Sin should NOT dwell in our homes. It should have no place in them. As Charles Spurgeon says, "Beware of light thoughts of sin...It is sadly true, that even a Christian may grow by degrees so callous, that the sin which once startled him does not alarm him in the least. By degrees men get familiar with sin...Christian, beware how thou thinkest lightly of sin. Take heed lest thou fall by little and little. Sin, a little thing? Is it not poison? Who know its deadliness?...It girded the Redeemer's head with thorns, and pierced His heart! It made Him suffer anguish, bitterness, and woe? Look upon all sin as that which crucified the Savior, and you will see it to be exceeding sinful."
God's Word says, Seeing then that ALL these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness...Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace, without spot, and blameless {2 Peter3:11,14}.
Is there arguing in your home? We are called to be at peace with all men, as far as it depends upon us. We are to pursue peace since God is a God of peace. Train your children to not argue. Model this to your children with the relationship that you have with your husband. Don't argue, quarrel, or nag, instead speak words of kindness and love to each other.
Are you careful with what you watch on television and put in front of your eyes? Do you dwell on the lovely and the good? Do you protect your children from evil? Never let them have a television or computer in their room. Don't ever buy them an iPhone. They don't need one. Billions of children have grown up without them, including me. Flee all forms of sexual immorality and immodesty; ALL forms.
Are you deep in debt? Are you living within your husband's income? Are you being content with what you have and not caring about keeping up with the Jones'? Are you learning to be unmaterialistic and live simply knowing that it is ALL going to burn one day.
Are you dressing modestly and teaching your daughters the value that God places on their purity? Are you disciplining them and teaching them obedience so they will grow up to be disciplined and walk in Truth? Are you modeling to them a meek and quiet spirit? Are you generous and loving to those outside your home and in need?
Do you have a godly home filled with peace and precious, pleasant riches?
By wisdom a house is built,
And by understanding it is established;
And by knowledge the rooms are filled
With all precious and pleasant riches.
Proverbs 24:3, 4
The house of the righteous shall stand.
Proverbs 12:7
More posts in my Home Series.
The house of the righteous shall stand.
Proverbs 12:7
More posts in my Home Series.
Logging you in...
Missy · 520 weeks ago
Right now I am dealing with sin being brought in , but being obedient to my husband. However it does say in the Bible IF this precludes any coercion to sin, disobedience to Gods word or imposition of physical harm we are NOT to obey that.
With prayer, digging into the word and the Holy Spirits guidance we will know for sure which one it is.
Ken · 520 weeks ago
Many homes are mismatched or unequally yoked when it comes to one being a believer and the other spouse not believing, or walking in sin. There are many things a submissive wife can do in such a situation including talking to her husband about the values he too wants to see instilled in your children. So let's say he is into porn, or drinking too much, you can enter into a kind discussion about his sins and ask him what he wants the children to take away from his modeling of behavior. If he agrees that what he is doing is wrong, you can ask him if you can help him keep it outside of the home, or locked away until after hours.
How a godly wife handles these things with her husband in the joy of the Lord and with kindness and understanding, it is here that she can "win him without a word" to the Lord. Her willingness to think on the great salvation that she has attained instead of the sins of her husband is the very fruit that may some day win him to salvation.
Is this not what Christ did as he walked among the sinners and ate with them? He did not blame them for what they could not control as without the Spirit of the living God inside mankind seeks its own pleasures and desires. The work that must be done is to love the sinner, hate the sin, and try to keep the sin in your spouse out of the home by appealing to him to do his business away from you and the kids for the sake of the family. You might be surprised to find many an unbelieving husband being wiling to be held accountable by a believing wife for things done in the home, because deep down inside he knows it is wrong, and he does not want his children to grow up to have his sins and struggles.
Talk to him about his values and help him match them up with what he desires for his home and his family.
Missy · 520 weeks ago
I think of Matthew 9:11-13 with your last part..
1 When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”
12 On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13 But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
AMEN to that!
Cynthia Swenson · 520 weeks ago
Missy · 520 weeks ago
Amy · 520 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 520 weeks ago
amuschette 6p · 520 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 520 weeks ago
Robin J Cox · 520 weeks ago
The enemy of our souls tries to accuse me. He tries to tell me that if I had just shut up, and never said a word, this would not have happened. He tries to tell me that I'm a failure as a wife, because I didn't "do it right" - I wasn't good enough. If I had been MORE of a wife...MORE of a Christian...you know him, you know what he says.
He's a liar.
I followed Christ. I refused to bow to idolatry. I confronted in love, and I got attacked by my husband, who will tell you to your face that he is a born-again, Bible-believing Christian man, and I am an insane woman who follows hell.
My heart is broken because I took a stand against sin in my home. Maybe I did it wrong. My husband refused to keep his perverse behaviors away from our little children after awhile - like all sin, it grew and festered until he needed more and more to be satisfied in his sin. Like all sin, it lead to death: death of our marriage as I knew it. Division of our family in separation.
This is a beautiful article because it exhorts us to be holy, even as He is holy, in our homes. Oh, my heart's cry is for my husband's salvation and holiness by the Blood of the Lamb!
Thank you so much for continuing to always speak the truth and exhort and edify and encourage in Christ. Thank you for your ministry. Thank you for your prayers and blessing upon our family.
Lori Alexander 122p · 520 weeks ago
Ken · 520 weeks ago
Usually the deceived and disobedient spouse often moves on to break the bonds of the marriage or dies, leaving the faithful spouse free to move on with their life without them. No spouse in your position will receive any condemnation from us, as we know how hard you have struggled and prayed and wept. The Lord will be faithful to you and honor your walk with him during your marriage trials, even if you cannot see it today. He is ALWAYS faithful to His promises, even if and when we are not. You never know what your faithfulness will produce in this life and the next, and ultimately in the life of your spouse. Make a decision that is bathed in prayer, in wise godly counsel and after many trials, and don't look back. Simply keep your eyes looking upon Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. He can and will help you pick up the pieces and you will have no regrets, because you were faithful in what He asked of you.
May the Lord bless you richly, and may he send his angels to rescue your husband from the pit he is in.
Robin J Cox · 520 weeks ago
Helen · 520 weeks ago
I enjoy SO very much your posts and your stand for God...thank you!!! You have helped me and we ladies need all the help we can get in this wicked day...so many temptations everywhere. I have a problem and need to know what to do...know I can take it to the Lord and I do, but would love your(or Ken's) opinion also.
Our grown children want us to go to a large resort this summer, an indoor water park. We went last summer and I was very uncomfortable with the scantily clad females there. I feel like it's the same as inviting people into our home to parade around in their underwear in front of us...how can that be right in God's eyes? How can a Godly man not lust when seeing some of these perfectly sculpted bodies and why should we put ourselves in this type of setting? The world can call me a prude but I just don't enjoy my husband looking at other females in their underwear(aka swimsuits just because they are at the pool!)
I told my husband(a professing Christian and preacher) my feelings and he just said, "I didn't think it was that bad." (Referring to our time spent at this water park last summer).
Oh well, my question is...how can it NOT be bad???
Thanks and keep up the wonderful blog...God Bless!
Faithful Reader
Ken · 520 weeks ago
Lori and I decided I might take your great question. First, most of us Christian men are quite solid in our faith and love for the Lord, but we are also addictied to our pleasures, whatever they may be. We may struggle with how much of a woman's body is to be seen in swim suits before we cross the line from potential temptation to sin. R rated moves and TV are often seen by Christian men and the Internet as impossible to use without seeing a butt or boob almost every day. So we become like the frog in hot water as it gets warmer and warmer. The more we see the more we are convinced it does not affect us. What most men do not realize is that it is still a part of the "lust of the eyes" and can easily lead to greater sins.
A waterpark resort will most certainly be filled with what the world calls "eye candy." Many call it that for a reason as it becomes sweet to the male senses. If your husband is not aware enough to see that the waterpark is filled with fleshly sights, all you may be able to do is to make him aware if he insists on going. Tell him with a smile that if he can't remember all the flesh he saw last year you will be happy to point it out to him each time you are with him and happy to ask him at the end of each day how many basically naked women he saw and admired that day. The first step to healing is awareness.
Ideally you can propose a compromise place on a lake or somewhere where the shear numbers of bodies can be avoided. We are part of the world, so we cannot avoid all worldly things, nor do I feel it right to never go to the beach, but we can choose not to go to certain beaches and waterparks, and resorts that we know skimpy suits are worn.
Keep a dialogue open with your husband and be joyful and humorous in your discussions. To "win him without a word" does not mean you will win every battle, so pick your battles and allow some room for the Spirit to convict your husband who is a Believer. After all this is the the Spirit's job not yours. The worst case is to have a husband putting himself in a place where it is easy to lust, and a wife who is also sinning by being moody and difficult because he may not see his sin... yet. So speak your mind, and if you cannot find an alternative place to go, go joyfully and find some strategic places to create some humor as the Lord allows you to make your point loud and clear. "Honey, why don't you let me take your picture over near the small pool where Miss America can be hanging out, literally, in the background. I am sure it will make a great postcard for our elder board." Then give him a hug drop it. You made your point.
Vic · 520 weeks ago
My husband is looks oriented(I know all men are) my personality did not matter to him. To this day it all revolves around my looks. He loves to show me off, loves for me to always look like barbie. Now I used to like this, appreciate it even. I loved that he would be so attracted to me and then I turned to God. The closer I got to God the more I saw that it wasn't outward that mattered but inside. God was looking at my heart. With that I was convicted to not dress the part of a playboy bunny but modest. Change after change. My husband though is still revolved around my looks and what hurts is, well we all know beauty does not last. S it makes me feel loved conditionally. As to what will happen to me when he does not find me eye pleasing? I have actually counted the years I feel I have left. My question, the main one is do I keep playing barbie to obey my husband even though I do not feel good about that anymore? Also and it has happen on days I do not do it all up, I do not get all the special attention he usually showers, what then?
I hope that made sense to you
Ken · 520 weeks ago
Keep this perspective in mind as you approach the issue with your husband and watch what is to come of your relationship. The fear of what is to come disappears when we know that God will use even our sins and weaknesses to drive us closer to Him and to make us more like Him. Instead we look forward to that next phase of life where we will stand before our spouse and before God, not with pretty bodies and faces, but wrinkled and old, tired and looking worn out, yet is this not the time that your husband may look on you and say to you, "I have never loved you more?"
It's funny how into looks young men are... I was too. I used to look at 35 year olds and think, wow, I could never be sexually attracted to someone that old! Then at 35 I looked at 50 year olds and thought, "Oh my goodness, all my sex drive will be gone when I have to look at my 50 year old wife and her body beginning to sag." (Sorry for being so descriptive).
It is amazing how God has made us to get into our sixties and seventies and although we do appreciate the 20 and 30 year old bodies, we really have no issue being attracted to those who are our own age. I am sure much of this will happen with your husband. You can keep dolling yourself up at 80 and most likely he will still see you as "his girl, and his doll," even as your looks will have changed dramatically. God built into spouses an ability to overlook what is changing so gradually. As long as the sexual chemistry keeps happening, we keep thinking we are young, at least young at heart. Find ways that will make you appealing to your spouse, even as looks fade.
I tell you that you probably don't have to go overboard to be attractive to your husband if you find some modest cute dresses and make yourself presentable. He will love you for your efforts. If you want to keep the spark of attraction going, spend less time on how you look, and more time on flirting and creating sexual tension within the marriage. By sexual tension I mean keep him hungry for you physically as best you can.
"Honey, how do you like this dress, and how do I look tonight?" He doesn't respond as joyfully as usual because it does not please his sense of attraction like other nights. So what do you do? Get wrapped up in fear that you are losing your one great gift you can give him ... or give him a greater gift that goes beyond physical attraction to something that is so attractive deep down? Perhaps the joy and peace of the Lord Jesus who lives inside of you?
So after the kids slip into bed, instead of running and hiding from him you go plop yourself on his lap and apologize for not wearing a nicer dress that he loves. Then whisper in his ear, "Any time I am not wearing something attractive to you I want you to take me by the hand to the bedroom and rip the dress off of me. I am all yours."
OK.. this getting R rated, but hopefully you get the point. You can train most husbands to be attracted to you even when you don't wear what is pleasing to them at times. It just takes some thinking and some womanly wiles to make him start to love it when you wear a dress he doesn't like very much. After all, you do have a body suit he will love as he starts thinking "I can't wait to rip that dress off of her." A little bit of teasing and you may start wearing some of the ugliest dresses just so that he remembers what is most attractive about you. Your personality, your joy, and the warmth you give him as he holds you close. "You don't like my dress," you say with a wry smile. I guess you will have to get it off of me tonight... Few husband's will resist the playfulness and sexual tension you have created which will make him love you for being "you" ... all of you... not just your good looks.
Laura · 520 weeks ago