Right after the divorce of Ashton and Demi was announced, an article in the paper wrote this~
And what might be the most revealing comment of all, Kutcher remarked, "I could never be with a woman who felt like she needs to change me."
I have news for Ashton, the majority of women he will date or marry in the future will want to change him. Isn't it amazing that even a Hollywood star would say that acceptance is the most important thing in a relationship to him?
The first secret in The Secrets Of Fascinating Womanhood is to accept them just the way they are and don't try to change them. This is the husband's greatest desire, but it seems to be the hardest thing for women to do.
I love to be accepted as I am. The best friends in my life have accepted me just the way that I am and loved me for who I am. {Thanks, Sandy and Terri!} They never spent any time trying to change me. We are commanded by God to treat others the way we want to be treated.
For some reason, most of us are pretty good about that until we get married, then we want to change many things about our husbands. I guess it is because we think we are so superior to them and know much better than them. Or do any of you have another explanation as why most wives become so dissatisfied with their husbands after they marry them?
So when they eat with their mouth open, keep the lid of the toilet up, get angry and complain all throughout football games, yell at the referees, throw their wet towels on the floor, put the kids to bed with clothes on, eat too much, drive too fast, swear at another driver, chew tobacco, whatever, let them be.
You are not his mother. He had a mother. He wants a wife! Your job is to make him happy, not holy. God does a better job at that.
Don't you want your husband to feel this way about you all the days of his life ~
May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
Proverbs 5:18
Logging you in...
colleen · 696 weeks ago
Whitney · 696 weeks ago
Dawn · 696 weeks ago
Tiffany · 696 weeks ago
Emily · 696 weeks ago
sheilagregoire 23p · 696 weeks ago
Sheila from To Love, Honor and Vacuum!
PJB · 696 weeks ago
It's just that our lives would be more pleasant if we lived with a man that could always do everything perfectly (according to our imaginations). Of course that's true -- and of course, there is no human person who actually could, so we notice that life is less than perfect, and one of the reasons life is less than perfect is because our husband is less than perfect.
In addition to that, the fact that our husbands often do change, grow, mature, and become more accommodating in marriage -- that tends to affirm that a change process by which people become better for each other is a natural assumption.
The problem is when we grasp for control, begin manipulations through implying a husband is genuinely 'not good enough' that the relationship damage begins to flourish.
That doesn't mean I think we have only two choices (a) do nothing about annoyances <let them be>, or (b) attack, nag and manipulate the husband in an attempt to make him less annoying.
I think there is a strong role for non-manipulative honesty in intimate relationships. We need to know how our choices effect other people, or it would be hard to act lovingly towards them. To simply say, "I have a feeling about your choice" provides good information for people to willingly improve their choices in that relationship.
I can't imagine how I would feel if my MIL did not tell me, "When you open car windows, I get a migraine." She's not trying to change me or manipulate me. She is telling me something honest and true about her experience. Then I decide what to do about that information.
I think we do have a potential ministry towards our husbands in encouraging their spiritual growth too (not that that's in any way the same as sharing our feelings about household event) -- but again that ministry is not done through nagging, attacking and manipulating him (nor should his mother have raised him with these unholy tactics either... but you might post about that regarding parenting someday.) The ministry of 'encouraging one another towards love and good works' is very personal and very different for each person... but we shouldn't avoid the idea that a husband can benefit from that kind of ministry from us.
So, in a way, it is a part of our Christian calling (our 'job') to help a husband become more holy through our ministry to him... Plus I don't think it's healthy to make other people's emotional state our 'job' -- so I definitely don't agree that it's our 'job' to make him happy. It's his job to manage his own emotions, and, according to the Scripture quoted it's his job to choose to 'rejoice' in his wife (it's odd to hear a directive given to a husband used as if it is in the wife's hands).
Ashley · 696 weeks ago
Darlene Schacht · 696 weeks ago
Anyway, so true. We women love to redecorate, whether it be our house or our men. I'm kind of thankful that my husband has stayed true to who he is in the Lord, because my plans for him aren't nearly as good as what God has done in his life.
Erica · 696 weeks ago
Rachelle · 696 weeks ago
I'm not certain that there is anything wrong with wanting a husband who has affairs to change. I think it's funny that Ashton whines about his wife wanting to "change" him, just a few short weeks after he gets caught red-handed and photographed cheating on her with multiple women.
I have no desire to change anything about my husband, but if I were married to a "man" like Ashton Kutcher i'm sure my opinion would be different.
Amy · 696 weeks ago
Bonnie Way · 696 weeks ago
Ashley · 696 weeks ago
Wives certainly should not go around trying to change their husbands for selfish or ungodly reasons. Nagging is not a good thing but as a helpmeet she has a responsibility to come along side her husband and to the best of her ability help him grow and become better. This of course should be done with a submissive spirit, not belittling or judgmental but the purpose of marriage is to further sanctify us and help each other first become better Christians and second to become better people in general.
I see nothing wrong with gently, submissively and at the proper times bringing concerns or irritants in your husband’s behavior to him and I believe a mature Christian woman would want her husband to do the same for her. You are right about not being our husband’s mother and coming at him in that way but as a wife and true friend.
This verse comes to mind.
Proverbs 27:17 “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”
Burris · 696 weeks ago
And you conclude, because Kutcher's insult matches up with your personal biases, that Demi Moore was clearly in the wrong for 'trying to change' Kutcher. You then determined, without providing a scintilla of proof, that "most women" are out to change their husbands - and even worse, you believe they do this because "most women" believe they are superior to the men they married.
Libby · 695 weeks ago
wakeup · 675 weeks ago
Rapha · 674 weeks ago
This is a great thing to do for each other- a gift-even if we do not like it. We become like each other's mirror and thus we allow personal transformation and evolution.
So my husband is a rock drum player by profession and by nature. It is his passion and his calling! I could never ask him to change that of him and become for example a doctor! If I did not like taht about him, I should have not married him to begin with. Being a drum player is part of his essence, how the Lord designed and wired him. However there are things he does that are wrong in his behavior for example he is too quick to anger and with a loud voice and potty mouth sometimes! Yes, every day I work at “changing” those behaviors and this is a gift to him and to our marriage. Another problem is the lack of sexual foreplay from his part; guys you’ve got to warm up the oven, or the cake won’t bake! Cuddle her physically and verbally before, during , and after sex; it is that simple! It is not a God’s best kept secret to mankind! Again this is not part of his essence but part of a negative behavior that needs changing.
( see the rest below)
Rapha · 674 weeks ago
We need-I believe- to make sure that we make a distinction between our essence and our behaviors. If we do not we risk accepting ourselves just the way we are and settle for less even though there are behaviors that are not acceptable. And the consequence to that is that we would never really mature to our maximum potential thus putting ourselves in a better position to love our wife/husband and by doing so loving the Lord too.
Lastly, I am aware that neither I-the wife-nor him-the husband-have the deep power to change and transform each other. Only the Lord does! A silly illustration that works with kids: imagine in your mind a small, soft, cute and white bunny rabbit that you deeply long to have so much like nothing else. Now since you want it so much, you come to believe-that if you continue to imagine him and that if you continue to call him even a million or more times with all your heart and might saying “bunny rabbit come, my sweet bunny rabbit come, appear now!!!”-that you will speak him into existence!!! But in fact the opposite is true: bunny rabbit will never come, appear and sit on your lap. We do not have the power in our mind and in our words to instantiate into reality what we think and desire. Only the Lord can say “Let there be light!” and that by simply pronouncing His words, they materialize into reality. We can verbally encourage and remind our husband/wife to change the various negative behaviors lovingly; even better we can become prayer-warriors for them. I believe that the Lord uses us to make such transformations in each of us. We become simply His means for His ends...to transform us into His image for His glory and so that we may better witness and love Him...Amen!