Women who have multiple sex partners before marriage are indulging in forbidden fruit {sin}. Women who are married and denying their husbands frequent sex are also indulging in forbidden fruit {sin}. The Bible clearly tells us to render due benevolence {sex} to each other as a way of escaping temptation.
There are many women out there who were promiscuous before they were married. Once they are married, they don't seem to enjoy sex anymore or need time to "heal" from their past sexual experiences. Denying your husband sex, except for a time of prayer or illness, is sin.
Some women wait until their wedding night to have sex but later on, tire of it and don't want it much anymore. This too is sin. When we are commanded to obey our husbands, it includes giving them sex frequently since that is how often most men want it.
They may have been virgins when you married them so you reason they exercised self-control in that area before marriage so they should be able to after they are married. Not so! Now they have a woman in bed with them {their wife} and deserve to have frequent sex with her.
One woman I mentored hadn't given her husband sex for four months because she's pregnant and was told not to have sex. This is asking for trouble. I told her she needs to give her husband sex, just be creative. A young man shouldn't have to wait four months to have sex!
So now that you know not giving your husband frequent sex is sin and you don't want to walk in sin, start making your husband happy. IT ONLY NEEDS TO TAKE TEN MINUTES!!! That is not much of a sacrifice to have a happy husband.
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence {sex}: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife has not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband has not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency {lack of self-control}.
I Corinthians 7:3-5
Logging you in...
Guest · 634 weeks ago
My husband is a perfectly normal 35 yr old and doesn't want sex frequently. This is something we talk about!!! Even if he did want it frequently (and who's to define that word?), is it better to give it to him in a completely dry, dull, almost-lying-because-I'm-not-in-it way? I agree that we are to submit to our husbands. Absolutely. But our husbands are also told to love their wives, which means extending a bit of grace. We get tired. We get worn out. Sometimes, it's just not feasible. And that's honesty. Not sin.
Thentone of This whole post just made me cringe.
Lindsay Harold · 634 weeks ago
Jocelan · 634 weeks ago
IT really bothers me that you eroding a woman's self worth by saying that they have no right when it comes to the bedroom.
I agree sex is a wonderful thing between my husband and I.There is no way my husband would enjoy it if he thought I was having sex against my will.I think you need to take another look at the word sin.
Amanda · 634 weeks ago
redheadednurse 67p · 634 weeks ago
Steph Stamper · 634 weeks ago
Lindsay · 634 weeks ago
My husband and I waited for sex until marriage. I don't regret it for a minute- it was the right choice for us. We love each other and love sex with each other.
Then, a week before our first anniversary, he was in a major car accident. He now says that the pain from his three leg fractures and decimated intestine makes it difficult for him to even want sex! Lori, he hasn't given me sex in 50 days!
How do you recommend that I shame him into marital intercourse while keeping him from making weird twisted faces?
Ken · 634 weeks ago
As a man, I will take this one, and I have dealt with it before when I have counseled me who are impotent.
Shame should not be part of the equation, and if pain is involved he cannot have sex himself, but that does not mean that he cannot set aside regular cuddle time to love his wife with sexual play without intercourse. Such play may not be as satisfying, or can be even more satisfying for you as you both discover how to meet a real need while being sensitive to his pain.
Be frank with him. Tell him what you desire and set up at least at first a regular date time to act like a married couple even as you cannot have intercourse. Sex play can involve you describing for him exactly what you want him to do for you one time each week, and alternating times he is to dream up ways that he feels will both draw you closer to each other and satisfy you. Go for a month this way and then have another conversation as to how this is working for each of you.
Playful banter with specific desires communicated is what I would recommend. You will have to figure out how to get that done, but use your imagine, as you can get almost all you want in life with smile, and with clear communications.
Pass this response on to him with a smile, and start your journey together, realizing that with a little bit of creativity, sexual needs and desires can be met even with significant obstacles... and it is the obligation of both spouses to meet each other’s needs in this important area.
I will add that it may be somewhat psychologically painful for your husband if he is fearful that the pain will last long term, and he may be afraid ton share this with you. Helping to get to the heart of his fears may help open up possibilities for you to be satisfied by him.
Jane · 634 weeks ago
Jane · 634 weeks ago
Jane · 634 weeks ago
Jane · 634 weeks ago
Ken · 634 weeks ago
Most Christian women, and this is a Christian blog directed to believers, are married to Christian men who are not evil. They may be selfish and sinful, but often they are hardworking, family loving men who need the respect and admiration of their wives to make it through life and to learn how to love as Christ love the church.
How does one train another to love? Look at Christ. The God of the universe, humbles himself as a man, comes to earth and suffers terrible wrongs at the hands of His created beings, and then is put to death. His message to all who will follow Him is, "Follow my example and teach love by suffering through obedience to me as I obeyed my Father."
Your disaster is a worldly point of view, unless you are referring to evil men, and then I will agree... wives seek help and maybe run from your husband IF he is evil. BUT, you throw cold water on the beautiful , godly design of winning others, especially our spouses by loving them enough to suffer, not for their sake, but for Christ's sake.
And to clarify, I am not saying suffer anything physical or abuse, I am referring to a less than ideal marriage to an imperfect and perhaps selfish man. You chose him, so he is now God's husband for you. If you want to follow Christ, do not run from your suffering, but instead embrace it and "win your man by your godly behavior."
I wish this promise was given to men. Unfortunately, I have seen Christian man after man not be able to win their wife back, no matter how much they showed them love, because of stubborn bitterness. Yet, I have seen women after woman in Lori's ministry win their man. These husbands continue to love and suffer hoping and praying that the Spirit will move in their wife's life to change her, but without the promise that he will ever succeed.
The Christian life is not about comforts and having fun, but much more about following Jesus no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in. Most of those circumstances are self-made, especially who we marry. God wants all Christian spouses, men and women to stay with their spouse, and win them by love, suffering and sacrifice, with few exceptions.
Focus on the exceptions and all you get is a Swiss Cheese Bible with holes everywhere so one can do or not do as they please. That is not the spiritual life God has called the believer to live. No, we live Exception-ally, by believing all of God's Word, even the things that are hard to accept and then watch His promises come true in our lives.
Meg · 630 weeks ago
This post is blunt and true, thank you for having the courage to share your wisdom. We all need to take a long, hard read in our Bibles...the truth is clear.
As a survivor of childhood sex abuse, a repentent sinner who engaged in premarital sex (with my now-husband..which resulted in our firstborn child), the wife of a repentent porn addict, and a woman 'after God's own heart' - I found these very truths in the Bible almost 2 years ago - And it saved my marriage, my soul, and my future.
Purity is more than just avoiding porn, sex outside of marriage, etc...It is also complete selflessness, complete submission, and complete trust in God.
Just like the "Love Dare" from the movie Fireproof, I resolved after learning these truths to submit to my husband, even if he didn't honor me the way I thought he should.
The first weeks were hard.Very hard. I gave even when I didnt feel like it), and he received, and hardly seemed to notice. So I prayed. And guess what...God answered.
Meg · 630 weeks ago
In regard to the no sex during pregnancy thing, the original post did say "Get Creative"...Read Song of Songs! Vaginal sex is not the only Godly way to please your husband.