Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Problems with Babies Getting Used to Mommy at Home


The problem with children getting used to having mommy at home is they will no longer want to go to preschool. They will enjoy being with her and will be discontent being without her. Yes, this was one mother's sentiment! She didn't want to take off too much time from work being home with her baby since she was afraid her baby would want to be home with her more than in the preschool. Can you believe the thought pattern of many of today's so called "enlightened" women? It seems to me the more enlightened they become, the more foolish they become.

I also just heard another mother regretting her decision to forgo law school for a much lower and less prestigious job say, "My children would probably be much happier with me if I had become a high-powered lawyer than a secretary." Their thinking is so far removed from reality that it is pathetic!

There aren't ANY children who wished their mother worked all day, put them into a preschool and rarely saw them. There aren't any children that care about whether or not their mother is a lawyer or secretary. There aren't any children that would prefer stuff over having their mom home full-time caring and nurturing them. All children want their mother! They want to be with her, cared by her, trained by her and yes, even disciplined by her. Boundaries and discipline are protection in a child's life and they will thank you for it when they get older. This is the job God gave mothers when they bear children; to be with them! There is NO such thing as only quality time with children; they need quality and quantity time with their mothers.

A mother knows her child better than anyone else. She loves her child more than anyone else. If something tragic happened to her child, she would be the one who was distraught and will suffer from the ache and loss inside of her for many, many years. She will grieve and have guilt over the lost time she should have had with her child. Her child needs her. Her job does NOT! No one can replace your job as a mother. Anyone can replace your position in any job you may have. Little children don't even know what lawyers and secretaries are but they know when they are being loved and cared for full-time by their mothers. Like Dr. Laura repeated often, "If you're going to have a child, you be the one to raise it."

God made mothers emotional and sensitive for being home with their children. Their nature is perfect for raising children. They are also the "weaker sex" and fare better at home if they have had a rough night with their child or up nursing a baby often during the night. They are also more protected at home. They were created to live most of their lives in their home caring for the precious children the Lord has blessed them with.

He makes the barren woman abide in the house 
As a joyful mother of children. Praise the LORD!
Psalm 113:9
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Comments (25)

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Have you seen this heartbreaking story? This mother's little baby died two hours after she dropped him off at daycare for the very first time.
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/11/15/a-b...
1 reply · active 488 weeks ago
This is a tragic story and this poor mother will live with the guilt of this the rest of her life. Mothers have an instinct about their own babies that others do not have. They know their baby and would know if something was wrong immediately. We will never know if the preschool was to blame, but we do know that babies need their mothers to be with them.
Yes, this is so true. I once read a blog where a mother said she was glad she was going back to work because they would use less toilet paper and not have to keep the air conditioning as high during the day! It's unbelievable the excuses women use to justify working outside the home!
2 replies · active 488 weeks ago
That's just it, Katie. They have to be creative in their excuses to justify leaving their children often to make themselves feel better it and not guilty but it usually doesn't help at all. I often hear working mothers talk about how guilty they feel leaving their children.
one month of daycare cost can buy A LOT of toilet paper.
I remember going to preschool and wanting to stay home with mom instead- but that's a normal reaction for a young child. It's not that I wanted my mom to stay home from work (which luckily she didn't work). It is wanting to be with mom all day that is fun too!
I work full time in a good job right now. But in one year my husband will finish college and I get to stay home full time! It scares me to death to know what to do with kids all day but I know it's the right thing to do and we'll find many things to keep busy
1 reply · active 488 weeks ago
Trust in the Lord, Trisha, for He is the One who wants you home raising your children in the nurture and admonition of Him! Ask Him for wisdom daily about how you should plan your day and make sure you consistently teach your children the ways of the Lord. It takes lots of time to discipline and train them also. You'll find plenty of profitable things to fill your day with!
Love this! I stay home with my 4 kiddos and wouldn't change it for the world! My 3 year old was extremely attached to me his 1st 18 months of life. If I tried to send them to the nursery they would call me out because he would never calm down. If I was in the room he HAD to be with me from 6 months to 18 months and wouldn't go to grandparents even during that time. I held him and comforted him. He had no reason to be that attached, that's just how God made him. It breaks my heart to think of how tramatic it would have been for him to be left at daycare. Now we have realized his love language is physical touch, but he has become a confident toddler that loves people. :)
1 reply · active 488 weeks ago
Yes, Brit, there is no one that can replace mother in the life of a child. They are attached to mother because this is their security and comfort. I will never forget teachers at the school my children attended telling me they could tell children who have mothers home full-time with them apart from those who didn't because the ones with mothers home full-time were confident and secure.
I remember a girl who worked with my husband asking me what my opinion was on staying home versus going back to work (she was pregnant with her first baby). I told her to stay home for sure and how happy I was that I did that. I also told her about the year I worked at a daycare center and how the kids being dropped off were crying and begging to stay with their moms. It was so heart breaking. She thought she would be bored at home all day. Her reasoning for wanting to go back - other than money and boredom - was that if she's gone all day her baby will be more excited to see her when she picks him up. I had no words for that. So heartbreaking...
2 replies · active 488 weeks ago
No, her baby will more than likely grow up to have attachment problems since he never had his mom around all the time to attach to. Tell her this, Kristen, and see if it may change her mind.
Unfortunately this was some years ago and that's the path she chose. She has since moved to another state and she and her husband divorced. Such a sad situation all around.
Oh how I agree with you and have voiced this before...but oh, how women/friends get upset with me when I say anything! I want to share your post but am afraid of the crazy backlash I will get from my many friends who work and put their children in preschool/daycare!!
2 replies · active 488 weeks ago
It is a frightening thing to proclaim Truth in today's culture but your only responsibility is to plant seeds in their minds. They are not hearing this from many places and many women once they ponder it decide they do want to go home so be bold in proclaiming Truth and what God's plan is for them!
Katy
be brave and share!, you don't need to write anything to go along with it, the post that Lori has written speaks for itself!. Just say its a post you enjoyed reading, hope others find it beneficial as well. Women don't hear enough of this teaching!.
Blessings to you Katie
Helen UK
I just thank God that he saved me and revealed the truth to me and I am now blessed to have my children at home each day homeschooling. Maybe this is just the UK but I regularly have to justify to people why I stay at home and don't go out to work, Christians can be as bad and non Christians in this. I still remember my mum dropping me off at play school in the 70s and the fear and emptiness I used to feel as she walked away, I clearly remember 2 of the ladies that worked there being incredibly unkind to me. I spoke to my mum about this not so long ago and she said she was always concerned about the way they seemed with me, but thought it was her worrying as I was her daughter. Despite this I still sent my eldest to preschool, he had a terrible time there and can still remember clearly at age 17 all that happened to him, at the time he was non verbal and couldn't tell us what was going on.
1 reply · active 488 weeks ago
It's the same here, Vicki. Too many women, even Christian women, feel that their worth is in the money they can bring into the home instead of what God calls them to do; raise godly offspring.
What a great post! I recently had this conversation with my sister-in-law (who is a believer). They chose to have 2 children (which to me is an entirely other conversation) and both were in daycare 2 months after birth. She stated how sad she was that her youngest, her baby, who was also diagnosed with ADHD is starting Kindergarten. I mentioned to her that she would be a great homeschool mom and how much he could benefit from being homeschooled. She said there's no way she could stay home and the thought would never had occurred to her to be home. She mentioned that she doesn't know how we can do it, financially, I told her it's pretty easy and there are lots of blogs that give you great, creative ideas on how to make it on one budget. She said not to both telling her what the blogs are because she wouldn't bother staying home! It made me so sad for their son (and older daughter).
Lori, do you have any information on children who develop ADHD and how it could e associated with being apart from mom and going to daycare? Thanks.
2 replies · active 488 weeks ago
Here is an article about the attachment to mothers that children need and I can definitely see how children who aren't attached to their mothers could develop ADHD.
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/a...
Thanks! I wonder if there have been any studies done on a link between ADHD and daycare etc. I know of course some of it is due to a lack of effective discipline as well as specific food (hormonal effects on the brain and GMO's etc.)
Thanks again.
In the weeks after I was born, my father was part of a mass lay-off at his workplace. He says that it was the greatest blessing God could have given him, because he enjoyed a month at home with his new baby (me) and his wife before being offered a new, better job. And, my mother was always very committed to staying home and raising her own children.

I never suffered for having parents who cared! I thank the Lord for blessing me with such wonderful parents! Why would anyone think that a child would be happier being raised by strangers, as if he or she were an orphan?
1 reply · active 488 weeks ago
This used to be normal, Rebecca. Mothers would do anything to raise their children. Now, we have to try to convince women that this is a good thing that they should pursue.
I was the latch key kid and spent lots of time alone. It had negative results on me. Fears that are still with me today. I am so thankful I have been able to stay home with out sons. It is one of my biggest blessings.
One of the most irritating things someone can say to me is, "how do you do it? I just can't spend all day long with my kids." I say to them, How sad! You have no one to blame but yourself if you can't stand to be around your own young children! I love my children and Praise the Lord, I actually like them too!
Every time I hear of yet another incident of a child being neglected or killed while in daycare or similar, I just think 'that wouldn't of happened if the child was with its mother'. My husbands auntie has worked in the industry for 30+ years and has told me that day care destroys children and makes them social misfits. She said by the time they got to kindergarten, her and her co workers would have to undo all the mistakes done by daycare, and the kids were often tyrants who would scream the place down regularly and disrupt the entire group.

I realise I may sound harsh but I think daycare should be used only in very few exceptional circumstances. Putting a child in daycare so you can have your nice car,house,possessions and work to maintain them is plain sinful.

I am not condemning any readers that work because their husband requires it, or their husband is physically unable to work, or they are a struggling single parent who has no other means of support. Etc But if you know you should stay home and your husband wants you to stay home and you choose to work, then that is sin and needs to be repented of. If you still work because you don't want to give up your possessions or lifestyle then that needs to be repented of.

Children are more important than any job.i wouldn't want to miss a moment of my kids childhood, can't help but think of that cat Stevens song 'cats in the cradle'. Crazy world we live in. I'll stop ranting now. ;-)

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