Many young women pursue higher education and careers in today's culture. They find a good paying job, then finally get married. Sometimes, however, the man they married doesn't have as good of a job as she has so they decide that he will stay home with the children so they can have more money with the wife working.
Mark Driscoll was a well-known pastor for a long
time. (Yes, I know he was controversial but this isn't part of the post and he
taught many good things. I hate to hear of any Bible-believing church falling apart.) I loved some of his sermon series. I listened to his sermons on Songs
of Solomon and after the sermons he would answer questions from
the audience.
One question he was asked was what he thoughts about stay at home dads. He immediately quoted I Timothy 5:8 ~
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
He believes there should even be church discipline for any able bodied man who does not work hard and provide for their families, unless they are injured or ill. Here are some quotes from that sermon.
We live in a perverted and stupid culture: hook up, shack up, and break up. Men that act like boys. Do not be conformed to this world! If you aren't providing for your family, you are not a man. Live simply if you have to and do not worry about the status quo.
Moms at home and dads providing for their families produce healthy kids and enduring marriages. The man should be lovingly leading his family, providing and protecting, while the women helps him and is his mate right alongside him. They are equal bearers of God who are different with different roles and tasks.
She is primarily responsible for the home. This safeguards marriages against divorce and is best for children. Women are nurturers and are more keenly aware of their children's needs.
The home must be established according to biblical principles. Nothing in scripture says women should work outside of the home and men stay at home. You need to go to the culture and find worldly wisdom and examples and then try to sanctify women working while men stay at home.
Moms do best at raising their own children.
He then said he couldn't imagine one of their sons going in flip flops to some day care and spending the entire day there. Gracie, his wife, became teary-eyed when he said this. Mark closed in prayer thanking the Lord for his incredible help meet and mother to his children. It was very touching. (I am not sure the series is available anymore.)
We told our sons as they were growing up to prepare to be the only provider for their family even if this meant bagging groceries and finding any other job they could find. Ken helped guide them to get the education they needed to have good jobs and they both do, praise the Lord.
In all toil there is profit,
but mere talk tends only to poverty.
Proverbs 14:23
We told our sons as they were growing up to prepare to be the only provider for their family even if this meant bagging groceries and finding any other job they could find. Ken helped guide them to get the education they needed to have good jobs and they both do, praise the Lord.
In all toil there is profit,
but mere talk tends only to poverty.
Proverbs 14:23
Joluise · 694 weeks ago
I think we should ignore the culture around us (the world) and do what is best for our families (through prayer) and for Lucy’s family this is working very well for them.
Amy · 694 weeks ago
New reader · 694 weeks ago
There should be equal weight given to, and equal respect for, the roles of breadwinner and caretaker, regardless of which parent does which role.
Al Watts · 694 weeks ago
But they don't need to earn income.
I have been an at-home dad for 9 years and I provide plenty for my family.
I work harder caring for my children and household than I ever did when I earned money.
We are fortunate that my wife makes a good enough income to provide the food, shelter, clothing, etc we need. By not earning an income, we are able to have one of our children's parents home with them everyday to nurture them and take care of their needs. Why does it matter that the parent at home with our children is me, the dad, if our family is strong and secure?
The answer is, it doesn't matter. Men can be successful at home. Women can be successful at work. It isn't unnatural.
And, for us, it works very well.
Ginger · 694 weeks ago
I agree 100% with Lori. Not because she said it, but because it's Biblical!
Lori Alexander 122p · 694 weeks ago
The Bible has something to say about this subject and the norm is to have as many "stay at home Moms" as possible. It is not that Dads who stay at home cannot be fantastic at it, but God describes what is best for society and for the church in the Bible when Paul writes that wives are to be "keepers at home."
I would grant the detractors that some couples may seek the Spirit on this important issue and conclude that it is best for Dad to stay home with the kids and Mom to go off to work. What Driscol is dead set against is Dad's who will not do their part in providing for the family.
Many women do not even realize that they may be putting themselves at risk to work the rest of their lives when they become doctors and other professionals. I have seen far too many women in my profession who lament not having children, have too few children, or not being home to raise and enjoy their children because they can earn so much more than their husbands.
Some couples may actually think they are doing the right thing by having Mom work and Dad take care of the home, mainly because the wife can earn much more than the man. Some will discover that it was the right thing for their family, but I fear that many will find out too late that the Mom loses out far too much with the bank account full, but life is more empty with so many missing memories of really watching the kids grow up.
I speak from what I have seen repeatedly. Even this week a super successful doctor is running to catch the last few years of her daughters' lives at home. After careful reflection I can think of only one women client in all the years I have worked who did not indicate she would much rather have been home more, watching ballet, kids sports and even cleaning up the kids messes. It's compromise when a wife works.... and for some it may be worth it… but for what? More money?
So men, short term all things can work out pretty well, but long term the sacrifices of your wives and children are not worth the extra cash. We have begun to see what society looks like with lots of working Mom's and Dads... and it is a whole new era coming when many more Dad's stay at home. There is lots more to consider than just who is the best bread winner and who is the best homemaker to insure that the experiment does not end up with regrets. I prefer to take God’s perspective in His principles than to take the chance for regrets, but will leave room for those who are sure the Spirit is directing them to reverse roles.., instead of success, money or convenience.
Ken · 694 weeks ago
Kelly · 694 weeks ago
Tracy Nault · 694 weeks ago
PJB · 694 weeks ago
Yes, women who work away from home often regret missing the small moments of childhood.
I'd hazard to guess that many loving fathers feel the same way about the moments they missed, the moments they sacrificed, while they sold their time to provide money for food and shelter.
The Biblical defense of this is shaky -- EITHER the Bible says all able-bodied people with male genitals must make every effort to be wage earners for their dependents, and that's-that for all time, in every culture and society... OR there is room for the Spirit to move in individual families. But it is NOT possible that the Spirit moves people to disobey the Word... So if it is possible to allow for Spirit-led flexibility on this issue, than the verse does not actually convey the simplistic/legalistic idea that wage earning is based on gender.
The meaning of the passage is that people who can earn in order to provide for those who depend on them, but choose not to while helpless dependents are suffering lack of basic necessities, are committing a grave act of injustice and un-love. In the first century this was directed at men alone, because women had no (moral*) means by which to contribute to family provision. That does not mean that the point of the verse only applies to men. It is unjust for ANYONE who can provide to allow their dependents to suffer. (*Note: she could engage in prostitution or sell herself into slavery. She could also produce things and engage in commerce as her husband's representative, earning money for him, with his consent.)
Since now women do have a morally acceptable way of contributing to family earning, we have no right to masquerade as helpless dependents (unless we are) and we are under similar obligation to earn, where possible, if doing so is necessary in order to provide basic necessities for people who truly depend on us (ie children).
Jenny · 694 weeks ago
Jenny · 694 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 694 weeks ago
Danielle · 694 weeks ago
Joluise · 694 weeks ago
I live by the Word of God and I completely trust in what ever I am instructed to do. And just because a woman works outside the home does not mean she undervalues the role of mother and wife . . . yes it is a beautiful calling and I am both and I love it, just like you do, but we are just doing things differently.
Anon · 694 weeks ago
Ashley · 694 weeks ago
Becky · 694 weeks ago
I think feminism has crept in too far in the church and it's time to take a stand, as Mark Driscoll has, and really teach what the Bible says about household roles.
Amy · 694 weeks ago
Angel · 694 weeks ago
Now, he fishes for a living and I work full time outside of the home. He is able to be home with the kids in the afternoon, until I get home from work. I don't think he is any less of a man because of his being ill... I don't think he is lazy, or any such things. He still works hard to supplement our income, it's just that as of right now, I can provide more financially than he can.
I love my husband, and although our situation is not ideal.. it is what it is for the time being. I am praying for my husband to be healed of his conditions, but until he is... there is no way for me to stay at home unless we become dependant on welfare.
Drew · 694 weeks ago
When Lori says something like "gotta love Mark Driscoll" that implies that she agrees with his stupid over generalization. My husband isn't committing a sin by taking care of our kids, he is supporting us the BEST WAY HE CAN right now. I understand what the bible says, but seriously? Use some common sense here, it can't work this way for every family and God surely knows that.
Mary · 694 weeks ago
PJB · 694 weeks ago
I'm a full time mom too. It's not because I'm a "helpless" dependent -- it's because it is a good choice for my family right now. We share almost identical reasons for our choice.
Most stay-at-home parents are not "masquerading as helpless dependents". It is only a woman who would starve her children, leaving them unhoused and unclothed because she felt she was not Biblically permitted to earn a wage who would be "masquerading as a helpless dependent".
I'm sorry that I miscommunication at that point.
My point is that the Bible does not define ROLES -- though it often points out when and how people fall short of their responsibilities to one another, and gives instruction on how to fix that. Sometimes that instruction is given to one gender (based on the original situation) but that does not mean it applies in principle only to that gender. Providing for and ministering to a family is teamwork. Actual duties are quite flexible. This passage is about what it means to neglect the responsibility, not about which gender has which responsibilities.
Just because Mark Driscoll offers an interpretation of the Word of God, does not mean that his teaching actually IS the Word of God. As you can see, interpretations vary. It is very normal and very Christian to read one man's interpretation and say, "That's not an interpretation that I consider valid." It's odd when people start pulling out the "If you disagree with the teaching, you disagree with God" nonsense. All Christians are in the business of accepting some interpretations and rejecting others. There are not many cases when that is actually equivalent to disagreeing with God.
Kaboom · 694 weeks ago
Rebekah · 694 weeks ago