Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Fertility Has An Expiration Date. Careers Don’t!


Most women will be able to conceive naturally and give birth to a healthy baby if they get pregnant at 35. After 35 the proportion of women who experience infertility, miscarriage or a problem with their baby increases. By the age of 40 only two in five of those who wish to have a baby will be able to do so. {Your Age And Fertility}

I understand there are many women out there who want to be married and have children over careers.  I am not writing to you.  If this is your heart's desire, you must give it to the Lord and wait on His perfect timing and will in your life. If you never get married or have a child, He will be with you to comfort you and give you strength. He always has and He always will.

I am writing to you who think getting a career is very important. I see these high-powered women who have spent years in college to get degrees with loads of debt. Some of them aren't married but would love to be. Others would love to be able to stay home and raise their babies but can't because of all of their debt and education.

If that is what you want, go for it. However, if you want to be a wife and mother more than anything else, pursue something that won't prevent you from getting married young and having babies. Never take your fertility for granted. They are few precious years and they go by quickly.

Take care of your health from an early age. Stay away from estrogen-producing foods and items, like plastic.  An anti-estrogenic diet is simple and delicious. It has three main points: Eat down on the food chain. Eat foods that are more in tune with our genetic makeup such as fruits, vegetables, beans, roots, nuts, seeds, eggs, dairy and wild-caught fish.  Minimize foods treated with chemicals. Eat as much organic food as possible, and avoid synthetic vitamins.  Supplement your diet with nutrients that support your hormones.

Take action to protect your fertility from an early age, then allow God to do the rest.  Seek God's wisdom in what you should do with your life after high school.  College isn't for everyone as I have said many times before. Stop listening to society and begin listening to God.

Seek the Lord and his strength;
seek his presence continually!
I Chronicles 16:11

***  The above picture is one of my wonderful readers who loves 
being a wife, mother, and keeper at home.  

Comments (37)

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Great thoughts, Lori! I married at 23 and had our daughter at 24. I had one semester of college to complete when I got married and my husband and I prayerfully decided that I would not return (at least in the near future). I wanted to focus on my new marriage and my homemaking skills. We had many people telling us that I was making a huge mistake and I "had" to get my degree. When I got pregnant with my daughter 8 months after our wedding day, we again had people who told us we're "ruining" our lives and we'll never "have fun" again! I just couldn't believe how negative the world is against marriage and children! I can say, without a doubt, that my husband and child(ren) are the BEST things in my life. I cannot take a college degree to heaven, but I can take my family. I may finish my college degree at some point, but now is not the season for it. My time is better spent with my family or money-saving efforts (couponing, etc) or furthering my homemaking skills (learning to sew, creating a homemaking binder). I will NEVER regret my husband and child(ren), but I know that I absolutely would regret a college degree if it meant I missed baby season. It's so sad how skewed the world's priorities are and how many women are missing out on so many blessings because the world tells them they need to be "responsible and wait".
2 replies · active 631 weeks ago
Every post that encourages us to listen to God is a great post! Great advice, Lori. Thanks!
1 reply · active 631 weeks ago
Great advice! I was one of those women that believed the lie that I had to be independent. I met a wonderful man in college and could have married early but believed that I had to somehow prove that I could take care of myself. I "let him get away" and always regretted that decision. I did finally get married in my 30s and had time to have one child. I am blessed that my husband agreed that I should stay home to raise our daughter so God blessed me but to be honest I often wonder how many blessings I might have missed because I didn't think that being a wife and mother was "good enough". I hope my daughter learns to think for herself and listen closely to what God wants her to do...not what society says she should want to do.
2 replies · active 631 weeks ago
I'm in this boat now. More and more lately I find my heart being tugged at when I look at or hold babies. Hubs and I are walking through some health issues but I'm hoping we will get to the point of having children soon! :-)
1 reply · active 631 weeks ago
Love this post! :) My husband and I chose a family over me having a career when we first began our relationship. We may not have everything we "want" as far as material things go; but we have a happy home - which money can not buy! We know we are doing exactly what God planned. Married for 10 years now with 2 small, beautiful children, whom I homeschool and spend every day with. No regrets! :) Thanks for your post. Feel free to visit me at gracefullyrefreshed.blogspot.com
2 replies · active 631 weeks ago
Very true post. I'm one of those women you mention in the first paragraph. I had "planned" on getting married at 22 and having my first kid by 26, because I didn't want to be an "old" mom like my mom was (she had me, the oldest of 3, at 32). But now I'm 27 (fast approaching 28) and I'm not courting or dating any guy, I have no one on the horizon that I seem even remotely likely to marry any time soon (even my mom married at 28 - not gonna happen for me). My greatest fear now is losing my fertility before God brings the right guy into my life - or never getting to have children of my own at all. I am doing what I can to maintain it as best as possible while I wait - but I would definitely encourage any woman who has spent time building her career and is approaching 30 to seriously consider slowing down to have children while you still can. Even though modern fertility medicine makes it more possible to have children at a later age, there are real risks to both mother and child - greater risk of gestational diabetes and preeclampsia for the mother and greater risk of birth defects and cognitive disorders for the child.
2 replies · active 628 weeks ago
Amy. Small-town, IL's avatar

Amy. Small-town, IL · 631 weeks ago

I am not sure how to interpret your opinions about college. Didn't you recently post about a college reunion of yours? If this seeming contradiction is something you publicly discuss I would be interested in your sharing your experience. If it isn't something you discuss, fair enough. I was also surprised by your relatively positive post about the man working in the mail room at Penn State. I was waiting for something negative, strident and scathing and instead felt your approach was kind-hearted. These two posts coupled together have muddled my understanding of your positions and I am trying to learn. I came across your blog via an "accidental" click of the mouse around Christmas time, I believe, and now look forward to trying to "read you" daily. Thank you!
1 reply · active 631 weeks ago
Great post, Lori! Growing up I always answered "a mom" when I was asked what I wanted to be. Even in high school, that was my aspiration. My friends and teachers thought I was ridiculous. In college, I was majoring in piano performance for my first year. I'll never forget telling my piano professor that I just wanted to get married and be a mom, and she said "What a waste of your talent...you have so much going for you and you would throw it away to stay home and babysit?" Even then, I knew she was wrong. I knew, because I was raised by a mother who loved and honored her calling as a mother. It is the greatest blessing. Women can't have it all at once!
1 reply · active 631 weeks ago
Kate Brown's avatar

Kate Brown · 631 weeks ago

Lori this is something I am struggling with at the moment. I would really appreciate your advice. I am a qualified dietician and love my job. I have worked hard to be where I am and bring home a wonderful pay packet that is helping my husband and I to pay off our house so we can be debt free. My mother gave up her career to be a stay at home Mum and didnt enjoy the experience at all. she has always encouraged my sister and I (very vocally) to go to University get qualified and have a career and put children off until you can afford them.I want to be a stay at home mum when the Lord blesses us with children but because of the way I was raised I panic when I think I could lose all my skills and not be able to provide for my family if something was to happen to my husband.I guess in a nutshell I am struggling to let go of the security blanket that I have that comes with my qualification. It is such a highly skilled field that if i take any more than18months off work I would need to retrain. I would really appreciate your advice on how to let go of this part of my identity and also your opinion on working once children have left home.Thanks for your time.
1 reply · active 631 weeks ago
I had my children when I was young (aged 21 and 26) and didn't build my career to afterwards. The Lord blessed me with employment that met my families needs, allowed me to attend school events, take time off when my sons were sick and work hours that suited my family. I knocked back more senior promotions on the account my family. I am in a professional position now and earn a very good income - however when a more senior position came up I decided not to go for it because the more senior you are the longer hours you need to dedicate and I wasn't willing to do that. No you can't have it all, but you can create a balance that works if you careful select what type of profession you do.

The importances of boasting the US fertility rates is very much an economic argument. As your rate slips backwards (as it currently is), you will have a top heavy age demographic and that in turns creates all sorts of issues for the long term economy. Just look at Japan and its economy difficulties, much of that is due to its ageing population.
1 reply · active 631 weeks ago
Great article! I am 25 and I am expecting our 4th child. We have received A LOT of criticism and comments regarding our choices to have so many kids and not saying "we're done" when comments are made. It's sad, really, because most of these people are Christians.
1 reply · active 631 weeks ago
Part 1

I'm always a bit taken aback when people assume that you must go to college, start your career, and then stop just as its gathering steam to have babies. That doesn't make sense to me! If you are someone, like me, who is drawn to higher education (I majored in music and am a private violin teacher and performer who is self-employed) but has also been blessed by God with finding your soulmate at a young age, why NOT have babies early? I had my first three babies during my college years (in fact, my youngest was just four days old when he attended his first concert).
Part 2

It wasn't terribly hard - I just needed to be more focused than the average college student. We lived a frugal life (my husband had a flexible job that allowed him to watch the kids while I was in school) and knew that this period would be temporary. As a result, I enjoyed more than a decade of fertility and was blessed with six children. I'm still young enough (at 34) that I'm able to work as much (or, as is often the case, as little) as I'd like, but I don't have any declining fertility deadlines looming over my head. Although I do have the luxury of being self-employed and setting my own schedule, even if I was traditionally employed, I'd be an asset over another 34 year old woman who was just getting started in her child-bearing years. Starting our family early has been an absolute blessing and just what God ordered for our family.

In Christ,
Melissa
1 reply · active 631 weeks ago
ERDRswifemomof12's avatar

ERDRswifemomof12 · 631 weeks ago

I am 46; gave birth to my 12th child 1 yr. ago. Married at 22, 5 years of college (no degree), gave birth to 4 children in my 20s. Birthed 5 children in my 30s. Birthed 3 children in my 40s!!! In addition I did have one stillborn in 20s and a late miscarriage in my 40s. Fertility has obviously never been a problem. We are an educated, professional family who homeschools. Our children are highly accomplished musicians and scholars competing at the national level. They win full ride scholarships. They go to college or study online. In 2 weeks, our 18 year old competes as a national finalist (one of 7) in the top US piano competition . She is a national finalist on harp. SHE WANT TO BE A MOM. Just like me. My children are raised to value family above all else. I valued people above a career, and it has paid off.
ERDRswifemomof12's avatar

ERDRswifemomof12 · 631 weeks ago

Part 2: GET THIS: WE HAVE NO REGRETS. Our family is lauded in public and in workplaces. Women convey regret that they did not stay home or have more children. We went against the grain, against our Christian relatives and friends and church; against society and even doctors who said I could never have more...it was too dangerous due to medical complications. We had faith. We trusted in a sovereign God. and now 12 families will one day follow in our footsteps, I am sure, with NO REGRETS. We have been alone on this journey. But they will never be alone.
1 reply · active 631 weeks ago
Women know all about preventing pregnancy but very little about geting pregnant and our fertility. We are taught to stop our bodies from functioning normally for years, and then when we are ready to have babies we have to seek treatments to have a baby. It's so backwards. Even women who are quiverfull I find have no advice or information about infertility. Fertility awareness/Natural Family Planning can be so helpful when you want to get pregnant, and even before you get pregnant so you know if you need to address any health issues. Being aware for your body, and noticing changes keeps you healthy and protects your fertility. Our God put thought into creating our amazing bodies, we should know how they work so we can protect and keep them healthy,and also so we can be amazed at His great work. Great post.
It's amazing how many women swallow society's lie that they can have everything. But logically you simply can't do everything well and at the same time! Thanks for your truth-telling!
I'm crying as I write this. You are so RIGHT. Bless you as you mentor younger women. I followed what society thinks and now I'm nearing 50 and am unable to have children. All I seem to do is work. I would have loved to have been able to stay home and raise a family. When I was young, getting married and having children, you were looked at like you were ruining your life. Now I find that that is not so. Thank you for your blog. Any advice for women who now do not have children. What do we do now?
2 replies · active 628 weeks ago

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