A young woman asked me, "I just prefer to think of sex as something that is just as much for me as it is for him. I was going to venture to say that I think most men would like to know their wives enjoy sex and want it as much as they do. But the more I think about it, I'm not so sure. What do you think? Do most men want their wives to enjoy sex as much as they do? Or would most men rather feel like their wives were serving them when it comes to sex? I think I could understand both ways, so now I'm honestly curious what others would say."
She hasn't been married a long time and asks an honest question. Men have ten times the testosterone women have. The majority of men want sex a lot more than their wives. Sure, there are many times when the wives enjoy sex but having periods, PMS, childbirth, and menopause affect our libidos.
I think when a wife lovingly gives her husband sex even when she doesn't feel like it, she is meeting a powerful need that he has. Most men get married so they can have sex. It is the way God made them. Most women just do not have the drive that men have.
Do husbands care if their wives aren't enjoying it as much as they are every single time they have sex? I doubt it as long as she isn't grumbling and complaining while having sex! If she learns the pleasure of pleasing her husband and the closeness between the two, it can be a very enjoyable experience for her.
It is all a matter of mindset for most women. I encourage young women preparing for marriage to decide to enjoy sex. Make up your mind to like it even before you have it and give it to your husband freely. If you have that mindset, it is not a chore but a way to make your husband happy and a wonderful form of ministry!
Drink water from your own cistern,
flowing water from your own well.
Should your springs be scattered abroad,
streams of water in the streets?
Let them be for yourself alone,
and not for strangers with you.
Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth.
Proverbs 5:15-18
Logging you in...
Elisabeth · 602 weeks ago
Leslie A · 602 weeks ago
Lindsay Harold · 602 weeks ago
But I think a husband is also pleased by the prospect of a wife who will love sacrificially and give him sex even when she isn't in the mood. But I don't think most husbands want this to be the rule - that she only gives sacrificially and never wants it. They would rather she was in the mood a lot and only occassionally goes ahead when she's not in the mood.
Cynthia · 602 weeks ago
Lori, it is certainly possible that your serious health issues interfered with your ability to experience pleasure, but healthy women can and should experience pleasure. They should know that this is possible for them, and therefore have the motivation to seek it out during relations with their husbands.
We see that the Bible uses different words for sex in different contexts. When discussing loving, consensual marital relations, the Bible says that the man "knew" his wife. In other contexts, sex is simply described as "lying with". The Bible isn't just being delicate with language - God is telling us that the key to intimacy is knowledge! It's not simply about one person's physical pleasure. When there is communication, when one spouse cares deeply about the other and is focused on their pleasure and reactions, when "love thy neighbor as thyself" is put into practice in the bedroom, true intimacy and knowledge of the other spouse can exist. When a man truly "knows" his wife, this intimacy elevates sex from being merely a physical act that any animal can do, and puts it into a spiritual realm where husband and wife are drawn together as one, body and soul, as God intended them to be.
Ken · 602 weeks ago
Godly men are very understanding with their wives and know that the male libido and female libido are often on different planes, so we sensitively try to meet our minimum perceived needs while often wishing for more.
To Lori's point, if a wife is not enjoying sex as much as her man, this should not be an excuse to not meet his physical and emotional needs by taking 10-15 minutes on a regular basis to make love. Would he prefer that you were thrilled about the moments you were not completely in the mood... yes! But he will greatly appreciate your seeming sacrifice on his behalf if you meet his needs with joy. Often you may come too enjoy the warmth and intimacy of the moment.
Most godly men will not keep asking or pursuing by will patiently wait for his wife to get in the mood, so this is what makes Lori's wisdom so apropos. Know that your man will cherish you for your extra efforts on his behalf and decide to meet his needs, not just yours when you are in the mood. That's just what the apostle Paul advises, and he does not speak of enjoying or not enjoying it... just do it as an act of meeting each other's needs, whatever they may be.
jsr · 602 weeks ago
Tiffany · 602 weeks ago
Nichelle · 602 weeks ago
While I understand that newlywed love, I was there! Sex was amazing and fun and and adventure - we made it new and fun. My body and mind are so exhausted after dinner is served and cleaned up. It is about meeting the needs of your spouse. I am blessed to have one who will often patiently wait for me, and doesn't even put me in that predicament when it comes to sex. He can see how trying my day or week has been. He puts kids to bed bathes them and tells me to go to dinner with a friend or barnes and nobles for a coffee. I need a break. I come back refreshed. And he's done my bedtime chores, allowing me time to have some fun ; P
Cynthia · 602 weeks ago
Sarah · 602 weeks ago
Courtney · 602 weeks ago
Ken · 602 weeks ago
To Sarah, sex with a spouse may not be a top ministry item, but it can be considered a ministry if and when a spouse does it in service to the Lord. Lately, I minister to Lori daily, and I am not referring to sex, but many other mundane things that she needs because of her current illnesses. When we serve or minister to our spouse in all ways, we please God and serve Him. Although true ministry begins with serving one’s own family, it must in turn go out to serve God in the world.
A husband or wife who spends hours preparing for teaching Bible study, and has no time for their spouse's needs, has their ministry priorities messed up.
Cynthia · 602 weeks ago
Here are some specialized resources: http://www.cvvd.org/ http://www.centerforfemalesexuality.com/index-1a.... http://www.isswsh.org/ http://tallirosenbaum.com/en/en_articles_index
I think it does a disservice to both husbands and wives if we allow them to think that lack of sexual enjoyment by wives is simply normal and natural.
Bobby Brazzer · 598 weeks ago