Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Is Wearing Skirts A Cultural Thing?


There has never been one woman in my life that I have known personally that wears only dresses. My Journey To Only Wearing Dresses generated many interesting comments. After pondering it for awhile, I think it matters a lot in what part of the world you live in.

I have lived in Southern California my whole life. No one that I know wears only dresses. Many Christian women feel very comfortable in a bikini and short shorts. Our pastors wear jeans and t-shirts when they preach! Very few women even wear dresses to church. Most of them wear jeans. (I am not afraid of standing out in my area by being the only one who wears dresses. This wouldn't bother me at all! I always try to live by my convictions, not by how others are living. I just am not convicted about it at this point, neither is Ken. However, I do think dresses and skirts are much more feminine than anything else women wear which is the reason many of you only wear dresses, along with feeling more modest in them.)

From reading other blogs and the comments on this topic, I think a lot of the women who only wear dresses live in the Midwest (or Southern middle states) and/or on a homestead. I know the Midwest is much more conservative than the east and west coasts. They vote way more conservative, more people attend church, conservative values are more accepted, people still dress up for church (I think), etc.

So for me to not wear a bikini (I wear a tankini top with board shorts) and to wear dresses to church is rare around my part of the country. California is much more casual (and liberal) than most states and that may be a reason I have never known anyone who only wears dresses. I have known many very godly women. They dress modestly, but just not in dresses only.

I definitely believe you can dress modestly without only wearing dresses. I think it all depends on what your husband, the leader of the family, decides is modest. As you know, I love the Pearls and the Duggers. All the women in these families wear dresses, they live in the Midwest, and live in wide open areas. If I were to bet, I would bet Jim Bob and Michael wanted the women to wear dresses since they are the definite leaders of the home. I am sure they discussed it with their wives and maybe, even the wives thought of it first, but it was something the husbands probably decided was best.

Therefore, I think it should depend on how each husband defines modesty. Ken doesn't care if I wear dresses, pants, or shorts. He thinks that I am always modest. In the past, he has told me things he didn't want me to wear so I never wore them again. We, as wives, need to respect and obey our husbands in this area.

Most Christian men in America probably wouldn't want their wives to only wear dresses. I am not sure about this but I don't think most men think that a women in pants and shorts that aren't too tight fitting are immodest.

If you are wondering if you should only wear dresses, discuss it with your husband and get his opinion. This, I believe, is how to best handle this whole wearing dresses only decision! Then stand firm in your convictions but don't become legalistic about it (thinking all women should only wear dresses to be godly). All I know is this topic should NEVER cause conflict between believers. Usually, women will quote me a verse from Deuteronomy about a woman never wearing something pertaining to a man. As women, we do need to be careful to dress as women and be easily distinguished from the men around us so our clothing needs to be feminine and modest always.

Likewise also that women should adorn 
themselves in respectable apparel, 
with modesty and self-control, 
not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire.
I Timothy 2:9

Comments (66)

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Hi Lori - I love your views on modesty. It is so important for women to be modest. I strive for modesty although I don't always wear dresses. I teach high school and try to be a role model for modesty and am appalled at how many female teachers ARE NOT role models for modesty! I am trying to raise my teenage son to be a Godly man and I know that he can be affected by the immodesty of the girls around him so immodesty is a problem with a far reaching impact. Many women/girls don't realize this or simply don't care. Good post.
1 reply · active 561 weeks ago
hi We have lived in southern California(where my husband grew up) Carlsbad area and we are now in the Midwest where I grew up-(Kansas) in a log cabin in the woods. What a contrast. The cultures are extremely different. I still have deep caring friendships of godly women from Ca. , but the clothes issue is just different. Not wrong, just different. I am all about modesty of course, but like you said Lori, it is an issue between husband and wife.
Thank you for this
Becky
3 replies · active 561 weeks ago
Hi Lori! Well, I find quite interesting a little detail in the text in Deuteronomy about unisex fashion (22:5), and it is the word "abomination". There are lots of sins and evils in the Bible, but God does not usually call everything an "abomination". (There we have an interesting bible study). It is a strong word to refer to something particularly hateful in the Lord´s eyes, such as bestiality, homosexuality or pedophilia, which are considered not only sins, but "abominations" to the Lord. So maybe the way we dress really does matter to God, after all, particularly bearing in mind the tremendous efforts Satan is doing to blur any distinctions between men and women since a few decades ago.
This particular verse - in my humble opinion - teaches us to be careful so that nobody, nowhere, in no way, can ever confuse us with a man. God´s design, from the beginning, was to state in a perfectly clear and evident way that we are beautiful women, feminine, sweet and godly, for His glory. In my opinion, playing with ambiguous haircuts or fashions doesn´t fit in true believers´ minds and hearts. It took me some years to learn about this, and I know many sisters don´t even think about it, but it takes time to realize the Bible´s teachings and it´s a very private matter between every woman and His Lord.
Thanks for talking about this and making other women think about how they look.
4 replies · active 561 weeks ago
This topic interests me very much! I am 57 years old & just recently began wearing skirts to church. I have BAD varicose veins & am too self conscious to wear anything but maxi skirts or pants in public. I had time this winter to evaluate my wardrobe & pray about it. My main thought was to look nice. But I did pray about it & I believe the Lord has answered me in so many ways...too long to write about here. I had been collecting cotton sheets in various colors at the thrift store for 75 cents to make "house dresses", which I've worn for years for comfort but never in public. I googled a few tutorials on making maxi skirts (easy sewing, even for a beginner). I've had quite a few people tell me how nice I looked wearing skirts at church (I didn't get compliments in pants). Not that compliments matter so much, but I do believe if we tell the Lord we want to look nice to represent Him, even with our physical looks, He definitely cares enough about us to guide us & help us, even in amazing ways! I feel "lovely & feminine" wearing my skirts to church now, but the best part is I feel lovely in the Lord's eyes...it doesn't really matter what people think. Seek the Lord, even with a little faith, & be amazed at how He answers us in marvelous ways! Love & prayers, in Jesus, Cynthia ( P.S.It definitely matters what your husband thinks, though. I think your new clothes are very nice & feminine Lori!)
1 reply · active 561 weeks ago
I think wearing skirts is a cultural thing. I come from a Scotch/Irish background where men wear "skirts" (kilts) so have never considered skirts to be solely feminine. I do not entirely understand the Deuteronomy text about not wearing a man's clothing - didn't both sexes wear tunics when these verses were written? Is this passage more of a warning for women not to undermine their husband's authority?
2 replies · active 561 weeks ago
Yes, I think it certainly is a cultural thing. I live in West Virginia, and me and my five daughters (ages 17, 15, 11, 10, and 6) are all skirts/dresses only, while my husband and sons (ages 13, 8, 6, and 3) wear the pants (both metaphorically and actually :)) and this is quite normal, or at least not abnormal for our community. I defenitly agree that there is a correlation between being conservative politically and dress wise: most of our town is unafraid to spank their children, to go to church, and is very proud of the fact that God is ashamed of homosexuality and abortion, and that Jesus is the only route to salvation.
1 reply · active 561 weeks ago
I live in Florida, where most girls dress in the shortest possible shorts and skirts they can. It gets a little ridiculous. I understand the church wants to be accepting of everyone and not be judgmental, but we have to hold people accountable at some point. I recently bought a bunch of maxi skirts and my husband does like those, but he also really likes me in certain pairs of jeans and he likes when I wear Bermuda shorts at times too. I've asked him to let me know if he thinks something isn't very modest, but he says he doesn't want to dictate what I wear and wants me to make those decisions myself. I continue to ask and don't wear things anymore that I know he doesn't like. I'm hoping he'll become a little more firm in telling me what he'd prefer I wear.
2 replies · active 561 weeks ago
In general, skirts have, traditionally (in our culture, at least), been more associated with women and pants more associated with men. But it isn't a hard and fast rule. In Bible times, both men and women wore dress-like tunics, although men sometimes had trouser-like garments underneath.

I think the rule in the Bible is telling us not to try to look as though we were of the opposite sex. In other words, no transvestites. We are to embrace our God-given gender and dress appropriately for that role. What that looks like varies from culture to culture. No one in today's culture sees a woman in jeans and thinks she is a man. In fact, women's jeans and men's jeans are quite different. A woman wearing women's jeans is wearing women's clothing, not men's clothing.

Of course, it is necessary for both sexes to be modest, regardless of what is in style. But women wearing pants is not inherently immodest.
1 reply · active 561 weeks ago
Well you know it may have a little to do with culture. I feel as a christian woman I should not go with the flow of our culture but to dress and be as modest and feminine as I possibly can. It has given me so many times in stores and other public places for people to stop me and ask questions. It gives me opportunity to share how through the bible and my relationship with Jesus that this is what He wanted me to do - to be different than the world, separated for Him.
So my culture reason is not because of where I live, but because God wants me different than the world as a christian woman.
3 replies · active 561 weeks ago
I believe God wants women to look like women and men to look like men. He wants women to be modest, and to be feminine. So for this reason, I only wear dresses, modest dresses. It is what my Husband wants, and I believe it is what God wants for me.
I do stand out that's for sure, but I have gotten used to it. Its ok, Christians are suppose to be different. I am not saying you aren't a Christian if you don't wear dresses, that is a personal decision between you and our Lord.
1 reply · active 561 weeks ago
To a certain extent, the question of whether pants are considered to be clothes "pertaining to a man" is cultural. There are cultures where men wear caftans or robes, and where women wear pants under tunics (such as with the salwar kameez). Since the bible doesn't define which pieces of clothing are specifically male or female, it would depend on whether an item was seen as being specifically male or female within that society.

In your view, how do Christians determine which rules from Deuteronomy 22 apply today, and which do not?
7 replies · active 467 weeks ago
In the upper Midwest, where I am originally from, I never met a woman who was dresses only. The predominant Christian denominations are Catholic and Lutheran. Most women wear pants, even to church, and skirts and dresses only occasionally. There are pockets of Amish and Mennonite and those women are strictly dresses only. Also, the women at my brother’s Pentecostal mega-church tended to wear dresses-only to church and denim skirts during the week.

I like the clothes you picked out, Lori! Wear what looks good on you and makes Ken happy.
1 reply · active 561 weeks ago
It is an interesting topic and I enjoyed your post and the comments as well. I grew up in a very cold climate with long winters, so pants were often the practical choice. Now that I live in a warmer climate, I choose skirts more frequently. They are cooler in the summer! I believe you can choose feminine and modest clothing whether dresses, skirts or pants. I just used your link to thredUP and purchased a few items. Thanks for the inspiration!
1 reply · active 561 weeks ago
Hi! I enjoy reading your posts. Always makes me think.
I think you are right about different parts of the nation having different standards of dress, etc. I grew up in Ct. and absolutely never heard of women only wearing skirts/dresses. When we moved to PA when I was 12, we began to run into it more. Of course, there are lots of Amish around here as well. It seemed bizarre to me that women would not wear pants or shorts. Eventually, I ended up choosing to go to a college that had a dress code b/c it was a great college and I liked the environment that came with it...very strict so I didn't have to worry about drinking parties, my roommates playing loud music, etc. I wanted a godly place where I could focus on my education and this place seemed like a welcoming place away from the world. I met girls at the college who grew up not wearing pants, and was surprised to find that I really grew to appreciate their sweet spirits (the ones who were sweet-spritited). I felt badly that I had just judged them all as "weird". When I came home for the summer in my sophomore year, my parents had started attending a new church...one that preached that women should not dress like the world...and that included pants. Honestly, I just ignored that part of it because we had tried so many churches in that area and had never found a church like this one where the people were welcoming, like family; the preaching was so good, and the overall place seemed to have the goal of pleasing God and advancing the gospel. I did wear skirts and dresses whenever I knew I would be around church people b/c I didn't want to offend or cause an offense to them or their children. I hear sometimes people say things like, "I wear pants and I'm going to be true to myself and wear them," but then I read I Corinthians and it says if something offends your brother/sister, than abstain for their sake, so that is why I did. I feel the same about liquor: I grew up with alcoholism destroying my family on both my mom and dad's side; I have always seen drinking as offensive b/c of the bad memories, the bad life I saw with it. I appreciate when other Christians are understanding of that and don't drink, at least in my company. I guess you could say I am the weaker brother when it comes to alcohol. (continued)...
3 replies · active 561 weeks ago
I live in South Dakota and my family attends a Lutheran church. I have been wearing skirts/dresses only four about 4 years. I came to this conclusion after watching the Duggars and then praying about it a lot. In high school, I dressed very immodestly and was very concerned about my appearance. I feel like this change in my wardrobe is a way for God to take the focus off of me, and how much attention I'm getting from others. It brings me closer to God. No one else in my congregation wears skirts/dresses only, although some wear them to church. We have three daughters ages 4, 2, and 5 months and they also dress as I do. My husband likes the way we dress, and long as they are more modern skirts and dresses. So I try to honor this and please him. He is always telling me he thinks I'm beautiful. This choice is a personal choice for our family and I am passionate about it, but I don't see it as a command for everyone. I just know that I feel I'm being obedient to the Holy Spirit because the Lord called me to this.
1 reply · active 561 weeks ago
I am skirts only, and I don't stand out. Nobody takes a second look at me, unless I am wearing a really fancy dress (I have one in my closet that I adore... need to lose some weight first ha)
Hi, Lori,
I've always been of the belief that whatever a believing person(man, woman or child) wears, they should always keep in mind that they are the temple of the Living God. I'm also of the belief that this may mean one thing to another, depending on the person's occupation in Christ. I won't turn my nose at a woman who modestly wears pants, and I hope they wouldn't turn their nose at me for wearing skirts, dresses and headcoverings. It all boils down to what God lays on the INDIVIDUALS heart, for THEIR service in&for Christ.
All I can talk of is my own experience...and this is what has convicted and re-convicted me to wear skirts & dresses.
A few years ago, I met with and became close friends with a Mennonite homeschooling mom. I noticed no matter what, she moved and conducted herself in a softer, more feminine manner than I could dare to hope for. Shortly after, I did start reading about defining myself in a Biblical, feminine manner. I started going through my daughters clothes, and realized they,too, like their skirts and dresses more than they did capris, shorts, and pants...as the dresses and skirts were the most wore-out after each season. So, I switched them to just dresses and pants...but then they started to say, "well, why don't you wear them,too, Mama?"
Please keep in mind...before all this, I had attended a JW church that basically tried to force me to wear skirts and dresses. I declined, and held my ground...which was why I ended up no longer attending, it started to give me a legalistic feeling, and I knew that wasn't what wearing them was about. I loved my pants, and I LOVED my jeans. But, with what I was reading(in the Bible and through the Duggars and other conservative authors), what I was seeing(watching the way my daughters conducted themselves, watching the way my friend conducted herself, watching how conservative women who wore skirts and dresses conduct themselves), and how I started to feel(that maybe I should be doing this along with my daughters, too), my heart started to open up to the idea and I started to say, "If this is you, Lord, make a way...you know I only have ONE skirt and ONE dress, right?!" (Because I'm a gal that always asks God for a physical sign to know if this is from HIm or not).
God started to bring people into my path, who either gained or lost weight, and oddly enough...started giving me their hand-me-down dresses and skirts, as well as tops to match. One of my neighbor's mother had the urge to take me to a church giveaway, where I acquired most of my dresses and skirts. This had all happened within a two-year period...
So, I started wearing them. And the gal who LOVED her pants suddenly felt awkward wearing them...like I was exposing something I wasn't supposed to or something. I started to talk softer, feel more feminine. I moved different-less like I was trying to take on the world, and more like the woman I felt God was trying to put on my heart to be. I still wear leggins in the winter under my skirts/dresses to keep warm..but other than that, I don't wear anything related to pants at all.
After doing this for almost three years, last winter I decided to try and wear just my leggings around for a bit...just to see how it felt. I knew I felt different, I was more likely to yell more and speak soft less. I couldn't walk the same way...it felt more like my old self, trying to impress the world with my strut. It didn't feel right to me, so I took them off and put my skirts back on.
When I married my husband, he didn't care either way, as long as whatever I wore was modest. However, recently, he commented that he "loved the feel and look of me in a skirt or dress!"
Oh, and I'm from PA...not the mid-west or South. I did most of my skirt and dress wearing journey thus far in PA, but I have recently moved to Idaho, and so far, I'm finding I'm one of few in my church that wears them and the only one that covers my head. But I've built a thick skin in Christ, so a few strange/questioning looks for doing what I feel led by the Lord to do don't bother me at all ;)
2 replies · active 561 weeks ago
I'm sorry, but you might want to edit this sentence

"Our pastors wear jeans when they preach and sometimes just t-shirts!"

I'm sure your pastors are clothed, aren't they?
2 replies · active 561 weeks ago
Jim Bob has said that it was Michelle who approached him about wanting to wear skirts. She told him she felt convicted that she should. So it was her lead not his.
I tried wearing only skirts or dresses for a year. I lasted 6 months. It was a good experience that I'd encourage anyone to try. You definitely open your eyes to other aspects of your wardrobe. I went back to pants mostly but I wear a skirt or dress to church 95% of the time and I'm in So. Cal too. Almost all of the women in my church, even teen girls, wear skirts or dresses for service. We're in a traditional Lutheran church. I definitely would encourage all women to wear a skirt or dress to church and to other basic dress up functions like graduations and baby showers. It is really important that girls and boys are raised to feel comfortable in dressier clothes otherwise you see these dads that wear skater shoes and cartoon shirts every day and feel like a clown in a collared shirt.
I love wearing skirts, however not for any other reason than that is because my dear Hubby likes me in skirts! I really don't care if it is popular or not if it makes him happy then I am happy; if it is cold like it has been lately then I wear a pair of tights under them!
I must say I always wore jeans and tops before; but one day I asked Antony what he would like me to wear and he said skirts and dresses and it has been that way ever since.
Before, anyone thinks I am rooster pecked. No I am not at all, I just figured that before we married I always dressed to impress him and to win his heart and feel I might as well continue on that happy path! He has never told me to wear skirts and dresses only it is just something he likes. Antony like women to look like women and not men!!
California really does sound more casual!

I was a bit surprised that pastors wear t-shirts and jeans to preach. Around here, I've only seen that if someone is specifically working with youth at a summer camp, doing street outreach, or something similar.

I've been told that dressing up for services is like dressing up for a meeting with a King - it would show a certain level of respect and awe. I suppose that if someone doesn't dress up in a more formal society, it's disrespectful, but that if there really wasn't a concept of dressing up for anything (casual workplace, etc.), they may very well dress in jeans to greet a ruler!

I do know of one person in southern California who tries to wear skirts only and dress modestly - actress Mayim Bialik. She's written about her journey to modest dress, and if you look closely, you'll notice that she doesn't wear pants on The Big Bang Theory and she looks for attractive but modest dresses for interviews and award shows.
1 reply · active 561 weeks ago
I wear skirts and dresses as they make me feel feminine where as pants don't (too boyish). I also don't want to be like the world and everywhere I look I see pants - women wear them casually, they wear them to church and to work and everywhere in between. To me, it is important - but I am not going to preach to anyone else about their dress.

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