Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Terrible Twos, Rebellious Teenagers



In Titus, Paul gives these instructions to choosing elders in the church ~

If any be blameless, the husband of one wife,
having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly.

So I figured that if elders could raise children that were not rebellious, we could also.  Therefore, these expressions {terrible twos and rebellious teenagers} never entered my vocabulary.  I was determined to not have terrible two year olds or rebellious teenagers.  At the first sign of a rebellious spirit in any of our four children, we dealt with it immediately.  We didn't want rebellion in any form.

I am not saying my children were perfect because they were not.  As you can see from the picture above, neither is Emma.  Whenever she gets in an irritable mood, they just have her sit somewhere until she gets out of it. {Ken was egging her on a bit for this picture ;).  So far, she is an obedient little girl.  Oh, how I love her!}

 We spent a lot of time disciplining them, training them, and teaching them.  It took a lot of time and patience when they were young but as they got older, it got a lot easier.  All in all, they were a pleasure to raise and we loved having children.  We would have had more if God allowed.

We saw too many parents being permissive with their children. They would tell them to do something several times, then start counting, then tell them they were not going to get a treat, etc. This was training their children to be disobedient.

Some told us we were too tough on our children. I don't agree.  We were tough but they always knew we loved them and were doing it for their good.  It is much easier to be a disciplined adult if you were disciplined as a child.

So refuse to believe the terrible twos and rebellious teenagers are just a stage all children go through.  It is not.  Nip rebellion in the bud as soon as it rears its ugly head in your children no matter how young they are.  If they learn to want to please you when they are growing up, they will most likely want to please the Lord as adults.

Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Proverbs 22:6

Raising Homemakers

Comments (24)

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Having a daycare, I get "stuck" dealing with the discipline of the children's parents. I discussed with one mom her child's behavior, and she bragged "Well, I am THAT mom....the kind that lets her baby do just about whatever he wants. Because he is the only one I will ever have, and he deserves it." Broke my heart for the little boy...plus it makes my days long when he doesn't get to do whatever he pleases at my house!
1 reply · active 637 weeks ago
Oh, I have dealt with those kind of children and it makes life miserable for everyone. She is doing a disservice to him and to the people he is around.
I am dealing with this now. I have a five year old and two year old twins. All boys. We didn't learn about this until now and now we are dealing with the behavior. It's tough. It is for their own good and we know that but we used to give warnings and they don't understand why, all of sudden, the warnings are gone.
1 reply · active 637 weeks ago
The sooner you begin, the easier it is. I have heard it must be done before the age of 7 so you aren't too late. It probably will be more difficult but just don't give in to their bad behavior ever. They will thank you for it one day!
I am also dealing with this right now with a very intense/spirited 4 1/2 year old little girl. She was only about 2 hours old when I heard the nurse tell my oldest daughter that I was going to have my hands full with her ~ oh my ~ how did she know? I have already raised two girls and never had to deal with issues on this level. I admit I cave sometimes because I just don't know how to handle her. The other day in Target she was acting a little "stinky/sassy" and I told her that I was going to take her to the car and she was going to get a spanking if she didn't staighten up and she told me " no, then everyone will know you are being mean to me"............sigh. I was ready to cry at that point. My doctor believes my slightly elevated bp is actually due to her. She is mostly sweet, very compassionate and loving, but is also bossy, intense and very demanding. I just don't know what to do sometimes and probably have let this go on too long. I would love some advice. Thanks for listening.
2 replies · active 637 weeks ago
You must be consistent in your discipline. Strong willed children take much more work but they can be trained. Never lose hope. You must make her see that you are the boss, not her and you mean what you say. I am going to be posting child raising advice on my facebook page in the mornings so you may want to check them out.
kalarachel's avatar

kalarachel · 637 weeks ago

ok, I think Suzen and I have identical 4.5 year olds....haha! I too struggle with this and as a former teacher I know exactly what I don't want my child to be like. She has gotten so much better over the last year, but recently we have been having some sassy/attitude issues. Spanking isn't an option for our family, but oh man, are some times tough.

I really do believe that every child is different and what works for one will not necessarily for another, but it can be so frustrating.
Our daughter was not perfect by any means, but we dealt with her in the same way. We addressed behavior immediately -- both positive & negative behavior. My husband & I always used the same manners *with* her that we expected *from* her -- we said "please", "thank you", and we would even apologize to her when we were wrong on something. We would refer to the "twos" as being the "terrific twos" ... we always tried to reinforce positive instead of the negative. She was never a rebellious teen ... and we found that with each phase of her life, she valued our guidance and advice. We are all very close even now that she's married & has 2 children.
1 reply · active 637 weeks ago
It sounds like you did a great job! I love the expression "terrific twos!"
We have had many people ask us how we get our children to behave to well ... our answer is always, "We don't allow our children to misbehave." .... EVER! They do it or say it once, they are disciplined, and then they don't do it again.

One or our teenagers pushed us, and we gave her 100% of what she thought she wanted and left her with those consequences. It took her a year and she was back seeing and talking about how wrong she was, and now she was back on track. We decided on Tough Love at the outset of her disobedience. Our son (two years younger than her) witnessed those events and we haven't had ONE problem out of him.

I cannot stand to be around disobedient children and mouthy teenagers.
1 reply · active 637 weeks ago
It does take a lot of work but it is so worth it. We have always enjoyed being around our children, so have their teachers, coaches, etc. Congratulations on taking the time to raise obedient children.
I'm not a parent but I agree with the advice 100%.
Too many parents aren't consistent with discipline long enough to see results and then they give up and wonder why their child runs the household.

I got spanked once or twice as a kid but my Mom was so consistent with discipline that all she had to do was give me "the eye" and I *knew* that whatever I was doing was not acceptable. She never "counted to three" or anything. My brother and I were told to do something only once and if we didn't obey then there were instant consequences.

To this day my insides go to jelly when she jokingly gives me the eye. ;-)
1 reply · active 637 weeks ago
My mom was the one who disciplined us also and we knew she meant what she said! She was very consistent and we sure appreciate her for being that way.
How? I have a 2 1/2 year old and honestly she is a pretty obedient girl. I have tried to be consistent and nip things in the bad as they occur. I have to be honest... I've been resorting to warnings and taking away treats lately. What did you do to immediately address it? How do you do it without warnings? Especially outside of the house??

For me, I will say this... when her behavior is "terrible" it is almost always because something is going on in her body that she can't communicate (terrible constipation issues, an off schedule day). I still discipline during those times but I find myself giving more warnings and being more "patient" with her, if that's the right word.

Having lost both my mom and my mother-in-law to cancer a year before she was born, I have very few outlets for Godly mommy advice! Anything will help! :)
1 reply · active 637 weeks ago
Even teaching her to behave when she doesn't feel well is important. Controlling her emotions will benefit her and her future husband immensely! Read my comment below for more advice. Just keep at it...never give up hope and continually ask God for wisdom.
This is the book I recommend to any of you having problems with your children ~ http://www.amazon.com/Train-Up-Child-Michael-Pear...

Yes, it is very controversial but I agree with their methods. It is the same methods we used to raise four obedient children. He NEVER says to beat a child. There is a huge difference between beating a child and spanking a child in a controlled manner in order to teach obedience. My parents used it and many through the centuries to raise obedient children.
Wonderful post! My husband and I parented the same way. People would often say that we were "lucky" to have such well behaved children. Or they would say that we were lucky that our children were not strong-willed. I believe all children are rebellious and strong willed, it is part of our sin nature. There are children who are stronger-willed than others, which my daughter was (and is). It took a lot of time and discipline, but God is faithful, and through our consistency and the Word of God, she learned how to yield. Thanks for speaking on a subject that not all people want to hear. God bless ~
1 reply · active 637 weeks ago
Your welcome, Ronda!
We have 9 children. We've done well with them as babies, toddlers, and even teens. Oh, we've had issues to deal with, and stages etc., but with discipline and consistency it's all ironed out. Each day, we've read the Word of God together, been involved in our local church etc. However, once they are "finished" highschool (we homeschool), and turn 18, that's when they seem to become rebellious. That's what has happened with 3 of them so far. Right now, our current 18 year old is dating a non-Christian. This is heartbreaking for us! And we are just unsure what to do! Any thought?
2 replies · active 637 weeks ago
The Bible says to rebuke, exhort, and encourage one another and it doesn't stop when your children become teenagers or even adults. Share your thoughts with them and try reasoning with them. Then love them...a lot. Be joyful around them and warm. Continue to attract them to you as they see Jesus living through you.
Thank you. That is exactly what we have been and are continuing to do. Also we are praying lots. I know that some would say to kick them out, but my husband and I don't feel that this would be right. Another thing that we are doing, is actually changing churches. We are trying to find one that has kids the ages of our's in order for them to be able to develop healthy, positive relationships with Christians. Both my husband and I had that as teens and young adults and we both reaped the benefits. For us, this means actually leaving the small town that we live in and driving to the next larger center.
I don't know what I or my siblings were like as 2 year olds. But we grew up without spanking, had no curfews, could have a glass of wine with our meals, and if we wanted to smoke we could as long as we bought the cigarettes. None of us got into any kind of trouble in school, we didn't smoke, there were no unwed pregnancies, and as young adults we all joined the military. It was expected we would go to Mass on Sundays and holidays, but since we never objected this wasn't a problem. My parents treated us each with respect and somehow it all worked out.
Consistency is so key, and doing what you say you'll do. If you say "If you do that we're going to the car for a spanking," then you have to do it. If you can't do it, don't say it. I cringe whenever my sister says to my nephew "If you don't do _______, we're going home," because he knows as well as I do that they're not going to pick up an leave from a major family gathering, so he knows he doesn't REALLY have to do what she just said.
Great post!!!! We have a lot in common! I'll be back often to visit!

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