Always Learning: Naked And Unashamed

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Naked And Unashamed

And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Genesis 2:19

This was God's original intention between a man and his wife...

As you have probably noticed, I have been listening to Mark Driscoll preach on the Song Of Solomon lately and the latest one was on sex. I took careful notes and debated whether or not I should blog about what he spoke about. {I still may delete it after thinking about it!} I decided to give it a try. I figured if he was bold enough to preach it to thousands of people, I should be bold enough to teach my small group of blog readers! It is a somewhat embarrassing topic, but I think it is something women need to hear...

Men are visual. ALL men are VERY visual. Most women will never understand it, but that is the way they are built. God made them that way. Many women complain to me that their husbands look at pretty women. I tell them that is natural for them. They love looking at pretty women, but it doesn't mean they prefer them to their wives. {If you are married to a Christian man, hopefully, he doesn't linger for a long time...}

When men get married, they like to see their wives naked. They like to have the lights on as opposed to a dark room under the covers. They like to watch them get undressed. Be visually generous with them. Driscoll encourages women to be a "visually generous servant lover."

Lots of women are shy and modest and it is difficult for them. Many are ashamed of their bodies. Marriage is a journey. If you have been abused, seek wise counsel. Learn to appreciate the body God has given you. If you are warm and loving to your husband, he will enjoy you no matter what you look like.

Sex is good. It was created by God. He wants us to be naked and unashamed WITH OUR SPOUSE, not our boyfriend or fiance. God's ways are good. Listen to the sermon by Driscoll if you want more details. I think I have given enough! Have fun and make sure you have a lock on your bedroom door! {I am sure all the men will love this post ;).}

Comments (16)

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Guest · 693 weeks ago

This post really stepped on my toes. I am very self conscious and hate my body. I don't understand how my husband could possibly find my body attractive. I also dealt with physical and emotional abuse growing up that makes me more self conscious about my body. I have spent so much of my marriage robbing my husband of the visual desire that he has because of my own issues. Ouch!!!

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Deborah · 693 weeks ago

I feel this was a great post and I applaud your bravery for writing about the topic.
It needed to be said.
Thank you, Deborah

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AMY · 693 weeks ago

Women can be visual too! I for one can appreciate a good looking guy, LOL! Women also need the romance to go with that good looking guy. The human body, male or female, is a beautiful thing. I had hang ups about being naked in broad day light with my husband when I was in my 20’s. When I entered my 30’s, I became more comfortable with my body. Funny, because I am about 10lbs heavier than I was in my 20’s. Embrace your body, flaws and all. Trust me, your husband isn’t focusing on your cellulite, you are.

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Becky · 693 weeks ago

My husband and I loved this sermon series. It really opened my eyes more to see what my husband needs from me as far as our intimacy goes. I'm still not as comfortable with my body as I'd like to be, but as long as my husband is satisfied, why should I worry about it?

The series gets better as he goes along! I may just go through it again as a refresher course!

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Joluise · 693 weeks ago

Well said and I completely agree. i was rather self conscious when I was much heavier, but now I am much slimmer and several dress sizes small I am perfectly happy for my husband to enjoy my body, I have worked hard to get it back to a healthier size! The Bible is quite upfront about sex . . . within marriage of course and that is the part everyone forgets.

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Becca · 693 weeks ago

Thanks for this post Lori. I feel like you've written it just for me as lately I've been struggling with my husband's "lack of interest" in my body. I've been working very hard at keeping extra lbs off and building a better body for him to enjoy, however I realize that I don't allow him to enjoy it when I'm in baggy pants and t-shirts after work. Time to get creative!!

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Tracy Nault · 693 weeks ago

I love this post...and the comments :) My husband is wonderful in the fact that he ALWAYS tells me I'm beautiful. I don't see it but I am so glad he does! I like when Becca said that her husband can't enjoy her body when she is in baggy pants and t-shirts. I have to laugh because I wear "house clothes" (t-shirts, exercise pants, etc) all day long unless I have to go somewhere so that is what my husband sees me in. I guess I need to get more creative too! Or at least run a brush through my hair a little more often ;-) Thanks for the reminder Lori that our husbands "see" things a little differently than us women.

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sheilagregoire 23p · 693 weeks ago

Hi Lori! Thanks for linking up to Wifey Wednesdays! I always think of it this way: I'm the only naked woman my husband is allowed to see. So I want to make sure he sees me that way often, so that he doesn't feel like he's missing out!

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Kath · 693 weeks ago

Let's hear it for Christian women who are satisfying their husbands sexually- often and with passion! I've noticed that many women (even Christians) use sex as a leveraging tool against their man, to punish him or to get him to do what they want. Our bodies are not for ourselves, but for our husbands.

2 replies · active 693 weeks ago

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AMY · 693 weeks ago

My body is for myself. I share it with my husband! I do agree, sex should never be used as a bargaining tool.

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Danielle · 693 weeks ago

Unless you aren't a Christian, the Bible says, your body belongs to your husband.

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Erica · 693 weeks ago

I to have been listening to The Peasant Princess during nap time & I love it. I'm learning so much.
I love to hear that godly women want to please their husbands. :)

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PJB · 693 weeks ago

Gender stereotypes exist for a reason... because, on average, they apply to well-enough to many people.

But "many" is not "all".

And a stereotype is not a fact.

God did not design all men in a psychologically and sexually identical way. He made each one of them individually -- some of them more visual than others. Similarly with women: some of them are more visual than others.

It's well and good for women to consider that their husband MIGHT have this common characteristic -- but they are not married to a stereotype. They are marred to one person, and they should seek to know him and his preferences in particular. Assumptions almost always make a mess out of the bedroom!

I don't know how many times a man can stand to be told he 'just is' visually stimulated before he begins to fit himself to that mold. Similarly, I also think many women are fitting themselves to the mold that they are not-so-visual -- when many of us actually are.

1 reply · active 693 weeks ago

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AMY · 693 weeks ago

I think that society tends to see men as very sexual beings, who want sex all the time. Women on the other hand are seen as sweet and demure beings, who have sex to please their husbands. I think many women are becoming just as interested in sex as their male counterparts. There is so much more information out there today on how to have great sex. Many woman (at least those I know) are paying attention and taking responsibility for their sexual responce. They are not afraid to tell their partners what works and what doesn't.

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Brooke · 693 weeks ago

Thank you for posting! I can't wait to check out this sermon series.

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Dina · 692 weeks ago

I am not a Christian (I'm Jewish) and i still have to say THANK YOU. Our bodies are nor ours, they are for our husbands. It is one of the damaging teachings of feminism that our bodies are "ours" and can be leveraged for control. We are put on earth to bring forth life and to please our husbands, who lead us spiritually and in every way. Those of us who are married are so blessed to be able to turn our bodies over to our husbands and to G-d the way that G-d intended. It is hard for me to get my fellow Jewish wives to listen when I tell them that they are only hurting themselves and their husbands (and children) when they try to make their body something that they must be "empowered" about and try to control when it is or is not accessible to their husbands. Through full submission, a truly joyful and mutually pleasurable marriage can blossom.

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