Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Suffering from Mommy Guilt?

A group of mothers were sitting on a couch discussing mommy guilt. "Every new mom knows the first time their child gets sick it's very traumatic; it's very scary. I found myself before the news {She's a newscaster} in the green room sobbing because my son was sick and I felt my heart was being pulled outside of my chest and I realized I was feeding myself all of this negative self-talk like, 'What am I doing? I'm being so selfish.' Then I would fantasize about being a stay-at-home mom and then the thought popped into my head to my shame, 'What if he's not proud of me when he gets older? What if he asks me why I gave up my TV job to be home with him? The guilt is real and it never ends.'" One of the women said that you'll always have guilt and they'll grow up to be teenagers and say, "I hate you, Mom." None of my children EVER said this to me! One of these mothers was a stay-at-home mom and felt guilt for spending so much time on the Internet trying to make money from home.

Whenever I see women who are newscasters, movie stars or on talk shows who have children at home, I am saddened for their children and husband. Ken and I enjoy watching this one singing show. I just heard that one of the women host on this show and her husband are getting divorced. They have several young children. She wanted her husband to be home more but he traveled with his band a lot. He told her she is gone a lot also since she travels for her job. 

This is all tragic to me and I ache for these families where the wife and mother are putting their careers above their husband, children and home. The same goes for all the women who are sacrificing their family and home life for their careers. I have heard them speak about their guilt and I would love to be with them, having a cup of tea, and encourage them to go home and care for their families, if at all possible. The children grow up so quickly and they are the ones that should be there when their children are sick and hurting. They should also be available to be their husband's help meet. If their husband travels, they should be home whenever he is home to care for and love him. Ken traveled half the year for business when my children were young; they needed me home full-time.

Whenever I have a chance to ask female doctors or other professional women, who are married with children, how their marriages are and how their children are doing, they tell me it is very difficult. I ask them if they have to work since their marriage and raising children is so very important and they quickly tell me under their breath, "We're working it out." Also, to think children wouldn't be proud of their mother if she was home full-time but instead wished she had a career instead is foolishness! For children to come home to a mother who cares for them, cooks meals, cleans and is involved in all of the details of their lives can not even come close to or compare to coming home to someone other than their mother or worse yet, coming home to an empty home.

Melissa from Far Above Rubies in the chat room, wrote, "I realize I am a bottom line person who learned the hard way that home was where God wanted me. So when I hear about 'mommy guilt' from those at home, I immediately ask 'Why???' Why do so many have mommy guilt at home?' I perceive, and bring my own experience to the table, that so many of us are so ill-equipped {meaning not taught} how to do the job of full-time mom/homemaker. And because we were not taught, we feel as if we are failing too many times. Maybe we are, maybe we aren't but we just don't know sometimes. We so desperately need older women who have done what we are doing to come alongside us to teach and encourage us, to correct us, and to remind us that where we are weak, He is strong!"

God knows what He is talking about! Young women are in desperate need for wisdom from women who have gone before them to step up to the plate and begin teaching the young women in their lives. Most young women didn't have a mother who modeled being a keeper at home and raising godly children. Either their moms had a career or they were too busy with other activities to spend much time at home disciplining and teaching them about the Lord.

When we are living with guilt, it is because we are doing something wrong. We need to examine ourselves to see if what we are doing is pleasing to the Lord. When we live lives pleasing to the Lord, we will not suffer guilt. If we are disciplining and training our children and looking well to the ways of our home, we can rest assured that we are in God's perfect will for us. Sure, we will make mistakes but we need to spend time in God's Word and learn from our Great Teacher. Seek older women who have raised godly children and ask them if they would share their wisdom with you. Most mothers who work outside of the home will always live with guilt, because they know, deep inside of them, that they are supposed to be the ones raising their children.

Don't live with regrets and guilt, young women. Do everything in your power to come home and obey God's command to be a keeper at home, a help meet to your husband and look well to the ways of your household. Value your God-ordained ministry even if the society around you and even family members give you a difficult time. Your aim in life is to please the Lord and to do His will, not what others would have you do.

I will therefore that the younger women marry, 
bear children, guide the house, 
give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14