An instruction to elders in I Timothy 3:4,5 is that He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity. But if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?
Therefore, we must assume that parents can raise children that are not rebellious {walked away from God}. I had many comments on my post Protecting Your Children that seemed to indicate that children will rebel whether they have boundaries or not. It is by God's grace if children don't rebel they say. I ask, "Where is God's grace then for children who do rebel?"
The Pearls raised five children who were not rebellious and they all walk with Jesus. We raised four children who all walk with Jesus. The Duggers seem to be raising 19 children with gentle spirits that walk with Jesus. I could name many friends and families who have raised children who walk with Jesus. Yes, the children have done some stupid things, but they have never walked away from God.
My question ~ I would love to hear from you who have raised children who didn't rebel and ask you what you think you did right that kept your children from rebelling. Those that have one or more rebellious children, I want to ask you what you think you may have done or didn't do that caused the rebellion. I think hindsight is a great tool in reevaluating one's life.
The things I felt we did right in raising children are as follows ~
My children knew who was boss at a very young age and it wasn't them.
They learned to obey us quickly or they knew they would be disciplined.
We disciplined them consistently, so they grew up to be disciplined.
We loved them a lot and they knew it.
We talked to them openly about everything, including God and what He expects.
We set boundaries for them and expected them to live within those boundaries.
Maybe we were lucky...Scripture seems to put a lot of weight on the parent's shoulders, however, in raising children. My purpose in this post isn't to make any one feel guilty or bad about the way they parented their children. Most parents love their children and do the best they can while raising them, but many aren't taught what good parenting looks like.
So what do you think? Do parents have a big responsibility if their children rebel or do children rebel regardless of how they are raised? Can we parents, who have raised children into adulthood that didn't rebel, give hope to young parents that they, too, can raise children who don't rebel? If the Bible requires elders to raise children that are not rebellious, can't we?
bluecottonmemory 55p · 691 weeks ago
I do know that kids diagnosed with things like dyslexia or CAPD spend years breaking cycles of dysfunction. I know that in Psalm 139 God placed everything in each of my children and He knows how to redeem them because He knew what they would struggle with.
God too often shows us some will rebel - and He rejoices in their return.
Even vigilant parents experience rebellion. And, it is important to be vigilant, to be aware of the possibility that even children raised in a Godly, loving, faith-filled house can have children who mis-step - and that is where shepherding comes in, vigilant shepherding, vigilant intercession.
Not shunning these rebel teens and youth in the Christian community would do much to bring them closer to the Father - Jesus didn't shun the sinners. He died for them:)
Way to tackle a touch, dicey topic!
Holly · 691 weeks ago
I have learned a lot from both of my parent's parenting styles, and I choose to have the love and kindness and gentle heart of my mother. She prayed for us constantly and did what she felt was best. I do know, however, that we had way to much freedom while growing up, and discipline in our teen years was not enforced as we both would often times sneak out.
I guess what I am trying to say is for different reasons rebellion does happen. I certainly hold the reins tighter for my son than my parents did for me. If he wants freedoms, he is going to have to earn them and show me he is responsible and mature enough for them.
Ken · 691 weeks ago
Parents should have a strong sense that they can raise their children in the Lord and have the kids walk faithfully with Him all of their lives. But each child, like Solomon and Samson, may decide to go with the allure of the world. A few poor choices can send a teenager headlong into worldly things, and psychological and chemical issues often throws them off of a godly path.
Kids raised by godly parents can and do walk away from Jesus because they have the choice. Most will stay in the faith, some will leave and return, but a few will walk away because they can. "Choose you this day whom you will serve" must be an individual choice, not one made by the parents, and it must be a daily choice "to believe to the end."
The greatest gifts parents can give to their children are unconditional love, consistent discipline and an authentic example of walking with Jesus. Very few kids will walk away from a set of parents who can give these gifts along with “training them in the way they should go.” Training means talking regularly to our children about Jesus and showing them how He is the very center of our existence.
111roses111 1p · 691 weeks ago
My son at the age of 16, left home to live with his dad. This in many minds would constitute a "rebellious child".
Just this Christmas he came 'home' for a few hours and it was so good to see that my 'unconditional love, consistent discipline and ...authentic example of walking with Jesus' has not all been a waste. Right now he continues to live a life farther from God than I would choose for him, but he also has a knowledge and thirst for the unconditional love of his heavenly Father and earthly mother that I am absolutely positive will bring him into an amazingly close father/son relationship with his Eternal Father and isn't that the most important relationship of all.
For those of you out there like myself, I encourage you to continue living out the last paragraph of 'greatest gifts' and we will reap a harvest of our wayward children's souls for eternity.
Lisa · 691 weeks ago
Just sayin'
brittanygrim 24p · 691 weeks ago
brittanygrim 24p · 691 weeks ago
We are, however, trying to be wise as we start this parenting jorney. We have read a lot of book, decided how we are going to disciplines, and we have followed through with that so far. Our two children know to listen when we say, "No" and they are already obedient. We have trained them to sit with us quitely in church for over a hour.
We have discussed how the goal for our children is to follow God, and we plan to make every parenting decision around that. I agree with you, that it is not just luck if your children rebel. Yes, children have to individually make the decision to follow God, but that doesn't mean parents don't have a HUGE responsibility.
http://momanswerswithbrit.com/?p=546
brittanygrim 24p · 691 weeks ago
“Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road,when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.” –Deuteronomy 6:5-9 NIV
Sidda · 691 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 691 weeks ago
KML 25p · 691 weeks ago
Nancy · 691 weeks ago
AMY · 691 weeks ago
I think that kids rebell in different ways. I know when I was in my teens, I broke curfew, dated boys that made my parents cringe, etc. But the one consistant in my life, is my parents love and support. They gave me some freedom to make mistakes. If they were too strict, I think I would have rebelled even more. As an adult, I am very close to my parents.
Seneca · 691 weeks ago
Joluise · 691 weeks ago
I was fed up with being SO DIFFERENT to everyone else - it really was that simple. As Open Brethren we didn't attend a church we had our own family meeting so I had little contact with people who were not related to me (I did attend a Christian school but didn't socialise much with them after school) - how was I ever going to find a husband if all the males were related to me. It looked bleak.
Jen · 691 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 691 weeks ago
ajbsandme 19p · 691 weeks ago
It is a bit of the spiritual nature vs. nurture dilema. Every human being is born with a sinful rebellious nature (see Romans chapters 1 - 3). We know that as parents we have the responsibilty to teach them the ways of God (Proverbs, Ephesians 6, Timothy, and many other reference). But the righteousness of an individual is much more attributable to the work of the Holy Spirit in their life than to the influence of their parents. And the choice to invite the Holy Spirit in cannot be made for you, so your openness to being influenced by the Holy Spirit is purely an individual choice, not a parental choice.
If, however rebellion is defined as sin even in the presence of true faith, well, I refer to Romans 1 - 3 again, and say we are all raising rebellious children.
ajbsandme 19p · 691 weeks ago
Marie-Louise · 691 weeks ago
'Pursuit of Godly Seed' by Denny Kenaston http://www.homefirespub.com/pursuit_of_godly_seed...
and
'Shepherding a childs' heart' by Tedd Tripp
Jacqueline · 691 weeks ago