This is a topic that greatly offends women. Most women write posts defending women having careers, leaving their children in preschool and working all day outside of the home by calling women who disagree with them as participating in "mommy wars." I am not into "mommy wars" or any other kind of "war" with women; I try to teach what the Bible has to say about this whole topic and what is eternally best for them and their families.
I have always loved Nancy Leigh DeMoss' teachings and I love a lot of what she has to say in this chapter. However, I disagree with some of it. When she writes that the Proverbs 31 woman was into "real estate deals" as if she worked outside of the home because she bought "a field" and was into "entrepreneurial ventures" because she planted on it; Ruth was into agriculture since she "gleaned wheat" to keep herself and mother-in-law from starving; using this verse in Job 42:15 "In all the land no women were found so fair as Job's daughters; and their father gave them inheritance among their brothers" to say women were "financial planners." I believe all of these to be great stretches to say that women had "jobs" in the Bible. Besides, I believe it is always best to look at God's commands to women in the New Covenant, instead of examples of women who were in the Bible.
However, I believe the thrust of the whole chapter on this subject to be right on but it is a fine line many teachers of the Word try to walk on in today's climate so as not to offend women! I love these questions Nancy asks, "What is God's view of work?" "How do I choose which work receives the most time and attention at this stage in my life?" "Am I giving my home the focus and priority God wants it to have?" And "am I determining the value of my work based on earthly or heavenly economics?"*
If most women are to answer these questions honestly if they are raising children, I can't imagine any woman coming to the conclusion that spending her time, talents and energy shouldn't be spent on disciplining and training her children; being a help meet to her husband; keeping her home neat and tidy and preparing nourishing food for her family. I don't see how a woman can have a job outside of the home and attend to all of these important tasks at the same time without shortchanging any of them.
When Nancy writes about older women who are empty nesters, she said, "Are these women mindlessly marching to the world's drumbeat? Or are they prayerfully considering how they might invest more of their time in acts of mercy or in discipling and encouraging younger women? Women's ministry leaders have shared with me their frustration that the empty nesters in their churches- who are greatly needed and have so much they could offer- have so little time and availability to invest in younger women."* Amen!
I realize that some women have no choice but to work; either their husband insists upon it, they are single mothers or their husband is disabled. Like I have written before, Paul writes in two of these circumstances that other family members and/or the church should provide for the women who have no husband to provide so they can be at home raising their children but many don't have this need filled so they must work. I encourage you to continue to pray about it and then leave it in the Lord's hands to work it out for with God ALL things are possible!
Finally, this is how Nancy and Mary describe what a young man looking for a wife should look for as a summary of the Proverbs 31 woman ~
Don't marry a lazy, self-indulgent woman of leisure. Look for a girl who is multi-faceted, capable and industrious- one who isn't marrying you for your money. Make sure she has a serving, compassionate spirit and isn't afraid to get her hands dirty. And make sure she's the kind of woman who'll make her God, husband, kids and home a priority!*
Older women teach young women to be...keepers at home.
*True Woman 201: Interior Design—Ten Elements of Biblical Womanhood, ©2015 by Mary A. Kassian and Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Used with permission of Moody Publishers. You can buy the book HERE.
Diana · 493 weeks ago
AMEN. This is such a huge frustration for me. Most of the older moms that I know, even the homeschoolers, jump right back into the work force as soon as their children graduate. Thus, they have NO time to mentor younger women, even though we younger women are desperate for their help and advice. And it's not that they're financially desperate - I think that it's just a cultural expectation - a low view of the home which says that a home is not worthy of a homemaker unless there are children to care for. A home is worthy of a homemaker before, during, and after the childbearing years, and women who make themselves available to minister to those who need it (young moms, those with illness, etc.) will find that they have more than enough to keep them busy serving and mentoring.
Excellent article, Lori. And yes, you're spot on about Bible teachers walking the line to avoid offending women. It's better for all of us when they just speak plain truth!
Lori Alexander 122p · 493 weeks ago
Anonymous · 493 weeks ago
I am very glad for all those women who do not have to financially support their families, but this is a reality for most of us -- perhaps, maybe not most of us, but definitely some of us. But the truth is, we have to if we are going to pay the bills. And yes, many of us homeschool, cook and bake from scratch, sew our daughters' clothing, and hang up our laundry because we don't own a dryer and don't want to own one (I noticed after I started hanging up the laundry when the dryer quit that it considerably reduced the electric bill, so I would prefer the bill savings to the convenience of the dryer). And I have to say (barring the health challenges) that it is very doable. The secret to this? Super-organization and accounting for every minute of the day, a job that is flexible that we can do at home freelance if at all possible on our own hours (usually evening and early morning hours) and wringing the most out of each minute. Do we get exhausted? You bet! I don't know about you, but I am frequently very, very tired. I have to put it all in perspective when this happens, because I know God is sustaining me and He'll get me through a day when I can barely put one foot in front of the other. As a side note, one thing that helped me, after fruitlessly trying a number of things, the Trim Healthy Mama dietary suggestions have made a difference in sustaining my energy levels without having to get involved in a time-consuming meal plan that I couldn't maintain.....might help someone else out there.
I learned many years ago that some things simply don't change. One thing that you cannot change is other people. They have to decide to do so on their own. I can't change my circumstances, and I will probably always have to work (unless I win the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes -- my kids love those envelopes when they come in and I let them go ahead and fill out the form, as long as we don't have to put a postage stamp on it and waste the forty-nine cent stamp). Yes, I'm married, and yes, my husband has a full time job, but in order to maintain that which he wishes to maintain, I must supplement the income. He wants a vacation each year, he wants the children in top-notch colleges when they graduate homeschooling, I need to supply that which is lacking, or there will be consequences. I am well aware of these consequences and what they could mean for me ultimately. My position is precarious and I have been made aware of that. Everything is a gift from God Who knows where each sparrow falls and He won't abandon me, either.
Lori Alexander 122p · 493 weeks ago
Ken · 493 weeks ago
"I need to supply that which is lacking, or there will be consequences. I am well aware of these consequences and what they could mean for me ultimately. My position is precarious and I have been made aware of that."
I am not sure I like the way that sounds. If the consequences are that the kids have to go to a Junior college for two years for finishing their degrees at a four year college, I don't see that as a big deal. Far too often out "must haves" are not so necessary after all... just a figment of our imaginary goals that once set are hard to get off of.
I am sorry you feel so burdened by the financial end of things and I hope that these consequences are not as precarious as you intimate them to be. It makes no sense that you have to be the critical bridge to financial success unless those consequences include something you will be missing out on if the excess money is not available.
I am not saying that you should not try to please your husband, but the idea of "consequences" for you if he does not obtain his financial goals through your work seems troubling.
The Retro Homemaker · 493 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 493 weeks ago
The Retro Homemaker · 493 weeks ago
Helen · 493 weeks ago
It's strange how your Mum and mil are very negative about yr choices when they themselves are homemakers!. It's between yr husband and you and if he is happy, that's what is important. We are to be submissive to our husbands, not other relations!. It sounds like you have plenty on anyway. Teaching piano at home could always be an option if you got another piano. People always seem to be trying to get rid of them nowadays!. Whatever happens, don't let yr family sour your life. Its a shame that your own Mum is unsupportive and mean, I would have hoped she would be proud of you whatever you do. 😕
Blessings to you
Helen UK
The Retro Homemaker · 493 weeks ago
Mrs. Senior Chief · 493 weeks ago
Another great article. I actually do work full-time, but I totally understand and agree with your statements. My husband and I have grown children and no grandchildren at this point. We follow the Dave Ramsey plan and are debt free with the exception of our mortgage. Our goal is to pay it off it the next 2 1/2 to 3 years. My husband is well taken care of by me. I cook all of our meals, including sack lunches. Our home is always neat and clean. And as my husband says, we have a 'magic hamper'. It takes a lot of organization and discipline, but we have a goal that we both are determined to reach it. We also attend a weekly bible study and volunteer in a variety of ways at our church. Our plan is to free up more money to use for charity and to serve the Lord. We are still seeking wisdom on how God would like to use our gifts. We both feel He has a plan to use us in a unique way and continue seek His guidance. I also know that I am a role model for the younger women where I work and I minister to them whenever the chance arises.
Lori Alexander 122p · 493 weeks ago
Mrs. Senior Chief · 493 weeks ago
Wendy · 493 weeks ago
Proverbs 31:16 AMP I really have used the part in parenthesis so often as I have considered taking another responsibly on...many times rather walking away from opportunities in favor of home and family.
Secondly, my newly wed daughter will be working to support her husband for the next few years as he finishes college. This they decided in together and his goal is to get her home as soon as possible. She works for my husband so time is flexible and she is able to get home I. Good time to care for home, meals and companionship, however it is not easy to juggle work, home and supporting her man.
Lori Alexander 122p · 493 weeks ago
Thank you for the link your daughter wrote about getting married young. It's a great post. Here it is for anyone who reads it!
http://missjesswrites.com/2015/10/11/young-marrie...
Mara · 493 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 493 weeks ago
Anonymous · 493 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 493 weeks ago
Mrs. G. · 493 weeks ago
This seems to be a problem for retired ladies as well. My mother-in-law has been retired for years and spends her days shopping, golfing and lunching with friends. Most weekdays she is gone doing these things, and can afford to have a maid for the housework and upkeep of her home. I can't help but feel badly for my father-in-law, however, who is now having some health problems and seems to just want the company of his wife at home.
I think that some may be misinformed about what a keeper of the home actually is. Just because a woman doesn't work outside of the home, she is not necessarily fulfilling her role as "keeper of the home"!
Lori Alexander 122p · 493 weeks ago
Marcella S. Coca · 493 weeks ago
The Retro Homemaker · 493 weeks ago
Maygin · 492 weeks ago
Being a 1 income family requires sacrifice that is well worth it.