Saturday, April 18, 2015

Pursuit of Happiness Thwarts Happiness


Our founders had it wrong. Instead of "the pursuit of happiness," they should have put "the pursuit of meaning" in the Declaration of Independence since "research has shown that having purpose and meaning in life increases overall well-being and life satisfaction...and ironically, the single-minded pursuit of happiness is leaving people less happy. It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness."

Viktor Frankl, a prominent Jewish psychiatrist, was put into a Nazi concentration camp with his pregnant wife and family. He was the only one that made it out alive. He saw how the prisoners with meaning and purpose to their lives had a better chance of surviving than those who did not.

Many couple are deciding not to have children these days since it will put a huge crimp in their lifestyle. Research shows that parents are less happy interacting with their children than they are exercising, eating, and watching television...Pleasures are fleeing. Meaning, on the other hand, is enduring...Having children is associated with the meaningful life and requires self-sacrifice, but it has been famously associated with low happiness among parents.

Therefore, many young couples don't want to make the short-term sacrifice to have children but instead, want to have short-term pleasure for long-term pain. The long-term pain of not having children to care for them in their old age, grandchildren to hug and play with and the fulfillment that comes with raising godly children who have a positive impact on the world around them.

Being human always points, and is directed, to something or someone other than oneself. The more one forgets himself - by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love - the more human he is. By devoting our lives to giving rather than taking, we also acknowledge that there is more to the good life than the pursuit of simple happiness. 

Your life at home raising children, being a help meet to your husband and taking care of your home gives you purpose in your life. Daily, you give your life away to gain something so much better, so much richer than any temporary pleasure could ever satisfy. God created us to work and to give our lives away as living sacrifices. Find joy in giving and serving, dear mothers. "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose" {Jim Elliot}. As our world is busy in the pursuit of  happiness, let's be busy in the pursuit of godliness and only do those things which please our Master.

Happy is that people, that is in such a case: 
yea, happy is that people, whose God is the LORD.
Psalm 144:15

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The colonial meaning of the phrase " Pursuit of happiness" referred to the pursuit of holiness or godliness. It had nothing to do with personal pleasures. Our founders understood that morality and religion were required for a republic to succeed and in those times when someone pursued happiness it was a pursuit of that which is godly. Sadly, that’s something very few Americans do these days. We've lost the true meaning and intent of the writers just as so many have lost the true meaning of God's Word. We try to change The Bible to fit us instead of fitting ourselves to The Bible. I like the quote, "If you chase happiness, you'll never find it. Count your blessings. Live and serve with a grateful heart to God for then happiness will sneak in through the door you didn’t know you left open." Thanks for another great article, Lori!
1 reply · active 519 weeks ago
It's too bad that they didn't make that more clear so there would be no confusion! Seeking holiness and godliness as a nation would have caused our nation to look much differently than it does today. Thank you for sharing, Shelah.
Gently Led's avatar

Gently Led · 519 weeks ago

I was going to make a similar point to Shelah -- the founders lived in such a different culture and some of their words cannot be understood outside of their context. For example, when they spoke of "liberty," it was fundamentally about living free from governmental and individual interference with person (life and freedom of movement) and property. As in -- no one can steal your stuff, imprison you, or kill you. It had nothing to do with what people now think of as liberty -- freedom to do "whatever I want," which has led the Supreme Court to decide issues such as abortion in ways completely contrary to the intent of the Founders. Sigh . ..
1 reply · active 519 weeks ago
It's so sad that liberty no longer means these things, Gently Led. Today it does mean a license to sin which is heart breaking when we see what is taking place in our nation that was once founded upon godly principles.
I think people also have less happiness in raising their children than they should because they aren't training them correctly. If you see parenting as catering to a bunch of little brats, and if you let your children become those little brats, no wonder you're not enjoying it. But well-behaved children are a joy to be around. They do involve work, but interacting with them is much more pleasant when they've been trained right. You have to have high standards and enforce them consistently and you'll find your children much better behaved, much more respectful, and much more fun to be with.
1 reply · active 519 weeks ago
Agreed completely, Lindsay!
Our founders wrote these words, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." And government was established in order to guarantee these rights. Yet, many of them were slave holders. I believe that liberty means the right to make choices WITHIN the law, not the right to sin. And whenever choice is involved, one can choose to do good or evil, or, in many cases, we are simply making what we think is the best choice. As Christians, we are the people of the GOOD NEWS.... that God is Lord of all creation, and God is a God of love, in the world reconciling and redeeming His creation. Some young people are fearful of the future, thus fearful of having children. We need to emphasize the good news!! God is Love!
1 reply · active 519 weeks ago
Very true, Aunt Genny! I am saddened when I hear of young people not wanting to have children due to being fearful. We simply need to raise them to walk with Jesus and remember that He tells us not to fear 365 times in His Word! This world needs salt and light and teaching the Good News.
During our church mission, we received admonition to, as it was said, "lose yourself completely in the serving of your husband, children and family." However, there is the problem of spending increasing amounts of time cooking and baking special food, not getting enough sleep as a result of chores that extend far into the night, and caring for everyone that needs to be cared for (which also brings into play an elderly sick parent, which often becomes a factor as well). In the process of "losing yourself completely in the serving of your husband, children and family" along with the extra tasks that the current wife and mother must now undertake due to the toxic culture, you can very rapidly have one sick Mom on your hands -- or, at the least, one exhausted Mom dragging from one place to the other, one task to the other.

Frequently we are reminded and admonished to be sure our husbands have a chance to rest and relax, in his favorite chair with a cold (or hot) drink (I'm saying cold here because it's starting to get quite warm here). However, the chores don't just end, and Mom is the least likely to see to her own needs. And I must say that when Mom gets sick or exhausted, it is rare that someone sees.

This is important, as my mother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer (and in the late stage) finally after her exhaustion became so pronounced that it could no longer be ignored. She couldn't get out of bed finally, and no longer had any energy to prepare dinner. That's when people worried. She had AML leukemia, plus breast cancer, and sadly did not live to see her grandchildren.

I am not saying that this could have been avoided -- it probably would not have been -- had someone noticed, but remember to draw the line between doing for others and becoming a martyr, eventually sacrificing your own life and removing yourself from the picture completely. There is such a thing as too much giving. It is important to not do for others what they can and ought to do for themselves.
1 reply · active 517 weeks ago
It is so true completely agree with that serving to me doesn't mean becoming doormat.
Love this post. Thanks!

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