Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Are These Wives Really Single Mothers?


Many stay-at-home wives and mothers complain because their husbands are rarely home. Their husbands leave early in the morning and come home late at night, working for their family. The women are so frustrated that their husbands aren't there to help with the housework and the children. Often they say that they feel like single mothers.

I think they need to ask single mothers about this. Single mothers have to be the providers, protectors and nurturers, taking care of all the details at home on top of paying the bills. There is NO comparison! Sure it's difficult raising children without their Daddy home much but it's a lot easier than having to leave the home every day and having to go to a job on top of all the home and children's obligations.

Men carry a heavy burden of caring for and providing for their families. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, especially when they are young and starting their careers. They will always feel the burden of having to provide. The more you can appreciate this fact, the more content you will be and so very thankful that you have a husband who provides for you.

There are women leaving their husbands over this and even divorcing them. I know some. Their husbands are gone too much. When they do watch the children, they don't do a good job. The children eat Cheerios for dinner and are put to bed in their daytime clothes. The sink is full of dishes. Instead of being upset over these things and maybe even thinking of divorcing him because of this, thank him for watching the children for you.

Women are commanded to be keepers at home, not men. It is our responsibility and theirs is to provide for the family. We should not destroy the peace of our home by being continually angry with our husbands. If your husband works hard so you can stay home full-time with your children, you are a very blessed woman. Thank him often. Never take him for granted. 

Men show love to their wives and children by working hard and providing for them. Yes, flowers, candles and romance are nice but it is not what builds a strong, solid marriage and family. Hard work builds a marriage and family. Sometimes you are both exhausted at the end of the day. Fall into each other's arms, thankful for the life the Good Lord has blessed you with and smile often! There are many women out there who would love a husband like yours who works hard to provide for his family.

By wisdom a house is built, 
and by understanding it is established; 
by knowledge the rooms are filled 
with all precious and pleasant riches.
Proverbs 24:3, 4

Comments (29)

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AMEN!!! Can't say that enough here. Your blog taught me how to truly turn the tides and appreciate my husband. I guess I discovered this blog about 4 years ago, maybe. Once I started following God's command to submit to my husband, my affections for him turned. This is such a great post!! I have a brilliant, hard working man who provides for us so well. It hurts my heart to hear my friends who also stay-at-home complain about their husbands. While I don't know what goes on in their marriage, at least the stuff they complain about, is such a frivolous complaint. "I wanted to go work on a sewing project, and ____ was still not in bed an hour later." - a real complaint because her husband didn't put her son to bed the exact way she does...after he worked all day. She just needed a "break". I have tried to talk to her about this blog and about how God commands us to live life and she gets defensive. (not knocking her, because this is pretty much mirroring my exact situation years ago before I was convicted to submit to my husband. I have been there.) She gets upset when he comes home grumpy, yet she doesn't give him a reason to smile because she is expecting him to make her happy. It's so simple! But alas, people tend to not listen until they're ready to listen. Thanks so much for your ministry. I think this is your best post yet!!
1 reply · active 523 weeks ago
My husband and I agreed that a parent needed to be home, and I was the chosen one. After our firstborn, times were terrible. I told him that I knew what his day was like, but he didn't know how my day was. Also, I had no idea how to stay home, and I had health issues due to the pregnancy. Both of us were nipping at each other over something we didn't understand.

When my mother asked if she should retire, I asked if she was ready for no deadlines. I found that our entire life rotates around deadlines, and there are none in stay at home and retirement. I applied my business education and created deadlines to run my home. With 24 years around the corner, my husband are finally comfortable with our lives.
1 reply · active 523 weeks ago
Be happy when he is home! If your always nagging him when he's home that he's never home than why would he want to be home? And your just wasting the time with him you do have! Just be happy and when your both tired at the end of the day when he comes home, just relax in each others company. It can be hard being a stay-at-home mom sometimes but it can also be hard to go out to work everyday from morning until night! My husband has been working a lot of overtime lately and I'm 38 weeks pregnant with a 19 month old. I've had to keep all of this in mind a lot lately. There are sometimes when he has no choice but to work long hours unless he wants to get fired for leaving early and I'm sure no wife would have anything good to say about her husband then either.
1 reply · active 523 weeks ago
Good point, Lori! To be a mother that is alone a lot of the time( without the husband at home) is not the same as being alone all the time ( and being the oblygt provider). My parents divorced when I was 8 and my brother 2 and my mom practically raised us on her own from there. We visited dad every other weekend ( during wich mom went to her second job) but I'd say Mom took care of us on her own. I can't remember Dad ever taking us shopping for clothes or shcool supplies or anything else er needed. I know my Mom struggled really hard with the two of us, two jobs and finishing her university degree. Growing up I didn't always see or appreciated her struggles and sometimes I felt sorry for myself having to help out around the house ( yes, she saved up to and bought a house) or taking care of My brother when my friends did other things. Today, as wife and mother, I can better understand what she did. She did her job. She was a Mother. But she also did the job of My father. I can honestly tell you, I wouldn't last long in her shoes. My husband works a lot and I sometimes have grey moments when I feel like a dish rag and would like him to come home and help me out but he has got his job and I got mine.
I was actually amazed the other night as one of my friends whined on Facebook about her DS having a cold, the DS having trouble sleeping and the husband being gone for the week. Sorry about ranting, I just really wanted to tell you that I agree!
1 reply · active 523 weeks ago
Great reminders, Lori! My husband works long hours also. He farms/ranches and is self-employed and has a few hired men to help during really busy seasons (planting, harvesting, working cattle). I used to feel that since he makes his own hours, he could always leave at a moment's notice to be with me and my family whenever I wanted. I'm ashamed to admit that. But with his work, many times it's just not possible as you have to get things done in a certain frame of time. It's calving season now and he gets up several times during the night to check for new baby calves or if the mother cow needs help. I offer to help but he's never let me do much outside, besides giving rides, bringing out lunches and running errands for him. It hurts me to see him so tired lately, but he just keeps at it, working harder than ever. His father and brothers-in-law are the same way. I just try to make everything else as easy as possible for him. I'm really blessed to stay at home and can't even imagine life without him... I pray that he stays safe and never gets hurt outside since it is considered a fairly dangerous profession. Do you have any other suggestions of what I could do for him? I keep a clean house and make meals he loves, take care of our daughter, always make sure his laundry is done before anyone else's and try to show him a lot of love and keep offering to help, but I feel helpless sometimes and wish I could do more. He refuses to have me work outside our home, even though we only have one child (so far).
1 reply · active 523 weeks ago
I very much feel the same way as you do about women who claim "single" parenthood when they clearly have a source of at least some income from a hardworking yet largely absent husband.

If they simply would say that they are lonely and overwhelmed, I would have no end of empathy. It is a hard position to be in, and I think if/when positive changes can be made, they should be attempted. But it is terribly insensitive, privileged, naïve, and sheltered to compare the challenges of a marriage (like these ones) that share the responsibilities of providing for children between two parents in a way that keeps them apart, making the marriage tense and distant -- and the actuality of being the sole adult who is responsible for children (both the care and provision aspects). Do these women not know any actual single parents? It's senseless.

I feel the same way about women who claim that they are "golf widows" (or hockey, or video games, or hunting, or whatever kind of "widows"). Certainly, it's more conceivable that they might actually not know any real widows, at least not ones their own age, but to compare living with an over-occupied husband to living through the grief of losing one's husband to death is appalling! Imagine the grief some women are willing to throw in their sister's faces just to have a cute turn of phrase. NOT CUTE.
1 reply · active 523 weeks ago
Great post, Lori. Oh if women would only know what a smile does to a man when he walks through the door after a long day at work in the cold, rain, snow, heat, mud, office. Give him a great smile and tell him how much you appreciate him, and I'm convinced- most men will try to prove to you that he's a great man by doing the chores around the house! Set the bar high! Be consistent. A kind smile goes straight to the heart and makes the dishes and diapers look like a breeze! Blessings
1 reply · active 523 weeks ago
joann allen's avatar

joann allen · 523 weeks ago

Hello I am new to your blog. This post is great....I have been both a single mother and a wife with a husband who is gone for long hours. Being a single mom is very hard on you. I was a single mom until my children were older (17 & 9) I am now a keeper of my home happily married for 15 years. Look forward to coming back to your blog to read older posts. Blessings joann
1 reply · active 523 weeks ago
My husband’s job involves frequent travel. At its worst he is home only one week out of a month, but it usually isn’t that bad. I used to have pity-parties when the kids were little and I’d get stressed out, and think I was a “single mom.” But really, my husband is always just a phone call away and I do not have the financial strains a single mom has. I’m used to managing the house without him and enjoy a bit of autonomy. Military wives really have it much worse than me!
1 reply · active 523 weeks ago
Another great post Lori. Sometimes, it is much more difficult for us to be thankful for what we have, than to be sorry for what we do not. Often we have our priorities mixed up.
1 reply · active 523 weeks ago
Amen! From a husband who works double hard so that his wife can stay home :).

Love you lots!
1 reply · active 523 weeks ago
Great post! I was raised by a single mom. Any stay-at-home mom can never understand unless they have lived it. Even though I was raised by one I still don't think I really understand how hard it was for my mom. My husband was without a job for a season and became depressed to the point he stopped applying for jobs for a while. It was so hard! Now he has had his current job for 18 months. It has been SUCH a blessing. He has excelled and he has already had a promotion and his company packed and moved our family a couple months ago. He was traveling to his new location for 3 months before we moved. Going through the 1st trimester as a surrogate, giving myself IM shots and raising 4 kids 4 and under was really tough, but I still had it easier that single mom's. I didn't have the financial worries they have. I also was able to talk on the phone most evenings to my husband to have emotional support that single moms don't have. Our 4 kiddos sleep from 7-7:30. There are many days that my husband leaves for work or has a conference call before they are up in the morning and then doesn't get home until they are in bed. I can tell it's hard on the kids and it does make for long days, but I am still so thankful for have a husband that loves his job, loves to provide and loves that I am home to take care of the house and raise our children. We take full advantage of his days off! We are hopeful for a certain position in a few years that would allow him to be home nights and weekends. I can't even imagine that right now. It sounds like a dream!! Until then I will do my best at home and choose to be thankful even on the tough days.
1 reply · active 523 weeks ago
I used to call myself a "winter widow" and sometimes said that I was a single mom with a paycheck - due to my husbands long hours in the oilfield during the Winters. Over the years God has really been working in my heart and what an incredible difference it has made! The time he is home is much happier now.
For a long time in our marriage, I combined working outside the home, working inside the home, caring for babies, homeschooling and doing all the traditional home chores a wife and mother does. At present, I now no longer work outside the home, but all the rest are on the table. I must bring in income for many reasons that are too long to describe here, and while I am frequently VERY overwhelmed (and I'm the only "working for pay" Mom among the mothers in our church), I have to say I find it all rather exhilarating. I know the situation isn't going to change anytime soon, and when I had to work outside the home, the kids were only able to have a bare-bones education with homeschooling. But with not having to go out to work now, we are able to do a lot more, and finally things seem to be falling into place....it's taken me years to get to where I didn't feel like I was spinning plates! It's a lot easier now that I have older children who are able to really help -- before their "help" made more work and I would often try to prevent them from helping in some of my most difficult moments. I'll probably always have to be sure I'm earning income and a certain amount of it, but I know I can handle it because I have so much inspiration from others who've been there before. He is risen, Alleluia!
1 reply · active 520 weeks ago

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