Monday, January 28, 2013

Parental Guidance


My mom, Alyssa, and I went to see the movie Parental Guidance.  It was a rather cheesy movie with a few good laughs but it made some very good points concerning child raising!

This couple was raising their children the way I see a lot of children being raised today.  They won't say the word "no" or "don't " to their children. They have to explain thoroughly to the children their reasons for everything.  There is never any physical discipline or consequences for their actions.  It makes parenting SO difficult!

A friend of mine told me her children aren't spanking their children because they feel the spankings they received as children didn't work.  I asked Alyssa if she remembers being spanked since we rarely spanked our children after the age of five.

She said she remembered a few but knew she deserved them.  She witnesses so many parents today that have children that are so misbehaved because they won't discipline them.  Parents are so concerned about their "fragile self-esteem" that they are ruining their children.

The best child rearing book out there in my opinion is To Train Up A Child.  Ken and I read it a few years ago and decided we raised our children the same way the Pearls raised theirs.  Our children knew the boundaries very well but also knew they were very loved.

This movie has the grandparents come and watch the children for a week.  They set some boundaries and decry the foolishness of baseball games where no score is kept and every one gets to bat until they get on base.  The "everything has to be fair" mentality.

At the end of the movie, the grandchildren love their grandparents and appreciate them.  Children desperately need discipline and self-control.  Their self-esteem will come from that, not thinking everything needs to be fair and no one can ever say "no" to them.  Life is NOT fair and they will have a lot of people say "no" to them.

Prepare them for the real world!  Their ultimate self-esteem, however, is in knowing who they are in Christ.  They are chosen, precious, redeemed, forgiven, and loved by the Creator of the universe.  NOTHING is more important than knowing this tremendous truth. 

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, 
but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness 
to those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:11

Titus 2sday

Comments (10)

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I was spanked as a child - twice at age 4, and once at age 6... I did not understand why until the spanking at 6 - previous to age 6 it had not once crossed my mind to actually disobey anything I was told to do (and I'm truly not an unintelligent individual :P) So I really don't know that spanking as a method of training really had an effect on my life in any way, other than as a 4 year old I felt simply bewildered. 7 of my cousins (in the same family) were raised with clear expectations, but without physical discipline - they grew up to be some of the greatest people I've ever met - Christian, fun-loving, kind, hospitable, diligent workers (most own successful businesses), creative, smart, and great spouses & parents. I think the most important thing is to have the hearts of our children - then they will want to follow our example and our expectations for acceptable behavior. My five year old and three year old are so little still, but it's sweet how often they say "Mommy, you are good, and when I grow up, I want to be like you!" I want them to learn that Mommy is only "good" because of her Savior - that is most important! God has rules for us, and as loving parents we can emulate His example.
2 replies · active 634 weeks ago
Some children are the very sensitive type and you only need to give them a look and they obey! We had one child like that but we also had several that needed a few good spankings. I don't really want this post to turn into a huge debate about spankings, however, since we have had those before. I am just teaching what worked for us and it worked great for us.
No worries, I don't feel any need to argue spankings - one of my kids has needed several, and one just a couple, and one is immediately compliant when told "No." I just am wordy, and felt like typing my thoughts! :)
If any of you want to argue spankings with me, I want you to know I will not publish your comments. You can go to old posts and read all the comments giving every angle on other posts. It is not a topic I want to rehash again and again. Every parent needs to seek God's wisdom in raising their children. Every child is different and needs to be disciplined differently but I believe there are some great biblical guidelines to follow which we tried to follow with all of our children and they worked great for us.
Here is an old post with a lot of comments regarding spankings if you are interested ~
http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2012/02/when-we...

All the comments from my very early posts about it were deleted when we changed to a different comment provider.
This is a movie that has been on my list of ones to see. Even though I'm a young mom, I can tell that I would agree more with the grandparents. {Sports where "everyone's a winner" drives me crazy!}
http://www.domesticblissdiaries.com
I love to Train Up a Child, one of the best child training books in my opinion!
I was in college in the late 1970s and my major was Home Economics and my minor was Child Development. One of the first classes I took had a lab for infants and toddlers which was conducted at the on campus day care and sadly changed my thinking about a lot of ideas regarding children in general. This university is located in deep south Texas, not exactly what you would consider a hot bed of liberalism. The first thing they told me was that we could not say the word "no" to this children but to give them boundaries. I don't know how to not use that word when it comes to children. It was a long semester!
We were given fairly clear guidlines as children along with occasioal spankings as needed. I'm grateful to have been brought up knowing how to behave properly. This can be quite a struggle in today's society. My son is 'special' and, at one point, his counselors required he be allowed to do whatever he wanted, including not going to school. It was horrible to live with a child who was pre-teen, larger than me and refusing to mind (throwing hand tools if I grounded him to his room). I found a new counselor! He's on track now, a tenderfoot in Boy Scouts and a HUGE BLESSING in my life. He now understands, at 12-years-old, why rules are there.
My husband is excellent at setting boundaries, which I enforce, for the younger children. Unfortunately, the older three wore me down because 'NO' was a constant for them from me. I do believe children and adults need boundaries. I do not agree with today's 'everything has to be fair' mentality either. I was taught growing up the world is not fair. If boundaries were given and feelings were hurt inside the house, depression would not be on the uprise amongst teens.

Blessings~
Alethea

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