Wednesday, June 5, 2013

How Do We Help Him Lead?

For many of us strong willed, strong personality types we believe much of happiness comes when we are in control. If the whole world were controlled by me it would be such a better place, and when my life, relationships and home are under my control I feel happy!

Or do I, if Ken is not my leader?

Last year, I decided I needed to work on this area.

I am a go getter. I plow ahead, sometimes a bit inconsiderate of others. When we go to church I run ahead to make sure we get seats where I want to sit.

I found a row I liked but Ken found one several rows back. I told him I liked my row better so he sat in my row. I like to be able to see the pastor. Wouldn't you know it but at least five people over 6' tall sat in front of me. There were even two young women who were at least 6'1". Three of the men had to be 6'5"! I couldn't see a thing!

The next Sunday, I let Ken lead and pick out the seats. No one sat in front of me and I could see perfectly. I definitely felt that God was teaching me a lesson. Boy, am I stubborn!

But, giving up control scares me!

Yes, let’s just admit it. Most of us are at times scared to death to let our husband lead us. He might not be sensitive to my needs. He might mess up with getting the kids fed right, or off to bed at the right time, or worse yet, he might teach them bad habits. I can’t trust my man to lead for thousands of reasons, none the least is that his new found authority will go to his head or he will want sex at the most inconvenient of times. I am not his maid and I am not his sex slave!

But Jesus said, “They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world." {John 17:16} The world wants to do everything man’s ways, but we want to do things God’s ways and be like Christ. Jesus voluntarily humbled himself and placed himself under the authority of men so that He might save the world, and save you and me. And now, I am called by God to do the same. To humble myself and place myself under the leadership of my husband. Yes, that man I claim to love more than any other, I am to let him lead me and be my boss.

If you want to have the marriage of your dreams, even if you feel your marriage is on the rocks and heading to divorce, your best bet is to do things God’s way. Let him lead.  There is only one thing your husband needs to be a leader...a follower.

You need to get your husband to feel like he is responsible. Get him to think that his job is to lead and protect you and your family, and not just to go along with you to keep you happy.

Start out with small things like where you will go out to eat and what you will watch on TV. Then encourage him to move on to the bigger things.

God has worked on my heart to help me realize that I can never learn to completely trust Him until I learn to trust Ken and support him even if he makes a wrong decision. Second guessing him all the time only leads to confusion in our marriage and in our family, and it keeps him from growing into the leader God intended him to be.

My experience in my marriage and with those I mentor is that most husbands will fall madly in love with their wives when they decide to respect them. It may uncomfortable at first, but then they begin to experience the blessings of doing things God’s ways. It is so contrary to the world’s thinking, but then watch him become the leader you have always wanted and the man of your dreams. If he is worth staying with, it is worth taking the chance that God might be right all along.

For the husband is the head of the wife
even as Christ is the head of the church,
his body, and is himself its Savior.
Ephesians 5:23