His wife disrespects him OFTEN. She'll even correct him after he's done praying if he's forgotten something and she'll do it in front of the children. If he says something she disagrees with, she'll challenge him, even with swearing, with the children present. "We are members of our church and do both love each other very much. But I have a real struggle when I feel disrespected especially in front of our kids. It shuts me down emotionally and the circle starts again. She'll say when you are ready to lead I'll be patiently waiting in a demeaning tone."
TheJoyFilledWife's shared with him what she thought he should do ~
I just
spoke with my husband about your situation and wanted to share with you what he
told me he would do if he and I were in the same situation you and your wife
are. Keep in mind that my husband is speaking from the perspective of being a
born again Christian who is married to a born again Christian. You mentioned
that you and your wife were baptized and attend church, but I didn't see you
mention that you are both believers. If your wife is using blatant profanity
toward you and is not remorseful for her lashing out in anger, perhaps what we
are seeing here is a lack of fruit. When there is a lack of fruit, it's usually
because a person is not plugged into the vine. If your wife is a true believer
and has been born again yet has no remorse, she has a stronghold that will take
an act of the Holy Spirit to break. That's no small order, but it can be done
as we know that all things are possible with Christ.
With that
said, here was what my husband said he would do ~
As a
Christian husband running a Christian household, the chain of command set forth
in the Scriptures is what our household will abide by. Period. Is there
forgiveness and love for the rebellious? Yes, always. But I would be guilty of
no lesser sin if I opt not to obey the Word of God regarding my position of
authority because of fear {also a sin} of my rebellious wife. As the head of
the household, I am accountable before God for any and all sin I allow to go
unchecked {including and ESPECIALLY my own}. I am to lead by example.
The Bible gives
the household and marital authority to the husband, regardless of whether he is
doing an adequate job in his role. His authority is not dependent upon whether
or not his family respects him {although, of course, they should and he should
be respectable in his actions}. The authority he has been given does not begin
and end with him, it begins and ends with a Holy God who put a Holy order to
things so that we would not have a world full of chaos. Since the Lord God
decreed and commanded the authority, it is not optional. It is a command. My
language may be strong, but Scripture is stronger. God is not wishy-washy or
concerned with whether or not His commands are popular.
If my wife
has a suggestion about additional topics that need to be covered in prayer, she
can suggest them respectfully beforehand or pull me aside and share them
respectfully afterward. When she communicates to me, especially in front of the
children, it will need to be in a respectful manner or the communication will
be cut short and I will excuse us from earshot of the children and continue the
conversation privately. If anger, disrespect, profanity, or any kind of words
or behavior unbecoming to a Christian should come from her, I will stop her
short and firmly tell her that, in our Christian household, disrespect will not
be tolerated and, if she has something she wants me to hear her on, I will lend
her a listening ear and give her the floor so long as she communicates in a
respectful way that is becoming of a Believer. If she refuses to abide by those
Christian principles, her communication will be cut short and she can remain in
the room to complete the conversation with herself. If she lashes out at me and
chooses to disrespect me and the Lord in front of our children, she will be
asked to leave the home for an hour or so to cool off and spend some time in
prayer regarding the state of her heart. If she refuses to leave, I will take
any age-appropriate children with me to spend time out of the house for a bit
so she can get her heart right before we return.
If she
continues this behavior, each time she will find herself alone in the room or
the house following each incident. I will not engage her in conversation or put
up with her disrespect. Her words will fall on deaf ears and she will not be
heard. Once she is ready to approach me with respect and offer a sincere
apology and heart change over her sin, she will have a husband who is ready and
willing to hear her heart and to take into consideration anything she
communicates respectfully.
I know
that it is my job to lead by example and I will continue to work on that daily
so that I may love her like Christ. I will continue to tell her each day that I
love her and my prayers for her will be faithful. Sometimes leaders have the
difficult job of leading difficult people. Regardless of their level of
difficulty, however, they have been given authority and a job to do. That job
must be done as unto the Lord, whether or not those under that authority agree
with the implementation of it. Otherwise, they are guilty of being disobedient
to the Scriptures out of fear. If husbands are to lead by example, they must
begin by obeying the commands the Lord gave regarding their headship and live
it out with fearlessness and courage. God will come to his aid and strengthen
him for the battle at hand because of his faithfulness and obedience. He need
not fear the enemy.
For the
husband is the head of the wife,
even as Christ is the head
of the church:
and he
is the saviour of the body.
Ephesians
5:23
