Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Mourning After Buying Her Dream Home


She and her husband lived frugally to buy their dream home. They only have two children and she is a  homemaker. Now, she's deeply regretting her decision to buy this home and wants another child but knows that she can't since she'd have to go back to work full-time and put her children into daycare. "My uterus literally aches despite the fact that logic suggests we can't afford it right now. After talking it over, and trying to adjust the budget, we have come to the conclusion that the decision to buy our dream home last year has eliminated the possibility of having any more children." My advice to her ~ "Sell the dream home QUICKLY and find an affordable home where you can have more children since children are WAY more important than stuff!"

It's so easy to get caught up in having the "perfect" home but it comes at a high price for many. I have known many women who work full-time and leave their beautifully decorated dream home empty all day. Their state-of-the-art kitchens stay perfectly clean since nobody uses them. Yes, I know there are many of you who aren't living in your dream home yet still work full-time to pay the bills. However, the older I get and the more women I mentor, I believe that any woman with children can be a homemaker since whatever God commands, He provides. It's a matter of living very simply and trusting God. I hear from too many women who make the leap to be a homemaker and I've yet to hear of one starving.  

Homes need a keeper! Raising children is a full-time job and training them to be godly, hard-working adults which is WAY more important than having a big, fancy home. I love these tips on raising children from Nancy Campbell which is only a small part of being a keeper at home ~

I only allow children to eat in the kitchen or at the dining table, never in the bedrooms or the rest of the house. It makes more crumbs, more marks on the carpet, and more work for mother that is unnecessary. Nor do I allow children to chew gum in my home. There is nothing worse than finding gum stuck on the floor or furniture. To solve the problem, I outlaw it! Each one of us are different so you will set the house rules that are important to you. And as the keeper of the home, you will make sure your children keep to the rules.

We are also the keepers over all our food as this Scripture tells us {1 Chronicles 9:29 and Proverbs 31:7}. Everything is sacred in your home when God lives in it. As a homekeeper and gatekeeper you watch carefully over your food supplies. You make sure you have basic foods in stock without running out. Ordering in bulk is much cheaper in the long run. When you keep running out of basics and have to run to the shop to replenish, you usually pay much more. You only have food in your pantry that are healthy for your children to eat so you don't have to continually say "No" to them when they want this and that.

If Mrs. Charles Ingles can be home full-time on the prairie watching over the ways of her household and raising many children while her husband made very little money and they always had children living in their home, along with MANY other women down through the ages who took care of their husbands, children and home, you can too! There are so many ways to cut expenses and live frugally since all things will perish but children are huge blessings from God and will live eternally!

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; 
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Proverbs 3:5, 6

Comments (23)

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My husband and I recently bought a home and thankfully we had a good realtor who listened to our needs. We still got pressure from others because we could have afforded double what we purchased. But that would have been based on both of our salaries and would have eliminated the option for me to stay at home once we have children. We are expecting our first baby in January and we are SO thankful that we bought a home within our means!
3 replies · active 494 weeks ago
You are so so wise Lindsey. As much as I would LOOOOVE a big beautiful house, our condo has given me tremendous freedom to stay at home, do part time work that interests me, and now homeschool our kids. These are options that would never have been possible if we had a "nicer" place.
Your life can be just as wonderful in a condo as in a big beautiful house, Jamie, as long as love and Jesus permeates your home!
Congratulations, Lindsey! Yes, we must be wise how we spend our money; looking towards the future and how we plan to live our lives.
I don't have a dream home but have 4 children! Loved this article, reminds us to turn away from materialism and worldly possessions and choose what the Lord calls a blessing.
1 reply · active 494 weeks ago
I would much rather have 4 children than a dream home any day, Stephanie!
I think it's easy to not think that far in the future when you are buying a home with a bunch of children but they do grow up and move away. It happened to us!
We are still renting with the goal of being home owners in the next year. The Lord has blessed us with 7 children so far and if it was between renting or owning a smaller home and continuing to trust the Lord with our family size, well we'll keep renting or having a smaller home. What I have found is that during my husband's military career (now retired) and not such a great paying job since retiring, God has provided every step of the way. There have been multiple times when I truly had no idea how things would happen, where the food would come from, because of an unexpected bill, yet there was the food. The Lord will provide when we TRUST HIM!
1 reply · active 494 weeks ago
Great testimony of God's faithfulness and provision to us. Thank you for sharing!
The perfect post for this season! My husband got a vasectomy after baby #3 because we thought we were done and because we didn't think we could make it financially if we had more. God brought conviction to us both and showed us that He will always provide (we even received prophetic words stating that God desired us to allow Him to give us more children) and my husband had a reversal in late April of this year. We were living in a 2 bedroom apartment....3 kids, 2 dogs and a cat! In May (after taking steps to make my hubby's body whole again) God showed us the house He had for us! We made an offer and it was accepted right away and we moved in 30 days! This is our first house!! Gods blessings of provision, when we obey His commands, are a beautiful thing to experience.
1 reply · active 494 weeks ago
He is our Provider and I think it's so easy to forget this fact when we live in a time when many of us are so blessed materially and financially. What a beautiful testimony, Shiloh!
It is a difficult issue, and one that takes maturity to grasp, to be able to tune out the pressures to do things like everyone else. In reality, having lots of children (read: more than 2) will generally get a couple questioned for their choices. Allowing God to be in control over all things, (like family unplanning) and not just the comfortable, means our lives will be lived differently. Interestingly, when my husband and I began seeking to obey the Lord, and live differently (no debt, God in control of children, etc) we began to see so many blessings. Healthy pregnancies, provision for finances, etc. We will never look like the average two income, car payment, busy with outside activities. We will never be in over our heads to "have" what we are not entitled to, simply because we can obtain debt for it...but we are ich beyond measure with ten healthy children! Since we have exercised patients, self-control and contentment, God is also continually blessing us with ways to improve our home to accommodate our individual needs-homes today are set up for two children or less! We teach our children to care for and be thankful for what they have been given by God. Therefore, our home is well cared for, and is as nice as anything you'd find in a two income home. However, that did not come from debt or "I want, I deserve" tantrums that drive our young culture into the belief they are entitled to it. It comes from years of hard work, sacrifice, frugality, and not striving for the worldly standard!
3 replies · active 494 weeks ago
Ironically when we decided to do those same things, life went the opposite direction for us. We decided to give control to God over our family and I found out I was infertile. Later we learned not to go into debt and decided to pay off all debts etc., and my husband was immediately laid-off. The Lord has been gracious in that we were able to have children eventually but not many. We don't at all regret doing things God's way, we just wish we would have sooner.
God is still working even when it is not what we expected but we can trust Him fully since He loves us so much!
Amen, Andrea! Yes, God ask us to do our part by working hard and saving little by little plus being content with what we have been given. You are a testimony to God's provision by waiting on Him and doing what you can to do things His way!
I found these lines in the article you linked to especially sad, " and I know this was always meant to be our forever home. This is the American dream and we are in it, living it, every day, just the four of us. With that said, the sacrifice has been made. Because we live in this dream home, we can only afford to have two children. It's our quiet sacrifice but it's also our beautiful life, well-earned and fully-lived."

Who cares about the American dream? And I would question if she is fully living her life if she is exchanging something eternal (children) for something temporal.
1 reply · active 494 weeks ago
Yes, it's sad what lengths many will go to in order to achieve the "American dream." Many times they wake up to realize it was really the American nightmare.
Well, I like the comments over there on that blog. Most have little to no sympathy for this woman. She is of a certain class, that of American White Privilege, where what she deems as sacrifices and suffering reveal how clueless she really is. She is feeling sorry for herself because she can't have another child, yet she is wealthy enough to be a stay-at-home mom, going on a yearly vacation, have a timeshare, etc. She has a very comfortable life and yet she attempts to garner sympathy? Sorry, I just don't have sympathy for this kind of White Privilege.

There are people in this world who are really suffering: the homeless, those in nursing homes that have no visitors, children and women who are abused, Christians in other countries who are being beheaded, people suffering from terminal diseases, the list goes on and on. This woman, however, is NOT to be pitied. She has a good life that many would gladly trade their own circumstances for. Only in the U.S of A. does one find such "problems." I think it would do this woman some good to volunteer at a homeless shelter. That might might shock her out of her own supposed predicament.
2 replies · active 494 weeks ago
Yeah, we don't go on vacation much at all, unless we drive and stay in ultra-cheap motels or camp. We eat out of a cooler, parceling out a trip to a restaurant under certain circumstances. Our vacations have all been on a budget. Our one splurge was a plane trip (carefully planned and saved for) to visit relatives across the country for a week. We eat beans, rice and pasta a lot. We probably have a standard of living far below this lady, and we have six children! I have absolutely NO sympathy for her at all as well. I live in the USA also, and am surrounded by people who live with wealth oozing from their pores who claim they can't afford this or that.....I got nauseated reading that article.
Because of your comment I decided to go read the original article. And you're right the whole thing does sound quite pathetic. Truth be told though, many many Americans do the exact same thing but on a smaller scale. They buy too much house and it traps them into either not being able to stop working to stay home, or to have flexibility in their family-life in general. So even though this lady in the article seems almost out-of-control in her perception of what types of luxuries she needs and wants, there is a piece of her in many of us. That doesn't mean I feel sorry for her!!! It just means that I know I have my own "bratty side" that wants a big nice house, and I have to always remember and appreciate the freedom that comes when you live below your means. I would never want to make the same mistake that she did- even though my "big house" is nothing like what this lady has. My "big house" would be what super downsizing looks to her. But honestly that isn't the point.
Tragic.

We purchased our home (meaning we put the payment down) the month before we were married. It was built and we moved in a few months later. By saying "built", let me explain that it is a modest home, much smaller than most who would have eight people living in a house. But it is affordable. We get pressure from family members all the time who cluck about how we have outgrown our home, have too many children, etc. We thought about moving a few times, but we only thought about it. Fact is we can afford this house and will have it paid off in eight years. I have no desire to move unless we find it necessary -- we would have to move if my husband started working from home because he would need a dedicated office. (He tried working from home in our present house for a while, and it didn't work out well at all.)

We sleep two to a room, and it works out great for everybody. If there are sibling squabbles, then they have to learn to get over them and get along, or else they'll punish themselves far more than I ever could. Close proximity means they just have to get along.

I take one of my boys to piano lessons at a young Mom's house; we entertain her two year old twins and seven month old baby while she gives him his lesson. I think my son likes to go to his lesson more to see the babies than to have his lesson; they love him and he loves them. The kids want another baby and have said so openly to a few of the naysayers who think we have too large of a family. I love seeing the expressions on their faces when they hear that little unexpected bombshell.
Martin Moran's avatar

Martin Moran · 477 weeks ago

I decided to live more simply about 2 years ago. I downsized my home that was just too big and got rid of a lot of unnecessary junk I was collecting. I also stopped working 60 hours a week. Why? I wanted more time to devote to my family providing for their needs and I wanted to enjoy my home.

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