biggest lights are those who are suffering yet they continue to be faithful to spread the Gospel in their suffering. It involves walking in obedience and being faithful even though it is extremely difficult by the power and strength of our Lord Jesus. We walk on a narrow path, women, but it is a path that leads directly to our Lord who will say, "Well done good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of your Master."
