Many
young women are told to get an education and a career in case their husband
dies so they will have a way to support themselves. This is not biblical.
No where in Scripture does it tell young women to have careers and leave
their families for hours every day.
Paul's instructions to
Timothy in I Timothy 5 gives us clues as to how widows are to support
themselves. To widows under 60 years old he commands, "I will
therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give
none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully."
To the older widow, he
commands, "Let a widow
be put on the list {to get support from family or the church}...having been the
wife of one man, having a reputation for good works; and if she has brought
up children if she has shown hospitality to strangers, if she has
washed the saints' feet, if she has assisted those in distress, and if she has
devoted herself to every good work."
He begins chapter 5 by
saying, "If any widow
has children or nephews, let them learn first to show piety at home and to
requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God...But if any
provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath
denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."
He concludes his discussion
about widows with, "If
any man or woman that believes have widows, let them relieve them, and let not
the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed."
Paul could have easily said
that widows needed to go out and find a job to support themselves but he
didn't. He said that first family members needed to provide for them.
If they didn't have family members, then the church needs to provide for
them but younger widows should get remarried so their husbands can provide for
them.
He tells them this because
young widows are prone to "be
idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also
gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention."
I was told I needed a career
in case something happened to Ken. Well guess what, I have been ill the
past 25 years and would have never been able to work outside of the home if
something happened to Ken but I know I would have been well taken care of by my
family, praise the Lord.
Logging you in...
Lady Virtue · 576 weeks ago
I am one of those women who was raised to believe a college degree and a job were the litmus test of adulthood, with no training on how to be a wife or mom. I supposedly "needed" these either in case I didn't get married or something happened to my husband (death, desertion, etc.). For the most part, I think parents who raise their daughters with this mindset mean well, but it usually backfires later on. Why would a man be interested in an independent woman for a wife? Some women I know have poor relationships with their parents, particularly their moms, who raised them to be feminists. Now, as adults, they rarely visit with their parents and have no grandchildren to present to them. It's all quite sad, really.
Brit · 576 weeks ago
Lindsay Harold · 576 weeks ago
Lindsay Harold · 576 weeks ago
Gennny · 576 weeks ago
Kim · 576 weeks ago
Madeline · 576 weeks ago
If someone is truly concerned about this, there is practical, rubber-meets-the-road planning you can employ. First of all, don't incur debt. Live simply, buy a modest home (well within or below the amount of money a bank would lend you), don't buy all the gazmos and gidgets the world tells us we need. Live simply, within your means, putting a lot of money into savings. Additionally, when you are young, life insurance is really cheap. Buy a policy that will give provide enough to live on for a short time while you figure out what you can do. These things can be done and you can still be self-reliant without depending on others. If you put a lot of money into savings (minimum recommended is 9 months living expenses by some financial advisors) that would give you time as well. If you have savings, and are debt-free, with some cutting back, one could live on the social security benefits you would receive while the children are still young. Now that I've said that, please don't think I'm pro-big government and social programs. I'm the farthest from it, I think we should all be responsible for ourselves, but the systems are in place.
Yvonne · 576 weeks ago
Michelle W · 576 weeks ago
I loved working before I met my husband! It was a joy and a blessing to work every day, no question. When we moved for his work (USMC) very shortly after our wedding, I became a housewife and then a mother. And THAT has always been my dream.
I have had people ask if I feel like I've wasted my degree by becoming a housewife and mother. Those comments just make me sad for those people. There is NO bigger blessing than raising and keeping a family. My education served it's purpose before I was married (shaping me as a woman, providing an income, etc), although I do still heavily draw on college lessons and experiences in my day-to-day life.
Loving been his wife · 576 weeks ago
The one lady ever time I see her she sadly tells me she is still alone :o( what advice do you have for these women?
She is very feminine, has a good figure, her hair is always beautiful, makeup on, softly spoken and very loving. How do they take care of themselves? I have been in churches my whole life and none of the churches have been able to take care of widows or the elderly in a financial way; just interested in your take on this!
Thanks.
@elissaphilgence · 576 weeks ago
I struggles with this for a while, however, in the end I know that my God is more than able to care for me and my children if something should happen to my husband. I consider it a blessing to be home with my children and the struggles are worth it.
I know many women who want to stay home and their husband will not allow it.
Trust God and He will care for you.
Peace to you.
Amanda Lou · 576 weeks ago
There are ways that a widow could support herself without leaving the house as well. Perhaps she operate an in-home day care, or other home based business. That would allow her to support herself but still care for her children. But the point is, that could be done *after* she were in a statistically unlikely situation of being a young widow rather than being away from the family beforehand, when it likely isn't necessary for this type of preparedness. The best statistic I can find for widowhood is that 14% of women between ages 20 and 65 are widows, with the average age being 55. That would lead me to conclude that (while certainly not impossible) at worst case 14 out of 100 women will become a widow, but probably much much less likely.
I do not buy that a woman must have a career in case something happens to her husband. I think it is a lie of the enemy, with the intent to drag women out of the home, away from their family. Besides, if you are adjusted to two incomes, then it could/would STILL be a financial devastation to lose one!!!
Jess · 576 weeks ago
This above is not my personal story, for which I am grateful. I have been married to a Christian man for 14 years. But here's what I think girls should do before getting married: 1) Get a college education with a useful degree (mine is in nursing) without getting into debt. My degree was 4 years long BSN from a private Christian university, I worked nights/weekends/summers, lived at my parents' house, and graduated with one monthly payment left to make. 2) Work like crazy while single, saving up as much as possible. 3) After getting married and with the approval of the husband, look for ways to maintain credentials while working PT from home, participating as an adjunct/online professor 1-2 days/month, participate in church activities that use the college training, SOMETHING that is worth putting on a resume if the woman ever had to reenter the job market.
I think this article places too much emphasis on the far ends of a spectrum. Having a CAREER, as is mentioned many times above, does require numerous hours and upkeep for a woman. No, I don't think that is what God intends wives to do--so I agree with the author on that. But, staying at home and caring for the home/family/husband does not exclude the wife maintaining marketable skills (as in Prov 31)---this does not take hours and hours away from family life. And I don't think it should be called a "back-up plan" just in case of widowhood....or even in case of divorce. It's part of not burying your God-given talents in the ground to just sit there, but to be productive with them.....because even if a woman never becomes a widow or divorced, her "marketable skills" will benefit her husband and family.
A wife who has marketable skills can be of HUGE value to the husband.
My example was led by my own mother. My dad insisted that my mom finish up a master's degree in speech therapy a year after having me. Throughout growing up, I witnessed my mom take clients into our home to do therapy while I was doing homeschooling work or was at school (I did both home and regular school), and then when I and my brother were more independent in late highschool and college, she took contract work from local nursing homes and made hundreds of thousands of dollars, while still caring for the home, fixing meals, etc. This money highly benefited my dad....my mom paid off the house mortgage way early, and because of that, my dad got to fulfill his dream of building his own home on a nice piece of mountain land. They are still living in that house now, mortgage free, and their land has more than tripled in value since they bought it.
And now, I am considered a stay-at-home mom of two kids. I homeschool both of them. My husband works out of state, and commutes to and from every weekend, so I take care of everything at home. But in the last 5 years, I've made over $50,000 just by authoring and editing nursing/medical educational materials and online CEU courses....from home, at night after the kids are in bed, and by just managing my time well. We just replaced my 1997 car with a 2008 car by paying cash...that we never would have had if I had not maintained my marketable skills. My husband benefits greatly, because we don't have that car payment to put more stress on him every month. And my work allows me an intellectual outlet....while still being a "keeper at home."
Every wife's situation is different with her husband, and she should be submissive. But I would encourage all wives, when the time is right, to keep up or develop marketable skills. I know of many women who have embroidery skills, childcare skills, bakery/cake decorating skills/businesses, etc., etc.....who work very well as keepers at home while maintaining these skills.
Cabinetman · 576 weeks ago
I am as guilty as the next of putting my trust in the wrong things and not in the Lord. If He cares for the sparrow...He will care for my wife if something were to happen to me. And part of loving husbandry is making sure to do my part so that if something did happen she and our children would be okay.
I wonder what people would say if a man had a "back up plan" and how that would go over!
Buddy Federer · 576 weeks ago
Jamie · 576 weeks ago
Loving been his wife · 576 weeks ago
Out of that they must pay for:
A roof over their heads
Food
Transport
Clothing
Ongoing linen purchases
Medication
Power
Gas
Multimedia (T.V. Computer)
Phone
Petrol
Dinner out if needed
Hair cuts
Specialty doctor appointments
Call out fee and work done by: Plumbers, gardener, electricians, handyman, pest control........
I am sure there is more however I can't think of them.
When Paul walked the earth people had none of most of these things(except homes) how life has changed; sadly I think we have given up more than we have gained. But that said who out of us would want to go back to no power, gas, dishwashers, washing machines, microwaves, cars, computers, clothes dryers and all of the modern things that we use in our daily lives.
It adds up so fast, I know of no churches that can cover this, especially if there are a number of elderly people in their churches!
Just think if there are ten elderly people that would come to $215046.00 a year! Not all elderly people own their own homes. Sadly!
Just a thought!
Michelle · 576 weeks ago
I find it interesting that Lori disagrees that the biblical examples of women working aren't enough. There weren't careers in biblical times the way we think of them today--what those women did essentially amounted to careers! Women were denied from professions in medicine or scholarship so whatever profession they chose, that was their career profession.
I think that the Lord knows that most churches cannot support widows today so if women choose to have a "back-up plan" he is not going to punish them or view that as sin. That is simply good, provident planning. We don't know what the Lord's plan is for us so we should prepare ourselves for all things. Does this mean we don't trust the Lord? I don't think so. I'm sure everyone on this thread would say they trust the Lord to provide food for their family. I am also equally confident that everyone still goes to the grocery store to buy food despite this trust. This doesn't mean you don't trust the Lord to feed yourself or your children. Getting an education to be able to provide for yourself if necessary is no different--you can trust the Lord to care for you if something terrible happens to your husband, but you have to do your part to allow the Lord to provide for you if that happens.
elspethbreathinggrace 46p · 576 weeks ago
I am very thankful that I have been able to be at home and I pray that my daughters can be homemakers as well. If for some reason they cannot, I pray that I remain vital and healthy enough to provide support during seasons of life where they may need to provide income.
I am going to link to this one as a counter balance to what I offered today.
elspethbreathinggrace 46p · 576 weeks ago
elspethbreathinggrace 46p · 576 weeks ago
Paul was exhorting women to be home-focused, but providing actual income is not a new thing whose advent began with the feminist movement. The family was a unit of real production where everyone, including the children added to the bottom line.
Lydia · 576 weeks ago
Gennny · 576 weeks ago
Aeris · 576 weeks ago
I absolutely love staying home and I am so glad that I stay home with my kids. I do not missing working outside the home at all. I write articles for a non profit website, so that is my intellectual outlet.
(sorry if this gets posted twice, my internet was messing up as I tried to submit this comment)
shannon · 576 weeks ago
Shannon