Always Learning: Protecting Your Children

Monday, December 12, 2011

Protecting Your Children

When Cassi was in junior high, I enrolled her at the local public junior high school. I had been home schooling her and, frankly, she was bored being at home with a sick mom all the time and wanted a social life. I told her she could go as long as she made good friends. If I saw her going in a direction I didn't like, I would pull her out immediately.

After two months, she started hanging out with this girl. She had a bad attitude and seemed to enjoy the world's ways a little more than I was comfortable with. I pulled my sweet Cassi out of junior high. Yes, we were strict parents.

I have said in past posts that we didn't allow our children to have sleep overs. We didn't allow them to date in high school. We felt they should wait until they were ready for marriage and then date someone they thought they could marry. We were careful what they saw on television and movies. We wanted to protect them.

Some thought we would cause them to rebel by having so many boundaries. I always felt children would rebel because they had rebellious hearts, not because they were given boundaries. God gives us many boundaries for our protection that are good for us.

We always told our children why we made these boundaries. We used scripture to back them up. We wanted the weight of God's Word behind them. They thank us for them now. They are happy we protected them. It helped them to know we loved and cherished them.

Don't be afraid to set boundaries for your children. Fences around homes keep coyotes and other harmful animals out. Fences around your children protect them from evil influences. Build those fences early, parents, and give them lots of love, affection, and have a happy home! They might even grow up and thank you one day.

Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.

I Corinthians 15:33

P.S. We eventually put Cassi into the local Christian high school and she met Shannon, a precious, godly friend. That is who is in the picture with Cassi.

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Amy · 693 weeks ago

I love your words of wisdom and completely agree. We are parents of a son who is 19, a daughter who is almost 17, and daughter who is 9 years old. We have homeschooled throughout. I think God expects us to give our children boundaries. I think our children actually want boundaries. I know I will stand before God someday and be held accountable for what I have and have not done and I want to know I have done everything I know to do.

Blessings to you.

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Joluise · 693 weeks ago

Part 1: I grew up with very strict Christian parents (along with my 3 brothers). I was sent to a Christian school mixing with the right girls. We didn’t own a TV /watch movies, only listened to the “right” music/"right" books/wore modest clothes etc.. Most of my friends were related to me, cousins who lived just like me who understood why we were “different”.

At the age of 19 —I ran away & lived with a man much older than me—I rebelled big time. I left home and didn’t return. After 3 years I re-built the bridges I had destroyed and now my parents and I are best friends and I have found my faith.

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Joluise · 693 weeks ago

Part 2: I understand what you are writing/why as a parent you are building fences, I am a parent of 2 grown sons—however as a daughter of one of these “fenced" homes, sometimes one of us will rebel. That escape has taught me many things and I am a stronger Christian as a result.

If you haven’t been fenced yourself growing up, it may be difficult to understand where I am coming from or understand why some conservative Christian teenagers do as I did. I wanted to fly. And yes, I had lots of love, attention, affection and a very happy home, wonderful memories

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Bambi · 693 weeks ago

Love this post, Lori. I am very passionate about protecting my children and couldn't agree with you more.

The thing about rebellios kids, is that fear of their rebellion shouldn't be what drives us to protect them. (I know you weren't saying that, but it's common). We pray and ask the Lord to make their hearts tender and give us wisdom in leading them and we do all we can to keep them from rebelling (like those boundaries you mentioned), but if they rebel or not, we are acting in obedience to the Lord, either way.

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AMY · 693 weeks ago

My parents set boundaries, but they also gave my brother and I, the freedom to make our own choices. I did not always make the right decisions, but I learnt from each of my mistakes. My parents were there to support me through my good decisions and bad. So valuable! My parents were wise, if they had put too many restrictions on me, I probably would have rebelled. My parents and I are extremely close today. I believe children need to experience various levels of freedom growing up. I’m not saying we will let our daughters run wild, we have rules and guidelines, but we encourage them to be free thinkers.

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Tabitha · 693 weeks ago

Thank you for this wonderful post! I grew up in a conservative family with boundaries and I'm thankful to this day for every one of them! I wouldn't be who I am today if we didn't grow up with boundaries. - Rebellious children is a very hard thing for me to pin point how it happens. I know children who 'appeared' to be close and devoted to their parents and their choices and then they rebelled and then there are those children who never agreed with their parents boundaries but to this day still trust their judgement and honor their wisdom. I truly believe sharing with your children the biblical reason for your boundaries and openly discussing them really helps bring your children's hearts in unity with your boundaries for them. It also gives your children a high respect for your decisions as they don't feel you are just making boundaries for the sake of having boundaries. :)

Blessings to you!

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Jessica · 693 weeks ago

Thank you for this post! It's always nice to be reminded that it's good to have boundaries for our children, instead of being told we shouldn't be protecting them so much.

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Diane · 693 weeks ago

We raised our children with fences. And love, laughter and friendship. One of our six children rebelled and left. It was the most heart-breaking experience of our lives. He is still wandering lost and won't have much to do with our family. All of his siblings have married and are happily raising families. He, alone has not. And it's heart-breaking to see the barrier that he has built up against the rest of the family. But we keep on trying. Keep on praying. He is a precious son of God still.

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Sarah Jane · 693 weeks ago

I've known people who've come from very strict homes that have rebelled [and there are those who walk with God], and I know people who've come from non-strict homes who walk with God [as well as those who have rebelled]. Ultimately, it comes down to God's grace whether or not a child will follow Him. My parents were strict with me, and I'm thankful to God that my siblings and I are close to my parents. God has been [and continues to be] good to me, even though I don't deserve it. FYI: I definitely believe parents should set boundaries and enforce them. God has set boundaries for us and when we disobey, there are consequences.

1 reply · active 693 weeks ago

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brittanygrim 24p · 693 weeks ago

I LOVE this post! My husband and I have the same views on protecting our children, and even though we are new parents we are already getting criticism from family members. How do you deal with this? We've just been trying to keep our views on child-rearing silent and if comments are made just ignore them and be joyful. We don't want to argue with our family, but we are also not going to change our conservative thinking.

I had two best friends in high school One had 4 siblings and one had 8 siblings. Both of their parents raised them as you have described in this post (except they were homeschooled the whole time) and all 14 children from both of those families are walking with God today. Some might called them sheltered, but I say they did something right and I look to them for wisdom.

1 reply · active 693 weeks ago

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The Momma · 693 weeks ago

"Some thought we would cause them to rebel by having so many boundaries. I always felt children would rebel because they had rebellious hearts, not because they were given boundaries. God gives us many boundaries for our protection that are good for us."

My motto is: Rules without relationship= Rebellion.

If you are placing rules (boundaries) while nourishing the relationship than rebellion isn't worth worrying over.

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Stacie · 693 weeks ago

Just found your blog, and I LOVE it! My DH has said over and over the same things you've typed, but your way of wording it is so much more eloquent. We believe that children actively search for boundaries. That's what helps them feel secure. If they "act up" and don't feel the boundary, they'll "act up" even more until they do feel the boundary. If we give them clear-set, logical boundaries at a young age, they'll grow up feeling more secure.

We also set the "no dating " rule with our daughter. We told her she was not allowed to date until she was allowed to get married. She turned 18 last month, which is "technically" the age she is legally allowed to get married. We told her that if she wants to start dating, we'll allow it. So far, she hasn't shown any interest in a romantic relationship. Praise the Lord!! (That girl has too many other worthy projects on her plate to worry about boys. Again, PTL!)

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Jacqueline · 693 weeks ago

Lori,
We, too, had to grapple with how to cocoon our young children. We decided to insulate instead of isolate. However, we did go to the extreme of moving out into the country (1 hour away) when they were only 6,6, and 8 b/c there was so much materialism in our area. We were h.s at the time and have just graduated the last 2 of them, but what that move did was to help them to bond to us as we worked in many ways together on the land turning it to organic land, raising grass-fed beef and chickens, and hay, etc. It was the HARDEST time in my life! BUT I have to say it gave us the biggest rewards. We are courtship minded and our 20 y.o. son is a pilot looking for a wife now that he can support her, etc.
I didn't know you were ill. I want to know more if you are willing to share. I can pray, and I would love to get to know you better.

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Michelle · 693 weeks ago

This is so true, and critically important in this day and age. The dangers are more significant than ever, now.

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priest's wife · 693 weeks ago

you are a great mom to be in tune with your daughter's NEEDS not WANTS

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Far Above Rubies · 693 weeks ago

Being the watchman you're supposed to be, Lori. Great job.

Thanks for linking up to Domestically Divine.

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Amber · 692 weeks ago

Hi Lori! Thanks so much for your sweet comment on my blog. I so appreciate this post because I sometimes struggle with being on the receiving end of judgment because some people (even close family members) think that we are too overprotective of our children because we homeschool and don't watch television and some other things that we don't do. It's always very encouraging to hear of other families striving to raise their children within godly boundaries. Sometimes we feel slightly alone.

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Clare Ansah · 692 weeks ago

i also have been pondering the whole rebel issue, and some thoughts so far incl. : the bible makes it the child's responsibility to GIVE their hearts to parents, it is for their gain thats were the blessing of life is. Doing the opposite, which is rebelling leads to life not going well, defiling oneself etc etc .. List in Romans 1,is not a blessedness. And whilst rebels think that yes they have freedom.. actually they are in bondage. They are hurtingdamaging themselves!, and future Children need to understand this . Of course it hurts our hearts to see the consequences of rebellion come upon them, BUT really the woe, or the damage is to themselves. Ending up fornicating, smoking taking drugs ..all these things are woes. they are not blessings. So children need to understand that, that is were rebellion leads. Its their responsibility NOT TO rebel as it doesn't have a good end!. Even after repentance there is regret. I also think of it like this... if u tell your children not to eat sweets but stick to fruits. And you enforce that. If they rebel in their lata youth, or adulthood. At least you kept them healthy for a longer period of their lives. Those that didn't have that boundary have been subject to a lower level of health all their lives , and continue to do so. (hope you get the picture). I agree that the heart is the problem (the sin problem actually being "covetousness" ) the deception that Eve had. And if its not overcome will manifest itself in these way in lata years, i believe.

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bicroce 44p · 691 weeks ago

We always will live with the choices we make. thank you for standing on yours!

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Kim · 691 weeks ago

Such a wonderful reminder that we are protectors for our children, and that they need boundaries. Allowing them to set the rules, come and go as they please, and generally be spoiled not only means we have not done our job as parents, but also means we have raised children who will have difficulty in life. They do not know or understand the give and take of relationships, and suffer because of it.

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Cassandra · 691 weeks ago

This is encouraging to read. My children are all still under 6 years old... so I'm at a different stage in life - but I STILL get told I'm too 'restrictive'. We are very careful what our children do, watch, and who they play with - even at their young ages. I've seen friends and family have their children torn from them and go through horrible things because of largely, the friends they have/had. This is wise and I thank you for sharing.

Cassandra @ The Unplugged Family

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Claire · 691 weeks ago

I'm so glad the story had a happy ending, and that your daughter made a real, godly friend.

Cxx

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KML 25p · 691 weeks ago

I so agree with your boundaries. If my mother knew half of the things that went on at sleep overs in other Christian family homes they never would have allowed it, and as a teenager I didn't have the discernment to tattle.

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Beth D. · 691 weeks ago

Thank you for this post! We are strict as well, though we do send our son to public school. I have been called a 'helicopter parent' because I hover around my son for protection. I do not feel guilty for this!!

When I see the 'typical' rebelious teenager, I DO NOT agree that it has to be typical. Teenagers can be happy! Clear boundaries shows love and strict parenting doesn't have to be defined as mean parenting.

Thank you, again, for this post!!

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