Always Learning: The Ideal For Children

Sunday, January 29, 2012

The Ideal For Children

Denise Prager is a radio personality that I enjoy listening to once in awhile, especially on Wednesdays when he has the male/female hour. Recently, he discussed the ideal work situation for a married couple with children. He thinks we owe it to our children to portray to them what is the best for families, not what society says is best.

He believes that a family works best when there is a full time homemaker {ideally, the wife}, and a full time provider {ideally, the husband}....Imagine that! Most women today are taught that they need career satisfaction and should pursue it. But for most women, a career doesn't bring the same satisfaction as it does to a man, he believes.

In order to live this ideal, families need to learn to do with a lot less. The benefits are many when there is someone home full time making a beautiful home life for the family. Being a good homemaker, he says, is as much an effort as a CEO of a company.

When couples have to split all the chores up 50/50, it causes a lot of conflict. Arguing about who does what...who should be up with the baby at night, who carpools the kids today, who vacuums, etc. leads to strife. When the roles are more clearly defined, it lends itself to a much more peaceful home.

I agree with him. I believe the Bible agrees with him and teaches these same principles. Sure there are families who make other arrangements that work well for them or the wife has to work, because the husband is disabled. But he believes there is always a cost to the family when the ideal isn't being implemented. These are critical issues to ponder...

Teach the young women to be...keepers at home.

Titus 2:4,5

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

I Timothy 5:8

P.S. Now isn't that the cutest little grandbaby you have ever seen??? :)

Comments (22)

Logging you in...

Dashboard | Edit profile | Logout

Logged in as

0 Vote up Vote down

cassie · 686 weeks ago

I agree. There seems to be a real push for young women in the church to be career women. To be even better than men, to look down on mothers. We need to train girls to be great keepers of home, and to be happy, joyful Christians in doing this. And yes, a beautiful little grandbaby :D

+3 Vote up Vote down

Tiffany · 686 weeks ago

I strongly agree. As a stay at home mom of 3 little ones with a husband who makes very little...I can testify that it IS possible to make it on one income in most situations. Where there is a will, there is a way.

Sure, we don't have fancy things but we have been wise with our money and have been able to avoid much debt at all. (Other than our home!)
I can't think of one material possession that would be worth trading for these days at home with my little ones while they are little.

I often think about working mothers and how I couldn't do it. If I got home at five or six and my kids went to bed at eight, that's only 2-3 hours a day with my children! There's no possession or convenience that is worth that compromise, in my opinion.

While I was growing up and in my teenage years, all I wanted to be when I grew up was a mother and a wife. Sadly, that is looked down upon. Maybe some would think that a girl like that didn't want to reach her full potential, or that I was limiting myself. I was a piano and voice performance major in college, and I even had a professor tell me I was going to ruin my life by choosing to have a family over a career in music. But I am proud to say that there has been NO greater joy than that of being married, bringing beautiful children into the world, and nurturing them as they grow.

(Sorry this was so long! As you can see this is a subject I feel very passionately about!)

+2 Vote up Vote down

Tiffany · 686 weeks ago

The title of the post is "the Ideal for CHILDREN".... not parents. I think in almost any case children are better off with a parent than with a daycare provider.

+1 Vote up Vote down

Scienceteacher · 686 weeks ago

While I agree that there should be a stay a home parent (I am the child of a stay at home mom), I would like to hear more on your view of the husband's role in child care/household.

From the tone of this post, it sounds as if the dad should never get up at night with the child, and should never be asked to do anything helpful around the house. Although I know home making is a full time commitment, it seems somewhat unrealistic to expect the mom to be "on" 24/7 and never have a moments help from dad with the children or the home.

I would really like to hear more about what the dad's role in the family is beyond providing an income and any at home spiritual instruction of the children (Since you have previously written women are not supposed to do this.). Does he ever provide some relief for mom so she can take a few moments for herself (a bath perhaps?) or is he completely "off the hook" on child rearing and home upkeep?

2 replies · active 686 weeks ago

0 Vote up Vote down

Nicole · 686 weeks ago

Just a thought....Lori never said that the spiritual instruction had to be done by the dad and the mom wasn't 'allowed' to do it. She posted about women not teaching Men.....not that they couldn't teach children

0 Vote up Vote down

Scienceteacher · 686 weeks ago

Nicole- You are correct, I was thinking of male children, and classifying them with men, which was an oversight, as there is obviously a difference.

+1 Vote up Vote down

Ken · 686 weeks ago

I will take this good question Scienceteacher :), and let you know from Dad what Dad's role was in our home. I was far from the perfect helper to Lori raising the kids, and would give myself a D- in housekeeping, but an A in being there for the kids and family. I had a really poor role model for a Dad when it came to helping around the house, and actually married a woman who I thought would be great at it, and she was. She was a typical super woman Mom who could take care of four kids, homeschool them and keep the house relatively clean, even when sick.

My focus was on getting a career going, so long stressful days working, many trips each month, and lots of playing and cuddling with the kids. Much of the time I looked like death warmed over, headaches and stressed out trying to run a business. Lori did really great with being a keeper at home after she stopped teaching when we had our second child, and when the fourth child came in six years we hired some help with the cleaning.

Then disaster struck. I was traveling close to half the year and Lori got very ill. We tried to make things work and grandma helped out a lot, but Lori was not getting any better. It was amazing what she still would do with making sure the kids got off to school after eating a great breakfast, but then she was back in bed or curled up in pain most of the day. At night time I often cooked, but Lori always had the salads put together and she always mustered great strength of will to make sure her kids were eating right and taking care of their health and teeth.

We hired help to care for the littlest ones, and do some cleaning and I cut back on work from 60 hours to 50 a week and stopped traveling as much. I started playing a lot more Mr. Mom, but Lori was usually cuddling kids even with an upset stomach. The two of us handled the cooking, (or I bought Subway or El Pollo Loco), and Lori the laundry and as much cleaning as she could. Lucy was a godsend who helped us the most, but it was a team effort when Mom is too sick to play Mom or wife for year after year.

We have been through many, many years of Lori’s illnesses, yet she is a great homemaker, even when sick much of the time. I think we began to prioritize what was really most important to raising great kids, and AWANA and church were priorities she never gave up on. I traveled, I worked hard, and I helped be there for the kids in many ways, especially coaching their sports teams, and talking to them when things went wrong.

As some have said in the comments, each set of parents has to find what is best for their family, but parents should understand God’s General Will before trying to seek His Specific Will for their lives and family. What Lori writes is God’s General Will that He wants most Moms staying home and taking care of the family. If you and your husband decide it is best that Mom work outside the home and that the two of you share home responsibilities, this is between you and the Lord. But God’s general calling is for Mom’s to be home where they can best effect the next generation of believers, even when they are sick as a dog many days. He gives His strength and his grace, although we sometimes were lost in the woods.

I thank God that Lori stayed home even though we struggled through the first few years financially with lots of arguments over money at first. It all worked out and now who cares if we retire with an extra $200,000, or more, she could have made working as it is nothing compared to raising healthy, secure, wonderful kids who love Jesus. And it takes doing a lot of things God’s way to get that to happen and to walk away from what the world says is best. It was a comfort for me to know that I had Lori steering the kids and the home and she, and the Lord’s grace get all the credit for it has all turned out just as He promised.

+7 Vote up Vote down

Joluise · 686 weeks ago

"When couples have to split all the chores up 50/50, it causes a lot of conflict." I had to laugh at this comment - it works wonders in our house and I have never fought over who will vacuum or dust. Each family is different and what works for one family may not work for others.

"But for most women, a career doesn't bring the same satisfaction as it does to a man, he believes." I struggle with people who make sweeping comments with no proof/evidences. I know plenty of men (and I mean plenty) who would give up work tomorrow and retire. Men no more want to work than most women. Every one would love to be at home. I have been home and it was much easier - as you are your own boss with your own timetable. You aren't working for someone else. You are the boss.

And please stop mystifying home. It isn't hard, it might be busy, but it isn't hard at all. And if I was at home now, I would have so much free time I would feel guilty. Now that my children have left home, there is only so much I can sew, cook or clean. If you have lots of children and home school, then that is a little different, but most of us don't. Being home might be special but there are many occuptions as hard or even harder.

Each family should do what is best for them. My dad was a farmer and my mum a teacher and I had a wonderful childhood and never felt neglected (and at home cooked meals). It was an ideal childhood that I wouldn't change. Parents are not damaging their children by working.

2 replies · active 686 weeks ago

+3 Vote up Vote down

Jamie · 686 weeks ago

I agree with a lot of what you are saying but I think you are making quite a sweeping comment yourself by declaring that working in the home isn't hard at all. I work HARD at home. Juggling babies (really RAISING them actively), shopping, errands, laundry, cleaning, cooking, budgeting and EVERYTHING else that goes along with running and maintaining a household is hard work if you're doing it well. I certainly don't have much free time during the day...probably far less than many with office jobs. My husband helps me at night with the baby sometimes and always says, "What YOU do during the day requires much more rest and patience than MY job!" Having held down a "paying job" for many years before I had children I can attest that this was certainly the case!

+2 Vote up Vote down

Trudy Callan · 686 weeks ago

I have to agree with Jamie. I used to work as a court stenographer 60 to 70 hours a week. It was a very demanding job. I am now a stay at home mom, and I work MUCH harder and my work is much more exhausting now than it ever was as a stenographer. It is also much more rewarding.

0 Vote up Vote down

missionarymomma · 686 weeks ago

Pre-Industrial society had most men and women at home. Daddy was often a farmer and was there and involved in eating being with the family. Today, many Amish and Mennonites fathers are still home and in many conservative churches this is still highly encouraged.

After industrialization men went to work and were called, "lunch box fathers" in an almost dergatory tone in Mennonite circles. Men were free to be away all day and the following gerneation had woman ready to go too.

Among some homeschool groups there has been a return of not only the wife/Momma but also the husband/father. When father is home he can more easily fulfil Deut. 6:9 because he is THERE.

0 Vote up Vote down

missionarymomma · 686 weeks ago

I am very grateful to have always had my husband home. We have 8 children. The bulk of housework is my domain. My husband gets lost in the details of home keeping and we believe the Bible has called the woman to be the keeper of the home. However, there are many important home jobs he does provide.

He is there to milk the cows and teach the children how to do it. He drives me to the store and loads the groceries. In 13 years of marriage I can not recall a time where I have ever pumped gas because my husband is around to care for it.

There is no doubt we could be making more money, but we could not be making any better memories.

I agree very much with this post. The first key to having a godly home function well is to bring Momma home but if at all possible let's have dads come home too.

0 Vote up Vote down

missionarymomma · 686 weeks ago

One more quick thought...I have had a wonderful example from many older Amish and Mennonite sisters in the Lord. It's very common to see grandmothers taking a day at each daughters home to help her sew, cook, can and clean and care for the children. I love caring for my children now.
I look forward to helping them be joyful keepers of their own home one day by bringing meals or washing loads of laundry,,,

+4 Vote up Vote down

Tracy Nault · 686 weeks ago

It always amazes me how some people think that society's ideal is what God wants. In fact, it is usually the exact opposite! Yes women can work outside the home and have other people doing the bulk of home duties, but at what cost? Do we really need to keep arguing what God has determined is best? He states it time and time again in the Bible but there will always be those who refuse to listen. There is no substitute for someone at home taking care of the children. God tells us that someone needs to be mom. I haven't always been at home and my older children have suffered for it. I have been at home with my youngest 2 for the last 4 years (something I never thought I cold do) and the only regret I have is that I wasn't listening to Him from the beginning. My husband works on our property so he is available to us all day but I take care of the household duties by myself (I am teaching the twins to do this also) because I feel that is my job (plus I clean much better than hubby!) Thanks for the great post, Lori!

+1 Vote up Vote down

Tracy Nault · 686 weeks ago

Titus 2, Proverbs 14:1, 1Thes. 2:7 references "...like a mother caring for her children". There are so many references to mothers taking care of the children, training their daughters to love their husbands and care for the home.

+1 Vote up Vote down

Fran · 686 weeks ago

Beautiful baby Lori! What a beautiful family you have! I could not agree more with this post! I had a mother who taught at a private school until I was born, and then stayed at home full time until all her children were in school. (She was offered a part-time job in our school district organizing a creative learning program so she did work while we were at school sometimes.) I think the Bible's prinicples are clear on this, and even within the structure of male provider/female homemaker, God provides a way for each family member to fulfill his or her calling. My mom did all the laundry, cleaning, decorating, etc. And although it would have been "more traditional" for my mother to grocery shop, this was something my father has always truly enjoyed. He would take me with him when I was little every Saturday and it was special "Daddy/Daughter" time. So even within the traditional biblical structure, God provides room for each family to be unique.

+3 Vote up Vote down

AMY · 686 weeks ago

I agree that it works best for a child to have a parent stay at home, at least part-time. I'm not a fan of daycare. But in today's world sometimes both parents truly have to work to afford housing, food, etc. However, I disagree that it should always be the mom. I know two wonderful stay at home dads. They take care of their children's social/emotional/physical needs just as good as a mom. In both cases, they wanted to stay at home, both mom's have jobs making better money than the dad could have and didn't want to stay at home. The mom's are happy working and the dads are overjoyed to stay home. It works for them!

+4 Vote up Vote down

jbeane6 36p · 686 weeks ago

As an over sixty (close to seventy) mom and grandmom I am amazed at some of these comments. The Word says," Be not conformed to this world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your minds.." Someone needs to manage the household, someone needs to raise the children, someone needs to provide that peaceful place... Our culture has so emasculated men and their roles..women have chosen to "have it all"... God said to Adam," I will make you a helpmate.." Why is there so much digging in to avoid that God given role?
Satan is a liar,dear young women, dear mamas. Don't believe him!
What God has for you is so much better!

1 reply · active 686 weeks ago

0 Vote up Vote down

Trudy Callan · 686 weeks ago

Amen to that, Jan. Thank you for chiming in.

+1 Vote up Vote down

inhistiming 8p · 686 weeks ago

LOVE your words, Jan! I wish someone had said that to me years ago. I have been home most of the time since my 14 yo was born (he was 1st) but my heart wasn't actually home until about 6 years ago. I was finally able to embrace the job that God has for me and I love it. I agree that my older ones have suffered some from my being away when they were younger, but we are all home together now, thankfully. An added bonus is that God has now brought me work that I can do from home, just a few hours a week that can be squeezed in here and there, doing something I love to do, which is to write! Who knew those years ago that it would come through obedience to what God was telling me back then? Thank you for speaking out and keep telling the younger women (I was one of them!), they need to know!

+2 Vote up Vote down

Kristin · 686 weeks ago

I think it's important to remember that families have looked different throughout history. The idea of a nuclear family with just a mother and father being primary caretakers of children is fairly modern. Biblical families were likely extended, with aunts, grandmothers and mothers all caring for children. It takes a village. And that village today often includes caretakers outside of the family. This isn't necessarily worse for the child. Rather, it can be a calculated and prayerfull decision that a child would most benefit from spending time in a particular environment. For instance, my niece spends two days a week in a montessori daycare simply because she loves it. Home with mother 24/7 is not necessarily best for children. I know we mothers would love to think that is always true. I for one hope I can swallow my pride, admit that there are people besides myself that my children can learn from, and let that happen.

0 Vote up Vote down

Charyse · 686 weeks ago

I am currently a working mom. I teach kindergarten, which I love. However, I drop my daughter off at daycare at 7 am and cannot pick her up until almost 5 pm daily. The amount of QUALITY time my daughter has with me is about 15 minutes a day.
Now, I know this is temporary while my husband goes to college so he can go to work and I can stay home in a couple more years however it is HARD working all the time when I want to be home.
Growing up and even as a young, Christian adult, I thought I was meant to be a working mom. I totally bought into Satan's lie that there was no such thing as a "head of the household" and my husband would never be the spiritual head over me. We really struggled during those years of marriage too. About a year and a half ago, I really decided to let God reign supreme in my life in ALL areas.
I am still fairly young, but I have learned that I have to swallow my pride and admit that God's will as the helpmeet for my husband and the nurturer for my family is key.

Post a new comment

Comment as a Guest, or login:

Share on Facebook

Connected as (Logout)

Email (optional)

Not displayed publicly.

Tweet this comment

Connected as (Logout)

Email (optional)

Not displayed publicly.

Submit Comment

Subscribe to

"Mark them which cause divisions and offenses contrary to the doctrine which you have learned and avoid them." {Romans 16:17} All comments WILL be moderated before being published. Thank you for your patience.

Comments by IntenseDebate

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)