When the Bible states that wives may win disobedient husbands "without a word," does that mean they shouldn't speak at all? No, it doesn't mean that at all. I believe God has no problem with wives confronting husbands with their sin, seeking out help from a godly, older woman or even church elders when their husband's disobedience is harming the family in any way. However, I do think it means that women should not use words that are manipulating, nagging, quarreling, preaching or arguing with their husbands. It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and faultfinding woman {Proverbs 21:9}.
Usually, when a wife is upset with her husband's disobedience, she is prone to argue and try to control until she gets her way. She may give snide remarks, manipulate or have a mini-tantrum; even quoting scripture at him can be used as a hammer instead of a healer. These things will NOT win a husband, just as a husband cannot win a wife by using bullying leadership. In fact, it accomplishes just the opposite. It is an honor for a man {or woman} to cease from strife and keep aloof from it, but every fool will quarrel {Proverbs 20:3}. God tells us that we overcome evil with good. We are to heap burning coals {love} upon our enemies' {or disobedient husband's} heads in hopes of winning them to the Lord. A soft answer turns away wrath. There are many verses in the Bible that back up a godly response in winning your man "without a word" by one's chaste and godly behavior. We are to be Christ to our husbands and not try to be his Holy Spirit.
Winning a husband does not mean staying silent, nor should it focus on words, but on displaying godly behavior. She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue {Proverbs 31:26}. We are called to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Being angry does not accomplish the righteousness of God; it just causes the offended one to become part of the problem, instead of the solution.
The Bible says that there is NO human wisdom or understanding or counsel that can prevail against the Lord {Proverbs 21:30}. Therefore, never go with your "feelings" or with the new and improved methods of humanistic skills for resolving conflict with techniques, boundaries or what you think are convincing or persuasive arguments. Do things man's ways and you will reap man's blessings. Do things God's ways and you will reap God's blessing. This is why you must be in the Word consistently and be guided by God's Word and not the world's. God's ways are almost completely opposite of man's ways but SO much more productive.
Ask yourself, how can we know beyond a shadow of doubt that our God loves us fully and completely? Is His love not based on who He is and what He has sacrificed for us, instead of on what we do for Him? Now look closely at the flaws of your husband and ask yourself how he will know that you love him fully and completely. Does not true intimacy flourish when our spouse knows that in spite of his flaws and imperfections, even if he is disobedient to the Word, that our love is unconditional and self-sacrificing, we live before him as a Christian, and seek his best interest in good times and in bad?
Here is the test of whether what you are doing to win your man is the way of the flesh and selfishness, or God's ways. Ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?" and be willing to understand that Christ won the world as a suffering servant long before the Father had placed all things under His dominion and power. Our reward as a godly wife is coming and we can long for the day that our husband and children will rise up and call us blessed, but only if we are willing to do things God's ways, according to His user's manual.
An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
Ask yourself, how can we know beyond a shadow of doubt that our God loves us fully and completely? Is His love not based on who He is and what He has sacrificed for us, instead of on what we do for Him? Now look closely at the flaws of your husband and ask yourself how he will know that you love him fully and completely. Does not true intimacy flourish when our spouse knows that in spite of his flaws and imperfections, even if he is disobedient to the Word, that our love is unconditional and self-sacrificing, we live before him as a Christian, and seek his best interest in good times and in bad?
Here is the test of whether what you are doing to win your man is the way of the flesh and selfishness, or God's ways. Ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?" and be willing to understand that Christ won the world as a suffering servant long before the Father had placed all things under His dominion and power. Our reward as a godly wife is coming and we can long for the day that our husband and children will rise up and call us blessed, but only if we are willing to do things God's ways, according to His user's manual.
An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil,
All the days of her life.
Proverbs 31:10-12
***On Monday, September 7th, I'm going to be starting a 10-week series using Nancy Leigh DeMoss' study guide called "Interior Design: Ten Elements of Biblical Womanhood." You can order it HERE if you would like to follow along. Some of the chapters include: Discernment, Affection, Discipline, Virtue, Disposition, and Beauty. It will be an encouraging and convicting study. Each Monday, I'll write a post about it and then we'll be discussing it more in the chat room. Please join us!
