Helping A Husband With His Porn Addiction

Can you help your husband if he has a porn addiction? I think you can. NEVER underestimate the power and influence of a transformed life on others. Maybe I am naive, but I have seen God's ways work over and over again. He tells us that the greatest hope we have of changing our husbands is by changing ourselves. He tells us we may win a disobedient husband without a word by living godly lives. Wouldn't pornography fit into this disobedience? He also tells us that we overcome evil with good. I believe the Bible and I believe God's ways are the VERY best ways.

Jim, on another blog {the post along with the comments were removed so I can't link to it}, wrote his thoughts about wives helping their husbands with a porn addiction ~

I'd like to mention something about porn. And while I fully expect that there 

will be honest disagreement on what I say, I'm only giving my take on it.

1. "Anonymous" porn is not the same as having an inappropriate relationship of whatever sort with an actual woman. Both are sins, and both must stop, but at least with the "anonymous" porn, there isn't another woman in his life. In other words, it is less evil than the inappropriate relationship

2. One of the reasons men indulge in porn is because it gives them temporary relief from the anxieties of life. And because it is so easy to indulge in, and because it gives such relief, it is sometimes very difficult for him to stop indulging in it. Therefore, if you find out that your husband is indulging in porn, the way you handle the situation can either help set him free, or can cause him to be even more bound by it.

Here's what to do if you want to set him free from porn ~ Approach him privately and let him know that you know that he indulges in porn. Let him know that you are praying for him, and that you know that God will help him to stop indulging in it. Then give him a hug and walk away. Your very loving and merciful approach will make him feel so bad that he has hurt you in this way, that he will be desperate to quit doing it. In fact, this desperation could be just the extra push he needs to get free from the porn. The loving support you give him on this issue will greatly assist him in getting free.

If you want him to be even more bound by it, nag him, scream and yell, run out of the room crying, or do something else that lets him know that he does not have your support. The resulting feeling of failure which will come upon him will make him want to get the temporary relief he gets from indulging in porn.

Give him loving support and not condemnation, and you will set him free from porn. Let him know what a failure he is at that moment, and you will bind him even tighter to the porn.

Two things ~ 1) I am in no way implying that his porn addiction is your fault, only that the way you handle it will either help or hurt. 2) Some men {and women} do not want to do the right thing, no matter what you do. So your effort in this department won't work if he doesn't want to do the right thing. But if he does, you can help see him free from this horrible addiction.

We must remember that a man trapped in porn is in bondage to his sin. A woman who is unsubmissive, controlling and manipulative is as just as destructive to a marriage as a man involved in porn. We don't help free others from their sin through anger, pouting, screaming, and crying. A praying, godly wife is a powerful wife through Christ who strengthens her. Every day, pray that your husband will hate that which evil and cling to what is good.

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation {lifestyle} of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation {lifestyle} coupled with fear.

I Peter 3;1,2