Monday, May 21, 2012

French Parenting


This article claims that French parents are superior to American parents.  The main reason the author believes this to be true is due to the fact that French parents don't allow their lives to revolve around their children's lives.  Their children understand that "no" means "no" and they must learn self-control at an early age.

They allow their children to cry themselves to sleep when they are very young, so they will sleep through the night.

They don't allow them to snack in between meals, except for one afternoon snack, so at meal time they are hungry and eat without causing trouble.

The children are taught early to entertain themselves and not always expect the parents to entertain them.

When the parents are talking to others, the children aren't allowed to interrupt.

These all sound like great things to me.  The earlier a child learns that the world doesn't revolve around them and learns self-control, the more every one will enjoy them. 

They learn to become good sleepers.  They learn to control their appetite.  They learn to not expect to be entertained constantly. They learn to respect others.

Children need boundaries.  Growing up to be disciplined adults make life a whole lot easier on them.

I encourage you to raise responsible, self-controlled, and unselfish adults.  The world needs more people like that.  These are very good character qualities.  Maybe, we can learn some things from the French!

In your faith supply virtue; and in your virtue knowledge; and in your knowledge self-control; and in your self-control patience; and in your patience godliness; and in your godliness brotherly kindness; and in your brotherly kindness love.  For if these things are yours and abound, they make you to be not idle nor unfruitful unto the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
II Peter 1:5-8

Comments (27)

Loading... Logging you in...
  • Logged in as
Sounds like a great plan to me! That's what we try to do with our anyways and while we don't have them completely trained yet (will we ever? probably not), I feel like our sweet kiddos do pretty well according to this list.
I just love your posts! I'm currently pregnant with my first, and just can't fathom raising this child any differently than my husband and I were raised: playing out side all summer, using our imagination to entertain us-not TV and video game, respecting our elders, 'crying it out' (post newborn stage, obviously), and eating what's served or you're not eating dinner. This is coming from the 10 year-old who decided to be a vegetarian and who's mom never made her any special food. If I wanted something different for dinner, I made it myself or just ate side dishes.
My brothers and I knew the consequences of disobeying. We were first warned, then sent to time out, and if we still wouldn't listen, we got spanked. My husband was raised the same way, and we have zero issues with tour childhood.
So happy to see this post. I read that article, shared with with some friends, and now we are passing around her book so we can glean more specific ideas on how to teach delay of gratification.

I am pregnant with my fourth child and I marvel at how I thought my kids and family would be. I tell you, my husband and I run a tight ship but some kids just come out of the womb bent toward certain behaviors. Curbing that is hard work!

My middle child has a hard time with controlling herself and it all breaks down to being patient.
I take every opportunity to have her wait in hopes it will become second nature to her. Much easier said than done.

Thanks for your encouragement.

Just remember, your kids may one day marry my kids and my kids may marry yours.
Train them well!
We started eating in the French manner .. sit down meals .. served in small courses .. a little dessert treat once a week .. and no snacking. Weight loss and a pleasant meal environment .. and the fact that everyone at least tries something new is a great benefit.
Children naturally model our behavior. My son is very well-behaved for his age, especially in public because we set the rules and laid out the boundaries with him from a young age and they have not/will not change anytime soon.
Great post! I'm often really taken aback at the compliments we receive on our children's behavior..from church, to a store or a restaurant, it really surprises me. Then, I go out in public alone, and realize that it really is quite abnormal to have well-behaved, respectful children today....which makes witnessing a large family out and about without pulling their hair out, a really rare spectacle.

Thank you for another great post!

God Bless!
My no nonsense Scottish mother and German father wouldn't put up with silliness or being unable to occupy myself. We were all strongly encouraged to get outside and play (be creative), I can't remember ever being "entertained" by my parents and living on a farm we roamed for miles discovering and we knew the boundaries so didn't get into much trouble as we knew what was allow and not allowed. I have brought my sons up very similar (sadly not on a farm) and once again I never entertained them, they always found things to keep themselves busy.

Neither my mother or I were rule governed about snacks but the food in the cupboard was all home made and we knew how much we could eat without asking. My adult sons can help themselves to any food in the house at any time, but I know they won't eat junk as there isn't any in the house.
I had seen this book in the bookstore as well as heard about French parenting. This is a book I will definitely want to read, especially after reading that article. How embarrassing that US children are looked at that way, and it's true unfortunately. We need to get a grip on this. I see so many children ruling the roost instead of their parents. Leads to very negative consequences. Thanks for your post Lori, blessings to you!

~Nicole, Working Kansas Homemaker
A wise woman once told me that the hardest part of parenting was to teach your children that they were the center of YOUR universe without being the center of THE universe. Totally get what she means, as I want my children to know how important they are to me without expecting people (including me) to cater to their every whim.
Can't help but think this is how Americans use to parent their children. Seems that so many have fallen prey to the mentality that children are helpless and need to enjoy their youth as long as possible....even indefinatley. We parent along these "French" lines, however it's how my grandparents and their parents parented. We aren't perfect and our kids aren't either but they are capable of much and much is expected from them.
Great list and I wholeheartedly agree with it! i love your blog by the way!
sounds good to me. sometimes too much attention can be harmful, so I have heard.

have a sweet day.
Well, I guess I was channeling a French ancestor or something because I pretty much raised my kids along those lines - with the exception of that crying themselves to sleep. That just gives me the creeps. But, I would have to disagree with that long ago ancestor because much of my life did and still does revolve around my kids. That is the choice I made as a young woman and have no regrets about it.
My ex is French, I wonder what happened to him. lol
Seriously, if parents, no matter what heritage, teach their children boundaries life would be better all around. I think parents can still have their life be their kids but they ultimately need to know that kids grow up and that kids do need to know life is not always about them.

~Naila Moon http://imaphotographicgenius.blogspot.com/2012/06...
Totally agree. I shake my head at those "helicopter" parents I see everywhere.
I agree with you 100%. I can't believe how much parents allow their children to run the show today. It's detrimental to both the kids and the parents.

"/
What a great way to raise kids! We are trying to do it well, but have several areas to work on.
All those things sound good...practiced with love. It's definitely a balancing act.
Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he shall not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Love of the Lord, respect for family and those around them, common courtesy...children and adults alike...the world would be a better place, if we learn to take the focus off of ourselves...self-centeredness (both ends of that spectrum...what most think of is that a self centered person is one who only thinks highly of themselves, but also self centered is the one that has a low self-esteem...)...I am constantly learning and striving for being more like Him :o)

Thank you for sharing!
Blessings & Aloha!
I read the article too and just thought 'that's how it is supposed to be'. The recent bus monitor incident is further proof that we are just not getting it right in North America.
That's what raising a child in America USED to be like. It is the way I was raised, and how I raised my children. It's definitely not a FRENCH thing, as far as I'm concerned.
I spent a few years as a substitute teacher and I sure wished that even 50% of parents had raised their children with even 50% of that much discipline, politesse, and respect...
Makes perfect sense to me....in any culture.

Post a new comment

Comments by