Thursday, August 27, 2015

Should Women Be Taught to Breathe Fire?


"I'm not sure if you've read this, but this article shows you how far off the mark girls are being raised. It also goes to show what Debi Pearl has often said, which is that our society falsely believes that women are spiritually superior, but, as you can see by this article that has gone viral, we are much more easily deceived. This is shockingly heartbreaking. It goes against absolutely EVERYTHING the Bible teaches a woman to do. How sad. Our society is not better when women rely on men less. In fact, because we have told men we no longer need them we have taken away much of their desire to take responsibility for the woman and children in their lives." 

These words were texted to me by TheJoyFilledWife whose husband was addicted to pornography in the past and caused her much pain, yet she responded in a biblical way, not a worldly way as this article she refers to suggests. This is the last paragraph of the article.

 As a mother of daughters, this makes me ill. Parents, WE MUST DO BETTER BY OUR DAUGHTERS. Boys, men, are born with power. Girls have to command it for themselves. They aren’t given it. They assume it and take it. But you have to teach them to do it, that they can do it. We HAVE to teach our daughters that they are not beholden to men like this. That they don’t have to marry a man their father deems “acceptable” and then stay married to that man long, long after he proved himself UNACCEPTABLE. Educate them. Empower them. Give them the tools they need to survive, on their own if they must. Josh Duggar should be cowering in fear of Anna Duggar right now. Cowering. He isn’t, but he should be. He should be quaking in fear that the house might fall down around them if he’s in the same room as she. Please, instill your daughters with the resolve to make a man cower if he must. To say, “I don’t deserve this, and my children don’t deserve this.” I wish someone had ever, just once, told Anna she was capable of this. That she knew she is. As for my girls, I’ll raise them to think they breathe fire.

 Psalm1Wife emailed me her response to this article also ~

 In the wake of the Joshua Duggar adultery confession, a blog post empowering women to teach their daughters that they can "breathe fire" has surfaced and went viral. The problem is that the woman who wrote the post has Anna Duggar's priorities all wrong.

 She says, "Anna Duggar was taught that her sole purpose in life, the most meaningful thing she could do, was to be chaste and proper, a devout wife, and a mother. Anna Duggar did that! Anna Duggar followed the rules that were imposed on her from the get-go... While she was fulfilling her 'duty' of providing him with four children and raising them. She lived up to the standard that men set for her of being chaste and Godly and in return, the man who demanded this of her sought women who were the opposite. 'Be this,' they told her. She was. It wasn't enough."

 This woman purports that Anna has cultivated a submissive spirit in order to please her husband or "men who demanded this of her" and this is not so. Anna is not seeking to only be beautiful to her husband, but to God. Anna is not seeking to honor just her husband, but God.

 Joshua is fallen and although men were created in God's image, there are no promises that a meek and gentle spirit is beautiful at all times to all men. We are promised, however, that it is beautiful to God. There are no promises that we will win our disobedient husband without a word, but we are promised that we are honoring God by doing so. We are not promised that if we stay with our husbands instead of divorcing them that they will stop sinning against us, but we are promised that God will find favor with us through our steadfast commitment to the finality of our marriage vows.

 This woman thought Anna was let down by "men" because they led her astray but Anna is not following "men", she is following the Lord's trajectory for her life and she has a promise that God will never lead her astray.

 Teaching our daughters to act like men and be empowered through mantras like, “You can breathe fire” is NOT what God has called Anna to do and so we can all pray for her and support her in her decision to honor God through her actions and be a witness to this lost nation through her continuation to honor and obey Joshua, because that is what the Lord would have her do and He will never leave her nor forsake her.

 This article was also posted in the chat room and Robin, who is being faithful to a wayward husband, responded to this “breathe fire” article this way ~

A wayward husband “cowering in fear” of his own wife isn’t going to benefit his soul, or her heart. Cowering in contrition in the fear of the LORD? Maybe, unless he IS already repentant, and then we don’t need to keep beating him up; we are called to strengthen him and encourage him as he rebuilds relationship with his wife and family and community. This article is disgusting. Utterly disgusting. "Woman Power"..."You go, girrrrrl"....YUCK! All this does is place the woman in a position of perceived power, instead of Christ as the center of their marriage. There's my .02 for what it's worth, as a wife who is surviving her husband's porn use and sexual addictions. I'm not a victim of him; HE'S A VICTIM OF HELL. If men repent, we are to stand by them. Even if they don't, we're to intercede for them and be firm with truth spoken in love toward them, and call for men of God to stand with us!

My conclusion: God wants us to live and breathe faith; complete dependence upon Him and believing that what He says is Truth, NOT to breathe fire and the foolish, selfish ways of this world.

 For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. 
1 Corinthians 3:19

***I don't expect this post to go viral since most women can't handle the Truth!

Comments (55)

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Good morning Lori! I just love your blog posts. My cousin wanted me to ask you on what he should do in regards to his marriage and I thought I reach out to you on here.

My cousin and his wife has been married for 4 years. However, lately, it seems as if my cousin's wife does not want to be married anymore. They are currently separated. She 'left' him in March. She went out to Baltimore twice. She is currently back in Detroit where they both reside and she keeps talking about moving to Baltimore permanently. My cousin doesn't know what to do. Although they celebrate their 4th wedding anniversary last week, they are still separated. According to my cousin, his wife talks consistently to another male friend who she has history with. She also confides in her single friend who resides in Baltimore- She lives with her boyfriend of 10 years. My cousin's wife's plan is to move to Baltimore within the next 6 months.

My cousin just doesn't know what to do. He tried bringing up going to marriage counseling, however, his wife does not want to go. Yet, they tried counseling with her cousin before who actually married them. His advise to my cousin was to give her space and talk to her differently. My cousin also expressed that her parents are encouraging his wife to stay away from him. Not once have they told them that they need to get back together. I know that I am not with my cousin 24 hours a day, but he loves this woman deeply and dearly. He wants to help their marriage grow, however, he doesn't know what to do or to believe anymore. It is like he is starting to lose faith. His wife told him that she doesn't know if she wants to be married anymore. However, I am confused, because she currently lives with my cousin. Yet, she doesn't want to claim him as her husband.

What do you advise, Lori? I appreciate any advice that you may have. Also, he noticed that his wife has put several locks throughout her cell phone this year. I am in fear of my cousin's life because he has multiple breakdowns every single week. I've been married for only 2 years and I do not feel that I have a place to advise since I am still newly married. Thank you for your time Lori!!! Have a blessed day!
4 replies · active 500 weeks ago
Aunt Roselyn's avatar

Aunt Roselyn · 500 weeks ago

Hi Lori, Aunt Roselyn here. I think it would be a good idea to credit the source if you repost something. I would like to be able to read it in context and to consider the source. Maybe it was in your post and I missed it. Also, I don't know the protocol for blogging. Do you need permission to repost someone else's material? Just wondering.
1 reply · active 500 weeks ago
It's so refreshing to read the words of truth in this!
1 reply · active 500 weeks ago
Really upsets me to think she is encouraging daughters to make their husbands "cower"! I have sons and I would never encourage or suggest they use their power/authority in a relationship like that.... I agree with your biblical responses made. But for women and mothers who do not have the faith we do, it breaks my heart that they would encourage that response towards male or female. I suspect if Anna had been unfaithful, she would not be advocating Joshua to make her " cower".
Reinforces why I do not "do" social media!
H x
1 reply · active 500 weeks ago
I wish I could sit down with Anna and hug her and tell her that she is an amazing young woman whom God loves. I made a decision to remain faithful to my wedding vows even if my husband was not able to do so. During the time that I was pretty certain he was not remaining faithful, I spent my time looking for ways that God would like for me to be a better wife, leaning on God to satisfy my needs and to place salve on my wounds, and prayed for my husband as I knew his sin was a direct result of pain he was feeling. Our men are not perfect, as we are not. It is unfortunate that Josh and Anna's lives and sins are being fleshed out in the media. If no one knew who they were they wouldn't have to answer to anybody while they sought God. I have tried hard to live by the standard of lifting my husband up at the City Gate which means I do not tell others the ways my husband fails me. So I have had the luxury of standing by my husband without the ridicule of others who think I am a fool. God wants to redeem Josh, not condemn him! He is getting plenty of condemning. I have a feeling Anna doesn't want to condemn him either. She just wants the husband and marriage that God had planned for her. I have looked at my husband and enjoyed seeing the work God has done in his life, even though his sin has hurt me and hurt me badly. He is God's child and deserves to be redeemed and built up by God to be the man He wants him to be. I would hope that my husband would stand by me if I was sinning in our marriage. Okay, who are we kidding. Of course I sin in our marriage. Do I do all my husband needs of me as his wife all the time? Nope! In fact, his pain in my not fulfilling his needs probably matches mine when he has gone outside our marriage to have those needs met. Sure, my husband has had choices. But so do I! Who am I to throw the first stone? If Anna wants to stand by Josh and be with him during this time (perhaps a long time) of becoming the man God wants him to be, then good for her. Let her be. I will be praying for her strength and devotion to her husband and God and that the scoffers are silenced.
2 replies · active 500 weeks ago
Lori, I appreciate your humble comment of not expecting this to go "viral", but I believe it should! We need to keep putting God's plan for life in front of worldly ways, no matter where it comes from! Sometimes I've read blogs from those I believed to be godly Christ followers only to be disappointed by the worldly slant they take on! No where do I find in Scripture that a wife is to "breathe fire"! Everything that comes into our lives MUST be run through the grid of Scripture, sifting out all worldly and fleshly thought and solutions so that God's Word and ways are preeminent in our lives. Therein is victory! We, as Christian wives, must ask ourselves about our own response to any situation: Is my response from the world or God? Is my response from my flesh or God? Is my response from the evil one or from God? His Word is POWERFUL. Application to our life is to take on the spirit of Christ, the greatest of which, to me, is forgiveness! So, I'm going to share your blog today on Facebook, and pray it goes "viral"! <3
2 replies · active 500 weeks ago
I see t-shirts being proudly sold/worn with the ridiculous mantra "I breathe fire". It goes along nicely with the "Lean In" campaigns and other ridiculous [trendy] phrases women seem to love to latch onto. In the wake of this foolishness I see even more divorce, hurt, single mother, abandoned children, etc. Even if a man has been indoctrinated enough to say he is all for "girl power" in the end it will go against how he is made by God. The real men won't be able to tolerate it and society will just disintegrate even more. What man is willing to lay down his life for a shrew? What men will go to war to protect women who deny them?

By all means, if someone sins against you, kick them to the curb! What kind of unbending, self-rightous propaganda is being spewed by this woman and taken up by everyone else? Also, Anna is not without resources as this woman proclaims she is (obviously she must be Anna's BFF). Anna has the love and support of her family, her unusually large family. Anna and her children won't be a burden to them but a joy to help out (if she even needs it). Just because Anna doesn't have a college education doesn't mean she is without skills (I'm sick of the elitism of many in the "educated lot"). I lived in the mid-west for several years and many there did not have a college degree but they weren't stupid and skill-less. Anna could be a wonderful cook and open a catering business. Perhaps she is skilled in crafts and opens an Etsy shop or a craft-room for children to attend. Maybe she is good in business and starts a real estate business. Who knows? Certainly not this woman who knows nothing about her.

I guarantee you, if women start "breathing fire" we will realize that is because we are in hell.
1 reply · active 500 weeks ago
Once again, thank you sooooo much for your Biblical wisdom and straightforward truth in this and all other recent matters. It is so hard for me to remember that there really are others who believe in the Truth and want to follow it joyfully, your blog encourages me every single morning to continue to fulfill my calling as a chaste, respectful wife and mother. I have been intensely praying for Anna, I hope she knows how many of us support her Biblical decision to stay faithful to Josh.
There is only one statement in the Breathe Fire post I partially agree with -"Give them the tools they need to survive on their own if they must." I think it is wise if a Christian couple chooses to have a large family to prayerfully consider how the wife will make it if she is left alone. Her priority to be a stay at home mom, nurturing the development of her children will not change even if she is no longer married. Can your church and your family support you and your children? I don't believe in raising our young woman to have the attitude that they are superior to men but I do believe that the Christian family should prayerfully consider how the remaining spouse will survive. Should Christian women breathe fire, of course not, we are to follow God and submit to our husbands. But we should prayerfully consider, especially if we plan to have as many children as we can, the possibility that you may be alone.
Great post, Lori.

-Elspeth
I do not usually respond or comment on these articles but I strongly believe in this one. You stated at the beginning of your article that our society falsely believes that women are spiritually superior. I do not feel that the original article on #breathefire intended to say that we are superior. Our daughters need to be taught to breathe fire is teaching our daughters to have faith in themselves that they are worthy and good enough. If we ourselves or our daughters are in a marriage faith based or not that is emotionally, verbally or physically abusive than one needs all the support they can to either heal the marriage or separate.

I believe most church's are failing to see the damaging effects of emotional abusive and do not know how to help wives or recognize this issue. The comments above say for us to be a chaste respectful wife...that God wants to redeem, not condemn..that our husband's lead our home. I agree with these statements. But what if your husband confesses to be a Christian and your home is not being led by God.

I sought the church's help for years and felt that as a Christian wife I should support my husband. I left our marriage several years ago when I had the strength to put a name to the emotional abuse in our home. The comment in the breathe fire article states..."She can’t divorce because the religious environment she was brought up would blame her and ostracize her for it." This is a very valid and hard point for most Christian women in marriages like this. We feel we have failed or that we are sinful/wrong for leaving.

This article is not an attack on religion. It is meant to encourage women for themselves and their daughters. The breathe fire article says.."WE MUST DO BETTER BY OUR DAUGHTERS. Boys, men, are born with power. Girls have to command it for themselves. They aren’t given it. They assume it and take it. But you have to teach them to do it, that they can do it. We HAVE to teach our daughters that they are not beholden to men like this." I do believe that we need to teach our daughters biblical tools to help support and lift up our husband's as they lead our homes. Our boys should be taught biblical tools to respect and guard a woman's heart. Our daughters need to know that it is okay to leave a hurtful marriage and that they are not failing. So please be very careful what you say. You may be sending a woman back into an abusive home. She may feel she needs to submit to her husband. So yes our daughters need to taught to breathe fire which just means confidence in themselves. Confidence to prayerfully know where God is leading in their marriage. Confidence to know that even a Christian marriage can be abusive. She is not forsaken or forgotten by God if she decides to leave an abusive marriage.

The following is an article that is very helpful in addressing and understanding emotional abuse and the church..
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/ab...
10 replies · active 499 weeks ago
I read this post with mixed emotions and sentiments as the Duggar situation has been brought to public light as well as what is going on in my church right now. I feel as thought (and this might just be my church) that there is a double standard for men versus women adulterers. In the Duggar situation, Anna is advised by many Christians to stay with Joshua and keep the Lord in his home and his life. That she is called to win him without a word and to live a submissive life - not just for Joshua but for the Lord.

Currently, in my church, there is a couple where it was the woman who was the adulterer, and the advise given to the man seems so completely opposite of the advice given to Anna. And he is being encourage to think about the negative influence she will have on their family and to split up. It seems as though my church is justifying the encouraged separation to the man because he is the leader and needs to exert his dominance and get his kids away from his sinful wife. But in the Duggar case, Anna is called to be submissive because that is what the Lord asks of her. But doesn't the Lord love marriage above all else?

I know you do not counsel men. But I feel like the advice given my by church is not the first time I've heard this advice given to a man who has been cheated on by his wife. And I was just curious about whether you (or Ken) think Josh should be given the same advice if it were Anna who cheated. And if not, why the differences?

Thanks!
1 reply · active 500 weeks ago
I am opposed to feminism and condemn it at every opportunity. However I believe that Josh Duggar should feel ashamed in his wife's presence, most definitely he should. I am weary of hearing Christians make excuses for sexual sins saying that they were weak or the devil tempted them or their spouse was ill and could not meet their sexual sins and many other excuses. There is no excuse for the adulterer. Doug Phillips and Josh Duggar and others have permanently damaged their marriages and that is the case whether their wives stay with them or not. Have you considered the possibility of an adulterous spouse infecting the innocent spouse with a STD? Would you still advise a wife to stay with a husband who has contracted an STD through his wickedness. What advice would you give to a wife in such dreadful circumstances? I would advise her to divorce him and the sooner the better. The rampant sexual sin in Christian circles is hardening the hearts of unbelievers who see Christians as hypocrites and, sadly, many of them are. Stop making excuses for the disgusting adulterers in our midst. They would all have perished if they had lived in Moses's time because adultery was a death penalty offence.
6 replies · active 500 weeks ago
Mrs. White, You are most welcome to your thoughts and opinions and to some degree they are shared by me and many strong Christians. We do not think that any adulterer or one caught in sexual sin should get a free pass, or get out of jail free card. The difference may be that we also follow all of the Words of the Bible, and if you can show us where Jesus shames a sinner, or believers are told to deal harshly with a sinner caught in sexual sin, we will be happy to entertain the rest of your thinking.

The worst example of sexual sin described in the New Testament is Paul in I Cor. 5 whee Paul sounds like you at first:

"It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife."

" In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when ye are gathered together, and my spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ,

"To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus."

Yet go further and see that Paul tells the Corinthians to forgive this man and take him back into the church after he had repented of his ways.

Paul is seemingly distraught and tearful over the whole matter of the sinner's sin and his restoration, yet you simply want us to be harsh?

The Pearls and the Alexanders both understood when it was time to discipline our children and when it was time to restore them. You may find spanking harsh, but I find it ironic that you will not train a child with strong discipline but then you want to completely reject as cast away a sinner? Why not be consistent and believe as the Bible teaches that Josh indeed needs discipline in his life, perhaps church discipline or other forms that God will give, but the goal of the discipline is not total rejection, but ultimately restoration.

That is what Christ teaches, and what is the greatest love. To find the right time to discipline without rejecting and the right kind of love without allowing the sins to continue.

Don't compare OT to NT times or you show that you do not believe in much of what Christianity stands for. The OT was a harsh time of people trying to live life under the law. The NT is a time of forgiveness, even for the worst of sinners, but that does not mean that they escape their shame or consequences.

What would Jesus do with Josh? Better yet, what is he doing with him to restore him to his family and to his faith. It so possible that Josh will fall away and there will be no signs of true, lasting repentance. That is the risk the body of Christ must always take, with one wary eye wide open and the other looking with great love and acceptance. If 70 x 7 is the Christian standard for forgiveness, we may have a ways to go... if one believes Christ at His Word instead of deciding their own standards of right and wrong for Christian believers.
I would add Mrs. White that we live in a day and age of grace, but to obtain the grace God is giving one must accept it and place themselves under King Jesus. We have have a sorrowful heart towards all who will not repent, even those who are not wallowing in sin, but instead are thinking they are good enough to get into the Kingdom of God apart from the blood of Christ.

We understand that it is often the one who is in the deepest of sins who ultimately God transforms by His saving grace to be an example, not of what Josh can do, but what God can do with the most vile of sinners. Imagine if Anna discards Josh, and God desires that they remain together as a show to the world of who God is. Please allow Anna the opportunity to determine what God wants from her, not with worldly thinking that is without hope for the vile sinner, but with Christ's thinking that there is no sin too small that can make it into heaven and no sin too big that cannot be forgiven on the cross in 30 A.D.
Currently I am reading these posts and my husband is watching the television. Since he loves to flip channels I have a smorgasbord of info swirling around me. I am thankful that I have God's word to keep me grounded, as each day can give me an opportunity to stray from God's plan for my life. Obviously there is division among Christian women on what scripture teaches and what our response should be concerning Josh Duggar's sin. Many Christian women have experienced the despair of a husband who is unfaithful - one who is morally bankrupt. One who is responsible for his sin. It is tempting to seek advice and answers from those who deny God or even from Christians who mistakenly interpret the scripture. God hates divorce. Reading the scripture calms our minds and helps us to see that in following God we have answers for many of our questions. Also we can see whether the opinion and advice of others is scriptural. God's wisdom helps us to answer the questions concerning a physically abusive marriage, std, etc. We protect ourselves from std, and if necessary separate from the abuser while we continue to remain faithful and pray for healing and reconciliation. We do not lose hope and believe that God is not powerful enough to heal and restore. As my husband channel surfed I heard bits and pieces of news concerning politics, crime and a panel show debating transgender issues. There is much confusion in the world. Most of us probably have an opinion on this post and all will not agree. Hopefully we will read our bibles and see if our opinion is based upon scripture. If not then I need to give much thought to who or what is influencing me.
1 reply · active 500 weeks ago
The writer states that Anna needs to be able to say "I don't deserve this." It is true. She deserves an eternal separation from Christ. Just as we all do. This is not to minimize her situation; it is absolutely heartbreaking.
But I will not teach my daughters to go through life trying to get what they think they deserve. I have lived that way, almost to the demise of my marriage. And it is a miserable way to live. Praise be to God for his indescribable gift! Eternity with Him, though we do not deserve it.
1 reply · active 500 weeks ago
Is there any doubt that if Anna had been the person with the affairs, secret sex accounts, etc, that Josh would have sent her packing, condemning her with a Jezebel spirit and being held up as a sad victim, instead of being told that he should stand by her side no matter what and no matter how often she "slipped."
2 replies · active 500 weeks ago

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