Always Learning: What Pastors Won't Preach

Monday, January 16, 2012

What Pastors Won't Preach

Imagine what a real Christian pastor, instead of a feminist would say to these women. I’m guessing it would go something like:

Are you squandering your youth and fertility chasing the feminist goals of career and casual sex? Are you making yourself less marriageable by not keeping your virginity? For those who are married, are you refusing to submit to your husband as the bible commands?

If anyone here knows an actual Christian pastor who is serious about biblical marriage and not a feminist wrapped in faux Christianity, please let me know and we can ask him what he would say.

These are quotes from a male's blog. He is tired of pastors putting all the blame of failed marriages on men. He thinks feminism is the major reason for the break down of the family and I wholeheartedly agree.

I have seen it for myself. I have been mentoring women for over eight years and when they truly know what submission looks like and decide to submit, the marriage turns around almost immediately. Not always, but most of the time.

I have always loved Jesus. His Spirit has always worked in me, but I was far from being a submissive wife until an older woman taught me what it looked like. I finally saw clearly all of my sin in our marriage. Since I have learned submission, my marriage has become a beautiful thing. We CAN win them without a word.

I am VERY saddened how few pastors teach on submission. They always bring up the verse about submitting to each other. That verse is addressed to the church at large. One verse. Right after that verse, Paul teaches that women are to submit to their husbands. At least five other places in scripture say the same thing. The Bible doesn't say "adapt to" or "be friends", etc. It says Wives are to submit to their husbands.

Submission is a beautiful thing. It takes a strong woman to submit. Being his help meet is a beautiful thing. The more I learn to submit, the happier we both have become. Since most pastors have dropped the ball on this one, I am going to keep teaching it as loudly and clearly as I can as long as I have breath, because God's ways work.

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the savior of the body.Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything...Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Ephesians 5:21-24,33

Comments (56)

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Carrie B · 688 weeks ago

So other than the Bible (of course) what books or resources would you give about Biblical wifely submission? This is on my heart in 2012.

3 replies · active 687 weeks ago

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Deborah · 688 weeks ago

Through you, God is teaching me and my marriage is getting stronger.
Thank you.
Hugs, Deborah
P.S. That is a beautiful photo.

1 reply · active 688 weeks ago

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Melissa W. · 688 weeks ago

I found your blog a few months back and have been reading ever since... It has really given me alot to think about- thank you! I'm glad you wrote a post about this- this has been on my heart for a little bit also, but no sure what/how to do it or what it looks like... Can you help please? Thank you!

Melissa W.

1 reply · active 688 weeks ago

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Rightthinker · 688 weeks ago

Amen! I've written a lot about biblical submission, and biblical womanhood on my blog, as well. We are the antithesis of feminism, and the world hates us for it...what they see as weak, is indeed strength in Christ..it's as if the world hates true happiness that comes through godly submission in Him!

God Bless you for your work of holding up the truth in a very muddled Christian world..one that, sadly, looks much like the secular world in their marriages, lifestyle, careers, etc.

1 reply · active 688 weeks ago

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spencer · 688 weeks ago

Beautifully said. And, so true! (Although, I won't lie.. I do still struggle with that).

Warm blessings,
Spencer

1 reply · active 688 weeks ago

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Mark · 688 weeks ago

I think this verse is very misunderstood. I recently studied it because my wife came home from church with her mother-in-law quoting it as an excuse for her not to submit. I ended up staying up all night, downloading Bible study tools on my iPad and reading several translations, along with other verses. My conclusion:

If the wife is to submit to her husband as though she represents the church submitting to Christ, if Jesus told the church to do something would the church's correct response be:

1. You don't show me enough love, therefore I won't obey you;
2. I'm not sure I want to do this. Let's talk about it first;
3. I'm going to think about it, so I can come back later and feel that by agreeing I'm really making the decision myself;
4. Yes, Lord, I'll do it.

2 replies · active 687 weeks ago

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Stacy · 688 weeks ago

My husband is a Godly pastor who preaches submission to husbands! He also preaches for husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. (Though one is not dependent on the other).

He also lives it out...and I aspire to! Though sometimes I fail. But I praise God for the blessing of my husband.

1 reply · active 688 weeks ago

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KAN · 688 weeks ago

Our wonderful Pastor has said that in his 30 years of ministering to famlies, if the husband loves his wife as he should, it is extremely probable that the wife will submit as she should. Since the husband is the leader and head of the home, it makes sense that the first layer of responsibility is on him. It is more logical that a husband loves and leads first and a wife responds with submission.

Of course, failure on the husband's part to love as he should is not an excuse for the wife to not submit as she should (and vice versa!).

2 replies · active 595 weeks ago

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Kaitlyn · 688 weeks ago

Thank you so much for your godly counsel ! I want so badly to be a godly wife one day and you are helping me on that path as well as Mrs. Pearl's book Preparing to be his helpmeet. I look forward to reading more !

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Kristin · 688 weeks ago

While I agree with your thoughts on marriage--I think the quote, particularly the part about women making themselves less marriageable, is unfair.

Here's why:
First, there are overwhelming more single women attending churches than men.
Christian women by and large want to marry long before their male counterparts. I don't have one single female friend who does not wish she were married. On the other hand, I cannot count the number of male friends/acquaintances who hesistate to marry until they are older. Moreover christian women are much more likely to marry as virgins then their male counterparts.

So-an attempt to encourage godly marriages should start with exhorting christian men to step up and actually marry. After that, yes, by all means we women need godly counsel on what marriage should look like. But unfortunately many women aren't getting that chance because there are less "marriageable" men than women.

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Together as One · 688 weeks ago

Love this post! I agree 100%. I am blessed and honor God to be married to a man who not only believes this, he also lives this, and as a pastor, he preaches this! I know some women are married to some very hard-to-love men but what power and influence we women have over men when we show them respect. And the Bible does not say that we should respect and submit to them if...... and then we add our list of expectations. Along with submitting to them we have to give them room to make mistakes and be okay with that. How else can they learn? Submit does not include abuse however. If a woman is being abused or asked to go against God's Word she should seek help.
True freedom is submitting to my husband and allowing God to direct him on how to lead our family. I know that my husband values my opinion and takes what I say into consideration, he also knows that I respect his decision and will support him even when I may have decided differently. I want to encourage you to keep up the good posts!
The Bible is only as difficult to understand as we make it. I agree if we women would respect and submit to the men in our lives, most of them would step up to the plate and be the men God created them to be. (That doesn't excuse the men to shove the blame off on the women either, though, because God tells them to love their wives as He loved the church and gave Himself for it, and neither is that dependent on how their wives treat them.) How beautiful marriage is when we both live according to God's Word!
Some books I recommend are: "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhaun and another by her and her husband "For Men Only". (yes, i read that one, too, like she knew we would!) ha! Blessings.....

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Brooke · 688 weeks ago

I think that verses to the husband and wife go hand in hand. When one or the other is taken only by itself and crammed into people bad things happen. My Mom was part of a church that had a man (so-called) that tried ramming submission (wifely) down the families throats there- that men were to make sure their wives submitted to them. This caused a lot of marital problems in the church and a lot of misunderstanding! Submission is a beautiful thing when it is given freely by the wife, but terrible when forced by the husband. (I am not talking about a loving reminder) When we submit to Christ, it is not forced but comes of our own free will, and our will should be His will.
The same goes for a husband's loving his wife. Beating him over the head with a Bible verse will not make him love you more.
Each should do what God has asked of them and do it as to the Lord- not to get our spouse to do what we want them to do. So many men and women try to change their behavior to get their spouse to change. This is just manipulation- not obedience to God! In other words, worry about what God has asked you to do and leave your spouse to the Lord. :)

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Mark · 688 weeks ago

I just wanted to add a couple of things from my experiences. My first is about my mother and father. When I was young no one in our household were Christians and there were all kinds of things wrong with how we lived. (A pastor and counselor have told me I had the most dysfunctional childhood they've ever encountered). Later, my mother became a Christian, though my father was very opposed. For years she did her best in a terrible marriage, which was terrible almost entirely because of my father.

Then one day God revealed to her that she needed to submit and respect my dad as head of the household, even though he was, well, not nice, to put it mildly. My mother did and it completely turned their marriage around. They now have a good marriage--probably better than most! My father also now shows my mother lots of love and care.

Something else, from my experiences now. I became converted about twenty years ago. In the past twenty years, I've seen churches become very feminised--just like schools. The reason why men are absent is because churches are much more appealing to women. They are run either by women or by men who have grown up in church and then gone to Bible school. Both of these groups of people are very out of touch with what it's like to be a guy out in the world who wants to attend church. You come in from the world seeking a sanctuary, wanting to put your past behind you and thinking that the church will be a place of love and acceptance.

And what do you find? You find men who have been brought up in the church acting like a little rebellion is cool and you're not cool unless you conform to their standards of minor rebellion. You think, "Hang on! I just came from a very rebellious life. I know the end result of rebellion is misery and death. I'm here because I've had enough!" And besides, they are not nearly as cool as they think they are. They're like ballet dancers wearing biker leathers. Christians are not meant to be cool and they look weird when they try. So, you don't fit in with the men in leadership.

Then there are the women, some of whom are in authority in the church, too. But somehow it never feels right to have them tell you what to do. Look, I'm grown up and even my mom doesn't tell me what to do anymore. Like the guys trying to be cool, the girls trying to tell you what to do doesn't seem natural.

That's my little diatribe against modern churchianity. Sorry for the rant! Churches, in my opinion, need to start humbling themselves again.

1 reply · active 688 weeks ago

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maryormartha 2p · 688 weeks ago

God has done such a major work in my heart in the are of submission to my husband over the years. We have a terrific marriage and a terrific family, to God be the glory. God created marriage. We should follow His directions.
http://musingsofaministerswife.com

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April · 688 weeks ago

Amen amen amen!! I wish pastors would preach this, and pastor's wives would teach Biblical womanhood. What a difference it would make!

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Gail · 688 weeks ago

I'm a 60 year old grandmother, happily married for 41 years, and I totally believe in submission. But the man you quote at the beginning of your post doesn't seem to have a lot of humility and love in his statements. Even when we are right about something, we can take on an air of self-righteousness. I know because I've done this at times, and it does more harm than good. Speaking the truth in love is difficult, but so important.

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Tara · 688 weeks ago

everything I read is telling me I can turn my unhappy marriage around by humbly submitting to my husband . Ok, fine.. now tell me how to get rid of the intense anger, bitterness, and resentment I have tward him ? I mean how am I supposed to love, be kind, and submit when all I feel when I look at him is almost 20 years of being ignored, talked horrbly to, I could go on and on, but I won't. you get the idea. I would love to get excited when he comes home..not have a sense of "oh great.. whats he gonna say we've done wrong now." seriously where do I start??? I still have little ones, and don't want to do the "stay for the kids" thing.. thats a long time to be miserable. I should add.. he is in no way physically abusive, doesn't cheat, etc. he's just the most negative person to be around. I mean just once I'd love to hear him say something kind to one of the kids.. or to me. instead of the constant critisism.

7 replies · active 687 weeks ago

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Susan Mc. · 688 weeks ago

Submission starts in the heart before it can spill over into the lips and life. So few of us have good examles. Servanthood to Jesus first helps so much in taking a step to truly serving our family with a submissive spirit. I'm not totally there yet but I have a heart to glorify God by submitting to my husband, my life ...and all the Lord allows in it to knock off the hard edges.

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momto8blog · 688 weeks ago

I remember being outraged at this passage....I havre come a long way baby!!
I am your newest follower..pls follow back if you can!

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Russ Mason · 688 weeks ago

I think Pastors refrain from preaching on submission for much of the same reasons that they refrain from preaching on tithing. They do not want to come across as a male chauvinist or greedy. As alluded to in this post, it has often been said that if a man were living a sanctified life and emulating the character of Christ (willing to lay down his life for his wife - not only literally but in everyday acts of service, compassion, and love), then the woman would have no problem submitting to her husband. It's the idea of a woman having to submit to an insensitive, iron-fisted man that repulses women and causes them to despise this sort of teaching. When it comes to spiritual authority, just as members of a congregation are protected under the authority of their Pastor, Women are protected under their husbands in the household. Since men are the head of the household, they will be held most responsible by the Lord for their words and actions. If a woman finds herself living in a situation where the man is not necessarily the easiest to submit to, the Bible admonishes her to continue to love him, pray for him, and do her best to win him over by her gracious words and deeds. Is this easy? No, but being the salt and light of the world among such darkness isn't either. This is the high call of Christianity - to live as champions in Christ even though we are at times surrounded by those who are living far below the image and destiny they were created for. So we are all in this together. To be sanctified and then to live sanctified in the face of unrighteousness so that God's Kingdom may go forth and be established in our homes, lives, and world.

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Charlotte · 688 weeks ago

I agree with you. I think the majority of pastors are afraid to preach on this subject due to the increasing hostility toward the very word submission. But there are still a few speaking the truth without fear of negative reaction.

I've been married 27 years and have seen the wisdom in submitting to the leadership and authority of my husband. It's not easy...it goes against my human nature. But when God asks something of us, He also provides the ability to do it.

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Susan McCurdy · 688 weeks ago

I wanted to add that my pastor preaches on submission and tithing. : ) He also lives it. I know because I live with him. The other night we watched the "Courageous" Movie together asa family. The next day my 19 year old son was taking me to lunch (one of his Christmas gifts to me was a lunch coupon from him). Anyway, he made the statement while driving. "Mom, after watching that movie, I realized what a great dad I have .....I guess most dad's are not like that at all and I never realized it." There are men out there who are doing their best to honor the Lord with their pulpits and thier homes.

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sherry · 688 weeks ago

not submitting to our husband means we are in a constant battle of the wills. God didn't design marriage to be a contest. Man is head of the household and women are there to submit, support, encourage and be as Christ would have them to be. Thank you for being there for the women and for the men alike.

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Charlotte · 688 weeks ago

This is a real problem in our society. I agree with you. Thank you for pointing out what the Bible says on the subject in such a good way.
Blessings,
Charlotte

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Louisa · 688 weeks ago

I love this post. I just popped over here from the wise woman builds her house. This is one subject I am very passionate about, respecting our husbands and submitting to them. I once heard a praecher say that to submit is to come under the protection of, how precious is that. We also never hear preached not to suffer that woman Jezebel, because most people, those who are feminists especially, are allowing Jezebel to rule, wether it be in the home or the church or where ever, even out own hearts.

1 reply · active 687 weeks ago

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