He is getting older and wants to be married. He has asked men for their opinions on how to find a wife. One man responded, "Do not accept a woman who gets angry and/or likes to argue. To marry such a woman is slow suicide by fidelity."
Another man responded to this comment by saying, "So basically the America's {women} are out." Another one, "If one's basic needs are met, it should be simple to be content. If she gets angry about stuff beyond that, will she ever be happy?"
This is amazing advice! Scripture warns how terrible it is to be married to an argumentative wife yet so many of us are argumentative! We want it our way and we want it now. It is a fairly pervasive quality trait in women today. No wonder so many men are afraid of getting married.
We must not argue. We must not complain. We must accept our husbands the way that they are and live in peace. Paul admonishes us to "Be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you." {II Corinthians 13:11}
So if there are any young men out there looking for a wife, look for a woman who doesn't argue. Living a life of peace is a beautiful blessing and a wonderful way to live.
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop,
than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.
Proverbs 21:9
Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith,
than a house full of sacrifices with strife.
Proverbs 17:1
Logging you in...
tmichelle1 66p · 602 weeks ago
Tiffany · 602 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 602 weeks ago
Cynthia · 602 weeks ago
I wouldn't confront her directly. If she really IS argumentative, and this wasn't just an isolated incident, you don't want her thinking that her husband's family is all against her.
Do make a point of modeling respect, and if you are close, you can maybe talk about things that you have found useful in YOUR marriage. People are often more receptive to advice in this way, since it doesn't come across as a personal attack. You can also praise your brother-in -law "Oh, John was so sweet and helpful the other day! He was spending time with our kids and they just adored him!". Just don't do it to the extent that she's likely to put him down in response.
Lori Alexander 122p · 602 weeks ago
Cynthia · 602 weeks ago
Re the husband's original idea of speaking to his brother about his wife:
Genesis 18:12 reports that Sarah laughed at the idea of Abraham fathering a child since he was so old, but in Genesis 18:13 God tells Abraham that Sarah laughed because she said the SHE was old. From this, we learn that even God refrained from speaking the whole blunt truth in the interest of preserving marital harmony. We should therefore avoid speaking negatively to someone about their spouse, in a way that may stir up more trouble. [Safety issues are different - we are also commanded not to stand idly by the blood of our brother.]
Genesis 2:24 tells us that a man shall leave his parents and cleave to his wife. She, therefore, becomes the primary relationship in his life, and his family should respect that.
In terms of confronting the wife, Proverbs is full of advice on where rebuke is appropriate, and where it is not. Proverbs 9:7-8 discusses how someone wise will love your reproof, but a scorner will hate you. The key, then, is to know your audience well enough to judge whether saying anything is likely to make things worse. In addition, you need to have the quality of the relationship that you have with her, according to Proverbs 27:6 - are you not just a sister-in-law, but also a friend?
I'm not saying that nobody should ever give a reproof - the Bible certainly encourages this where appropriate. The above passages, though, show that we need to use discernment - our intentions must be pure (are we trying to genuinely help a marriage?), we must judge if the recipient is a wise person likely to receive reproof well, and we must judge if we are seen as a friend to the person. All of these can be tricky with inlaws.
Lori Alexander 122p · 602 weeks ago
towandathreadgoode 93p · 602 weeks ago
Being argumentative is not always a bad thing. For a man to expect a woman to not be argumentative at times is preposterous. Everybody argues. Debate is a very healthy and effective way to get ideas across in order to advance knowledge, as long as ideas are critiqued and not people. I'm sure you have had arguments with your husband, and that is not a bad thing. Perhaps, there were times where one of your arguments made your husband see something in a new light and helped him come to a better conclusion about the issue you were arguing over. Much of your argument is based upon stereotypes about women which do not reflect reality. Overall, your advice to men about finding the right spouse is severely lacking, because you are creating an expectation for men that there are women who will submit to their every opinion and order, which is never going to be the case.
Lori Alexander 122p · 602 weeks ago
It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling. Prov. 20:3
A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression. Prov. 29:22
What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? James 4:1
Then there are countless verses about pursuing peace and being at peace with all men. Ken and I fought all the time for many years. Now, we never fight and it is wonderful.
Courtney · 602 weeks ago
Ken · 602 weeks ago
I have been on both sides of this with Lori. For many years we argued and it created a wedge in our relationship regularly. Then she decided she would never argue again.
Lori is so much happier with me and herself knowing that she can state her mind, and I will listen and try to meet her where she is at, and if we cannot agree, she drops it, knowing that arguing will not help. What helps is dropping the subject and picking it back up in a joyful way, at a different time and place, after I have thought about it.
Keep in mind, I too try not to argue with Lori. I too am trying to use good communications skills to express myself instead of simply pressing to get my own way. If I sense that an argument may be coming on, I can drop it and respond in kindness.
Teaching kids to argue is not a good thing. Instead teach them great communications skills by modeling them with your spouse. God's Word is never wrong. If it says many times, "don't argue and create strife." let's follow God's ways and reap all of the blessings He has to give us.
Modern psychology and even Christian psychology teaches how to argue well, when God says, don't argue but consider others as more important than you are. It is fear that drives one to argue, especially fear that one will not get their own way, or get their needs met. Faith in our spouse tells us to trust that they really will meet our needs and really do want our best interest. Such faith takes a risk and says to their spouse, "I will never argue again." Not that you will never argue, but that is your goal and dream for your marriage... harmony, not strife... love not selfishness... good communications in expressing one's needs one time and dropping it... allowing your spouse to of their own free will meet your needs.
Let’s follow the Bible and God’s ways.
Courtney · 602 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 602 weeks ago
jsr · 602 weeks ago
I see a lot of looking to yourself for answers, but the bible already has it. And you don't even have to think or wonder. "Be subject to your husband in everything." The choice is either to obey or rebel. The choice most women make is pretty obvious.
Courtney · 602 weeks ago
Ken · 602 weeks ago
When it comes to relationships there are many Christians who who believe that arguing can be a healthy thing in a relationship. Maybe at times it can, but we must keep in mind that the overwhelming message of the Bible says, "Don't argue." Maybe a strong discussion is what many mean by argue.
Ken · 602 weeks ago
Either we choose man's ways or God's ways... we cannot have it both way. Man's ways seem smart and viable and God often calls them foolishness compared to His wisdom.
Is He not our Maker? Then he must have left us with a perfect instruction manual as to how to get the very best out of life, and an eternal relationship with Him.
Keri · 601 weeks ago
bronwen · 596 weeks ago