Thursday, March 27, 2014

My SAHM College Friends


When I was growing up, all I wanted to be was a wife and mother. After high school, I went to Westmont College which was $3500 per year which included everything so few people ended college in deep debt. Then I went to CSUN to get my teaching credential. I taught for three years before I was able to quit when I had my second baby.

I liked college, mostly for these friends I made. {This picture was taken at Ryan and Cassi's wedding. We all were in or went to each other's weddings. We attended each other's baby showers and now those babies' weddings!} I didn't like studying things I didn't enjoy, like many of the requirements, and I much preferred studying things I am interested in, like I do now.

All of my college friends ended up being stay at home moms. Now, that we are older, one caters out of her home, another one writes cookbooks out of her home, another one has done various jobs out of her home, mostly secretarial. Lately, one has been nursing her very ill mother 24/7.  Some are still raising children, babysitting grandbabies, showing hospitality to others, etc. They all love Jesus and have solid marriages after being married for many years.

Yes, most of us got college degrees but I think I am the only one who used my degree for a start of a career. My dad never wanted my mom to work, EVER, even after we were raised. He wanted her home caring for us and then helping us with our babies. He did, however, want all three of us to get degrees. Oh, the changes in one generation.

People did get married younger back in my dad's day and even in my day. I wonder if this big push for education {which costs SO much more today} and careers by women has caused marriage and babies to be put off. The time, the debt,...so many things come with women getting careers that complicate the making of a good, solid family life which is the foundation of any healthy society. 

Teach young women to be keepers at home.
Titus 2:5



Comments (27)

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That's a great post :) but I am most impressed that all of you ladies look fit and pretty! Time has treated you all well!
1 reply · active 574 weeks ago
Rachel's right! All of you look lovely.
As to the point of the post- my husband's cousin is 24 with her first boyfriend. They've been good friends since high school. According to our aunt they spend all their time together. I asked how she (our aunt) felt about them perhaps getting married. You should have seen the recoil. Oh no! She's too young. That shouldn't come until at least 28. She needs to have her own life first. So even if our cousin did want to marry her boyfriend at this time, she will be receiving disapproval for it! At 24!!! An age perfectly suited to motherhood! My husband and I hear people talk like this all the time!! So my question is, why are the 50+ year old mothers so worried about their daughters and sons getting married? This same thing happened with my husband's brother. He got his girlfriend pregnant (he was 23, she 22) and they wanted to get married. My husband's parents were a flat NO. So my brother-in-law and his girlfriend eloped! They have their son and have been married now for two years and are working through life together just fine with all the hills and valleys of life. She is a nice girl. What did they want?? Why did they not want them to at least TRY to make a lasting family? I'm glad they went and got married anyway! My husband and I get so frustrated with this. This generation of young people faces quite an opposition if they do want to marry and make families in their early (even mid!) 20s.
5 replies · active 574 weeks ago
"I wonder if this big push for education {which costs SO much more today} and careers by women has caused marriage and babies to be put off. "- I'll answer for you. YES! My father wanted me to wait till I graduated to get married so I was 24 when I got married even though we had already been together 5 years! I didn't have any children till I was 30 because I had so much college debt (still do but it's dwindling) I didn't think we could afford children. Of course, God provides but it took a huge leap of faith to figure that out!

I've been spending less time online for pleasure but still enjoy your blog so much and all the truth you tell Lori! Shannon
I wonder if much of the delay and desire to have "ducks in a row" before getting married is a result of my generation seeing such a rise in divorce. Many of us have seen our parents, relatives, and family of friends get divorced and then watch the struggle of single mothers and problems that come from divorce. I think that since we have seen how marriage can fail, we want to be prepared in event of that failure so we don't have to struggle as the women did to support themselves and any children they may have.

Since this is a Christian blog, I know that the response will likely be that we need to have faith in God and go forward into marriage anyway. That may be true from a Christian perspective, but for those who aren't Christian it doesn't make much sense. Even for those who are Christian, they have seen marriages where the spouses put their faith in God fail. It's much easier said than done to move forward without a plan in event of failure when you have seen firsthand how possible that failure is.
8 replies · active 574 weeks ago
My daughter was married 6 weeks ago, and now she is pregnant. Can you believe that Christian people are in shock? I think it is a wonderful blessing, and so do they. Yes, they live in a tiny home, yes, they will struggle finacially, but they will grow together. They have just turned 19. I am so blessed to read your blog, thank you for your words.
2 replies · active 574 weeks ago
My husband and I got married when we were 20, and I have no regrets! It's so much fun learning to be adults together :) I think of all the typical "young adult" things-- finishing school, moving, first jobs, budgeting, traveling-- and I think, why wouldn't you want a life partner for support and companionship through all of that? I wouldn't say it's for everyone, but I loved being married in my early twenties! (This coming from a feminist, atheist, career-minded gal.)
2 replies · active 574 weeks ago
I met my husband at 22 but didn't marry him until nearly five years later and wanted to throw my thoughts into the discussion. I think that the older you are when you meet your partner the longer it takes to get "your ducks in a row" to use the expression above. But for us that meant things like relocating, finishing graduate school, tying up first jobs, etc. it wasn't necessarily related to finances. Those kinds of practical complications/concerns don't arise when you're getting married straight out of or during school. We also had a long-distance relationship that we knew was coming from the beginning (cross-continent) and it was honestly less complicated to wait until after that ended to marry.
What a great post Lori, I have really enjoyed reading all the comments. Most all of my friends, neighbors, and women I know from church are stay at home moms. Many of them have college degrees (me included). I don't regret not using my degree at all! For my first two years of college, I majored in music (piano performance). I realized that I wasn't enjoying it and changed my major to Family Science/Early Childhood Develpment. I figured I'd use that in my "job" as a mother someday. I had a professor berate me and tell me I would be wasting everything I had been given and worked for if I decided to stay home and change diapers.
I'll never forget that conversation! One thing that is for sure is that I have loved my life as a stay at home mom. Its the greatest treasure to me and not for a minute do I feel like I'm wasting anything!
1 reply · active 574 weeks ago

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