Saturday, August 22, 2015

My Letter to Anna Duggar


Dear Anna,

Truthfully, I debated whether or not I should even write this letter. I can't even begin to comprehend the pain you must be going through. I grieve with you along with many in the body of Christ. I've been mentoring women for ten years so I am simply going to encourage you with counsel from our Creator. I try to use biblical wisdom since it is our only source of Truth.

In 1 Peter 2, we are told of the sufferings of Christ and we all know how horrible they were; none of us can imagine the pain and suffering He endured especially since all the sins of the whole world that have ever or will be committed {adulterers, addictions to pornography, homosexuality, liars, fornicators, gossips, etc.} were laid upon Him in our place for all who call upon His name. He himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls {1 Peter 2:24, 25}.

The next chapter begins with the word "Likewise..." and it addresses wives. Just as Jesus suffered, wives may suffer under a disobedient husband. Your husband has been terribly disobedient and you have suffered greatly. Jesus understands your pain. He has been there. He is with you now for He promises that He will NEVER leave you nor forsake you.

This chapter goes on to explain to wives who are married to disobedient husbands that they MAY win them without a word by their chaste behavior. From what I have watched of you {this is simply going to my observations of the small glimpses I've seen of you on television}, you appear to be a godly woman with a meek and quiet spirit who loves her husband. If you are, I will encourage you to continue on trying to win him without a word by your godly behavior since no man's methods can improve upon the Lord's. However, it is NOT your responsibility to make Joshua into a godly man as I wrote extensively in my post about wives NOT bearing the responsibility for their husband's godly behavior. We are ALL given a free will to choose to walk in the Spirit or to walk in the flesh and your husband chose to walk in the flesh. This chapter in I Peter goes on to encourage women to continue to be in subjection to their husbands without ANY fear in verse 6; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. 

A good friend of mine whose husband was deeply addicted to porn told me she believed the lie that her husband looked elsewhere because she wasn't good enough, pretty enough, sexy enough or because her body is not what it used to be before she bore children. Most women are highly insecure about their appearance and a feeling of inadequacy is almost always their first line of defense. Your husband did NOT fall so deeply into sin because of you but because He allowed the enemy a foothold in his life long before you were married.

I was encouraged yesterday to hear a report that you would not seek divorce. I have never encouraged a woman to get divorced and I never will since marriage is a model of Christ and the church and He will never divorce us. He continues to be faithful, even when we are not. Please, don't hold onto bitterness but forgive as the Lord has so graciously forgiven us. It may take a lot of time and prayer but with Christ ALL things are possible. This will be a huge witness to a watching world of God's patience and love for His children the church. You are showing Christ's love and forgiveness to a wretched sinner as we all once were before being washed in His blood and made new creatures in Him. He now even calls us saints!

You are not alone, Anna. There are many men throughout the centuries who have fallen into sexual temptation and sin. This is definitely their battle but this doesn't give your husband an excuse for his sin. It is a good thing that this evil was exposed since sin grows in the darkness but we know that God disciplines those whom He loves. We will pray that this is God's discipline on your husband's life to turn it around and be sold out for Jesus.

There are many women who are praying for you and grieving for the pain you are in. We will continue to cover you, your children and the whole extended family in prayer for it hurts them all. Continue to rest in the Lord's loving arms and seek solace and guidance from Him and His Word. God heals the brokenhearted as well as the broken. He is a good and just God. You are a beautiful women and God will walk with you through every step of this journey. He most likely will be carrying you.

In Christ's love,
Lori Alexander