Always Learning: Be His Private Garden

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Be His Private Garden

A chaste woman is a modest woman. God speaks of a woman maintaining her chastity and purity by the clothes she wears. She needs to be her husband's private garden, not a public park.

'In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel...which becomes women professing godliness.'
I Timothy 2:9-10

God says a woman's apparel should profess godliness...It is impossible for a woman to understand a man's visual drive. She can only believe what an honest and candid man tells her, but few men are willing to admit to their weakness..dress as you would dress for the Judgment Seat of Christ.
Debi Pearl

Years ago, we had our sons read Every Young Man's Battle. We wanted them to be prepared to handle their powerful sex drive in a godly way. We wanted them to flee sexual temptation and pornography. We wanted them to know how damaging it is to men and families. We wanted them to be prepared for battle.

One friend of mine read this book and made the comment to me, "This book makes it sound like all men are perverts." Most men are not perverts. God made them with a strong sex drive that enjoys the female body. He probably made it that way, so we would keep having sweet babies!

My husband has been very honest with me about men's visual attraction. He has told me at times things I couldn't wear and I obeyed him. Men are turned on by seeing women's flesh, the more the better. We, as godly women, must understand this and teach this to our daughters. Therefore, I taught my daughters that bikinis and tight skirts and shorts are immodest. Any honest, heterosexual man will admit to that being true.

True godly men want a modest wife. They don't want a wife that dresses immodestly and causes other men to lust after. Teach and encourage your daughters to dress modestly. It is pleasing to the Lord and pleasing Him is a wonderful thing.

Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.

Proverbs 11:22

Modest Monday

Comments (25)

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missionarymomma · 689 weeks ago

Great verses. Evangelicals have lost this teaching of modesty. If you believe what you have written though I wonder why you posted the above picture. Would those ladies be your idea of what a chaste, modest woman is to wear?

2 replies · active 689 weeks ago

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Lori Alexander 122p · 689 weeks ago

Yes, you were right. I found a good one of my daughter with her friends. Thank you for pointing that out to me. I definitely wanted to show what modesty looks like in today's society.

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Danielle · 689 weeks ago

Are you serious? Nothing wrong w/that picture.

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tbg · 689 weeks ago

If she is using stock images it may be hard to find anything more modest for a wedding photo. You would be shocked how hard it is to find wedding and formal dresses that are not strapless.

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tbg · 689 weeks ago

I forgot to add my comment. When I was dating my husband I tried a dress on at a store, it was over the knees but just by an inch and it was not low cut nor was it tight. However, in addition to being over my knees it had spaghetti straps. Although it was not too short, too low cut or too tight, the combination of the strapless and the over the knee was just so much flesh that he shared with me he felt it was not appropriate. I was really surprised and had never thought of this before. I was like because you can see my shoulders? It was really eye opening as he shared with me.

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Heather · 689 weeks ago

The bride is her daughter.

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AMY · 689 weeks ago

Here's the thing. I don't dress in low cut tops, short skirts, or bikinis. Nor, do I allow my daughters to dress like mini adults. BUT I choose my clothes! Never once has my husband ever told me not to wear something. My body is my own and I decide how to dress it! If he ever demanded I not wear something, his ungly sweats would be gone! LOL. By the way, I love the dresses in the wedding photo.

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April · 689 weeks ago

Great post, modesty is so important. I appreciate my hubby's opinion, if he notices something that I have is less modest than it should be, such as a top that reveals more than it should while leaning forward, he will gently point out the trouble. At which time I notice, and go yikes, and either add a tank top or rethink my choice. I appreciate his honest advice, just as he appreciates my help picking out a coordinating tie :) Men do know best in this situation, they spot things that we might not think of.

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Heather · 689 weeks ago

Great post and very well said!

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Tracy Nault · 689 weeks ago

I laughed out loud at the "be her husband's private garden, not a public park." So funny and yet so true. Being modest doesn't mean you can't be fashionable as those beautiful girls in the picture point out.

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tascha.piatt · 689 weeks ago

thank you for sharing! beautifully said. & thank you for the book recommendation. my only boy is still quite small but he wont be for long!!!

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obedientbeauty 13p · 689 weeks ago

Love your post, as usual, Lori! Thanks for being a woman who is always learning...

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KAN · 689 weeks ago

Modesty is so extremely important and Christians have widely varying views of what that entails. There is the Amish version, the Duggar version, then the modernized "no- bikini" version. It is a tough topic and opinions and convictions certainly differ.

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Miranda · 689 weeks ago

This is my first visit! I love the comment about being a private garden not a public park. Actually made me laugh out loud. Im going to have to remember that one!

I agree with what you have written. I think men are very visual but I also think that our society has played it up so much. Men are visual and a womans body is to turn him on but I think that if a mans heart is right than he will not be looking long enough to turn him on. Ya know what I mean?

But that goes back to the private garden, our world is FULL of men that look and look long and hard. It makes me sick sometimes. We should dress and act modestly to not be a stumbling block and to only be for our husbands pleasure.

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Frances · 689 weeks ago

Well, we all have different ideas about what constitutes modest clothing. As a Mennonite, of the modern church, I can tell you it's a tough one for our church because many have grandparents or cousins who still wear cape dresses with head coverings, are not allowed to wear their hair down, are not allowed to wear jewelry (even wedding bands), and must have stockings covering their ankles. My mother in law grew up in the old order church and loved to ride horses. She kept a pair of boys jeans hidden in the barn so she could comfortably ride. Now she has a ranch, trains horses, believes in Christ, but rejects the church. Thankfully, our church no longer has a dress code. We still believe in modesty but steer clear of defining it. I realize some clothing is a stumbling block for some men, but some judgements are a stumbling block for some women as well. For example, the first comment about your photo. Maybe you changed the photo afterwords, but those women look well dressed to me. This is what I'm getting at. It seems like no one can claim to be a modest woman, because there is always another person saying that's immodest. Even if you changed the photo, I can count the ways it would not pass the old order standards. Sorry to rant, I really wish women took this issue more to heart and prepared their daughters as well. I just got sidetracked by some of the comments.

3 replies · active 689 weeks ago

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missionarymomma · 689 weeks ago

As lady who does wear cape dresses I agree that culture can determine modest standards. I agree too that heart is the key. I have mixed feelings on whether defining modesty is a good thing or not. In some ways it does make life easier. In other ways, some can dress correctly on the outside and be dead on the inside.

To be fair, there are some things that are not modest. There must at some point be a line. The picture above was changed. While I personally, would still not wear what the girls in the above photo are wearing (and hope my daughters will not also) I can see how these girls in their culture cold feel "modest" in their clothing.

The first picture though of sleeveless dresses, seeing the obvious cleaveage just did not seem like the correct photo for a blog on modesty. Which is why the picture was changed.

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Danielle · 689 weeks ago

Why wouldn't you wear what the girls in the above picture are wearing? All I'm seeing is black. They are fully dressed. I see nothing at all wrong with it. And certainly wouldn't dissuade my children from wearing the same.

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AMY · 689 weeks ago

I thought the dresses in the first picture were beautiful. I also see nothing wrong with the outfits in the second photo. However, there are people who dress much more modestly (think Armish or Little House). In my opinion every woman should dress as she sees fit. Some women like Michelle Duggar, feel they should never show their arms or kness, that's fine for HER. An other woman may feel it's okay to wear a lowcut blouse or tank top. That is fine for HER! We live in a country where freedom is valued. We are very lucky! Some women in other countries are beaten or jailed for not covering their heads or wearing a burqua.

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Tracy · 689 weeks ago

Thanks for the book recommendation. I have 2 boys (too young to read it yet) and no daughters but I can be thinking ahead of how to prepare my boys for dealing with temptations that lie ahead :)

1 reply · active 689 weeks ago

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brittanygrim 24p · 689 weeks ago

My husband LOVES the book Lori referred. He has guys that he mentors and he always has them read it. There is a book called Preparing your son for Every Man's Battle too that my husband recommends fathers with sons to read. We have one son right now (and I think the little one in my belly is a boy too) and I'm leaving this are up to him. He said it teaches you how to get your son on the right foot from a young age.

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Together as One · 689 weeks ago

Love, love the wording of being my husband's "private garden" and not a "public park"! We believe in modesty but believe it should be a joy to be modest! I'm new to your blog and have found it so refreshing to find someone who stands for something!
We chose not to have our sons (ages 17 & 21) read "Every Man's Battle" because of the word pictures he draws through out the book which could lead them to picture a lot of lustful scenes. Joshua Harris has some great books that we have all enjoyed reading. "Sex is not the Problem, Lust is" and the "I Kissed Dating Good bye" series. Looking forward to reading more....

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Joluise · 689 weeks ago

This is an interesting topic, as one lady said, my definition of modesty is not the same as the next lady's. It’s a similar issue with length of hair, makeup and jewellery (these latter ones would make interesting topics as well – should women have long hair/cut their hair, wear makeup etc).

I generally wear long skirts (straight) and knee length skirts/dresses and occasionally my husband tells me off for wearing something that "looks like a tent" as he says!! He things that some modest outfits are just ugly and too tent like, therefore I tend to stick to the straight skirts which he prefers.

Whilst we may dress modestly –our husbands, brothers, sons go off to work and see all sorts of outfits—I am often very surprised at what women wear at work, that would be better suited to a party. They need to be able to manage these temptations.

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Kasey · 687 weeks ago

With 5 boys of my own, this very subject is strong on my mind and in my heart. I want nothing more than to help them prepare for the battle that satan will place before them at every opportunity. Thank you for the wonderful reminder of this book. I've actually read it, but had forgotten all about it. I'll have to pull it out and arm my sons!

I am featuring this post on my blog tomorrow. Such an important topic! I would be honored (and my readers blessed) if you would stop by and link-up again! Blessings, Kasey

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Blair · 685 weeks ago

I am curious as to what age you would recommend beginning these talks with boys. My eldest son is only 5 but he is keenly aware of when a woman is not dressed modestly. While watching the Super Bowl yesterday he said, "I can't believe their parents are letting them wear that and do that!" Is it too soon for talks about turning his head/adverting his eyes when he sees a woman dressed to what he considers immodest? I don't want to call more attention to something he isn't noticing but he seems to be aware even if the lust factor has not kicked in yet!

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Jane · 565 weeks ago

I just found your blog and I'm so blessed by the posts on modesty and just everything, God bless you for sharing the Truth in these days the Truth is pounded on every side. STAND Strong!

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