Sunday, May 15, 2011

My Testimony


My home, when I was growing up, was filled with arguing.   My parents argued most of the time.  {They hardly ever argue anymore and truly love each other now.}  It was all I saw in a marriage relationship as a child.  

When I got married, there were many things I wanted to change about Ken.  I knew best and I wanted to make him into the best possible person he could be, because I thought that was my job.  I manipulated, nagged, and tried to control him.  We argued all the time.  I wanted him to treat me special so I thought if I nagged and pouted enough, he would treat me special.  A huge wall was built between the two of us. 

After 23 years of marriage, we decided marriage was basically a partnership.  It was a very sad admission, but it was the conclusion we reached.  That is when I read a book that completely changed my thinking~ 

It told me that my job was to make my husband happy, not holy. 

That I needed to be joyful and happy around him. 

That I needed to learn to please him and serve him. 

That I needed to stop arguing with him and always having to be right. 

I started smiling around him. 

I asked him what pleased him. 

I started thinking positive thoughts instead of negative thoughts about him. 

I decided I needed to be his wife and not his mother. 

I listened to him and let him be right. 

Know what?  He has become the husband that I always wanted him to be.  He adores me and enjoys being with me.  He wants to make me happy.  It amazes me at the ability I had to decide to change my thoughts and behavior that were so destructive to my marriage into thoughts that made a great marriage.

So this is the reason for writing this blog.  I want to be an inspiration to women of all ages that their marriage can get better.  I am that older woman who wants to train the younger women to love and serve their husbands...

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children.
Titus 2:4

Comments (2)

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I respecfully disagree. I believe it is up to us each, as individuals, to discover what makes us happy. Working at making another person "happy" before the awakened, self-knowledge of our responsibility to make ourselves pleased, invites some interesting life lessons. In turn, it is not the job of others to please me. I enjoy that fair trade. I am, of course, speaking from my own experiences.

However, if making your husband "happy", indeed makes your genuine, real self, "happy", then you have done well.

But it sure is not one path fits all. Surely, as wise women who strive to stay open and learning, we do all realize this? I hope so.

But much respect to your chosen path, and may you continue to enjoy your successful relationship.
I think all she is saying is that instead of trying to change her husband which ended in bickering and arguing, she thought more about how she needed to change. Changing ourselves is really the only thing we can do in a two-sided relationship. She realized that instead of try to change him and control him, she was going to love him just as he is and focus on her attitude instead. I don't think we automatically make ourselves happy by making our spouse happy. I think it was more in the attitude behind it.

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