Always Learning: What Happened To Cooking For Your Family?

Monday, June 23, 2014

What Happened To Cooking For Your Family?

When I go shopping to a few of my favorite food markets, I like to get my food checked out by one of the cashiers that I have gotten to know. Recently, I was with one and we began conversing with each other. Somehow cooking came up and she told me that when she met her husband, she informed him that she doesn't cook at all. Therefore, he has learned to do all the cooking.

I am amazed at how many women don't cook today. It is almost as if they are proud of it. I think within the label of "keeper at home" and "She is like the merchants' ships; she brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is yet night, and gives meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens"{Proverbs 31:14,15}, there is the job for women of cooking for their family and feeding them nourishing food.

When I was raising my children, I didn't want them to have any junk: junk food, junk television, junk books, etc. I was very careful to feed them healthy food, made sure they read good books, monitored what they watched on television, what friends they hung out with, etc. I wanted to be responsible for what their hearts, minds, and bodies consumed, not allow strangers to be the ones responsible who could care less about their mental, physical, or spiritual health.

Women need to learn to stop using the excuse that they don't know how or don't want to cook. If you can read, you can learn how to cook. There are so many television cooking shows, YouTube videos, books, etc. that there is really no excuse not to be a good cook and even learn to enjoy it. This is a ministry you have for your family and it should be a priority to you.

Everyone loves a good home cooked meal. To walk into a home and smell the aromas of yummy food, makes home a home. We use to hear that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach. I guess today's woman doesn't care about winning a man's heart much anymore.

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helen · 561 weeks ago

I used to love coming in from School and smelling cooking aromas from Mums home cooking!.

Also, my Mum used to have an old fashioned baking day each week and we were always excited to have a warm scone after school or see some fruitcake made for the week or whatever it was she had baked that day!

Happy Days :)

Blessings
Helen UK

1 reply · active 561 weeks ago

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mbb · 561 weeks ago

GREAT POST!! I didn't know much about cooking when I got married. I personally am one of those people who always was drawn to the housewife, child rearing lifestyle though. I'm the same one who commented in a previous post about my step-mom who really didn't want me to do much of anything because she was a perfectionist. Hence, I didn't learn how to do much of anything. However, God is the parent to the parent-less. He has always whispered in my ear the direction to go. I was able to watch my grandmothers cook occasionally, and that stuck with me. Over the years I have determined, my opinion, is that this feminism movement is the devil really taking hold of society. The bible tells us fear is not a trait someone knows who is walking with the Lord. And I myself fell prey to this in my younger years, I was determined to be independnet, with the "horrible stigma" of cooking for my husband meaning I was not a strong woman. SO STUPID and SUCH a LIE!!!! The devil's lie. He wants us to fear that we will lose our strength, our power over our husbands if we fall into the 1950's housewife trap. False. Even that stigma is manufactured by those trying to lead us from God's calling for us. Even I love a home cooked meal, even if I have to cook it myself. I have learned how to cook just from a few interactions with my grandmothers and a whole lot of reading cookbooks. It isn't hard. And everyone is nourished, mind, body, and soul. I feel sorry for my friends who are constantly saying these words: "Well, I don't really cook that many things." I refuse to believe it is an intelligence or skill thing. And they also just don't know the value of God's word either, how wonderful and healthy and beneficial it is. A home cooked meal is a blessing to EVERYONE in the family. And balance is completely off if you allow your husband cook more than you. I believe he should cook for fun if he wants but I feel so sorry for the men who have to cook meals for their entire family as their main source of nutrition. Nothing but benefits come from serving your Husband and family well. Thanks again!!! Sorry this was a long post.

4 replies · active 561 weeks ago

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Becky · 561 weeks ago

I totally agree with you Lori. A couple of examples: For 2 weeks a year I cook for a girls camp;they love our food-it is 90% from scratch. When they go through the line they are so happy & mention quite often it is the only time of year they get real food. My husband and I have a Thurs. Bible Study for young men who have need of Bible Study and a good meal. They love coming to our home and eating a home cooked meal. It is such a ministry, that most people take for granted. It isn't that hard:) But it is so fulfilling and rewarding.

1 reply · active 561 weeks ago

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Brenda · 561 weeks ago

I started out my marriage not knowing how to cook, but wanting to please my husband, who came from a family where mother made most meals by scratch, I set out to do my best. Well, it was judged against his mama's cooking, and I failed. Over the years, I have found myself fearing every meal, and I have now raised three out of six children. I longed to be the Proverbs 31 woman, but fear kept me back, and now I dread cooking and the comments my husband and family will make about the meal. I want to cook healthy but they balk at it. I now hate being a homemaker and don't give it my all anymore. All I can think of is when they're all grown, maybe I can just leave and I can just worry about myself from now on. Sad but true confession. :(

4 replies · active 561 weeks ago

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Lindsay Harold · 561 weeks ago

I love cooking for my family. My husband often says that he eats better now on a regular basis than he ever has in his life. He really enjoys my cooking and knowing there is a hot, home-cooked, nutritious meal waiting for him at home after work. Cooking is an easy skill to learn since there are so many ways to do it and so many recipes that are quick, easy, and delicious. You don't have to be a fancy chef to cook wholesome and healthy meals for your family.

The benefits of cooking are great. Not only is cooking your own meals healthier, but it's far less expensive than eating out or getting carry-out. And you can tweak your meals to reflect your family's tastes. And you get to be creative and try new things. And you can use home-grown fruits and veggies. And you can teach your children to work, to contribute something to the family, and to have a valuable skill. My 2-1/2 year old daughter loves to help me cook. And you have family time over a good meal around the table (it just isn't the same when you bring home a bucket of chicken or a pizza as when you sit down to a home-cooked meal). There are lots of good reasons to cook.

1 reply · active 561 weeks ago

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musicow2 22p · 561 weeks ago

This has been a problem for me my whole life. My first husband was a chef, so he preferred to do all the cooking, and I never really learned. My husband now would prefer to just have a quick sandwich or make himself a bowl of cereal for dinner. May times I've tried to cook and make things, but then he will often suggest we go out instead, or he will say he isn't hungry.

I work full-time, leaving the house at 7 a.m. and don't get home until 6:30 p.m., and by then it's almost time for my daughter to start getting ready for bed. Quick and easy dinneres, or my husband just picking something up on his way home, has worked for our schedule.

I am a vegetarian, so I don't even know where to find meat in the grocery store, much less how to cook it. However, the couple of times that I've taken days off from work and had time to prepare a meal and have it ready when my husband got home (or when my parents came over for dinner), my husband has raved about how great it was, so I know he does enjoy it - and I've enjoyed learning how to make those things and feeling like I was actually taking care of my husband!

It's just difficult when I leave the house so early for work and get home so late. I wish I didn't have to work at all, but my husband has asked that I continue for at least another couple of years and perhaps even longer, so we'll see. If I could find some super quick, easy lessons or recipes on cooking meat and modifying them so that I can eat a similar dinner as a vegetarian, I would be a happy camper!

8 replies · active 561 weeks ago

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wellsbunch2014j 32p · 561 weeks ago

I am thinking what if your Hubby is the one who wants to do the cooking just because he enjoys doing it?

2 replies · active 561 weeks ago

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prov31 19p · 561 weeks ago

Oh, cooking is one of my favorite things to do. My husband doesn' tcook,, but he enjoys BBQing on the weekends. I learned at my mom's apron strings, so to speak, and I've always thought that was the easiest way to do it. I have a nice corn chowder simmering on the stove as I type. I'm trying to decide whether I want to get some home made rolls going on such a hot day or whether to go get some prepared ones from the market, which would be much cooler but maybe not quite so tasty.

Maybe some favorite healthy recipes or easy cooking hints and tips would be a great idea for a post!

1 reply · active 561 weeks ago

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Nora · 561 weeks ago

Cooking is not that difficult. i use the slow cooker, often. I stay home but am busy many days and the slow cooker is a great help.

Cook once, eat two or three times.
Whole Chickens and Roasts are great for this. Use the bones to make broth for soup.
When making rice or bean dishes make enough for two different meals.

Keep frozen veggies on hand that your family loves.
Green Beans, peas, broccoli, and corn can be steamed in a jiffy

Do prep work once or twice a week.
i prepare our cucumbers, carrots, celery, etc once or twice a week for salads, easy side dish any night of the week.

Fruits
Whole fruits are easy desserts. May have to cut up for smaller children. Berries and homemade whipped cream or yogurt are easy to make.

i found the key to getting meals on the table is to keep things simple. Figure out 3-4 different recipes for each type of meat or bean dish that your family enjoys and rotate through them. I try new recipes but keep to my main meals in times of stress (sickness, pregnant, new baby, holidays, extra busy, etc).

3 replies · active 561 weeks ago

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Diane · 561 weeks ago

Great post Lori,

I am proof that even though I was not brought up with a mom who enjoyed cooking from scratch, my grandma did and so did my sweet mom in law. She took the time to teach me the family recipes that my husband grew up on. That with what my grandma taught me, I have come a long way. After 43 years of married bliss, (thanks to God's grace), I agree with you that if you can read, than you can cook a great meal from scratch. It is selfish to think that you can't take the time to learn.

1 reply · active 561 weeks ago

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wendytamaryoung 37p · 561 weeks ago

I couldn't cook when I got married, but have learnt and love it. I am aware that there are many who don't like cooking, I have two friends who really don't enjoy it but do it as a service to The Lord and their families. For those wanting to start cooking simple nutritious meals I have written about them here, but Lori if you don't want the link, please feel free to delete this post: http://its-our-life-for-six.blogspot.com/2014/05/... and http://its-our-life-for-six.blogspot.com/2014/05/... and http://its-our-life-for-six.blogspot.com/2014/05/...

1 reply · active 561 weeks ago

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AMY · 561 weeks ago

My husband and I, don't really enjoy cooking, but the family has to eat! So we developed a routine where we all (the whole family) cooks together. It's a great exercise in teamwork and makes cooking fun. Often we talk while we cook, but sometimes we tell stories, sing, and even dance. If my husband is working late, I handle the cooking. Likewise, if I'm late getting home, he handles the responsibility. It's shared. "Many hands, make light work". My husband and kids also grow veggies in the garden. My husband loves to garden and is passing down the tradition to our kids. Me? I have a black thumb, but I do help with the watering!

1 reply · active 561 weeks ago

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Katy · 561 weeks ago

Great post! I came into marriage without ANY cooking knowledge. Wanting to please my husband I would try to make fancy, complicated meals, but my husband's favorites were always simple casseroles and crock-pot meals. Easy enough :) He also loves junk foods, so lately I've been working on trying out healthier versions of his favorites. Cooking is something that my husband appreciates and it's an easy way for me to bless him.

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RTD · 561 weeks ago

Great post, Lori. I have a lot in common with your check-out girl. I was never allowed to cook growing up, and then I went to boarding school, where our meals were prepared for us. When I was dating my husband, I told him I wanted a grilled cheese sandwich, and when he said, "You can go make one in my kitchen," I told him I didn't know how. I was 20 years old. Here's an even more embarrassing fact: the first time I made Campbell's chicken noodle soup (in college,) I didn't even know whether or not I was supposed to pull out the chicken bits and cook them separately. No, I'm not making that pitiful anecdote up.
Going into my marriage, I knew NOTHING about cooking. I learned everything from my husband and from my mother-in-law (who, like that of a previous poster, is an amazing "from scratch" cook to whom I am inevitably compared and inevitably fail because, let's face it, she's an amazing cook, and I grew up thinking Campbell's chicken needs its own personal pan.)
I really sympathize with you, Brenda. I know how frustrating it is. My husband is never unkind to me about my cooking, but it's pretty obvious whose cooking he prefers--and it's pretty obvious why. My sons are also the absolute pickiest eaters on the planet, which makes me just want to scream when I cook a meal that took effort and planning and they reject it.
I have accepted the fact that I'm not a natural or a creative chef. I have to follow recipes carefully, and cooking is always an effort for me. However, I am praying that one day my sons will appreciate the food their mom makes for them--and actually eat some of it!

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RTD · 561 weeks ago

One more thing to add here--I really didn't learn how to cook until my first child was born. At that point, I understood why so many women back in my mother's generation were stay-at-home wives: COOKING.
I had to learn everything on the fly--cooking, mothering, home-making, etc--while I was incessantly sleep-deprived, still working outside the home, and trying to juggle it all. I often thought, "Wow, if I had been a homemaker before having my children, all of this would have been so much EASIER!" I would have already known how to cook, clean properly, DIY, etc, instead of having to take my own experimental crash-course on homemaking while I was trying to do everything else. Just a thought.

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Lori Alexander 122p · 561 weeks ago

RTD and all of you who weren't taught how to cook growing up, it is NEVER too late to learn a new skill or find a new talent. I didn't start to write until I was 52 years old and never thought of myself as a writer but now I LOVE it!!!

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Arabella · 561 weeks ago

My husband does most of the cooking in my house; it has nothing to do with how well I cook (pretty well), but with the fact that he likes to cook, and gets home from work before I do. Plus, he's Indian, and let me tell you, there is nothing better than a plate of paneer after a long day at work!

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hiswife522 43p · 561 weeks ago

I didn't learn to cook until after I was married. I think back to the meals I served my husband the first couple years and am so ashamed! It was actually several years into marriage before I really learned. And even then, I've only learned how to make bread in the last few years. I have determined that my kids will know how to cook. I refuse to let my kids grow up and not know basic life skills like cooking! I will not repeat my mom's failures.

I completely agree with Lori that you can ALWAYS learn. Believe it or not, I actually learned a lot from watching Food Network (some shows are more beneficial than others). Once I had the basics mastered, I was able to be more creative. I also found that using older cookbooks (at least comparing Betty Crocker old to new) were more helpful because they were more technical and less using processed foods.

2 replies · active 560 weeks ago

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tonya77hancock 1p · 561 weeks ago

Around our house we both cook, my husband enjoys cooking and he has his specialties, and I have mine. Often we cook together on weekends because we enjoy working together to make a big family meal. Who makes breakfast on the weekends depends on what everybody wants. I'm the one who is the pancake master, while hubby makes a sausage gravy that is to die for. My gravy is okay at best, but I can make some big fluffy biscuits to go with his gravy.

The point I'm trying to make is cooking shouldn't be a gender specific chore some men love to cook, and everyone should know how to cook at least a few simple things since its a basic life skill. Men, at least need to know how to fend for themselves if something were to happen to their wife. My kids are all learning to cook, my two oldest seem to both enjoy cooking. My daughter can make an awesome teriyaki chicken, and my son has dreamed up some delicious variations on basic recipes. We're generally a family that just enjoys cooking regardless of gender, heck my father-in-law should be a chef, he cooks better than most women I know.

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Joanna · 561 weeks ago

Yes, if you can read, you can cook. This means EVERYONE should learn how to cook, men and women, boys and girls. You just never know!

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Monica · 561 weeks ago

I think we run into problems when we look at the Proverbs 31 woman and say "THIS is how a woman has to be". We then turn it into a to-do list and use it against women who don't fit every single convention we create from it. When we turn Proverbs 31 into a to-do list, we have become legalistic, and we end up exalting ourselves. We're saying "we Christian women cook because Proverbs 31", and women who don't are implicitly less than, even if we don't say it outright. We HAVE to be careful about that, and we have to understand that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. If someone really hates cooking, why force them to do it just because the Proverbs 31 woman did it? Proverbs 31 is not a dictation on what we should do in order to earn God's favour - we already have it. Should everyone, male or female, know how to make a basic meal in case they're left to fend for themselves? Yeah, that just makes sense. But this post is essentially saying that a woman who dislikes cooking or "doesn't cook" is a poor example of a Christian woman and that is just plain WRONG.

Proverbs is a celebration of EVERYTHING a woman does for her family, not a scolding for the individual things she does not.

1 reply · active 561 weeks ago

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Kim · 561 weeks ago

Funny you've posted this. I think today's cookbooks don't teach how to cook as much as schools and homes don't teach anymore. I received a very used 1952 Betty Crocker cookbook from an 85 year old woman. It has more how to and pictures than any of my 1980 onwards cookbooks. I keep these beaten up books over the new snazzy cookbooks.

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Amanda D · 561 weeks ago

Thanks for the post!

I laugh when I think about my first couple years of marriage. I really wasn't a great cook, not even good, just good enough. We survived and my husband thought I was amazing! (What I made, even if he didn't like it too much, beat Little Caesar's $5 pizza, which he lived on during his bachelor years!)
Cooking is like changing diapers, someone's gotta do it. And since my hubby works physically hard all day, guess that someone is ME! He loves coming home to a meal in progress, I think it's right up there with talking dirty to him. :)
The secret to a great cook is having great tried and true recipes that you can go to, those have been a life saver for me. Meal planning helps as well. I can tell a difference between my cooking morale when I plan and don't plan. When I don't plan, I have no desire to prepare a meal for my family, I dig through the freezer, or the pantry, scrounging for something easy and convenient for me. Those days are ok once in a while, but not every day.
My oldest daughter, 17, helps quite often as does my 5 year old son. My daughter has already started her recipe arsenal for when she is married with a family.
Thanks for the encouragement. I still struggle with the WANTING to cook. Sometimes I just need good kick in the conscience to adjust my attitude. Thanks!

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Mary · 558 weeks ago

Does anyone have any advice or encouragement for a woman who LOVES to cook but husband complains about about almost EVERY SINGLE meal I cook? He finds something "wrong" with practically every meal I make, from full dinners to a turkey sandwich! I have learned what flavors he does and does not like and am careful to NOT cook things with flavors he doesn't like. I even search out recipes with ingredients/flavors he does enjoy and show him the recipe to ask if he would like that particular item and if he says no I'll look for something else and cook something that does look appealing to him. I take great care to slowly cook the meals and not rush and cook with low quality ingredients. But nothing is ever good enough. It crushes me because ever since I have been a child I have LOVED cooking. Yet every time I go and put love and effort and time into making a meal with all hopes he will like it, he finds something negative to say. I have told him this hurts my feelings and he just says "I'm just being honest". I feel like a child whose parent is never pleased with extreme effort that doesn't result in "perfect" results.

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Brit · 556 weeks ago

This is one of the most discouraging areas of my marriage (which I know means I am blessed in other areas). I LOVE to cook meals, all different kinds, from scratch. I love to serve my husband or anyone else by cooking. It is the way I show love, and I am affirmed on it by everyone but my husband. It's not that he doesn't like it or does it on purpose, he just doesn't like food. He has said several times that if he could take a pill instead of eating a meal (even his favorite) he would do that. I just feel so discouraged and let down when I plan out and spend time on making him a meal that is one of his favorites for supper and then have him say, "I'm not hungry right now." or "I ate something 2 hours ago at work." or if he doesn't eat it I asked if he liked supper and he says, "It's OK." I

I had no idea that being rejected in this area would hurt so much, but it does. I now always volunteer to make meals for women that just have babies or people in the church that just had a surgery/sickness. I still cook a lot, but it's really hard to get motivated when he onlys eats a couple meals a week.

I will teach my kids to cook, but I also want to prepare them that not every guy loves food.

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