Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Do Opposites Attract?


My mom and dad are completely opposite.  She was one of seven children.  He was an only child.  She prefers being with people.  He prefers doing his projects.  She raised us eating organic food and never wanting to go to doctors or use drugs.  He was a doctor.  She is a spender and he is a saver.  There weren't many things they enjoyed doing together, since they were so different.  It was difficult, but they have made it work going on 60 years!

Jon and Alyssa are a lot alike, however.  They enjoy the same things.  They want to do a lot of things together.  They love being together. Sometimes, they will do what the other one wants to do even if it isn't their thing.  Alyssa teaches Cardio Barre.  Jon went and took a class from her. {As you can see in the above picture.}  Did he like it?  No, but he wants to be a part of her life.  For Thanksgiving, they did a Turkey Trot.  Alyssa isn't a runner, but she wanted to do it because Jon was doing it.


Ryan and Erin enjoy a lot of the same things also.  They are similar in personalities.  Erin loves to walk on the beach, so Ryan walks with her.  Ryan loves to watch football, so Erin watches football with him.  They work on fitting into each other's lives.

I see a lot of couples living separate lives.  We use to but as Ken and I have gotten older, we do a lot more things together.  {He enjoys being with me a lot more now also since we no longer argue!}

So my advice to young women is to find a man that has a lot of your same interests and you enjoy doing the same things.  It seems to make marriage that much easier.

If you are already married, find things you enjoy doing together.  If that is almost impossible, love and serve each other anyways.  The only command the Bible has in choosing a spouse is to marry a believer, so these are just my opinions based on what I have observed in marriages.

Fulfill ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind
Philippians 2:2

Comments (13)

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Excellent! I'm very much so of the mindset of us becoming "one" in our marriage. We frequently get caught speaking in from the "us" perspective instead of just "I." For instance, statements often begin with "we want..." "we hope..." or "we like..." etc. Sadly, I've received comments encouraging "be your own person" and "you can do your own things" even when married. One perspective was coming from the viewpoint of life being harder to seperate when divorce strikes (based on it being applied to everyone). My husband and I ignore the comments and continue to throughly enjoy each other's company whether it's me partaking in something he enjoys or him partaking in something I enjoy. I feel our marriage is stronger for it. We're more than two seperate lives which live under one roof. We're married, and intended to be "one." Thanks for the encouraging post!
So true. My husband and I had so much in common but now, 25 years later, we have far less. Now we are really working on our marriage harder than every! But God is good because we do have Him as the main thing!
My husband and I share some interests but with others we are poles apart. For example I like to visit the Theatre and watch musicals, my husband couldn't stand this, so I go with a group of ladies and my husband is quite happy. However I have found some shows that I know he will like and we will be going together to see them next year. Likewise he isn't keen about going out for afternoon teas, so I go with a couple of friends. While he works on his website I might he making cards or blogging - we may not be very interested in the others projects (in great detail) but we are in the study together doing our thing and its nice - the cat generally joins us to.

It is all about finding a balance, we share some, we don't others and that makes us both happy. He is a dog person and I am a cat person but together we care for all the animals!!

My son and his wife are very similar and do almost everything together and they are only 22 and 23 - they are two peas in a pod:)
I am actually going to the gun range tomorrow with my husband while our son is in school so he can "teach" me to shoot. I am willingly going with him since I dragged him and he sat through the entire Nutcracker Ballet for me before, willingly.

We do not have a lot in common, but also share common interests with one another.
My husband and I are definite opposites in almost everything...I own a dance studio and he cannot dance (at all--our wedding dance was hysterical), he is very gifted in technology and I am very not, I am a driven people person, he is a quiet and behind the scenes guy. Our life together works because we compliment each other. However, we are similar in the things that matter--our faith, our family values, and how we treat other people. Nice post today! :)
When my hubby and I first got together (almost 16 years ago), we were very young....15 (almost 16) and 17. We were told many times that we spent too much time together and we would eventually resent each other for 'smothering' one another. We married at 18/20 and are still going strong after almost 13 years of marriage. We are still together as much as possible. We don't necessarily share all of our hobbies, but each is included in the other's as a show of sacrifice and unselfishness. It makes us both feel special that the other is willing to do things they aren't necessarily fond of to spend time with one another.

Funny thing: the ones that told us we'd 'smother' each other don't have very great marriages. We have never heard anything buy 'you guys have something special' from couples that have good marriages. There is something to be said for being each others' best friend.
Great post. I have been married to my opposite personality husband for 17 years and somehow we still manage to spend a lot of time together and find common ground on many things.

Sometimes it just comes down to hard work and commitment. Sometimes God may actually ordain for us to marry someone who acts like sand paper on our stubborn flesh.

At least that's what I tell myself, LOL. It seems to be working because we really are happy despite our divergent interests.
Very insightful Lori.

I appreciate your perspective as you observe the marriages of your grown children. They are such a legacy to your ministry.
As the years go by and responsibilities increase, I've found that it's easy to let so much time go by without spending time doing something fun with my husband. When we spend time together and enjoy just being together, our marriage is stronger.
Beautiful and you two work together to be together! Good Job!
Thanks for the great article. The only comment I can add is: be careful if you both enjoy shopping! I know 2 girlfriends who both married men who enjoy shopping and walking around a mall as much as they do, and they do it as a hobby every weekend. Both couples are always broke!! Neither spouse want to be the one to put the brakes on the spending.
This is so good! I love how you have found real examples to show the picture of opposites or 'alikes'! We are working on being more in tune with each others needs and preferences, but it takes work and creativity. tonight my husband read me two chapters from 'Brighty Of the Grand Canyon' by Marguerite Henry. He is attempting to bless me with what he knows I like! He is winning a victory!!!! Thank you, Lori, for your clear writing style and love for the Lord and His married couples.
Excellent post! It seems that whenever I come across a piece of marriage advice, it's always something like, "be your own person", or "have your own life apart from your spouse", and that just seems so wrong to me. I didn't get married so that we could live separate lives!
I know for me personally, I've learned to like a lot of the things my husband loves to do. Some of his hobbies are not things I would have ever thought I'd do, but I gave it a shot because I wanted to spend more time with him.
In our "me, me, me" culture, we forget that blessing other people - even, no especially, our spouses - can help us become happier people!

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