Sunday, June 15, 2014

They Don't Want Children Anytime Soon


They are madly in love. They will be married soon. They want to wait a long time to have babies.  They waited a long time to find each other and just want to enjoy each other for awhile. They see all their married friends who have babies. The couples with children are no longer affectionate with each other and they are always exhausted. Looking at other couples having children doesn't appeal to them too much. 

This is sad to me. Do couples need to stop being affectionate to each other once they have children? Are they so exhausted that all their energy goes to their children and not each other? Shalom Pearl Brand has a great take on the importance of the love between a husband and his wife when they have children.

"I have told my husband more than once that I hope the Lord will come back before my children reach teen years, so that I will not lose any of them to the world. Then yesterday, I realized my perspective had changed and I told him, 'I have no fear of losing my children." In shock, he asked me what had changed my mind. Smiling, I told him, 'Because they will see the same thing in my marriage that I saw in my parents' ~ LOVE.' Now, I am not talking about just mushy or passionate love; I am talking about real love all the way to the bottom of the soul, the very foundation of love. When you see it, you say, 'That is what I want.' I think I can speak for all my brothers and sisters in saying that the one thing that gave substance to what my parents taught was their example of love for each other."

When you begin having children, don't forget your husband. Continue to be a help meet to him. Love him in the way he needs to be loved. I believe many husbands don't want many children because they feel neglected when children come along. Wives think their husbands are big boys and can take care of themselves. This is wrong thinking. They DO need you! They married you because they needed a help meet.

Never forget that you were a wife before you were a mother and you will be a wife long after your children have left the nest. Children are God's property assigned to parents for a short time. Raise them in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord but the greatest thing you can do is to love their father.  Never forget how much your children need a father and never forget to make their father your first priority.

Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.  Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.
Psalm 127:3-5

Go wish the father of your children a Happy Father's Day
 and do him good ALL the days of his life!!!

Comments (14)

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In those early days after having a child, you can be so exhausted that even getting off the couch and going to the bedroom can be more than you can bear. My kids nursed around the clock, about every hour, and sometimes I'd forget to even eat because I was just that tired. But I did discover very early on that connecting with my husband actually refueled me so that I could dive back into motherhood feeling more energized.

I suppose I might have felt differently had my husband been really demanding about his needs and wants, but he has always been gentle, patient and loving and was even more so after our children were born.
3 replies · active 562 weeks ago
Yes, I agree. We are exhausted after having children but I don't think husbands want that much from us, just a little. Hugs, kisses, and smiles as we pass them. Cuddle them a bit if we can. Hold their hand when possible.. Make sure you give him sex whenever you can. I know it takes effort, but not that much compared to the satisfaction it brings the husbands!
I have never withheld sex from my husband. :)
You must have one very happy husband! ;)
Lady Virtue's avatar

Lady Virtue · 563 weeks ago

The bodies of husbands and wives belong to each other (I Cor. 7:4), but God certainly doesn't want us to be selfish about that. Sex is not just for pleasure, but also for procreation. It seems like a lot of people forget this; they focus on sex itself, but don't want the end result. How sad.

I remember seeing a birth control ad in a magazine years ago with a quote from the woman in the photograph: "I'll have children when I can give them the best life possible." When I saw that, I thought, she may never have kids. We have to trust God with our marriages, families, and lives, instead of putting things off until what WE'VE (not God) decided is a more convenient season. As it's been said, "someday never comes."
3 replies · active 561 weeks ago
I agree. There are so many things I don't like about birth control, mostly that it makes children an inconvenience and a choice which I don't think God ever intended. He created us to have children if we can and raise godly offspring. Too many couples take their fertility for granted...I think it is very sad. Our children have brought us SO much joy!
Lori, I would say that MOST couples take their fertility for granted. I think that even includes couples who do not use birth control and may have several children. As someone who has never conceived (and never used birth control), I am often amazed at how many people see their children as something they accomplished rather than blessings from God.
Let's not forget that not everyone can have children. I see lots and lots of posts from Christians that often seem to value large families over small ones and admonish couples they see without children. They seem to forget that they don't know why that couple doesn't have any children. Over and over and over infertile couples have to hear people ask why they don't have children yet. As someone who is infertile, you don't want to explain to everyone and their brother why you can't have children. And then when you do tell them, you have to hear the accusations. Just relax, you just weren't meant to have children, everything happens for a reason, did you try this or that yet, etc. I have a condition that makes me infertile and relaxing won't help me. I have had the condition for years, probably since I was a teenager, but wasn't diagnosed until mid-20s. I will only ever get pregnant through extensive fertility treatments and those are not cheap.
Point is that seeing a childless couple does not automatically mean they don't want children. It's best to not assume and also not to ask why they don't have children or when they will have them. We don't want to have to constantly explain.
My husband and I have made it a point to put our relationship ahead of the kids. Our kids aren't neglected, but their wants come after my husbands and they aren't going to run our lives. It's not only better for our marriage that way, but it's better for the kids. They need the security and example of our strong marriage. They also need to learn that they aren't the center of the universe. Our marriage will list long after the kids are grown and gone and we want to be sure we stay close.
1 reply · active 562 weeks ago
Your children are so blessed, Lindsay. YES! Children's greatest security are their mother and father, the family unit just as God designed.
Love being his wife.'s avatar

Love being his wife. · 562 weeks ago

I think the timing of having children is a very personal decision for couples, I am so grateful for my two they bless me every day of my life.
However I do understand that some couples want to wait awhile. I am so happy that precious Antony and I both wanted to be parents!!! I feel for people who don't want children because, I think they miss out badly! However, I think if a couple doesn’t want children it is best that they don’t have any. I have known children born to parents that didn’t want them and it is the saddest thing to see.
The children grow up with dreadful problems and some never get over it!

Children are a full time job and like any job if you are not up to it don't take it on!! No one can send them back once they are here!!!
I love, love, love being a Mama!!!!
2 replies · active 562 weeks ago
Very true!
Thank you Cynthia, sadly I have sat and talked with so many children who have not been loved by parents and family so it has lead me to see that some people just should never be parents! The saddest part is some of them Christians!
I was never able to have children. I cried out to the Lord for 25 years 2 months and 8 days. Then a newborn baby boy was laid in my arms and my life has never been the same. He will be 5 in October and I will be 50 in November. I know exhaustion! And I will confess, my husband has suffered for it. But I am working hard at submitting whether I want to or not. Coming from an Independent Baptist church I see young couples who wait until their wedding day for their first kiss and then let the Lord plan their families. It is a beautiful thing! A sweet young lady who I used to baby sit and her dear husband were married last Oct. They saved themselves for their wedding night! She will have a precious baby girl around Oct. 3 of this year! They attend a different denomination but early on decided that they wanted God to number their family. I would have given anything for the 12 I dreamt of all my growing up years. But I have learned that God is sovereign. And I need to let Him be God. He chose one special little man for my life. And what a treasure he is!!

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