Is happiness the purpose of marriage? If it is, that explains why the divorce rate is so high. I believe God has a different purpose for marriage. It is to become more like Jesus. Unhappiness is not the basis for ending a marriage.
One women recommended I read Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage by Michael and Chuck Misza. It is a great book to any of you who are married to difficult spouses that don't seem to be responding to you even as you try to be a godly wife.
They encourage you to keep a good eye on your heart. Do not let it become bitter or hateful towards your husband if he is not the husband that you expected him to be. The cancer of the heart is not the pain of loneliness and hurt as much as it is the strident energies of "bitterness, hot tempers, anger, loud quarreling, cursing, and hatred" {Ephesians 4:31}
God does not promise a lifetime of ongoing happiness but a life of peace, contentment, joy, fulfillment, and many other things - but not perpetual happiness. Learning to respond to marital difficulties with strength and courage can provide satisfaction even if your spouse will not embrace your love. Many people have never considered that life can be satisfying even if their marriage is difficult.
The key to thriving despite a difficult marriage is developing wisdom and maintaining a conviction that marriage is worth giving yourself to no matter the cost. You need to learn how to love and endure when you receive little in return.
You are on the right path when you understand that the true problem that needs to be addressed doesn't concern the defects in your spouse but rather the darkness that emerges from your own heart while in a difficult marriage.
Your hope is that God will give you the wisdom, courage, and strength to defeat the Enemy's attempts to corrupt your heart so you can remain alive and passionate. With a thriving heart you will be able to live vibrantly and allow God to offer a powerful love through you to whomever he puts in your path, especially your spouse. The result is that God will be honored and life will be immensely fulfilling.
If any of this resonates with you, I encourage you to read this book. I will probably be doing more posts on this since I have only covered the first chapter so far!
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that gives to all men liberally, and criticizes not; and it shall be given him.
